how am i suposed to feel

Hi Sara! I did not have ovarian cancer but instead had Hodgkins Disease (lymphatic cancer) when I was 21. I too felt lonely after treatment and wondered if I was ever going to find someone. During treatment I knew there was a risk that my eggs would be destroyed and that I would not have kids. There was the option to have eggs frozen but this procedure was painful and expensive. So I opted to take my chances.
When I was your age I thought I wanted kids someday too. Now I have a genetic disorder called NF2 which causes benign brain tumors to grow on my auditory nerves and lining of the brain. I found out that I have a 50% chance of passing it on and that a pregnancy would cause the tumors to grow. So my husband and I have decided not to have children.
By the way....there are guys out there who will love you for who you are no matter what. You WILL find one. I met my husband when I was 24 and now I am 32. He knew about the cancer I had and married me after I was diagnosed with NF2 (at age 27)....even knowing that children would most likely not be possible when I had not come to terms with that yet. He has been a wonderful source of support! I could not ask for more. When I was near the point of accepting that we would have no kids, he brought home two of the cutest puppies for my 30th birthday (Katie and Jake...brother and sister). They bring us so much joy everyday and are SO MUCH easier to care for than children (not to mention less expensive). We thought of adopting but a) it is very costly and has to REALLY be something you want to do and b) we live a lifestyle that really would not accommodate a child anyhow. We love to keep active...scuba dive, hike, ride motorcyles, travel, etc. We are really happy with everything we have as it is. We just got back a month ago from visiting Italy and London. We have also been to Alaska, California, Yellowstone, the Badlands, Devil's Towers, Mt. Rushmore, Montana, Idaho, Oregon, the Canadian Rockies, Whistler and Blackhomb, Vancouver Island, (we live in Washington so have been all around here), the Channel Islands, Belize, Guatemala, Honduras, and Mexico. We have many more places on our list....The Red Sea, South Africa, and Austrailia are the big ones that we will be preparing for. The thing is that you never know what can happen. So we choose to enjoy these things now while we can. So many people wait until retirement but then one passes away or their health fails and prevents them from doing the things they planned on.

I hope this helps. It is normal to go through periodic bouts of depression after treatment. I think it took me a good year and a half to feel normal again. It was a weird experience.

Keep you chin up and take time to smell the roses!
- Beck )