I’m new

In July my husband found out he had lung cancer. We were devastated. In August he had a small lung wedge resection because they needed a better biopsy. A pleural catheter was put in to keep the fluid from building up And also on oxygen 24/7 at home. It turns out he has a very rare cancer, arcinic cell carcinoma of the parotid gland. He finished radiation and the tumor in his jaw is gone. 

He starts chemo on 10/10 and I’m terrified. To say this has been hard is an understatement. Doctors appointment, dealing with his pain, managing medicines, calling drs, trying to keep the house decent. July and August are a blur. I have anxiety and depression and take medication for it. This cancer diagnosis has sent him reeling as well. He was prescribed Xanax before the surgery in August and has been on Celexa for 8 days. My anxiety feeds off his. I’m scared every cough, etc there’s something wrong. 

We have no family near us. They live 6 hours away. I don’t get much sleep he wakes up in pain. We are trying out different pain medication to see what helps. I’m exhausted. I know it’s bad but sometimes I think of leaving. I wouldn’t but it’s crossed my mind. I look over and see someone I barelay recognize. He’s lost a lot of weight, always has the tube in his nose. I feel alone, isolated, scared, tired and miserable.