Feeling Renewed.Feeling so alive and thankful.

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Comments

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Abbycat2 said:

    Ditto, Moli, welcome back!

    We missed you! I was hoping you had a great time on your vacation. Can I share a secret? Since my childhood, I have had a desire to just walk away and never be seen again by my friends or relatives. Crazy, huh? There is something that is both fundamentally exciting and deeply energizing to begin anew. To recreate a new me! When I worked for the State of Indiana, I often traveled throughout a 13 county area, including frequent trips to Indianapolis. What a fantastic little city! The Hoosiers among us know what I mean. I loved being anonymous at restaurants and hotels. I often think about doing a "road trip" by myself but I rarely have the opportunity. Life has become more complicated, I guess. Perhaps that's my fault!

    Cathy

    You are a girl of my own heart.Exciting and energizing was what it was for me. Please make the time to get lost periodically (not forever though, that's taking a good thing way too far, LOL ) and just people watch with no fameliar voices,no chores,no wake up time and no go to bed time.Just go with the different daily flow ,no day is exactly like the day before when you are adlibbing life itself.powerful can -do  feeling.I will be doing many more.

    Amid the complications ,life should go on,just do it. you are NED go give thanks and reward your body and soul. My sister you will thank me upon your return.

    I hope the childhood bug will bite again but remember forever is a long time ,is not necessary and we will miss you terribly. We'll opt. in and out but we are all staying as a team ,we need all the rowers on call. Nuff love Cathy. Moli.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Cucu me said:

    Hi Moli,

    Glad you had wonderful vacation.

    I hope you will find good solution for the problem bugging you recently.

    Cross my fngers.

    cuculigata, thanks for kind thoughts.

    I did clear the ole head and found total peace of mind moving forward. showers of blessings is my wish for us today. Keep fingers crossed I need the positive vibe.

    Nuff love , Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    AWK said:

    Just reading your post is uplifting!

    You are spreading the zen around!  Thinking of you and sending prayers.  Anne

    AAH ! the generosity, Anne.

    Thank you for the spirit booster Anne, I mean to be a positive spirit always, but knows that my negatives will be forgiven or overlooked on this board ,it's a wonderful feeling .Thanks for doing what you are doing for us and others to come,I applaud your bravery,I pray the creator will pay you back with showers of NED blessings. Moli Thanking you.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    debrajo said:

     
    welcome home Moli!  I so

     

    welcome home Moli!  I so love to read your posts!  I enjoy feeling what you see and feel through your words.  It does feel good to be  annomus  doesn't it!  No ones wife, mother, daughter, sister, no  exspections to conform to a mold!  So very glad you were re-newed, but even happier to have you back!  Best, Debra

    Debra ,you hit the nail on the head

    Nobody's anything, that was what I became and loved it ,It was very intoxicating I belonged to nobody and nobody belonged to me. I was calling to no one to behave themselves and no one was asking me when the darn dinner will be ready. I had total ownership of me.I was alone with me but was happy with the company I was keeping, me and me, I let other vacationers in but conversations were  by choice,

     Nice to know you enjoy my posts but it is because of you and the other ladies  that I am able to express myself feeling that I am with friends and has permission to be my raw uncut self.

    I don't like what my body has become but I like the rekindled spirit that lives within my broken body.The challenge is to keep cancer from robbing me of myself. We must vow to not let that happen to any of us or the battle will be halfway lost. I am not agreeing to cancer defining me. Living now is what I am about what we all should be about.

    As I am writing I just got a call from The Gyne surgeon's office  with an appointment for the 21st to discuss arrangement for surgery, perfect timing.I hope it's gonna be a go. I will update . Thanks Debra Nuff love. Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Lily_Anne said:

    Welcome Back

    So pleased you had a good time. In the UK there is a trail running called desktop 3 which is surgery only to see if it is better than surgery and chemo. 

    Welcome home

    LA xx

    Lily-Anne ,Thank you

     I checked in and read of your new challenge , very sorry ,hope you have regained your footing and ready to fight this sneaky ,lurking alligator. You will stay in my prayers,wishes and hopes. for prolonged NED.

    I will make some time to search for info on desktop 3 ,thank you.

    How are you doing in general ? please renew your courage and don't let the set back stand in your way of resolving to fight .We will be with you all the while in spirit. Stay strong.

    Nuff love, Moli

     

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514

    Moli - Welcome Back

    So glad you had a great time and are ready to tackle the beast!

    Can't wait to hear what the surgeon tells you.  I'm praying it is exactly what you want it to be for you.

    I missed your input and am looking forward to many more posts from you.

    Lots of love your way,

    Cindi

    Warm welcomes are always good for the soul

    Hi Cindi, Thanks for the kind words,yes I intend to tackle this beast ,Just now got an appointment to talk surgery plans on the 21st. which is 5 days away,yea! I really  hope it's a go. I will update .

    I see you are taking your treatment in stride and is very positive ,I applaud you my sister best wishes for a great outcome for all of you .

    plenty love coming right back at you. Nuff Blessings, Moli. 

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    HellieC said:

    Welcome back

    Welcome back!  You sound refreshed and ready to tackle anything.  I, too, have sometimes wished that I could disappear and reappear somewhere else without all the baggage of my current life!  To meet people who know nothing of my illness or history is always refreshing and interesting - like starting with a clean slate.

    Whatever you decide for your future treatment, we are all here to support you on your road to recovery.

     

    Kindest wishes
    Helen xx

    Helen ,Thanks for your unconditional support

    Yes I am ready to play Whack-a mole. I recommend the disappearing act without hesitation.Must leave Cancer Home though. I sometimes have to make an effort to remember that I do have cancer.I am glad I have the ability to dismiss it  if only for a while. Hope you are doing ok ,you are on my best wishes list to stay.

    Nuff love Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    daylady said:

    Welcome Back!

    So glad your trip went well.  Take good care of you! - Helen

    Helen, Thank you

    Iam now in a take care of me mode so I am back to making cancer decisions ,reluctantly but must.

    Hope you both are doing ok,  I will not wait too long to give updates, this time, my plate is full but clearing.

    Love you, Take care as I will.  Moli.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514

    Glad you had a new and

    Glad you had a new and relaxing time on your vacation.  Sometimes it is nice to just get away from it all and not think about what lies ahead.  Taking a break and then come back with head clear to help make any decisions.  Glad you had a good time. Wishing you the best in the future. trish

    Thanks Trish

    Yes dear head is clear and in a fighting mood.Thanks for caring Take care and look out for me when I am stumbling,I am going to need all of you with steadying arms.

    Hugs, Moli.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    missed reply.

    I am sorry  if I have missed replying to any one ,It was not intended, I am loving and hugging you all.  May the Creator give you all cause to rejoice with blessings in abundance,

    Moli, Nuff nuff love

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Oh the never ending consultations.

    Hi Ladies I have had my appointment with the surgeon, They may not be able to do the surgery without causing some damage to my colon, Therefore,  I must consult with an additional surgeon to see if he will be on board to repair and or perform a colostomy. now I am waiting to see him ,hope he calls soon with appointment.  I feel prepared, no stress ,no second thoughts ,surgery is what I want comes what may.

    My oncologist  is now offering to skip taxol (and its ugly side effects)and offer me only carboplatin if I will scrap the idea of surgery.She said some people have had good shrinking  success with only carboplatin,. Could be a ploy to get me in a position to  later say ,"that didn't work so we must do the whole shebang" I gave it a thought briefly  but realize that there is no room in my head or life for shebang  now.

    If no surgery can be done,and I feel as healthy as I do now  then there are lots of places  to see  and I will travel  and make memories until I run out of money , run out of energy or run out of life, whichever comes first It will find me  loving  life and me.

    Hope you are all finding some peace of mind.I also hope that in any way you can, do life, do it simple, do it large, or do it loud whichever way you like just do it.  I am resolved.

    In the surgeon's office I met an 18 year old girl with ovarian Cancer,stage 3, grade 3, brilliant beautiful and unfraid. I will never entertain  'afraid'  . I am 62 years old,my cup is half full and my race is still been run,

    Nuff,nuff love and wishing ned to you all, my sisters.Thanks for the strength you show.

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member
    molimoli said:

    Oh the never ending consultations.

    Hi Ladies I have had my appointment with the surgeon, They may not be able to do the surgery without causing some damage to my colon, Therefore,  I must consult with an additional surgeon to see if he will be on board to repair and or perform a colostomy. now I am waiting to see him ,hope he calls soon with appointment.  I feel prepared, no stress ,no second thoughts ,surgery is what I want comes what may.

    My oncologist  is now offering to skip taxol (and its ugly side effects)and offer me only carboplatin if I will scrap the idea of surgery.She said some people have had good shrinking  success with only carboplatin,. Could be a ploy to get me in a position to  later say ,"that didn't work so we must do the whole shebang" I gave it a thought briefly  but realize that there is no room in my head or life for shebang  now.

    If no surgery can be done,and I feel as healthy as I do now  then there are lots of places  to see  and I will travel  and make memories until I run out of money , run out of energy or run out of life, whichever comes first It will find me  loving  life and me.

    Hope you are all finding some peace of mind.I also hope that in any way you can, do life, do it simple, do it large, or do it loud whichever way you like just do it.  I am resolved.

    In the surgeon's office I met an 18 year old girl with ovarian Cancer,stage 3, grade 3, brilliant beautiful and unfraid. I will never entertain  'afraid'  . I am 62 years old,my cup is half full and my race is still been run,

    Nuff,nuff love and wishing ned to you all, my sisters.Thanks for the strength you show.

    Molimoli

    I debated on this reply.... I know you are resolved and committed in your decisions.  Just want to ask you this....

    Would you consider having the surgery AND trying maybe one round of Carbo to see how you react to it?  It may be way easier than you think. And, it may be the combination to ensure you have success.  My thinking is if you try it, and it is a liveable impact, then you could consider doing the rest of the rounds of just Carbo. You won't lose your hair and can continue to hide it from your kids if that is your desire.

    No need to reply back. Just felt like I needed to post this.

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

  • debrajo
    debrajo Member Posts: 1,095 Member
    molimoli said:

    Oh the never ending consultations.

    Hi Ladies I have had my appointment with the surgeon, They may not be able to do the surgery without causing some damage to my colon, Therefore,  I must consult with an additional surgeon to see if he will be on board to repair and or perform a colostomy. now I am waiting to see him ,hope he calls soon with appointment.  I feel prepared, no stress ,no second thoughts ,surgery is what I want comes what may.

    My oncologist  is now offering to skip taxol (and its ugly side effects)and offer me only carboplatin if I will scrap the idea of surgery.She said some people have had good shrinking  success with only carboplatin,. Could be a ploy to get me in a position to  later say ,"that didn't work so we must do the whole shebang" I gave it a thought briefly  but realize that there is no room in my head or life for shebang  now.

    If no surgery can be done,and I feel as healthy as I do now  then there are lots of places  to see  and I will travel  and make memories until I run out of money , run out of energy or run out of life, whichever comes first It will find me  loving  life and me.

    Hope you are all finding some peace of mind.I also hope that in any way you can, do life, do it simple, do it large, or do it loud whichever way you like just do it.  I am resolved.

    In the surgeon's office I met an 18 year old girl with ovarian Cancer,stage 3, grade 3, brilliant beautiful and unfraid. I will never entertain  'afraid'  . I am 62 years old,my cup is half full and my race is still been run,

    Nuff,nuff love and wishing ned to you all, my sisters.Thanks for the strength you show.

    chemo/surgery

    Thanks for letting us all know.  I do not disagree with you at all.  Just wait for the other consulations to weigh in.  What if, just saying, that one dose of chemo would srink your cancer 50%.  The surgery would be so much less invasive.  I'm all for surgery, just get the darn thing out! But just imagine the dr.s doing a great job and you not needing a colostomy at all!  You can ALWAYS stop chemo, but you can't ALWAYS find a surgent that will do surgery.  One dose would probably tell the tale.  One carbo is a walk in the park over a colostomy.  They are not easy, they leak, bulge, get infected.  Please, Moli, just don't make up your mind quite so quickly, all of the fat ladies haven't sung yet!  Just imagine YEARS to travel, to live, laugh, love.  If it's not to be, well, we'll cross that bridge with you and I will chear you on!  Just...imagine

  • HellieC
    HellieC Member Posts: 524 Member
    molimoli said:

    Oh the never ending consultations.

    Hi Ladies I have had my appointment with the surgeon, They may not be able to do the surgery without causing some damage to my colon, Therefore,  I must consult with an additional surgeon to see if he will be on board to repair and or perform a colostomy. now I am waiting to see him ,hope he calls soon with appointment.  I feel prepared, no stress ,no second thoughts ,surgery is what I want comes what may.

    My oncologist  is now offering to skip taxol (and its ugly side effects)and offer me only carboplatin if I will scrap the idea of surgery.She said some people have had good shrinking  success with only carboplatin,. Could be a ploy to get me in a position to  later say ,"that didn't work so we must do the whole shebang" I gave it a thought briefly  but realize that there is no room in my head or life for shebang  now.

    If no surgery can be done,and I feel as healthy as I do now  then there are lots of places  to see  and I will travel  and make memories until I run out of money , run out of energy or run out of life, whichever comes first It will find me  loving  life and me.

    Hope you are all finding some peace of mind.I also hope that in any way you can, do life, do it simple, do it large, or do it loud whichever way you like just do it.  I am resolved.

    In the surgeon's office I met an 18 year old girl with ovarian Cancer,stage 3, grade 3, brilliant beautiful and unfraid. I will never entertain  'afraid'  . I am 62 years old,my cup is half full and my race is still been run,

    Nuff,nuff love and wishing ned to you all, my sisters.Thanks for the strength you show.

    Whatever you decide is the right decision

    I think we can all empathise with the never ending consultations, the options, the possibles, etc etc.  But whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you as long as your decision is made from a strong base of knowledge of the possible outcomes/implications. 

    For me, it was a "no brainer".  I was told that chemo may shrink and "control" my cancer but it would not cure it.  Surgery was the only possible way of getting rid of the tumour for good.  It was a long shot (but the only shot) and sSo I went ahead with it knowing that I would wake up with a colostomy (the tumour had wrapped itself around a large portion of my bowel which we knew could not be saved and radiotherapy damage meant that the healthy ends could not be rejoined.)  That was 5 years ago.  The colostomy has been pretty manageable and hasn't stopped me doing anything I wanted to do - long distance travel, cruising etc etc.  OK, it does demand a little bit of forward planning, but only in order to make sure you have enough supplies.  I would never say "go ahead - get one - you'll never look back" but I would say that it really has not affected my life greatly - and of course, no one knows that I have it, unless I choose to tell them.

    I tell you this, not to convince you to have surgery, but just to let you know that major surgery of this life changing type is do-able. So if it feels the right way forward for you, then please know that there are those of us out there who have travelled that particular bit of road already and can offer support.

    With kindest wishes
    Helen x

     

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514

    Molimoli

    I debated on this reply.... I know you are resolved and committed in your decisions.  Just want to ask you this....

    Would you consider having the surgery AND trying maybe one round of Carbo to see how you react to it?  It may be way easier than you think. And, it may be the combination to ensure you have success.  My thinking is if you try it, and it is a liveable impact, then you could consider doing the rest of the rounds of just Carbo. You won't lose your hair and can continue to hide it from your kids if that is your desire.

    No need to reply back. Just felt like I needed to post this.

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

    Short answer Cindi

    My experience with Chemo through my life's work and family cancers tells my head that my life will be more livable without any form of Chemo or radiation with it's debilitating , dismal and sometimes downright dangerous baggages that it leaves behind. This is a personal decision and is not indicative of my rightness or someones wrongness.

    Out of respect for everyone that is taking treatment I decline to further elaborate.

    My decision to not take Chemo has nothing to do with my non-disclosure to my children,I made my Chemo decision 20 odd years ago and kept renewing it  as the years go by based on ongoing experiences with it.

    I wish sustained NED for all of you sisters who are complying with your doctors orders, That's what we are all after regardless of the route we take.

    Cindi I know you are suggesting out of concern and maybe fear for me ( I sensed the frustration) but I am not a follower at all, things must make absolute sense to me or I pass on them.

    Showers of blessings and Plenty hugs. Don't worry I'll do ok . Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    debrajo said:

    chemo/surgery

    Thanks for letting us all know.  I do not disagree with you at all.  Just wait for the other consulations to weigh in.  What if, just saying, that one dose of chemo would srink your cancer 50%.  The surgery would be so much less invasive.  I'm all for surgery, just get the darn thing out! But just imagine the dr.s doing a great job and you not needing a colostomy at all!  You can ALWAYS stop chemo, but you can't ALWAYS find a surgent that will do surgery.  One dose would probably tell the tale.  One carbo is a walk in the park over a colostomy.  They are not easy, they leak, bulge, get infected.  Please, Moli, just don't make up your mind quite so quickly, all of the fat ladies haven't sung yet!  Just imagine YEARS to travel, to live, laugh, love.  If it's not to be, well, we'll cross that bridge with you and I will chear you on!  Just...imagine

    I am imagining everything

    but not hearing a lot of significant or sustained  shrinkage happening and especially without that wicked Taxol. My tumors are probably upwards of 10 cm now so they will laugh at carboplatin and punish me  by giddying up, then what?. I am hoping for good outcome from my consultation,so I will wait a while and see.Another problem is that they will not do surgery if you are taking chemo for recurrences. so it's one or the other. I'll keep you guys up to date as things unfolds. Is there any who have had the colostomy that is willing to give insite,i am hoping.

    Thanks for your support as usual. Nuff love

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    HellieC said:

    Whatever you decide is the right decision

    I think we can all empathise with the never ending consultations, the options, the possibles, etc etc.  But whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you as long as your decision is made from a strong base of knowledge of the possible outcomes/implications. 

    For me, it was a "no brainer".  I was told that chemo may shrink and "control" my cancer but it would not cure it.  Surgery was the only possible way of getting rid of the tumour for good.  It was a long shot (but the only shot) and sSo I went ahead with it knowing that I would wake up with a colostomy (the tumour had wrapped itself around a large portion of my bowel which we knew could not be saved and radiotherapy damage meant that the healthy ends could not be rejoined.)  That was 5 years ago.  The colostomy has been pretty manageable and hasn't stopped me doing anything I wanted to do - long distance travel, cruising etc etc.  OK, it does demand a little bit of forward planning, but only in order to make sure you have enough supplies.  I would never say "go ahead - get one - you'll never look back" but I would say that it really has not affected my life greatly - and of course, no one knows that I have it, unless I choose to tell them.

    I tell you this, not to convince you to have surgery, but just to let you know that major surgery of this life changing type is do-able. So if it feels the right way forward for you, then please know that there are those of us out there who have travelled that particular bit of road already and can offer support.

    With kindest wishes
    Helen x

     

    Thanks a lot Helen.

    The support and personal info lightened my load , I am grateful that you shared ,so kind of you. You are always at my rescue. I have had to show patients how to care for their bags over the years, but never see myself having one of my own , oh the twist and turns of life. It should  be easier that I had no radiation at all or Chemo  but I had a vaginal total hysto. so there must be scarring in there,  Oh it is what it is. Blessings in abundance dear. I will p/m you soon.

    Moli

  • AWK
    AWK Member Posts: 364 Member
    molimoli said:

    Thanks a lot Helen.

    The support and personal info lightened my load , I am grateful that you shared ,so kind of you. You are always at my rescue. I have had to show patients how to care for their bags over the years, but never see myself having one of my own , oh the twist and turns of life. It should  be easier that I had no radiation at all or Chemo  but I had a vaginal total hysto. so there must be scarring in there,  Oh it is what it is. Blessings in abundance dear. I will p/m you soon.

    Moli

    Moli - I understand

    I find  peace in the knowledge that all of my treatments and plans are ultimately mine to make.  I know that none of us make these decisions lightly nor in a vacuum.  Recently there has been much discussion of giving me a nephrostomy bag due to a failing kidney.  I weighed the options and as long as my stent works will go with that.  Once it doesn't I have decided to let the kidney go, knowing my other kdney is fully functional.  People keep trying to change my mind but I am focused in my quality Of life.  I wouldn't be able to do many of the things I love and also have other issues to focus On.  My main oncologist supports me in this and has relayed that to the team as well.  

    Treatment wise I am stil in the clinical trial but quality of life prevails for me.  Once the treatments start overrunning this I will re evaluate and have no problem pulling out.  I am focused on living illy first and foremost  whatever path I need to be on to do that.   

    Be gentle with yourself.  Hugs!  Anne