How are your emotions since dx

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Comments

  • coolvdub
    coolvdub Member Posts: 408 Member
    #22
    coolvdub said:

    Sundanceh,
    I think it is
    Sundanceh,

    I think it is normal the way I feel these days. You are spot on with it being a life altering event. My perspective has definetly shifted and I'm trying to become a better person. I used to bottle it up just like you, but at this point in life I feel that it's counter productive to long term happiness and sanity.

    The sunrises and sunsets are more spectacular to me and little things like watching a bird in a tree and sharing good times with family and friends have taken on a whole new role in the grand scheme of things. I try to live like there is no tomorow(within reason) because you never know when you will be told "hey you have cancer". Well we have all been through it now, and I'm sure I will be a changed man for life. And that's a good thing. So my take on cancer is , it has made some positive changes in me.

    Don

    Everybody,
    Who took the time
    Everybody,
    Who took the time to respond, thanks. I think that talking about our emotions openly in this forum is a very good thing. Maybe it's been done before, but I just had to ask for my own piece of mind. I to am brought to tears sometimes by a song on the radio, thinking about my children ages 30,27,23 & 20. While they are all grown now, they mean even more to me now, and my loving wife Sheri too. They are one of the big reasons I will fight and win this battle.

    Don
  • coolvdub
    coolvdub Member Posts: 408 Member
    #23
    grammadebbie said:

    Thanks
    Don,

    Sounds like we have the same chemo regimin. I will be praying for you. If you have any questions just ask. I completed my chemo a year ago and have been stable. Am having another 3 month CT scan and labs for Sept 14th appointment. It's still scarey everytime I'm tested. It seems to bring my emotions out again. I guess it's just the fact that everything can change again in a moment.
    I still have chemo brain so please excuse my inability to have thoughts that flow. You mentioned feeling like you were weird - whats wrong with that. It's like I tell my husband of 37 years - (I'm crazy) He would be bored if I were normal. Weve got to keep our sense of humor. The journey you are on will teach you alot about yoursef. Allow yourself to be real and discuss what you are feeling. There is no right or wrong in this battle - we just do the best we can. Please tell your wife to jump on if she has any questions. Lots of wonderful caring people here.

    So glad you found this forum before your chemo.

    In our thoughts and prayers.

    Debbie (gramma)

    Debbie,
    Thanks for the
    Debbie,
    Thanks for the encouragement, it has been a rough year healthwise for me. I was dx with type II Diabetes on March 4th of this year and then the Cancer dx on April 24th. I was always healthy or so I thought. This has all been a real eye opener for me to say the least. I found this site while trying to find a local support group, but I think this may be better. I mean you can jump on the site 24/7 and ask questions of other people who get what you are going through. Who could ask for anything better than that with 24 hour access. Unfortunately I can't browse from work so during the week it's evenings only, but that gives me time to contemplate things, which is good I am sending positive thoughts and vibes your way for your scan on the 14th.

    Don
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #24
    coolvdub said:

    phillieg,
    I have had several
    phillieg,
    I have had several cool VW's over the years. My last one was a 86 GTI that I put way to much money in. The screen name is the one I use on the VWvortex a website I frequent. I figured may as well just have one cyber identity. I currently drive a 2002 VW Jetta that has had a few things done to it. I'm to lazy to work on the aircooled stuff anymore. But I wan't to build another Bug at some point. Thanks for the interest, do you share an interest in VW's?

    Don

    Sounds Great
    Hi Don,
    I've always liked them but never owned one. My brother used to have a beat up karmann ghia convertible that was really cool, even for being beat up. He also had an old bug. My neighbors when I was growing up had a VW bug convertible with the directional signals built into the side doors. My friend who's folks had that VW recently sold the German officers VW that he built/rebuilt for WWII reenactments that he does. He did a great job on it and made quite a bit of money on it.
    So, yes I share an interest in both the old and new ones but due to lack of $$$ I don't have one (yet)
    -phil
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #25
    Not just you
    Hi, Don.

    Trust me, you're not the only one. I've always been free with my emotions, but since my brush with cancer, I've been a real crybaby. I do have many, many very happy days, but I can cry buckets at the drop of a hat.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    #26
    Everyday has it's up and downs
    For me some days it has been realy hard... Sometime I just want to run away and hide.
  • coolvdub
    coolvdub Member Posts: 408 Member
    #27
    just4Brooks said:

    Everyday has it's up and downs
    For me some days it has been realy hard... Sometime I just want to run away and hide.

    How's your support system ?
    just4Brooks,
    How is your support system ? We will do all we can to help you on this site. There are many caring and knowledgable people on this site. I know some days are hard, what I do is think about the people I love and who love me, that usually helps me through the rough stuff.

    Don
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    #28
    just4Brooks said:

    Everyday has it's up and downs
    For me some days it has been realy hard... Sometime I just want to run away and hide.

    Thanks Don
    Thanks for the kind words...
  • Mike49
    Mike49 Member Posts: 261
    #29
    Me too
    Sometimes I find myself reflecting back on he life before diagnosis. Remembering what life was like before doctors an chemo and surgeries etc.

    On the bright side I have experienced some human kindness, my wife has been awesome as caregiver and soulmate. Some people along the way, other patients, Oncology staff etc.

    I can conger up a few tears in no time, both sad and appreciative.
  • Mike49
    Mike49 Member Posts: 261
    #30
    coolvdub said:

    Sundanceh,
    I think it is
    Sundanceh,

    I think it is normal the way I feel these days. You are spot on with it being a life altering event. My perspective has definetly shifted and I'm trying to become a better person. I used to bottle it up just like you, but at this point in life I feel that it's counter productive to long term happiness and sanity.

    The sunrises and sunsets are more spectacular to me and little things like watching a bird in a tree and sharing good times with family and friends have taken on a whole new role in the grand scheme of things. I try to live like there is no tomorow(within reason) because you never know when you will be told "hey you have cancer". Well we have all been through it now, and I'm sure I will be a changed man for life. And that's a good thing. So my take on cancer is , it has made some positive changes in me.

    Don

    I agree
    I feel the same now
  • Kathryn_in_MN
    Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252 Member
    #31
    I'm on the opposite spectrum
    I'm on the opposite spectrum right now. I'm not an overly emotional person - but I cry now and then at sad things and happy things. I cry when my son sings the National Anthem at school events. I cry at weddings and funerals. I cry when reading sad books or watching sad movies.

    I've actually been worried that I am the oddball in this cancer situation because I haven't been getting emotional about this. I can talk about it and have told all my family and friends without crying or even thinking I might cry. I just found out I had colon cancer last Monday, and had a resection Wednesday (8" of sigmoid removed with 2"+ tumor, and 5/17 lymph nodes showing cancer - margins were clear). I came home from the hospital yesterday, and am slated to start chemo in 4 weeks after I heal.

    I did cry today - but it was when I was reading "Still Better than Pink." Even though the author, Lori Lober is a stage IV breast cancer survivior, I think her book is applicable to anyone with cancer. After being diagnosed with her stage IV cancer, she lost her brother to cancer. After she fought hard and was declared clear of the cancer, she lost her only son in a car accident - age 19. That is what set me off. I think I'd cry reading that any day. (The book is helpful to hear the way she combined western medicine and non-traditional medicine during her battle, and continues with it 9 years later - still going strong after being told she had less than 18 months.)

    So I'm wondering what is going to set me off into a total melt-down, and when is it going to happen? Sometime very inconvenient when I am totally embarassed? I think it has to happen sometime. Maybe I'm just still a little in shock? I survived a long drawn-out battle with cervical cancer and finally beat it - but truthfully it was never a scarey thing - just an annoyance due to so many surgical procedures. The colon cancer is farther advanced and a little more scarey. But no matter what I battle, when I put my mind to it, I win! I know I'm going to win this one too. So maybe I won't ever have that break-down? I'm more scared of having one out of the blue, than anything right now. I wish I'd just have one already!
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #32
    Kathryn_in_MN said:

    I'm on the opposite spectrum
    I'm on the opposite spectrum right now. I'm not an overly emotional person - but I cry now and then at sad things and happy things. I cry when my son sings the National Anthem at school events. I cry at weddings and funerals. I cry when reading sad books or watching sad movies.

    I've actually been worried that I am the oddball in this cancer situation because I haven't been getting emotional about this. I can talk about it and have told all my family and friends without crying or even thinking I might cry. I just found out I had colon cancer last Monday, and had a resection Wednesday (8" of sigmoid removed with 2"+ tumor, and 5/17 lymph nodes showing cancer - margins were clear). I came home from the hospital yesterday, and am slated to start chemo in 4 weeks after I heal.

    I did cry today - but it was when I was reading "Still Better than Pink." Even though the author, Lori Lober is a stage IV breast cancer survivior, I think her book is applicable to anyone with cancer. After being diagnosed with her stage IV cancer, she lost her brother to cancer. After she fought hard and was declared clear of the cancer, she lost her only son in a car accident - age 19. That is what set me off. I think I'd cry reading that any day. (The book is helpful to hear the way she combined western medicine and non-traditional medicine during her battle, and continues with it 9 years later - still going strong after being told she had less than 18 months.)

    So I'm wondering what is going to set me off into a total melt-down, and when is it going to happen? Sometime very inconvenient when I am totally embarassed? I think it has to happen sometime. Maybe I'm just still a little in shock? I survived a long drawn-out battle with cervical cancer and finally beat it - but truthfully it was never a scarey thing - just an annoyance due to so many surgical procedures. The colon cancer is farther advanced and a little more scarey. But no matter what I battle, when I put my mind to it, I win! I know I'm going to win this one too. So maybe I won't ever have that break-down? I'm more scared of having one out of the blue, than anything right now. I wish I'd just have one already!

    Won't Be All At Once
    Hi Kathryn in MN

    Your recent diagnosis has you in sort of a state of shock as you mentioned above. So right now you can talk about it in abstract ways because it has not sunk in fully yet - way too early.

    Your emotional outbursts may not be in one big burst either - but rather in smaller amounts at different times under different circustances. Different things may trigger certain emotions - when you begin to face mortality you see clearly what could be the end of the line even though you don't think you'll be there, you see it as a possiblity and that can get kind of scary.

    Your mind and spirits have been "awakened" and your senses have been heightened to new levels you have not experienced before. You might tear up for a few seconds, or you might cry for a few minutes, or something else entirely...sometimes you'll just get mad. You'll run the whole gamut, but it's OK to do that :)

    And don't worry about being embarrased - in the big scheme of things, that is not important. I've been driving home from work some days listening or singing with tears streaming down my face - do people see me? I don't know and can't worry about it. I packed it down and bottled it up for years, but now it just comes when it comes...got a little teary singing some George Jones on the way in to work today, as a matter of fact.

    I've been goin' at it over 5+ years now, so the longer it goes, the more time you have to think about things - and that can be a good thing.

    You're very much OK to me!

    -Craig
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    #33
    Sundanceh said:

    Won't Be All At Once
    Hi Kathryn in MN

    Your recent diagnosis has you in sort of a state of shock as you mentioned above. So right now you can talk about it in abstract ways because it has not sunk in fully yet - way too early.

    Your emotional outbursts may not be in one big burst either - but rather in smaller amounts at different times under different circustances. Different things may trigger certain emotions - when you begin to face mortality you see clearly what could be the end of the line even though you don't think you'll be there, you see it as a possiblity and that can get kind of scary.

    Your mind and spirits have been "awakened" and your senses have been heightened to new levels you have not experienced before. You might tear up for a few seconds, or you might cry for a few minutes, or something else entirely...sometimes you'll just get mad. You'll run the whole gamut, but it's OK to do that :)

    And don't worry about being embarrased - in the big scheme of things, that is not important. I've been driving home from work some days listening or singing with tears streaming down my face - do people see me? I don't know and can't worry about it. I packed it down and bottled it up for years, but now it just comes when it comes...got a little teary singing some George Jones on the way in to work today, as a matter of fact.

    I've been goin' at it over 5+ years now, so the longer it goes, the more time you have to think about things - and that can be a good thing.

    You're very much OK to me!

    -Craig

    SOMETIMES IT JUST TOO MUCH TO HANDEL!!!
    I was told that I have stage 3 rectal April 14 2009. I've been through the first round of chemo and radation then have surgery on August 13. Today I was hooked up with my PICC line to start my final round of chemo (I hope). I find myself being so angry and at times very sorry for myself. At times it's so hard to see the good things in live when all you feel is hurt and sick. My dr started me on a Anti depressant today and wants me to talk to his Social worker (I might). As you can tell, I'ts been a rough few months
  • earied
    earied Member Posts: 22
    #34
    Emotions
    I had my last chemo in June and my emotions are still up and down. I don't handle things as well either and over react a lot. I got upset at church last Sunday because my husband invited someone else to a cookout we were having and didn't tell me. I was upset with the dr's office last week because of the way a receptionist handled scheduling an appt. Part of it is the Neurotin I am on that I want to get off on Monday because it's not working for my neuropathy.
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #35
    earied said:

    Emotions
    I had my last chemo in June and my emotions are still up and down. I don't handle things as well either and over react a lot. I got upset at church last Sunday because my husband invited someone else to a cookout we were having and didn't tell me. I was upset with the dr's office last week because of the way a receptionist handled scheduling an appt. Part of it is the Neurotin I am on that I want to get off on Monday because it's not working for my neuropathy.

    just4Brooks
    The anti depressant will be the best thing you can do for yourself as far as emotion control. It will allow you not to dwell all the time on cancer and even allow you to smile when theres not much to smile about. It doesn't alter the way I feel, just the way I think about things. I am still on it and yes it makes a huge difference especially to the people around you. They will notice the change before you do. Its an attitude adjustment and one that you and I both needed.....Hang in there bud.......

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