It Just Keeps Going

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  • BluebirdOne
    BluebirdOne Member Posts: 656 Member
    #22
    SF73 said:

    You guys are definitely not

    You guys are definitely not alone in feeling this way. I am amazed at my body's ability to make up problems near surveillance visits. 10 days to every visit with my oncologist, I convince myself that I am recurring. It is like clockwork. My poor husband has to experience all these lows with me. 

    Husbands do suffer the same as we do.

    It is hard on everyone. 

  • BluebirdOne
    BluebirdOne Member Posts: 656 Member
    #23
    Forherself said:

    Have you been tested for Lynch syndrome?

    I was just wondering after reading your posts.   And I wanted to mention that there is a good article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. on the Mayo Clinic website.   https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967 

    At the end it mentions that life threatening illness can cause it.  it is good to just be aware that yes, you have a good reason to feel upset.  And feel your feelings.  I realized I had some symptoms of PTSD after my surgery.   I could not sleep in the same bed that I recovered in.  I just relived all those emotions as soon as I went to bed.  It helped to move to a different room for awhile.   I think it's a good article to read. 

    Thanks for that link

    I recognized a few of the symptoms mostly the extreme anxiety, depression and inability to control my negative thoughts. Sleep has been a problem. On days I am coping better, I realize I am in total denial. Hardest for me is putting on the happy face, the "I am going to beat this face" for others, when I am screaming inside my head. Then I feel really guilty, stupid and over reacting because I am 1a. The emotional aspect is much harder for me than the physical which still surprises me, but it shouldn't. 

    xoxo

    Denise

  • SF73
    SF73 Member Posts: 317 Member
    #24
    I also think that I have PTSD

    I also think that I have PTSD. In the words of our elequent president "Cancer was my Vietnam" :) And sadly, no opportunity to leave the war zone either. 

  • Forherself
    Forherself Member Posts: 963 Member
    #25
    The emotional aspect

    is staggering.   It helps to recognize that its normal.   I have a hard time talking to people about it, so appreciate being able to come here and talk with women who really know what it is like.   People's reactions are interesting.  You need to be able to put some distance between yourself and THEIR emotions.  

  • DragonLadyHere
    DragonLadyHere Member Posts: 29
    #26
    BluebirdOne said:

    Brachytherapy was much more undignified than

    a colonoscopy.  By the time they insert the thingamajig,  you are asleep. With Brachy at the teaching hospital I had any number people looking at my hoohaw with the other thingamajig tube sticking in it and observing much of the process except the actual radiation. Talk about undignified! I just kept telling myself "they aren't looking at my bald head and face and I would probably never see them again." Of course, they were all very respectful, but Jeez Louise, talk about embarrassing 

    Yes, the Brachytherapy was

    Yes, the Brachytherapy was indeed undignifying! It was rather embarrassing, then they leave you all allone in a dark room to stew about it, lol. Doing the prep today and tomorrow for the colonoscopy on Monday. At this rate, my innards will squeak, and yes, I much prefer to be OUT for it. :D Of course, I am very much hoping all comes back that I'm well with no sign of cancer. 

  • DragonLadyHere
    DragonLadyHere Member Posts: 29
    #27
    BluebirdOne said:

    Nothing about this is normal

    Dragon Lady, 

    I think most if not all of us have felt exactly how you feel. Not normal but nothing about the entire cancer experience is normal. From biopsy to surgery to staging to chemo to radiation to survivorship. The first three months after dx, I was a blubbering, fragile, depressed mess, with incontinence, diarrhea, constipation, and neuropathy. Add in the crushing bone pain, nausea, occasional vomiting, and baldness, I was in a constant state of terror I was never going to feel better again. The physical distress passed only to have the emotional duress explode as I had to tell family and friends my dx. Now as I approach my first 6 month scan I have back pain, from right to left. Everyday I find myself weepy or totally breaking down, with a few good days. My poor husband has to live with this crazed person. I know this is anxiety due to the scan coming up, but I cannot control my overwhelming sense of doom. So this is not normal but it is now normal for me. The knowledge I have gained from the women on this site has been invaluable, and I know how lucky I am to have found them. This helps me to cope and when I think back to how distressed I was when first diagnosed, I know that I am coping much better but there are a lot of peaks and very low points. My biggest coping mechanism is to remember that other than to get treatment and live a healthy lifestyle, there isn't much I can do about preventing recurrence. We are here for you. 

    Xoxo

    Denise

    Thank you, Denise. Yeah,

    Thank you, Denise. Yeah, NOTHING is normal anymore for any of us I guess. Every little pain. .. you just wonder. Some days, I can convince myself quite well that 'it' is back and I won't make it through it this time. When I told my hubby that my uterine biopsy came back as cancer, I could see the news hit him physically. I will never, ever forget that as long as I live. He felt so bad for me when I had the bone pain, he just held my hand and cried with me. People often talk about how sad it is that cancer takes so many---and oh my gosh, it is, but it all leaves those who survive with absolute wreakage some days. Not everyone gets that or is willing to talk about it it seems, except here. I am so thankful for your responses here.

  • DragonLadyHere
    DragonLadyHere Member Posts: 29
    edited April 2019 #28
    Forherself said:

    Have you been tested for Lynch syndrome?

    I was just wondering after reading your posts.   And I wanted to mention that there is a good article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. on the Mayo Clinic website.   https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967 

    At the end it mentions that life threatening illness can cause it.  it is good to just be aware that yes, you have a good reason to feel upset.  And feel your feelings.  I realized I had some symptoms of PTSD after my surgery.   I could not sleep in the same bed that I recovered in.  I just relived all those emotions as soon as I went to bed.  It helped to move to a different room for awhile.   I think it's a good article to read. 

    That's an interesting article

    That's an interesting article, I'd not heard of it before. Thanks for sharing it ForHerself.

  • janaes
    janaes Member Posts: 799 Member
    #29
    DragonLadyHere said:

    Yes, the Brachytherapy was

    Yes, the Brachytherapy was indeed undignifying! It was rather embarrassing, then they leave you all allone in a dark room to stew about it, lol. Doing the prep today and tomorrow for the colonoscopy on Monday. At this rate, my innards will squeak, and yes, I much prefer to be OUT for it. :D Of course, I am very much hoping all comes back that I'm well with no sign of cancer. 

    Good luck with your

    Good luck with your colonoscopy monday. I hope i all comes nack clear for you too. I will be thinking of you

  • janaes
    janaes Member Posts: 799 Member
    #30
    janaes said:

    Good luck with your

    Good luck with your colonoscopy monday. I hope i all comes nack clear for you too. I will be thinking of you

    Sorry that is supposed to say

    Sorry that is supposed to say back not nack

  • DragonLadyHere
    DragonLadyHere Member Posts: 29
    #31
    janaes said:

    Good luck with your

    Good luck with your colonoscopy monday. I hope i all comes nack clear for you too. I will be thinking of you

    Thankyou janaes! I sure hope

    Thankyou janaes! I sure hope so too. I appreciate your good thoughts! <3

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