Preparing for a spouse to die

Hi Ma:

First, I'd just like to say that I am so very sorry. Even though my husband said very little about his feelings during my cancer treatment, we have recently started to discuss them. I never realized how difficult this illness could be on the spouses.

Let me tell you what my grandmother told me when she was sure she was going to die from her colon cancer. She said that God was calling her home to Him. She had had a productive and loving life, raised children, and seen her grandchildren. And even though I could not feel her loving arms around me, I'd feel her love in my heart every time I thought of her. She would look down upon me from Heaven, watching over me, guiding me, and loving me. I've never forgotten how much my grandmother meant to me, or her words. I still ask her for guidance, after all these years, and I still feel her love.

I hope her words will now help you tell your grandkids that although we will all leave this world, our love will remain in their hearts, and our memories will live on in their souls.

Hi There,
First I would like to say my heart goes out to all of you tonight. Your are all living with such tremendous uncertainty right now, and I do know what this is like. Tonight is my first night, I just signed on, so please bear with me. I recently lost my mom at 59 , I am 38, to a 3 year battle to Breast cancer and leukemia. Her and my dad had just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary, and there are also 4 grandchildren, 2 of which are my children. My mom had us all fooled towards the end by her strength which during the 3 years remained with her no matter how tired she would feel and how battered her body became, and there were no signs. Her counts were declining, and her body was shutting down, but her brain was still so intact. The last few days, she would become angry because she knew she was loosing us. She would stare at us and then scream because she must have felt the darkness at times. She would say, who turned off the lights? She was always cold, she would breath very heavy. She also mumbled a lot to what we called the other side, often speaking to people she may have been seeing or dreaming of. Then, she would wake with quarter size eyeballs and shake it off. They are trying to make their peace with all of this. It is a natural part of this process. The wish for my mom was to be at home, but we didn't have hospice in place in time because of not seeing the signs in time. Please, make sure if this is your husbands wish that you have everything set up to allow this time for him and yourself as well as your family to let him go in peace . He has suffered long enough, and the last few hours of life should be peaceful. We wish we could have had that, and I cannot stress it enough. Also, know one thing. You have done everything you can to be there for him. Cherish every moment with him now, good or bad, and know that it isn't the end, it is the beginning of your husband being pain free. It is horrific to watch someone we love with all our heart and soul go through this. But, it is also horrific and frightening for them once they have made their peace with their disease because they want to make sure we will be okay. You just have to reassure him you and your family will be okay. Our best to you all, and God Bless You! Gracelyn