How has Cancer changed you?

Still early days and

Still early days and processing all of this but on Feb 4, World Cancer Awareness Day, I sent out emails to some of my female friends sharing my story and imploring them to be vigilant about their gynecologic health. I then posted this to my Facebook page (sorry it's long; feel free to skip!):

"I am not going to ask anyone to "like", "copy and paste" or repost. I'm just going to share my own cancer story in the hopes that it might be useful to you or someone you know.

I was diagnosed last year with endometrial/uterine cancer and am recovering from surgery. I am one of he luckiest of the lucky -- Stage 1a Grade 1, so no additional treatment needed. This was only possbile because my primary care provider was attentive to an offhand remark I made during my annual physical and then personally made referral appointments for me. I continued working and traveling throughout, logging 7 trips to Asia and missing less than one week of work. I am incredibly fortunate to work for a great company with a fabulous team and for a boss who never once wavered in his confidence in me. 

I am also blessed beyond measure to have the support of my awesome husband and daughter, they are my heart and soul.

Early detection and intervention is key. Please be vigilant about your health and don't be afraid to have frank conversations with your loved ones. You might save a life. I hope and pray you never hear the words "you have cancer" but if you do, please know that I am here for you. Thanks for reading."

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The context for this is that until then I had told almost no-one outside of my family and boss. I was terrified that clients would cancel contracts, staff would quit, people would write me off, and that friends would blame or judge me. My team did nor even know that I had surgery until after the pathology report came back. I was so scared and lonely last year until I found this wonderful community of kind, caring, knowledgeable ladies. I wish I had actually joined earlier. 

Changes? I don't quite know. But I am trying harder to reach out, reconnect with friends and make time for something other than work and more work; Lori (Northwoodsgirl), op Karen (SaltyCandy13) are such inspirational people along with so many others here. All I want is NED and healing for everyone. 

Thanks

 

Changes

What a great question to post! I have been a Christian for 30 years (Sunday school teacher, children's church leader etc) but after my diagnosis and journey through surgery, chemo, radiation, my faith and relationship with the Lord grew stronger. There is a quote from Joni Erickson-Tada 

“When life is rosy, we may slide by with knowing about Jesus,with imitating him, and quoting him, and speaking of him. But only in suffering will be KNOW Jesus. In Rick Warren's book “The Purpose Driven Life” he says “We learn things about God in suffering that we can't learn any other way.” I found these both to be so true. It was only after starting my battle with cancer that I learned to have a closer walk with the Lord.

My relationship with my husband grew too. We had a good marriage, and it became stronger. He had to do things for me we never thought he would, and he did everything with no complaints. 

I want to help others that go through cancer diagnosis now too. If someone local is diagnosed, I try to reach out and see how I can help them. If someone online is, I message them and try to encourage them. Cancer does not mean death. 

Physically some things have changed (no more periods!! yay!), but I am back to teaching my fitnesses classes at the Y, and my husband and I walk every day. The plusses of going through this journey are far more than the negatives.

 

Stage 4B changed me

I"m still behind on posts thanks to being locked in a theater for 2 weeks with kids...we did Legally Blonde the Musical...I cried through our last performance because not only will I miss Elle and the show but also because I am so grateful that God spared me so I could be there to work the show and see the kids perform. Last year we did "Curtains" (ironic...I was praying it wasn't curtains for me) and I was undergoing chemo. We literally scheduled my chemo around the show. I do costumes and somehow with the help of my team of students we got it done. This year it was much easier not having chemo while trying to make so many pink things!

Cancer has changed me because after a year of fighting for my life I now feel like I can make some plans...so my bestie and I are planning to go to Italy in 2 years. We are saving up so we can do it first class all the way and do everything we want. It's a trip I have always wanted to take. I always thouht i would do so with a man I love but right now there is no man...so I won't wait on the man, I will do it myself...

speaking of a man I now feel like maybe I can have a relationship...maybe meet a nice fella who will make me smile. I've been divorced almost 7 years. Had a brief relationship with a (too young) man and learned a lot and decided that I was worthy of love (he taught me that...my ex made me feel like I was not). After that ended (he moved and was too young) I focused on getting my son through high school and on to college. Two months after leaving him in his dorm the cancer decided it needed attention and that's when I realized my body was in trouble. So for the last 6 years I have not dated...between raising kids and cancer there was no time for someone else in my world. But I am ready now. I would like to have someone to come home to. Someone to share my life with. That would be nice...

I am focusing on being healthy now...I do my workouts and have recently discovered a place that will stretch you...it's like a massage but feels even better. I have made that a part of my wellness routine.

I love my job...I love my students. It was a lot of fun sharing or musical with our audiences. There is a song in the show called "So Much Better" and that is how I plan to look at life---it is so much better NOW. 

Cancer has softed my edges...made me more appreciative of what I have, my life, my health, my friends and family...it has made me look at each day as a gift. I try to look at it as a blessing and not a curse---I am being used to God's purpose and hopefully something about me has helped my doctors. My radiology team came to the show and many of my kids and collegues got to thank them for helping me to live. It was very special and emotional and they have said that I inspire them..that means a lot...

My advice: I sound like a Nike commercial but JUST DO IT!

If you want plastic surgery: GO FOR IT (I have...tummy tuck and boob job and I am so glad I did...)

Make plans to travel...

Eat the good things...drink the fun things...

Go all out...or just take some time to rest and relax...

Don't put off anything...

And to quote Auntie Mame: LIVE LIVE LIVE! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!!!!!

Thank you everyone

Karen, Thank you so much for posting the deep and thoughtful question. And thank you all my beautiful sisters for sharing how this life threatening and life taking cancer has in many ways changed our lives in so many positive ways despite the pain and suffering (physical and emotional) .  Unless one has battled cancer one would not totally understand. These postings are so important to us all. 

Living life

You got a new knee! I am so glad you had the surgery sooner rather than later. Just think how much fun you will have at your other daughters wedding and playing with your grandchildren. Three of my friends got knee replacements this Fall and they are all doing well. Your living each day to its fullest is a shared experience. Grateful! All the best with your knee recovery! 

Lori

Hey, Soup

Glad to hear your rehab is going so well. I fear I'll be facing this in the future. 

Pros

Pros

Before I had UPSC, I would always be awkward around cancer patients. What would I say to them? Now, it's pretty straightforward. I wish them successful treatments and many, many, many years of NED. Simple and heartfelt.

On that note, I know what NOT to say around them. One popular thing that people say goes something like this:

Person: Oh, you are battling cancer? My ________ had cancer.
Me: Oh? How is he/she doing?
Person: He/she died. 

Sometimes, the person brings up another person, and that person died as well.

I am guessing that people who have serious cardiology issues, had a stroke, etc., often get similar cheery stories. I wonder what on earth is wrong with people who do this. What are you thinking, you dolts? If this is some way you're working out your grief, this is a really poor time to do that. Honestly, I feel like hitting these people with a shoe. Skip the shoe. A well-worn workboot would be a better choice. 

I suppose that one lesson I'm learning is if someone says this, don't ask. Most likely, though, the person will tell you anyway.

I appreciate mundane existence more. There is so much beauty in the everyday.

I appreciate my loved ones more. If you have one good person in your life who cares about you ... or even a pet ... you are blessed. You are really blessed.

I'm not doing the extreme diet and lifestyle changes that some are doing here, but this does not mean I shouldn't be examining my lifestyle and seeing where I can improve. Cut down the sugar a litlte. Lose a few pounds. Exercise. Drink lots of water. Look into mindfulness. I strongly believe that a stressed-out body and mind can cause all sorts of mischief. I can use some changes. And not tomorrow. NOW.

Statistics don't make sense, use variables that don't apply to you, are often outdated, drawing from much-older cases. If you want to be mentally focused, you should not rely on them.

Stages don't even seem to make sense. One thing I intend to ask my gyno-onco is why was my Type 2 cancer, which was more similar to Ovarian cancer than Type 1 endometrioid cancer, considered a Stage 4B in uterine, but would NOT have been in ovarian? In ovarian, I would have been Stage 3B or 3C, with a better prognosis and perhaps more access to treatments. Looking at my physical geography, the location where the surgeon found the tumor was right between the ovaries. It's not as if it was in my pinky nail! 

Not all stages are the same. Not every person is the same. I always need to take that into consideration.

I have met some of the strongest, most fantastic people on the planet ... those who embody courage, faith and strength. 

My own faith has been getting a much-needed rehab.

Cons

A increasing intolerance of those who pull that stunt in the Pros section. Honestly, what is the problem with these folks?

An increasing annoyance with people who push their health regimens on me. I've had some people pressure me to try all sorts of treatments. I don't mind if someone suggests alternative treatments. Fine. I acknowledge  I've learned from some of them. But one person on FB just won't let up with cannabis treatments. She pushes and pushes. She gives me links to where I can get the stuff. She won't stop.

I have no qualms if that's what you do, as long as it doesn't impair your judgment when driving or dealing with life-and-death situations, such a a nurse. What you do in your own home ... I have no interest in butting into your life. You do you. But I am working with my care team, integrating some alternative meds, but ALWAYS working with the team. My daughter is wondering if this woman is some sort of pusher .... the woman is that insistent. I'm about two seconds away from unfriending her. 

Yup, like many here, now every time I get a cough, ache, pain, bump, etc., I'm afraid. I'm afraid that assassin might be lurking in the corner, ready to strike. What is encouraging is that talking with other women in my situation, this is 100% normal. I will never take ANY scan or test as routine again, and will probably always stress out over them. This all started for me with freakin' kidney stones! Maybe time will ease the fear, but reading here, it might not. There is a sort of mental trauma after something like cancer, a heart attack, stroke, etc. I don't think you can ever completely return to the old you again. And I need to accept that.