Am I Just Being a Brat?

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  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    #22
    kimby said:

    Update
    Thank you all for your replies. It helped me sort things out in my own head and put my emotions aside. I composed a very long email to her which I will never, ever send. Seeing my feelings in writing also helped. Yep, I was expecting for it to be all about me. Well, only for 5 minutes but still...

    So since my pride wasn't going to allow me to call or go over, I texted her an apology. I didn't end the conversation well and I knew it. So, I swallowed a small bit of pride. :P I know texting is chicken, but it works for me.

    It took her about an hour to call me back. As it turns out, she was afraid that with all the negative in her life right now that she'd rain on my parade. So, she was avoiding me. I already knew in intimate detail about all of those issues because she has spent hours pouring over it all. Her life really is a mess right now and since she is the party girl she needed somethiing positive, right? She, as usual, was pure hearted but it still hurt. She is the friend that is ALWAYS looking for a party and something to celebrate. This is the news of my life! and I needed her. We had a heart-to-heart and we'll be ok. It might be awhile before it feels the same but we love each other. And, like I said before...she knows too much! Can't let all my secrets out...LOL

    Thanks again. You all are true friends.

    Kimby

    Friends....
    Hi Kimby,

    Glad to read you and your friend worked it out...thanks for letting us know :)

    Friends are among the greatest gifts we have - they truly make this A Wonderful World:

  • NWGirl
    NWGirl Member Posts: 122 Member
    #23
    Good for you!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

    Kimby - have you ever heard of Kelly Corrigan? She is a young writer (woman) who had breast cancer. The above link is to a reading she did called "Transcending: Words on Women and Strength"

    If you haven't seen this before, grab a cup of coffee and a box of Kleenex (you WILL need it - penis or not) and take a listen. There's a part in there that says something to the effect of "we will say things that hurt each other" - it reminds me of what you are going through right now.

    I'm so proud of you for taking the initiative to contact your friend. You are so awesome.
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    #24
    NWGirl said:

    Good for you!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

    Kimby - have you ever heard of Kelly Corrigan? She is a young writer (woman) who had breast cancer. The above link is to a reading she did called "Transcending: Words on Women and Strength"

    If you haven't seen this before, grab a cup of coffee and a box of Kleenex (you WILL need it - penis or not) and take a listen. There's a part in there that says something to the effect of "we will say things that hurt each other" - it reminds me of what you are going through right now.

    I'm so proud of you for taking the initiative to contact your friend. You are so awesome.

    Great Link NWGirl!
    Kelly Corrigan is a fantastic writer. She wrote an excellent book called the, Middle Place. I highly recommend it - it's a book that will make you laugh, cry, reminiscence and look at your own life a little differently, with a little more appreciation. It was a book I related to so much - she and her dad having fought cancer - me and my mom having fought cancer - and special family connections.

    It's a special read...
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #25
    it's tough
    Hi Kimby,

    This is a tough one, especially since your friend didn't ignore you at the beginning, but now has seemed "to change". Although I had many people who were wonderful to me the first year I was going through cancer treatment, I have felt kind of "neglected" by some of the people I thought were so wonderful to me. I haven't heard from some of them in quite a while. I recently felt hurt when I sent emails to three of my former coworkers (fellow teachers) who I know well and not one of them has returned my email and it's been two weeks now. I know this is a busy time of year for teachers, but I still felt sad and like "they couldn't even take five minutes to send back a quick note?! I felt the same hurt from two different longtime friends, one of whom was my best friend all through elementary school, jr. high, and high school. She lives across the country so we really only communicated through email in the past few years, but now the emails stopped coming once she heard about me & the few I did get lately, she didn't even ask me how I was doing or how I'm feeling. I was very hurt. Also, another friend kind of did the same thing and I was also feeling hurt by her and I was feeling quite judgemental towards her because she is a pastor's wife (PLEASE- no one start the comments on religion, hypocrisy, etc!) I later found out that she was going through a very hard time herself and had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed as bipolar). So, of course, I felt awful for her too and instantly forgave her. It doesn't sound like your friend has anything quite that serious happening, but perhaps she is just caught up in her own life (which still hurts you, I know). Perhaps she is at the point in her life after dealing with her own illness that she just doesn't want to even talk about or think about cancer at all. Kind of selfish, but that may be where she's at.

    So, Kimby, I understand your hurt and I do not think you're being a brat! Just a sensitive soul who feels ignored or rebuffed by someone who has been close to you.
    If you don't hear from her soon, I'd send her a note. Perhaps even a regular handwritten letter would be better than an email too. Just a thought.

    You take care,
    Lisa
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #26
    lisa42 said:

    it's tough
    Hi Kimby,

    This is a tough one, especially since your friend didn't ignore you at the beginning, but now has seemed "to change". Although I had many people who were wonderful to me the first year I was going through cancer treatment, I have felt kind of "neglected" by some of the people I thought were so wonderful to me. I haven't heard from some of them in quite a while. I recently felt hurt when I sent emails to three of my former coworkers (fellow teachers) who I know well and not one of them has returned my email and it's been two weeks now. I know this is a busy time of year for teachers, but I still felt sad and like "they couldn't even take five minutes to send back a quick note?! I felt the same hurt from two different longtime friends, one of whom was my best friend all through elementary school, jr. high, and high school. She lives across the country so we really only communicated through email in the past few years, but now the emails stopped coming once she heard about me & the few I did get lately, she didn't even ask me how I was doing or how I'm feeling. I was very hurt. Also, another friend kind of did the same thing and I was also feeling hurt by her and I was feeling quite judgemental towards her because she is a pastor's wife (PLEASE- no one start the comments on religion, hypocrisy, etc!) I later found out that she was going through a very hard time herself and had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed as bipolar). So, of course, I felt awful for her too and instantly forgave her. It doesn't sound like your friend has anything quite that serious happening, but perhaps she is just caught up in her own life (which still hurts you, I know). Perhaps she is at the point in her life after dealing with her own illness that she just doesn't want to even talk about or think about cancer at all. Kind of selfish, but that may be where she's at.

    So, Kimby, I understand your hurt and I do not think you're being a brat! Just a sensitive soul who feels ignored or rebuffed by someone who has been close to you.
    If you don't hear from her soon, I'd send her a note. Perhaps even a regular handwritten letter would be better than an email too. Just a thought.

    You take care,
    Lisa

    Hi again Kimby,
    I posted my
    Hi again Kimby,

    I posted my long reply after reading just your original post without scrolling down and reading the rest of them. So, when I wrote it I didn't realize that you posted again about having communicated w/ her again. Anyhow, those were my thoughts and I'm now still laughing about your "penis" (not YOURS- but you know what I mean!!!)

    Lisa
  • serrana
    serrana Member Posts: 163 Member
    #27
    lisa42 said:

    Hi again Kimby,
    I posted my
    Hi again Kimby,

    I posted my long reply after reading just your original post without scrolling down and reading the rest of them. So, when I wrote it I didn't realize that you posted again about having communicated w/ her again. Anyhow, those were my thoughts and I'm now still laughing about your "penis" (not YOURS- but you know what I mean!!!)

    Lisa

    Am I being a brat???
    Hello all
    I don't think this is about being "a brat". Things like this hurt.
    I have been blind- sided by the response of friends during my cancer journey. Some who pledged they would "always be there" disappeared over time and some whom I had known and talked to daily for 30 years before cancer never called back after hearing the initial diagnosis, and many whom I had not known well at all became the closestdearest supporters!! Family members did the same. It really surprised me.
    This has led me to think that it is not related to the existing or former relationship that was in effect at the time of diagnosis but rather what goes on in the heart and mind of a person at the time they hear the news and during the journey. This we have no control over. It has been hurtful for sure but many others have taken the place of those I thought would always be there. For these dear folks I am forever grateful, they have been true angels.
    Serrana
  • FAPMom47
    FAPMom47 Member Posts: 68
    #28
    LOST A BFF TOO
    I HAVE BEEN BATTLING FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS, MY BFF WAS THERE FOR ME ALWAYS. BUT LATELY IF I DON'T CALL HER SHE HAS NO TIME FOR ME. MAKES ME WONDER IF SHE WAS EVER A FRIEND. I HAVE MADE IT THRU 2 SURGERIES WITHOUT HER. MY LATEST SURGERY WAS MAY 11TH AND HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HER. SO MAYBE I WILL BE BETTER WITHOUT HER.

    MANY HUGS AND PRAYERS
    JACKIE
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #29
    serrana said:

    Am I being a brat???
    Hello all
    I don't think this is about being "a brat". Things like this hurt.
    I have been blind- sided by the response of friends during my cancer journey. Some who pledged they would "always be there" disappeared over time and some whom I had known and talked to daily for 30 years before cancer never called back after hearing the initial diagnosis, and many whom I had not known well at all became the closestdearest supporters!! Family members did the same. It really surprised me.
    This has led me to think that it is not related to the existing or former relationship that was in effect at the time of diagnosis but rather what goes on in the heart and mind of a person at the time they hear the news and during the journey. This we have no control over. It has been hurtful for sure but many others have taken the place of those I thought would always be there. For these dear folks I am forever grateful, they have been true angels.
    Serrana

    And we, you!!!!
    I speak for all who have had the pleasure of your 'post-dx' self to say that you are amazing!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #30
    People go, but are replaced....
    It IS a difficult thing to manage for someone who has never heard those 3 words. And, for those who have...sigh...can bring up some pretty narly memories!

    I think that the big elephant in the room is the fear of dying. On the friend's side he/she is worried about losing us, but also about the possiblity of we warriors bringing it up...lol... On the warrior's side, we face it, and deal with it much better than those on our support team...I found myself consoling people, saying my death is ok, if it happens, but that I wasn't planning on going quite yet...tooo much left to do!!!

    I'm sorry for those that no longer have you in their lives to enrich their existence. But I'm glad You are in My life!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

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