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Gives up before necessary

imyaya1952
Posts: 23
Joined: Aug 2016

My husband was diagnosed two years ago with multiple myeloma after his right hip and pelvis collapsed.  He was in severe pain and underwent radiation for about three months. During that time I did everything for him.  When the radiation was done and his tumor gone and he was no longer in pain or on pain meds he was left with a limp needing a cane.  However he spends most days in bed all day. He has over the last year become mean, sarcastic and self centered. He refuses to use the cane most times and between that and his lack of grooming lately has made him an embaressment. He is also very mean and obnoxious to me and others.  Part of it is the steroid but the rest is his choice. Doctors are not any help as the steroids are part of the treatment, but not everyone reacts bad to them.  I have seen him able to control his actions but he chooses not to most of the time. Therefore I am leary to take him anywhere in public, which is fine because I can't get him out of bed most days anyway. I read about other MM patients still working and leading full lives. I feel this is a choice he has made not just for himself but for me also as we are newly retired. I continue to do everything as he wont even carry things in from the car when we arrive home.Saying anything to him just causes him to go into a furry of anger and name calling.  I feel guilty by how angry I am at him as I watch him get weaker every day because of lack of any excersize or movement. I know he is depressed but he refuses any treatment also. He has ruined both of our retirements by choice I feel and I resent it. I got the worse of better or worse and I am angry to the point that I cannot even feel bad for him anymore. Has anyone else been thru this. ? Thank You.

Deanie0916
Posts: 259
Joined: Nov 2016

i don't know if he will want to try and get in with a support group, but it might help. Even if he doesn't, it would help you. God bless you.

imyaya1952
Posts: 23
Joined: Aug 2016

Thank you for your kind words. I feel so guilty at times for my anger and I feel maybe I should not compare him to others that I read about. But when i read that MM has a longer life expectancy that years ago I feel there is no need for him to"exist" as if he is dying. We are both 64 and I am not ready to stop living. This discussion board has really helped me. I too wish he would join a group. Thank You again.

Bobby_D's picture
Bobby_D
Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2016

Sounds like a side affect of too much dex. see info at 

http://www.myelomabeacon.com/headline/2010/09/09/pats-place-dealing-with-dexamethasone-side-effects/

 

Melbournemum
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2017

I have just recently joined this forum after my husband was diagnosed 5 months ago. He started to behave like this and it got so severe that they tookhim off the dex completely. Maybe the doctos can reduce his dose. But having said that, you are completely within your rights to call him out on abusive behavior. You cannot let him think that it is ok to behave like that. I uaed tough love with hubby and told him that while I can see that he is angry and fruatrated, he is not alone but his behavior will push people away.

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