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The Woods

airborne72's picture
Posts: 281
Joined: Sep 2012

I had a CT scan last week (approximately 90 days after adjuvant chemo) and was counseled yesterday by my oncologist regarding the results.  I am not out of the woods yet.  The radiologist who read the scan detected some areas/items of interest.  My oncologist is now in the process of coordinating a colonoscopy to better define the issue.

So I now have that "flicker" of doubt in my mind that perhaps my cancer is renewing its presence.  Within weeks I should know more and I will post that information as it becomes available.  There are several words that I would like to say, but I'll just sum it up with DARN it!


Tunadog's picture
Posts: 235
Joined: Mar 2017

I had a flicker of brightness. Could be fatty tissue.

 I had a recurrence. It’s a pain in the @#$

PamRav's picture
Posts: 288
Joined: Jan 2017

Those areas of interest are uninteresting    The waiting and not knowing is a hellish place to be.  I wish you peace while you wait this one out 


JanJan63's picture
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Ugh. I hate the vague answers to things. So often it's 'well, we don't really know but we think'. So frustrating. I hope it's nothing serious, my fingers are crossed for you. As Tom Petty said in his song the waiting is the hardest part.


airborne72's picture
Posts: 281
Joined: Sep 2012

How about the Kinks in 1981?  "paranoia, mean destroyer..."


BRHMichigan's picture
Posts: 368
Joined: Jul 2017

I love The Kinks! But I suggest Won't Back Down by Tom Petty. Let's turn this around! You can stand me up at the gates of hell....  It's so dang hard not to let fear take over!  Remind me of this after my next CT on March 20! Lol  

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5334
Joined: Jan 2013

Knowing that you went in to get your results. 

I agree with JanJan; hate the vauge answers. Its either there or it isn't. Wish it were that simple. 

Fingers crossed that you just have imflamation being picked up by the CT. 

I will keep my eyes peeled for your updates. 


BRHMichigan's picture
Posts: 368
Joined: Jul 2017

We're all praying this turns out to be a big nothing.  Really sorry to hear this news, but know you'll take it one step at a time like you have everything else. When I reflect back since diagnosis, I feel like I was on auto pilot for much of it. No time to make decisions just go go go. 

Hope you aren't too discouraged. You got this. 


SandiaBuddy's picture
Posts: 1138
Joined: Apr 2017

Uncertainty is tough.  I had a similar experience where there was an ambiguous (cancer or fecal matter) image on the CT scan.  I spent sleepless nights for about six weeks before the colonoscopy, which gave me the all clear.  Hopefully you will have a similar result.  But no matter what anyone says, it does not stop the gnawing doubt that visits late at night.  You have my sympathies and best wishes.

Ruthmomto4's picture
Posts: 682
Joined: May 2013

just have to find something, even tiniest little speck and they word with these big words that really just mean lump or small so irritating! I hope it’s nothing, I really think it’s just nothing that my official diagnosis :)

Posts: 253
Joined: Jul 2017

Given your stage which is not advanced (you're stage 2 right?) the chance of a recurrence is quite low.  You underwent chemo for 3 cycles and I believe that's enough to eradicate the cancer cells.  But I understand, the possibility of a recurrence will always linger on our mind.  Its unavoidable. I myself had a break-down (not really like a walling crying thing,but more like I felt dizzy and felt like fainting when my onco told me there's a something in my lung) I refused and still refuse to believe him but I'm still undergoing chemo just in case.  Until now I don't want to think that the nodule on my lung is cancerous, and I'm due for a PET-CT scan soon and I'm not sure I could embrace any bad news but no matter, let's hope and pray for the best.  I believe in miracles.  


I personally believe its nothing serious, I guess just an inflammation but in case its something more than that, its good its caught early and you still can do something to remove it.  

airborne72's picture
Posts: 281
Joined: Sep 2012

I am very appreciative for everyone's kind and valid comments.  As you well know, we are all in this together.  Your input is therapeutic and valued because you are veterans of this battle.  We have a bond.

I am back in the mental domain of fighting cancer.  Been in the physical domain most of the time since we decided upon a treatment plan, but now I am back in the mental domain for a few days or weeks until we get this situation quantified.  Controlling one's mind is difficult, especially the subconscious.

Another recent event is further intensifying my anxiety.  My brother-in-law passed away last week after fighting rectal cancer for three years.  His age, state of health, life style, diagnosis and treatment plan had strong similarities to mine and obviously that has added to my level of concern.

I am scheduled to have my ileostomy reversed and port removed on 26 March.  Sure would like to not get the cart in front of the horse and avoidably undo something that might have to be used again in the future.  On the other hand, it is very tempting to just have this procedure done and walk away and never look back.

Just for edification, some of the verbiage in the radiologist's report included:

1) soft tissue mass-like thickening or enlargement...unclear etiology...underlying mass should be considered

2) subtle increased nodularity in the ischio rectal fat bilaterally...could reflect lymphatic involvement


Mikenh's picture
Posts: 777
Joined: Oct 2017

I can't believe that something might have come back after all that you've been through. I'm in the same boat that you're in, you just left the dock earlier. Hope for the best. What's the schedule on the colonoscopy?

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6650
Joined: Feb 2009

It's a good thing that you are getting a colonoscopy just to make sure that is clear too.  They recommended a colonoscopy for me about 7 months after reversal.  It's always so hard just waiting.  If a doctor had to go through the "wait game" that they put their patient's through it would be totally different and they would expedite everything.  I'm wishing you the best and nothing serious.


Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 680
Joined: Jul 2016

I had the same thing told to me first scan after my surgery. Enlarged lymph nodes suspicious for mestastisis, spot on liver and peritoneum.....advise chemo. I was already on chemo but added irinotecan. One treatment of that and ended up in the cancer hospital for three weeks. They told me I was very sick and didn’t know what to do but we’re working on it. Huh! One treatment only and all my hair fell out. I’ve been Ned since 2016 and they don’t know what happened. Huh!  This could be the same in your case Jim. 

Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

I hate that you are now on tenterhooks to see what's going on.  Wishing you all false alarms!

Kazenmax's picture
Posts: 436
Joined: Feb 2016

I was told I have two nodules in my left lung. Onc has me waiting 3 months to see if they grow. ((Sigh))

I want to deal with it now. But it's protocol to wait. Onc said it could be an infection.

Of course now I'm hyper aware of every cough.

Good luck to us both!


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