Really scared

Hi Gary, as NoTimeForCancer mentioned above, you might have better luck getting information on CSN's Kidney Cancer board, but for what it's worth I will tell you what little I know about advanced kidney cancer. 

My husband's cousin was diagnosed with kidney cancer around the age of 70 or 71.  He initially had the affected kidney removed.  I don't recall what other treatment, if any, he had at that time, but eventually his cancer recurred and he had targeted radiation.  Ultimately, he was prescribed Opdivo (nivolumab).  I'm not sure if that was part of a clinical trial or not, but he had remarkable results on the Opdivo.  He was able to keep his metastatic kidney cancer at bay for about 15 or 16 years, and only last year passed away two months shy of his 87th birthday.  He had an excellent quality of life up until a month or so before his passing.  FYI, my husband's cousin was treated at Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia, and both he and his wife raved about the care he received there throughout the years. 

If I were in your situation, I would definitely get other opinions on your available treatment options at this point.  Hang in there, I think you will feel much better once you have a plan of action in place!!

Wishing you and your wife all the best.