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Kinda Sad :<(

grandma047's picture
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi all, I don't know if you all feel like this at times? If you do, what do you do to get past it? I just feel really depressed today. I go to the chemo doctor that I had the problems with today. I have only seen him once, before I started chemo. He was the one that was in the military and was drilling me with questions and made me cry when I went to him. Everyone says he is one of the best chemo doctors, so I am trying to hang in there. It seems, though, that I have not had time to really deal with my cancer feelings yet. Too much other stuff going on. Trouble with one sister-in-law driving me crazy, another sister-in-law trying to drive my mom crazy and steal from her, my mom having clonoscopy and scope into stomach, had to stay and care for her 3 days, my dad has altzheimers, so while I was at my parents I got a taste of how bad he is(been in denial I guess),my husbands job that he has had 3 weeks is terrible, they are working him to death and paying him nothing; in fact, they told him 8.50 an hour and are paying him 8.00 per hour, which is almost nothing; my son seems to think that at almost 24 yrs old that mom and dad is still supposed to take care of him, my daughter is about to get a divorce and her kids are way out of control(twin girls-3yrs old and boy-5 yrs old), WHEW!!!!!!!! This is just a start!!!!! I think I'll just crawl into a hole. Well, anyhow, what do you all suggest to get past this terrible, terrible feeling and take care of myself, for a change.

Love, Judy H(grandma047)

alihamilton's picture
Posts: 348
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Judy H!
I guess you said it in your last sentence....look after yourself!! I know it is hard and it is obvious that you have loads of problems to deal with, most of them involving family members, which makes it all the more difficult. Do you know the Serenity prayer? There are some things that you can do nothing about, other things that you can change and you have to learn the difference. This might be a good time to practice! YOU must come first in your life now....if you do not look after yourself, you will certainly not be in a position to help anyone else. Please do not let others try to place their problems on your shoulders now....it would be selfish of them anyway to even try to do so. Be firm and let everyone know that this disease requires as much tranquility and peace of mind as possible to overcome it. Nurture yourself, pamper yourself. This is YOUR time.

Love and Peace,


drmrgirl47's picture
Posts: 129
Joined: Mar 2004

Dear Judy,
I am so sorry you are dealing with so much. I was depressed a while back also. I found good support here and some good suggestions. When I fell into that black hole, I remember every day got a bit better...(even though I thought it wouldn't) I decided not to take medication. But maybe this is something you might consider due to all the problems you are having, aside from the cancer. I also, am not fond of my oncologist. But I feel he knows best about the treatment. It is the nurses I deal with when I go for chemo and as long as they are kind and caring I can put up with my doctor. I only see him once a month. I just wanted to say, I hope you will feel better but I did experience an awful depression so I kind of know how you feel. I once told someone here to journal. I did that. Who knows if it helps. And like alihamilton said below, that Serenity Prayer is pretty good. Take one day at a time and please know that your depression will pass. Hang in there. I will pray for you. Do something nice for yourself.

Posts: 232
Joined: Apr 2003

Hi Judy- You do have a load of things going on. It is too easy to think that you should be able somehow to help everyone. As Allison said, you cannot, especially at this time. You have enough work taking care of yourself.

When I get down, I try to get out and take a brisk walk in the park, or if it is raining, head to a greenhouse, or stop by a bookstore for some tea and browsing some books. It doesn't solve anything but certainly makes me feel better anyway.

As for your oncologist, if you are going to be dealing with him for a long time it is important to be comfortable with him. It can take a while to get to know each other. I had mixed feelings about my oncologist at first, but with time we got to know each other well, and although I moved and have a different one now, I still keep in touch with him. A little humor perhaps to remind him that while you are in the war together, you are a civilian, may make a difference. If not, it may be worth hunting for someone with whom you feel comfortable.

You cannot solve all your family's problems. Perhaps counseling would help your sister-in-law, son and daughter and grandkids, and you might want to suggest that. It is not your job to talk them into it, or make them go, however.

I am sorry to hear about your Dad. My mother had Alzheimer's disease. The thing that saved my sisters and I, was seeing our grandmother go through this also. While we could do little things to make her happier or her life more comfortable, we did not take things she said or did personally. If your mother is able, it might be worth suggesting she contact an Alzheimer's support group for suggestions and information about assistance to give her a break, and to plan for the future. Hopefully your mom's colonoscopy turned out OK.

Take care, I hope tomorrow is a better day.


jsabol's picture
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Boy, Judy, You sure have a full plate. Just the cancer can be overwhelming, so with everything else you are dealing with, no wonder you feel depressed. When we were having troubles with our teenage daughter, and illness in other family members, a friend suggested writing a big list of all the stuff we were dealing with, then to honestly divide the list into things that could possibly be changed by us and were the most important, and things that were beyond our control and we would have to let go of. It sounds kinda Mickey Mouse, but it did help me to focus, and just pick the top 3 things.
Are there any elder service agencies involved with your folks? I don't know what state you live in, but some states have a good network for extra support, particularly for persons with Alzheimer's. The Alzheimer's Association has chapters all over, and are usually a good source of info, if not actual hands on help.
Sounds like your son needs a reality check; the lack of maturity in some kids is so hard to get through; I know from personal experience.
I think those sister in laws should be on your Do Not Call list!
Hope you can hang in there, and focus on you and husband to get through your own battle. Be kind to yourselves! Judy

Anonymous user (not verified)

Hi Judy:

I can only respond to you from a caregiver's perspective but I will make no bones about it...there are days that I could just cry and cry and cry and other days go really well. It's all part of the roller coaster. Try not to stay too long in those down moods...attitude in fighting cancer makes a big difference and the more positive, the better.

I myself went to see my doctor because I was totally loosing it with both my mom and Bert having cancer. I was placed on a mild anti-depressant drug which at first I balked like crazy to take. But in the long run, I did start to take the medication and although it doesn't make the ache or pain go away, it does enable me to get through each day, good or bad, one minute at a time, if need be.

I have heard and read that many cancer patients suffer depression. Gosh, who wouldn't. You may want to just see your regular doctor regarding this and he/she may have some suggestions.

Hang in there....don't give up, and please stay as positive as you can.


kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hullo Judy---hey--all of the above--some great support here and advice.Ultimately you must do for yourself!You need all the strenght you can muster.I had a great oncologist but it took time to develope a relationship.Tell your onc how you feel and what you have related here.
Sure , it id difficult to put things out of your mind but "you" come first--you are the major player here.
The best advice I got from my onc. was "do what only you need to do--in your time--at your pace--do not be tied up with trivial matters--you cannot fight this and fight everyone elses battle!"
We are so saddenned to hear of your troubles and can only offer our support--your depression and anger ARE a normal reaction to this horrible thing---fight for yourself!
our luv and understanding--huggs to you Judy--kanga n Jen

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