Fear

I feel you

I've also had lingering thoughts on what will happen to my kids when I'm gone.  They're my biggest concern.  What I do is, I don't think about it.  I don't think about it, I ignore it, I think of something else, I do other stuff.  I just don't think about it because it easily makes me cry.  

Controlling Fear

Ruth:

Fear can become paralyzing.  I have found that doing something, anything, reduces my level of fear.  Obviously, if I do something productive and directed towards mitigating the issue that is causing my fear then that is even more beneficial.

When I was diagnosed with rectal cancer I processed through the stages of grief, remaining in some longer than others and often reverting back to previous stages.  The best "fear containing" action that I took was getting my personal affairs in order. 

During the 18 months prior to my diagnosis both my mother and mother-in-law passed.  I was the executor for my mother-in-law's estate and I provided my older brother (the executor for our mother's estate) counsel and advice while he completed his similar duties.  I learned a great deal in the process - especially the importance of having personal affairs in order.  So not too long after diagnosis with CRC, I focused on my personal affairs.  It is the greatest deed a person can do for his/her survivors.

In the process of getting everything in order (identification of important documents; colocating all of those documents in a secure and accessible location; compiling a list of account numbers, policy numbers, phone numbers and passwords; and I even created a "to-do list" that was segmented into the categories of immediate, 30 days, six months and then long term) I realized that my fear of the future had subsided.

Doing this was not admitting defeat to cancer; instead, it was one way that I could establish some control over what appeared to be an out-of-control situation.  Granted, there were times when the task appeared to be morbid but when it was completed I felt better and so did my wife. 

One more of Jim's Lessons Learned, during my numerous trips to the bathroom through the night or when I wake up and can't return to sleep, I have always felt fearful and defeated if I am processing serious thoughts.  The saying that it is always darkest just before dawn is applicable.  As soon as the sun rises and another day is presented to me, I am able to process the very same thoughts without the fear.  Consequently, I don't dwell on those types of issues during that time of the night.  Easier said than done, but it works for me.

You have hundreds of people on this forum who care for you.  Hopefully that will give you just a little bit of encouragement.

Jim

SandiaBuddy said:

Confronting fear

It may be somewhat counterintuitive, since we naturally seem to want to escape what we fear, but sometimes setting aside time and thinking through all of the issues you fear, picturing the situations you fear, can be a helpful way to process it.  (If you run from it, it chases after you.  If you sit down and face it, it has nowhere to go and loses its power).

Taking Your Advice

hmmm.... I think your advice might help me.

Thanks!

Hang in there, Ruth!!

Everyone has given you such great advice. Please know I'm praying for your husband, and for your strength. Do whatever it takes to sleep at night. Your rest is so important. Lack of sleep affects everything negatively. We all know how strong you can be. I wish we could all help you physically. 

Despair has sucked me in so many times. I refuse to go there anymore. Stay hopeful. Try to find peace somewhere in this awful, messy disease.

I'm so sorry

I'm sorry that I'm not able to help you with the point where your husband is at.  I'm just able to let you know that you, hubby and family are in my prayers. 

Kim

Fear sucks

It draws the enjoyment, life, and happiness out of a person.  I can't say what the best thing to do is since that is always different for each of us.  But, something that can distract you from what your dealing with, even temporarily can be a beneft.