NED

2

Comments

  • bfbear
    bfbear Member Posts: 380

    Dear Cindy...
    Thank you, very much, for your honest, thoughtfully written and calmly worded post - for all to read. And respond to, at their own choosing.

    I assure you that you are most certainly not alone in your stated perspective.

    The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.

    Kind regards, Susan

    Cindy & Susan
    Thank you for your posts. I am in total agreement.

    Mike, I feel that you are coming to the wrong place for support. This is a Breast Cancer discussion group, meant for bc survivors and their caregivers. I understand that you were concerned about your lumps, but they are not cancer. And I am glad for that. I am glad that you will not need surgery or chemo or radiation. You are not a 1%er, and that's super!!!

    Your other self-stated problems, depression, PTSD, etc. can be supported in other places with people who understand your needs better than most. And there are many, many such places.

    This is meant to be a place where people, 99% women, can come to find support, answers, and share expereinces about breast cancer. It is not a
    general support group for anyone with any experience with any disease or a family with other diseases.

    I know you have supporters here, and they are very kind and compassionate women whom I dearly love, but there are also many women who are fearful and disconcerted by your presence here -- it's not just one or two, it's many. If you need to talk to your friends here, would it be out of line to respectfully request that you do so by PM or personal emails?

    As Cindy and Susan have said, this board is not a place to pit people against each other. Such behavior only leads to sadness, fear and anger -- three things that we really do not want to create here!!

    I have not flagged your posts, and I have not PMed you. But I cannot say that I do not support those who have. For you to threaten to "out" someone from a PMed message is a terrible thing to do. Especially since they may choose to "out" the responses you PMed back, which is something I think would only cause further distress and disharmony here. PMing is just as it is stated by definition: Personal Messaging, i.e. it is for your eyes only.

    Please consider all your options, and the greater good here.

    Thank you, Mike.

    Most sincerely,
    Debi
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    CR1954 said:

    I would like to address this please......
    Mike,

    First of all, did someone here actually call you a pervert? Whether by PM, or in a post? Or is that something that you interpreted from some message?

    Secondly, I think that some do not understand why you would seek out a breast cancer support board, long before you were even tested. And the same question remains as to why you would want to stay, even after being given the opinion of NED. (I am very relieved for you, btw) I know that you still have an appointment with a surgeon. And I don't know, but I suspect that he/she will probably go by the results of the mammogram and the sonogram that you have had. I would doubt that he/she will suggest a biopsy unless you insist upon it.

    Thirdly, yes, your sister had breast cancer. And that may put you at a slightly higher risk of developing the disease. But if I were in your shoes, I would be far more concerned about developing prostate cancer, given your strong family history of it.
    Also, being a caregiver for your father, I would think that you would gain much more information and support from others, who are in a like situation to yours. And you would be better able to support others who are going through what you have had to go through.

    Frankly, I did not come to this board to have to deal with dissention and more stress than I already have while dealing with my cancer issues. And yet, almost every day, I am greeted with posts containing accusations and the attempt to pit some members against others.
    These posts are not especially giving comfort and encouragement to me, and I suspect that others are not taking anything positive away from them either. And I am pretty sure that new members coming here, having been recently diagnosed, and in an already fragile state of mind are not comforted by what they are reading either.

    I am not trying to cause any kind of trouble or add to the conflict which seems to have arisen already. I'm just stating things the way I see them. So I hope that nobody here takes this post that way.
    I merely want to address this whole issue in a calm and intelligent manner in the hopes that there can be some kind of resolution.
    Because honestly, I'm not sure that I want to stay here if this conflict continues.

    CR

    Amen CR! You stated that
    Amen CR! You stated that beautifully. Mike, you don't have breast cancer....find a forum that addresses your issues. We wish you well, but you need to find people who share your concerns.
    Cheers,
    Dee
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    taleena said:

    CR..
    I would like to thank

    CR..

    I would like to thank you for having the fortitude to state what I am sure others are feeling and thinking... I have tried to shy away from this, because I sense an attempt to create distention among the members here, and the thought that someone who is going through the bc journey and needs support, or someone who has been there and can offer the newer members support and information from his or her own experience with the beast, would turn away from this site because of this garbage... is really disheartning to me...

    And don't you dare go anywhere..

    Hugs,

    ~T

    CR, Christmas Girl, Debi and Taleena - Thanks!
    I agree with CR, Susan, Debi, Taleena and many others that have messaged me. I think Mike would be better off on another site as CR stated. As we are glad that you do not have bc, your being here is causing too much dissention and uneasiness. And, the fact that you are causing many bc survivors and newcomers to feel uncomfortable and that we have long term bc survivors thinking of leaving, like CR and even myself, should send a strong message to you that you should go elsewhere.

    And, as Teena said, don't you dare go anywhere CR!
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    dyaneb123 said:

    Amen CR! You stated that
    Amen CR! You stated that beautifully. Mike, you don't have breast cancer....find a forum that addresses your issues. We wish you well, but you need to find people who share your concerns.
    Cheers,
    Dee

    I'm asking nicely that you leave the site Mike please too.
    I hate to be so blunt, but, as the others have stated, you don't have bc and you and your posts have been causing a lot of turmoil and making a lot of us feel very uneasy. I have also been quiet about this until I saw where CR, a long time bc supporter and survivor here, and some others, are thinking of leaving as a result of you. That is not fair. You don't have bc, and, I feel that some other board would serve your problems better, not this one. So, as I stated above, please leave Mike. Thank you!
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    dyaneb123 said:

    Amen CR! You stated that
    Amen CR! You stated that beautifully. Mike, you don't have breast cancer....find a forum that addresses your issues. We wish you well, but you need to find people who share your concerns.
    Cheers,
    Dee

    I am still considered new
    I am still considered new here, but, I was finding great support and information here. But, I have to admit also, that 1percen makes me feel very uncomfortable and I also wish he would go to another site or something. I would hate to see the bc survivors who have been here so long and who have been helping me and others leave because of 1percen.

    I have even written to the CSN feedback to have them help with this matter in asking 1percen to please leave. I would encourage anyone else to do the same.

    And, please don't leave CR and any others that are considering it because of him.
  • maya00i
    maya00i Member Posts: 42
    Breast cancer in men
    I do believe that some people do not know that men can get breast cancer. My dear sweet brother lost his battle with Breast cancer.
    Why would you want to be here for the breasts there are no pics.Some people just don't think. Hang in there.
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    maya00i said:

    Breast cancer in men
    I do believe that some people do not know that men can get breast cancer. My dear sweet brother lost his battle with Breast cancer.
    Why would you want to be here for the breasts there are no pics.Some people just don't think. Hang in there.

    Add me to the list too for Mike to go
    I think most know that men can get breast cancer. And, I am very sorry for your loss Maya. Anyone that has the diagnosis of breast cancer, if they didn't know, find out very quickly thru the research, knowledge and material they are given that men also can get breast cancer, very rare, but, it does happen.

    The point is that Mike does not have breast cancer. So, my question is why would a 50 year old man want to be on here with women that DO have breast cancer, and, why when so many of us have expressed our not wanting him on the site? No offense, but, he has nothing to offer us. We need the support and encouragement and real life experiences from someone that has had the diagnosis. We need to feel comfortable telling our most intimate feelings and our physical problems. I, for one, do not feel comfortable with him and didn't right from the start.

    So, I, as the others, am asking 1percen to go, so that we can have our comfortable, informative and bc site back to what it was before he logged on.

    I also am writing to CSN feedback and requesting they ask him to leave too.
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    maya00i said:

    Breast cancer in men
    I do believe that some people do not know that men can get breast cancer. My dear sweet brother lost his battle with Breast cancer.
    Why would you want to be here for the breasts there are no pics.Some people just don't think. Hang in there.

    Maya we know that some men
    Maya we know that some men get breast cancer. We have a very wonderful male member named Bill who contributes his thoughts occasionally and we look forward to his posts. Mike does not have breast cancer. Nuff said.
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    I have never been more
    I have never been more saddened and disheartened on this site than seeing this "feeding frenzy". We are better than this, we can do better than this.
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member

    I have never been more
    I have never been more saddened and disheartened on this site than seeing this "feeding frenzy". We are better than this, we can do better than this.

    I disagree with you
    I disagree with you phoenixrising. I see no feeding frenzy. All I see is a long time bc survivor, CR, possible leaving because of a man that does NOT have bc, and, who is making a lot of the bc survivors very uncomfortable. I, also see, several other longtime bc survivors who were relieved that CR spoke up first so that they could voice their disapproval in Mike staying on the site when he does NOT have bc. I think everyone has been very polite, but, to the point in their replies. Sorry you see it otherwise. I think all have been kind, but, just wanting an end to this finally!
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072

    I have never been more
    I have never been more saddened and disheartened on this site than seeing this "feeding frenzy". We are better than this, we can do better than this.

    Phoenix
    I have to totally agree with you! Well said and glad to see you back. This man came in here scared out of his mind......Does anyone know what THAT feels like? He was always nice and supportive.

    OK, Maybe he was panicing prematurely (Like we do). OK He Vented...Like us. It took one brave man to come onto a Breast cancer site to try and get support. I am sorry it backfired on him, he's a good guy.

    If a bloke wants to look at boobs, yes even deformed ones, he sure wouldn't be in here. There are a lot of twisted porn sites out there where 'Perverts' can get the sort of action they crave. (This site doesn't provide that service)

    I am so upset that he was treated in this way. Phoenix---Feeding Frenzy describes it perfectly. And I refuse to join in with this persecusion of an 'Innocent until proven Guilty' person of either sex.

    He was a part of our group because he THOUGHT he was a part of our group, How scary is that?......and especially for a man.

    Just because he is a HE doesn't make him a threat to us women. I was very suprised by some of the reactions to his post.

    Please, I know SOME people in here won't agree with me...BUT Please try to see things from a different angle. I think some of you have got it slightly wrong.

    Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • aurora2009
    aurora2009 Member Posts: 544 Member
    Kylez said:

    Add me to the list too for Mike to go
    I think most know that men can get breast cancer. And, I am very sorry for your loss Maya. Anyone that has the diagnosis of breast cancer, if they didn't know, find out very quickly thru the research, knowledge and material they are given that men also can get breast cancer, very rare, but, it does happen.

    The point is that Mike does not have breast cancer. So, my question is why would a 50 year old man want to be on here with women that DO have breast cancer, and, why when so many of us have expressed our not wanting him on the site? No offense, but, he has nothing to offer us. We need the support and encouragement and real life experiences from someone that has had the diagnosis. We need to feel comfortable telling our most intimate feelings and our physical problems. I, for one, do not feel comfortable with him and didn't right from the start.

    So, I, as the others, am asking 1percen to go, so that we can have our comfortable, informative and bc site back to what it was before he logged on.

    I also am writing to CSN feedback and requesting they ask him to leave too.

    I have to agree with all others
    I am new to this site but, But I have to say that I have never found confort in any of the posts from Mike, in fact if I didn't have faith that sooner or later, everything would come to a head on this matter, I would have left sooner.

    I want to thank all of you who have finaly spoke up and voiced their opinions, while I did not flag him, I would of felt uncomfortable standing up on my own.

    Aurora

    P.S.
    Mike you are not a BC surviver or caretaker of some one with BC, while I wish you the best of luck in finding the help you realy need. I am also asking you to please leave.
    Aurora
  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    tasha_111 said:

    Phoenix
    I have to totally agree with you! Well said and glad to see you back. This man came in here scared out of his mind......Does anyone know what THAT feels like? He was always nice and supportive.

    OK, Maybe he was panicing prematurely (Like we do). OK He Vented...Like us. It took one brave man to come onto a Breast cancer site to try and get support. I am sorry it backfired on him, he's a good guy.

    If a bloke wants to look at boobs, yes even deformed ones, he sure wouldn't be in here. There are a lot of twisted porn sites out there where 'Perverts' can get the sort of action they crave. (This site doesn't provide that service)

    I am so upset that he was treated in this way. Phoenix---Feeding Frenzy describes it perfectly. And I refuse to join in with this persecusion of an 'Innocent until proven Guilty' person of either sex.

    He was a part of our group because he THOUGHT he was a part of our group, How scary is that?......and especially for a man.

    Just because he is a HE doesn't make him a threat to us women. I was very suprised by some of the reactions to his post.

    Please, I know SOME people in here won't agree with me...BUT Please try to see things from a different angle. I think some of you have got it slightly wrong.

    Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Phoenix and Tasha
    I agree with you "feeding frenzy". I just hope that when Mike does see the surgeon and if he has to have a biopsy and god forbid that it is bc because the radiologist gave his opinion as a radiologist that is was just "dense abnormal tissue." How will the others feel that they made someone go away?

    I know that everyone has their own opinions and some of the things Mike said may have been inappropriate but he did seek the advice of someone at CSN who told him to write things like that on his blog.

    I just hope everything goes smoothly for Mike.

    I know there have been others who joined before they knew they had BC and everyone welcomed them with open arms.

    I agree with you that Mike still may need our support. It is a scary thing to have the unknown hanging in the air like he does.

    Your friend,
    Margo
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072

    Phoenix and Tasha
    I agree with you "feeding frenzy". I just hope that when Mike does see the surgeon and if he has to have a biopsy and god forbid that it is bc because the radiologist gave his opinion as a radiologist that is was just "dense abnormal tissue." How will the others feel that they made someone go away?

    I know that everyone has their own opinions and some of the things Mike said may have been inappropriate but he did seek the advice of someone at CSN who told him to write things like that on his blog.

    I just hope everything goes smoothly for Mike.

    I know there have been others who joined before they knew they had BC and everyone welcomed them with open arms.

    I agree with you that Mike still may need our support. It is a scary thing to have the unknown hanging in the air like he does.

    Your friend,
    Margo

    Margo
    Thank you......

    This is just not right. People in a certain predicament ordering other people maybe of a certain predicament out of the room?

    This is becoming the sort of site I really don't want to be associated with.

    I wish I knew how to send an email in here............One would certainly be going out to Mike.......

    I joined well after my treatments, I'm glad I did now.

    Would everyone be so hurtful if he had been a woman?

    Maybe I don't belong here either.........J
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    tasha_111 said:

    Margo
    Thank you......

    This is just not right. People in a certain predicament ordering other people maybe of a certain predicament out of the room?

    This is becoming the sort of site I really don't want to be associated with.

    I wish I knew how to send an email in here............One would certainly be going out to Mike.......

    I joined well after my treatments, I'm glad I did now.

    Would everyone be so hurtful if he had been a woman?

    Maybe I don't belong here either.........J

    I think that the comment
    I think that the comment that bothered me the most was the one that said, Why did he come on here when he didn't even know if he had cancer" Gosh, that must mean that so many of our other members shouldn't have come for support until after they were diagnosed. No being here unless you really have cancer and maybe we should ask for proof. Copies of paths please. I totally agree that this is a feeding frenzy. There were also comments made about it being weird that his mammo and diagnosis were taking so long. So did the tests for a friend of mine. The doctors just felt that it was unlikely to be cancer, he was too young, blah, blah, blah. They finally did a mammo and determined it wasn't likely to be cancer. Wrong, by the time they finally biopsied, it had spread to lymphnodes and to the liver. Treatment was done and my friend is doing well. His name was Bill (a different one from our Bill). I don't think that Mike (MUD) has done anything to warrant these personal attacks. And I know if these comments were made to me, I would consider them attacks. I agree with Tasha that this attitude is making this the sort of site I don't want to be a part of. I don't always agree with all the comments, suggestions, etc. but I am a big girl and I can ignore the ones that don't apply to me or that I don't care about.
    Awhile back, Kathi mentioned about a huge women on the plane and Hans complaining to the staff because he couldn't recline his seat. It hurt me reading that because I am a large woman and airline seats are tight for me. But I am short legged so I wouldn't present a problem for leggy men sitting in front of me. But I know those looks regarding size. But I realized she was not directing this at me. It was just what happened on her flight. She wasn't being unkind just telling a story. Should I have overreacted to this?
    We are often off topic because it helps us see we are more than our disease but if we are going to be so strict with the rules. Cancer Talk Only! Of course not, we love sharing our joys, sorrows, fears, courage. I love all you ladies, even the ones that I am disagreeing with. It's what I love about this board. We are normally so caring and sharing and this nastiness does not reflect well on us. Just my opinion also. I respect that everyone will have a different take on this. So now some want to leave because he is here and some want to leave because others are deciding who should be here. And what do we do. Maybe don't read posts from those we find offensive or that we don't find relevent. This makes me very sad. I have a sister that always says, If so and so is coming to your house, I won't come. My standard reply is you will be missed. I don't mean that I want anyone to leave, but isn't it a subtle blackmail to make those statements. Do we have a vote and decide who stays and leaves? I don't know, but it bothers me that this is going on and it takes more than one person to cause dissension.
    Stef
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    tasha_111 said:

    Margo
    Thank you......

    This is just not right. People in a certain predicament ordering other people maybe of a certain predicament out of the room?

    This is becoming the sort of site I really don't want to be associated with.

    I wish I knew how to send an email in here............One would certainly be going out to Mike.......

    I joined well after my treatments, I'm glad I did now.

    Would everyone be so hurtful if he had been a woman?

    Maybe I don't belong here either.........J

    I feel the same way that you guys
    do. You know honestly,I never read anything in Mike's posts that made me nervous. Yeah,he's a guy,but Bill is a guy too and we've had no problem having him in our family.
    What was it about Mike that made you all so nervous,and who thinks that he was on here just to see our boobs and how do you know that for a fact?!And what boobs have there been to see lately? I havn't seen any!
    I value all of you guys and I really don't want to drop this board,but you know-what if Mike really does get diagnosed at some point with bc and/or what if he's been telling the truth all along? You know,I don't blame him for getting upset-I would have gotten upset too and just left here to try to find another board that would be more understanding!!
    I just thought of something else too-when did it become our right to tell someone to get off of this board?What's to stop anyone from telling anyone to get off now?Even when we've had our differences in the past-we have still accepted each other as that was how we each were.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member

    I feel the same way that you guys
    do. You know honestly,I never read anything in Mike's posts that made me nervous. Yeah,he's a guy,but Bill is a guy too and we've had no problem having him in our family.
    What was it about Mike that made you all so nervous,and who thinks that he was on here just to see our boobs and how do you know that for a fact?!And what boobs have there been to see lately? I havn't seen any!
    I value all of you guys and I really don't want to drop this board,but you know-what if Mike really does get diagnosed at some point with bc and/or what if he's been telling the truth all along? You know,I don't blame him for getting upset-I would have gotten upset too and just left here to try to find another board that would be more understanding!!
    I just thought of something else too-when did it become our right to tell someone to get off of this board?What's to stop anyone from telling anyone to get off now?Even when we've had our differences in the past-we have still accepted each other as that was how we each were.

    Outdoor Girl, Right On!!
    Yes, and I adore Bill. he has a slightly naughty but tremendously funny sense of humor and no one seems to have been offended by him. I love his humor, just as I love Tasha's, and Cat's. And others too. But maybe other's don't enjoy their humor. Who decides who is appropriately funny or supportive or anything. There are no boobs to see except those humorous ones that were posted and none of us were offended by that. This site would not fulfill any man's fantasy about boobs.
    You are so right about when did we get to tell someone to get off.
    Stef
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    I agree with CR, Susan, Debi, Kristin, and the others that
    say Mike should leave. And, I think that the main point, right now, is he does not have bc. Yes, Bill is welcomed here and we all like him. He has bc. But, Mike does not. If you want to stay in contact with him, please give him your email address and stay in touch with him that way. Why cause more of a rift in our members than this person already has. I might leave the site too, as, I never liked his postings. The breaking point was when he said he was going to kill his wife. Sorry people, but, I don't want to be associated with a wife killer, even in the concept of it. I am sure that will anger some of you, but, please, just read it and understand it before you jump on me.

    Just do the right thing Mike, and, please leave and if you need help, please seek out a site suitable to you. And, if some of the bc survivors wish to stay in touch with you, please pm them and get their emails and stay in contact.

    It would be so unjust to see CR, myself and several others leave this site as a result of him staying, considering he does NOT have bc!

    Thank you CR for bringing up what many of us were thinking! I will be emailing CSN.

    p.s. and for those that want his email, he posted it in one of his postings.
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    I truly.....
    I truly find it very hard to believe that ANYONE on this board would call Mike a pervert or say that he is on this board to look at boobs. Whether in a post or by PM.

    Those were Mike's words.

    Honestly, can anyone here think of someone who would do that? And if they did, don't you think CSN would have taken action for something like that?

    CR
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    DianeBC said:

    I am still considered new
    I am still considered new here, but, I was finding great support and information here. But, I have to admit also, that 1percen makes me feel very uncomfortable and I also wish he would go to another site or something. I would hate to see the bc survivors who have been here so long and who have been helping me and others leave because of 1percen.

    I have even written to the CSN feedback to have them help with this matter in asking 1percen to please leave. I would encourage anyone else to do the same.

    And, please don't leave CR and any others that are considering it because of him.

    add me to the list
    I agree fully with all comments regarding 1 percent going to another forum to discuss his issues. Mike is NOT among the 1 percent of males with breast cancer and he should be grateful. We are a group of survivors and caregivers of breast cancer and we have become family. We are comfortable with each other and can share our knoweledge, experiences and support with other survivors and caregivers. Mike has not walked in our shoes and has nothing to offer. He claims he wants to give us support ... but we get that from each other and really do not feel comfortable discussing our innermost feelings with someone who really does not understand ... no matter how hard he might try. Again ... he has not walked in our shoes.

    I am sure we are all relieved that Mike does NOT have breast cancer ... and we wish him well as he addresses his other issues ... but those issues do not belong on the Breast Cancer survivor discussion board.

    I too have flagged his posts and have also written CSN for assistance in this matter. We are a family of very vulnerable women and we do not need this stress and tension added to our fight against cancer. So ... Mike ... if you read this ... please be gracious enough to move on ... and let our family return to what it was before you began posting... a place of serenity and support where we all felt safe and secure. Please leave the Breast Cancer Board and find some place more appropriate for your needs. Mike ... you say you care about all of us on this site and want to offer your support. The best thing you can do for us is to move on to another site ... and do it in peace without threats or sad stories about how much you need us. If you want to communicate with people on the Breast Cancer board please be considerate enough to do it in your blogs or by using Personal Messages. Let the rest of us get back to what brought us together ... Fighting the fight against breast cancer.



    teena