accidents during those intimate times

peg73
peg73 Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Anybody got any suggestions on how to deal with accidents during intimacy. It seems like everytime I try to be intimate with my husband I end up having to stop it due to accidents, I have the bag, but also have bowel function... I end up in the bathroom crying, he says its ok and not to worry, but I feel like I cant perform and would rather snuggle than let him down, and then have to change the bedding. It really sucks, will it go away or will i one day gain control, it only been 7 months since the surgery.

Comments

  • lmliess
    lmliess Member Posts: 329
    #2
    Your a step ahead of me
    ...that hasn't been an issue yet. I feel bad because my husband is extremly supportive and wants me to heal and get through chemo first. Which I am glad because that 'thought' maybe crosses my mind for a minute...then I remember something hurts or my hands are cramping from the Oxy or I am just too tired!

    Have you thought about some nice 'undergarments' to help disquise the bag? They make stuff just for that. Actually my insurance covers the special underwear. It's like 50.00, really insane to pay that much but I figure if insurance covers it why not have it on hand. I don't remember the name but I can look it up if you are interested. Also, you can google intimate wear for ostomies. They have some cute stuff. I have searched and found some cute things....but then thinking about it makes me tired, so then i go nap. :-)
  • peg73
    peg73 Member Posts: 7
    #3
    lmliess said:

    Your a step ahead of me
    ...that hasn't been an issue yet. I feel bad because my husband is extremly supportive and wants me to heal and get through chemo first. Which I am glad because that 'thought' maybe crosses my mind for a minute...then I remember something hurts or my hands are cramping from the Oxy or I am just too tired!

    Have you thought about some nice 'undergarments' to help disquise the bag? They make stuff just for that. Actually my insurance covers the special underwear. It's like 50.00, really insane to pay that much but I figure if insurance covers it why not have it on hand. I don't remember the name but I can look it up if you are interested. Also, you can google intimate wear for ostomies. They have some cute stuff. I have searched and found some cute things....but then thinking about it makes me tired, so then i go nap. :-)

    Insurance doesn't cover
    Insurance doesn't cover supplies so don't think they would cover accessories either, it is all out of pocket for me. There is one supply place that my insurance will cover and they don't have the type of bags that the hospital gave me. I tried a few others from the home health care center, but they all leaked. I have to have a convex bag, and supplier and health care provider only had flat ones. It is a bit expensive for out of pocket to use the supplier suggested by the hospital, but at least the bag doesn't leak on me and i am comfortable with it. On the bright side, reversal scheduled for the end of this month. Problem is bowel control...

    My husband avoids touching the side that the bag is on and we have found things around the house to cover up the bag during those intimate times, it has been an adventure in some ways.

    Glad your husband is understanding and puts you and your healing first, that helps, he sounds like a great guy.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #4
    Wish I could
    My husband is also very patient. I had surgery 3 months ago and haven't been intimate yet. I have an ileostomy and it's not because of the pouch for me or for him, it's because I had radiation so close to the rectum and it affected that area too (vagina) so when we try I tear and it is awful. I'm not sure what to do. I tried Victoria's secret but they don't carry that kind of stuff (undergarments for that), but you might try Lover's Lane. Not sure about your accidents and I'm wondering why if you have an ostomy you are still having stools. I've had some but usually it would happen in the morning and that is because it has bypassed the ileostomy and ended up in the colon but it was only a couple times. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with this issue. Have you talked to your surgeon about this? Hopefully when you have your reversal things will calm down.

    Kim
  • snommintj
    snommintj Member Posts: 601
    #5
    Annabelle41415 said:

    Wish I could
    My husband is also very patient. I had surgery 3 months ago and haven't been intimate yet. I have an ileostomy and it's not because of the pouch for me or for him, it's because I had radiation so close to the rectum and it affected that area too (vagina) so when we try I tear and it is awful. I'm not sure what to do. I tried Victoria's secret but they don't carry that kind of stuff (undergarments for that), but you might try Lover's Lane. Not sure about your accidents and I'm wondering why if you have an ostomy you are still having stools. I've had some but usually it would happen in the morning and that is because it has bypassed the ileostomy and ended up in the colon but it was only a couple times. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with this issue. Have you talked to your surgeon about this? Hopefully when you have your reversal things will calm down.

    Kim

    Don't worry about it
    Some guys are freaks and would love something like that to happen. If your not happy, do your business, clean yourself up and go back to gettin' busy. Keep some baby wipes handy so you can clean yourself until you feel fresh and clean. Stranger things have happened than a little fudge works during intimacy.
  • lmliess
    lmliess Member Posts: 329
    #6
    snommintj said:

    Don't worry about it
    Some guys are freaks and would love something like that to happen. If your not happy, do your business, clean yourself up and go back to gettin' busy. Keep some baby wipes handy so you can clean yourself until you feel fresh and clean. Stranger things have happened than a little fudge works during intimacy.

    That made me laugh!!
    You do have to keep a sense of humor. Easier said than done when you are worried you are going to freak your spouse out. Maybe a glass of wine or a beer to relax you may help.

    I think my poor husband thinks he will squash me...I am 95 pounds and he is 230.
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 957 Member
    #7
    Bed accidents
    I've had some pretty serious accidents during my stint with an ostomy. My boyfriend and i aren't near as intimate as we used to be, but it's not becuase of the ostomy, which is now gone, but because he's afraid of hurting me. Like Kim, the radiation did a number on my private areas, and there is a lot of pain. My radiation oncologist suggested a dilator, but all that is is a glorified dildo, and not any less painful. I don't want to get graphic, but there are other things you can do with each other that don't require you to lay down. Also, about leakage...are you using adhesive paste in conjunction with the adhesive that's already on the wafer? I found that if i used a lot of paste and let it dry really well, i had much fewer leaks, and the bag actually stayed on longer.

    I would talk to your surgeon immediately about having so many bowel movements anally. A little is normal on a loop ostomy which you have if you're going to be reversed, but a lot may not be a good thing.

    Much luck, and many hugs!
    Krista
  • nudgie
    nudgie Member Posts: 1,478 Member
    #8
    Intimacy
    To be frank, my husband and I would have sexual relations about 3-4 times a week before DX in 2006, but once DX, surgery, treatments, etc., we did not have "intimacy" relations for at least 6 months. I also had a colostomy, but found other ways to be intimate.

    When we started back in intimate relations, I found being the bottom partner helped with the bag (sigmod colon; left side).

    But like most caring partners, he was very patient and understanding. Sex is part of a relationship, but it is not what bonds or makes the relationship.
  • lmliess
    lmliess Member Posts: 329
    #9
    nudgie said:

    Intimacy
    To be frank, my husband and I would have sexual relations about 3-4 times a week before DX in 2006, but once DX, surgery, treatments, etc., we did not have "intimacy" relations for at least 6 months. I also had a colostomy, but found other ways to be intimate.

    When we started back in intimate relations, I found being the bottom partner helped with the bag (sigmod colon; left side).

    But like most caring partners, he was very patient and understanding. Sex is part of a relationship, but it is not what bonds or makes the relationship.

    That is so true!
    After this post I was feeling bad for my husband so we discussed this. I am soooo glad he is understanding right now. I couldn't handle the stress of him being unsatisfied. He basically said we are getting through this because we started with a strong foundation of friendship. Sex is part of a relationship and we will resume when I feel better. There are too many other good things we have together to have to worry about that right now. ahhh - what a relief for me.
    We will be married 7 years july 20th. I was teasing him about the 7 year inch, but he is starting his own business now, taking tests to get his finacial advising license and taking up a huge load of taking care of the house, me during chemo weeks and getting my daughter up and out the door in th e morning. (Which she is NOT a morning person so that is a chore in itself!) I feel very fortunate to have him. Gosh I look back at some of the doozies I dated before him!!! God definatly had a plan for me in my favor!

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