When you feel unappreciated/taken for granted by a parent with cancer

I feel much the same way. My dad has been dealing with a rare form of cancer for 3+ years, and very recently went through his third major operation since the diagnosis, which ended with his having a colostomy. I am now in the process of giving up the life I was loving and leading in Seattle, to move back to Columbus, OH (a place I despise), become his full time caregiver (mom still works full time, is not the best at nurturing, and hates blood/guts/needles), and am also an only child. I'm in the midst of trying to be a normal 30-year-old, and it seems life just doesn't want to be too fair to our tiny family. It's been a lot of adjustment, lack of sleep, certain sign of clinical depression on both my dad's and my part, and it gets extremely overwhelming. So far, it's been very important for me to get 3-4 hours/day to myself even if it means going for a short drive, reading, eating out, just anything to get out of the house and away from a place that may cause various forms of resentment. However, I'm still here... awake since whenever till 5 a.m. trying to find answers to help my mom, dad, and myself. Best of luck to you, and hope we find some peace in all this!

A conversation might help. Could you have it with the case manager (etc) from her medical group, explaining first (when you're making the appointment) that your mother feels nothing you're doing is right and that this makes caregiving even more difficult for you, to the point that you're seriously considering leaving her to fend for herself and getting a job as a greeter at Stuff-Mart (and you have the application)?

With my mother, that was her usual attitude - nothing I ever did was good enough or right. Her physician managed to convince her that she would not be allowed to live at home if she was there alone, so - and I found this quite amazing - she was willing to put up me. Had the crabbiness continued, I would've arranged the meeting and explained that I was more than willing to leave so that she could find a caregiver who was up to her high standards.

It's tough to care for someone who thinks they're doing you a favor by allowing you to care for them in spite of your substandard ways. Be sure to care for yourself. Even on a good day, dealing with pleasant people, caregiving is tough.

Having been a caregiver for my mom and now my husband, I know what it feels like to feel unappreciated and taken for granted especially after giving up what you love in life to help care for a loved one.  Unless you have cancer you can not possibly understand the fear, pain and anger.  But that is still not an excuse to be abusive to someone who is caring for you.  It's important to talk about it, and to make room for yourself.  You need to find ways to get help, through a local community group or church, social worker, home care aide, friend, who ever can give you breaks to live life and do the things you enjoy.  You also need to consider how much of your life you are willing or able to give up before it negatively impacts your health and well-being.  I am completely exhausted -- mentally, physically and emotionally.  But I have started to carve out time in the day that is just for me because I was starting to have melt-downs and feel resentful and unappreciated.  I find that guided meditations, short walks, reading, calling friends, writing, and music helps.  Or if you can take an online course or do something that is just for you.  Thoughts and prayers are with you all.