Husband is having a bit of a hard time

Ruthmomto4
Ruthmomto4 Member Posts: 708 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

it’s so difficult being here with him there. I only know what he tells me and I think he is leaving things out. So it’s day 5 and as of yesterday his bowels did not wake up from the surgery. He was throwing up so they put in an NG tube during the night last night. It did it’s job because they started to work, but he is miserable and wants the tube out. They disconnected it and told him if he has no nausea and his bowels continue to work they will take it out. He has about 45 min left so far ok.   He was not taking any pain meds but the epidural was loaded with narcotics and he is super sensitive to that.  He had to have a blood transfusion yesterday he never needed that after the last resection, and they put a damn drain in his side. They told him he would not need one but they did it  to be safe. He is furious, and nothing is coming out of it.  They still have not removed his catheter either, he is not a happy camper and I am a bit worried he is not rebounding at all.  

Comments

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,796 Member
    #2
    Give him time

    He is discouraged and out of sorts. He is no young puppy, bouncing back from surgeries. He is tired, irritated and in pain. Well, you know all of that, of course, but still, it is early days. He has been thruogh allot and allot more to come. Give him time. Hope he gives himself time, but I can tell, he's going to want to push it. 

    I too wish you could be with him. A calm force to soothe his spirit. 

    We're all here for you, Ruth. We're all here for him. 

    Tru

  • airborne72
    airborne72 Member Posts: 296 Member
    edited May 2018 #3
    Exactly My Decision

     "I hope it never comes back because I am 100 percent sure he will never do this again."  Ruth, you have just quoted my decision.  My stage and condition were not as severe as your husband's, but I have decided that if mine recurs that it will just remain my secret.  I will never again endure the cure.

    I am 67.  The quality of my remaining life is most important to me.  What I experienced during my 12 months of diagnosis, chemo, radiation, surgery, chemo and surgery significantly reduced the quality of my life during that time.  Did it increase the quantity of my life?  I'll never know.

    What I do know is that cancer is a horrible disease, but it is also a personal disease.  Its effects and an individual's response to treatment are unique.  Based upon my experience, I have decided to never again submit to the burn, poison and cut solution.  But again, I am 67 and my sunset is much closer than my sunrise so my cavalier opinion is unique to me.

    I wish you and your husband the courage and strength to persevere through the treatment.  Those days of recovery from surgery can become haunting and one's decision-making can be questioned.  Hang tough.  One day and one event at a time.

    Jim

  • Ruthmomto4
    Ruthmomto4 Member Posts: 708 Member
    #4
    Trubrit said:

    Give him time

    He is discouraged and out of sorts. He is no young puppy, bouncing back from surgeries. He is tired, irritated and in pain. Well, you know all of that, of course, but still, it is early days. He has been thruogh allot and allot more to come. Give him time. Hope he gives himself time, but I can tell, he's going to want to push it. 

    I too wish you could be with him. A calm force to soothe his spirit. 

    We're all here for you, Ruth. We're all here for him. 

    Tru

    I am not calm

    so that why I stay here in addition to the kids and it being far. I am a get up, grab ahold and get moving person. I was home after 4 hours of each baby I had, so I am terrible patient and and even worse nurse. So him being there is better they are the calm he needs, but both of us expected things to go a little faster. He was home on day 6 last time. He isn’t terribly old he is 50 but the past 4 years and the chemo took a toll. I hope it never comes back because I am 100 percent sure he will never do this again.

  • Ruthmomto4
    Ruthmomto4 Member Posts: 708 Member
    #5
    Thank you both of you!

    it‘s been an awful day. I had to call a patient advocate to help calm him down and try to explain things better but I don’t think they were helpful and they made it quite clear they had more urgent people to care for that day. I found that to be a bit off putting. I am afraid if they don’t remove his epidural or catheter tomorrow he might do it himself. He was very angry today and that is not like him at all, he is a quiet patient guy. I think he has really had enough. I am still very worried.

    Jim, I know he feels exactly like you. If it wasn’t for our kids he would have given up and not done any of what he has done.

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #6
    Sorry

    I'm sure he is angry because he has been through so much and just wanted this over with and to just "GO HOME."  It's taken him some time to adjust to this procedure vs. last one.  Give him a little space right now and let the doctors be the best decision makers - especially if he expresses he wants to pull the cath or other tubes out.  They are only leaving them there because they need to make sure he is going to be ok.  It's so terribly hard going through this right now, and can't blame either of you for being frustrated.  Your in my prayers daily and hope that he gets to come home very soon.

    Hugs!  Kim

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,796 Member
    #7

    I am wondering if his anger is some kind of reaction to the anesthetic. I've read before that it can cause temprorary behavioral problems.

    I do hope this period in your lives, passes soon. Neither of you need the added stress. 

    Thinking of you both. 

    Tru

  • Ruthmomto4
    Ruthmomto4 Member Posts: 708 Member
    #8
    Such a b

    ok don’t laugh but I am a very empathic person and it kind of takes over my mood.  I know it sounds a bit crazy but it’s just how I am I really tend to absorb other people’s emotions.

    so with said today was a much lighter day he was finally better, given regular food, his bowels kicked in big time, so he was much happier. He even watched a movie in between his 22 laps of the hallways. I still think he won’t be home until Wednesday but it is possible it could be  Tuesday. With all he has seen there and told me about we are counting our blessings for sure even during this. I keep hearing you in my head Tru someday it will all be behind us, this is just part of the journey. 

    Jim and Kim if either of you are on Facebook and would like to connect on there message me and I will give you my information. That goes for anyone who reads this and would like to.

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
    #9
    To me, if he's angry that's a

    To me, if he's angry that's a good sign. If he's apathetic I'd worry. My mom was in the hospital a lot when I was a kid, not sure why. But I remember if we went to visit her and she was cranky my dad would say she's getting better. I know when I was really bad recently I didn't have enough energy to get mad at anything. 

    Anger will help him be a fighter. And it won't be long before you two are looking back at this and it'll be just a blip in your lives. Give him a hug for all of us!

    Jan

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #10
    Ruthmomto4 said:

    Such a b

    ok don’t laugh but I am a very empathic person and it kind of takes over my mood.  I know it sounds a bit crazy but it’s just how I am I really tend to absorb other people’s emotions.

    so with said today was a much lighter day he was finally better, given regular food, his bowels kicked in big time, so he was much happier. He even watched a movie in between his 22 laps of the hallways. I still think he won’t be home until Wednesday but it is possible it could be  Tuesday. With all he has seen there and told me about we are counting our blessings for sure even during this. I keep hearing you in my head Tru someday it will all be behind us, this is just part of the journey. 

    Jim and Kim if either of you are on Facebook and would like to connect on there message me and I will give you my information. That goes for anyone who reads this and would like to.

    Glad He's Better

    I'm so glad that he is feeling better.  It's great that he is walking that much as it sure will help with the healing process.  Awesome that his bowels have started working and he is eating regular food, and it's much better than that bland liquid diet they put you on.  As far as Facebook, I'm not a poster and just never got the social media bug.  My kids know that they need to contact me personally if they are wanting me to know something LOL, but thanks for the offer.  So happy about hubby.  When he gets home he surely will be a happy camper. 

    Kim

  • airborne72
    airborne72 Member Posts: 296 Member
    #11
    Ruthmomto4 said:

    Such a b

    ok don’t laugh but I am a very empathic person and it kind of takes over my mood.  I know it sounds a bit crazy but it’s just how I am I really tend to absorb other people’s emotions.

    so with said today was a much lighter day he was finally better, given regular food, his bowels kicked in big time, so he was much happier. He even watched a movie in between his 22 laps of the hallways. I still think he won’t be home until Wednesday but it is possible it could be  Tuesday. With all he has seen there and told me about we are counting our blessings for sure even during this. I keep hearing you in my head Tru someday it will all be behind us, this is just part of the journey. 

    Jim and Kim if either of you are on Facebook and would like to connect on there message me and I will give you my information. That goes for anyone who reads this and would like to.

    Great News

    This truly is great news.  It's amazing how things can improve so quickly and without any advance indication.  All of a sudden the bowels begin to work again.  All of a sudden it is not crippling painful to stand erect and walk down the hall.  All of a sudden our outlook on life and the current situation improves.

    What Jan said about anger is so true.  I had a wise, old sergeant explain that to me once years ago.  I told him that I was concerned about the morale of the men in the unit because all they did was complain, gripe and cuss.  He told me that their behavior was a good sign.  It meant that they still had motivation and energy to care and to express their feelings.  He told me to worry when they no longer complained because that meant that they had lost hope.

    Similar to Kim, I have never joined Facebook.  I mentioned it once to my daughters, both of whom have accounts, and both of them adamantly said NO!  I asked why and they said that it wouldn't be one day before I posted something that would inflame someone.  I agreed.  I am an opinionated sexagenarian and not hesitant at all to verbalize or post my position.  So, for the sake of my peace and tranquility, as well as for Mark Zuckerberg's, I have remained away from Facebook.

    You guys continue to hang tough.  Discharge is only hours away.

    Jim

  • Ruthmomto4
    Ruthmomto4 Member Posts: 708 Member
    #12
    Thanks everyone!

    for him anger is when he is at his lowest. He is very homesick today even turned down the visit from the comfort dog because he knew it would just make him miss home more.  The good news is all things will be disconnected today even the biliary drain. He needs a test tomorrow to make sure his HAI pump is working, they are going to try to move it to today. Still hoping he will be home tomorrow.

    no problem about Facebook! It’s not for everyone if anyone changes their mind just let me know!

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