Can not stay positive

Cucu me
Cucu me Member Posts: 213 Member
in Uterine/Endometrial Cancer #1

Ladies,

I can not stay positive.

In front of my dauhgter yes, but when she is not around I only think when the cancer will beat me.

Otherwise I feel good,I'll start chemo this week, I'm eating healthy, I'm walking a lot, I'm reading a lot.

I want to believe that I'll live longer, but I can't.

I have stage 4,grade 3(acording to one doctor) or grade 1(acording to another doctor) Endometrial/ uterine adenocarcinoma.

How do you  stay positive?

Comments

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,678 Member
    #2
    Oh, no

    I'm glad I stopped by before I went to bed.  Are you able to sleep at night?  I hate to think about you tossing and turning.   I'm sorry I can't recall all your details at the minute. Have you tried counciling?  Maybe a prescription for something for anxiety?  I'm sending you a cyber hug.  I wish it were more.

     

    PS. I recall you were scheduled for surgery.  Did you have it?  Do you have a copy of your pathology report?  That's where you'll find your actual grade. What is your plan of care  now?  Please know that almost all, if not  all, of us were very scared, anxious and apprehensive at the point where you are now.  We do move on and learn to cope.  I promise.

  • debrajo
    debrajo Member Posts: 1,095 Member
    #3
    Positive

    My dear, I am the most negitive person you will ever meet!  I almost demand the worse, then when the news is good, I feel like I've won the lottery!  I cannot stay positive, though I have really tried!  I find that just STAYING IN THE MOMENT is all I can do.  Over the years I find that this is the best option for me.  Tomorrow is not promised for any of us, sick or well.  You are doing well to be able to walk and read and be with your daughter.  I'd say you are living just fine!  Positivity can be over rated! LOL!  Try to do the "Scarlett O'Hara" attitude..."I'll think about it{cancer} tomorrow">.  Get some rest and don't forget to breath!  Best, Debrajo

  • Cucu me
    Cucu me Member Posts: 213 Member
    #4
    debrajo said:

    Positive

    My dear, I am the most negitive person you will ever meet!  I almost demand the worse, then when the news is good, I feel like I've won the lottery!  I cannot stay positive, though I have really tried!  I find that just STAYING IN THE MOMENT is all I can do.  Over the years I find that this is the best option for me.  Tomorrow is not promised for any of us, sick or well.  You are doing well to be able to walk and read and be with your daughter.  I'd say you are living just fine!  Positivity can be over rated! LOL!  Try to do the "Scarlett O'Hara" attitude..."I'll think about it{cancer} tomorrow">.  Get some rest and don't forget to breath!  Best, Debrajo

    thanks ladies,you are

    thanks ladies,

    you are right,

    I'll learn and I have to concentrate on the present .

    My surgery was month ago.I had bowel obstruction after, but now I'm ok.

    My surgent saw and remove two small tumors located close to the bladder and to the rectum, but the lymph nodes he took were not cancerous.

    The grade after the surgery was1. From robotic surgery I went to a regular cut, because the surgent noticed the suspicious nodes.

    I also have liquid trace acets, if I'm writing it correctly.

    I don't sleep well, and I have lorazepam, cause my chemo starts soon,so maybe I can start taking a half or whole pill to see.

    Counciling, I don't think so, not for me.

    Thanks so much for responding, you are giving my a big hope indeed.

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,360 Member
    #5
    Cucu me said:

    thanks ladies,you are

    thanks ladies,

    you are right,

    I'll learn and I have to concentrate on the present .

    My surgery was month ago.I had bowel obstruction after, but now I'm ok.

    My surgent saw and remove two small tumors located close to the bladder and to the rectum, but the lymph nodes he took were not cancerous.

    The grade after the surgery was1. From robotic surgery I went to a regular cut, because the surgent noticed the suspicious nodes.

    I also have liquid trace acets, if I'm writing it correctly.

    I don't sleep well, and I have lorazepam, cause my chemo starts soon,so maybe I can start taking a half or whole pill to see.

    Counciling, I don't think so, not for me.

    Thanks so much for responding, you are giving my a big hope indeed.

    cuculigata, from what I can

    cuculigata, from what I can tell (when you joined) this is all very new to you.  IT IS very scary!!!!  It is hard to be all positive and I think we all waver, especially in the beginning, as it is all so unknown.  

    Maybe you can try taking this a step at a time right now.  Try not to get too far ahead of yourself, there is nothing like today!  

    Sleeping is important, so why don't you try the lorazepam now rather than wait?  Your body is trying to heal, sleep is good - restorative.  I wish I had had ativan (I think one is the generic for the other) when I first found out.  I was a MESS!  

    Hang on.  We're here for you.  Your feelings are not out of the ordinary.  

  • Hybridspirits
    Hybridspirits Member Posts: 209
    #6
    Cuculigata,
    i am really sorry

    Cuculigata,

    i am really sorry you are feeling the way you are.  This is the most stressful event to go through and hard for folks to understand unless they have or are going through this.    Are there any support groups for Uterine cancer at your hospital or cancer center.  Another option I chose was to join the Livestrong program at my local YMCA.  The program is nationwide but just not at all Y's. It is a free program for cancer survivors.  I did it during my treatment along with a number of other folks going through treatment. It is a mind body program.  Another thing that was suggested to me was to find a cancer friendly yoga class. I did find one at my local rec department during the day which was catered for seniors.  I found other cancer survivors in the class and that helped me tremendously try to relax and not let my cancer/cancer treatment define my day.  I also found that these programs gave me something to look forward to other than my next treatment and kept me off of the internet. I also found at these programs I started to hear "how are you" versus "i am so sorry".  I felt an instant support network.

    It is very easy to feel that cancer will beat you, but you are the one that can beat it and even my oncologist said how you feel, attitude,  stress etc.. plays a role in how your immune system works for you.  It will be scary but you can do it.  Hang in there and know that those of us who post felt the same way and now look back and saw it was doable. You too will be doing that soon enough.

     

    cyber hugs,

    Sharon

     

    It is hard and it is scary but finding those who can lend you the emotinoal support will only help you feel stronger and ready to take on this fight. 

  • Lou Ann M
    Lou Ann M Member Posts: 996 Member
    #7
    How I survive

    Almost 3 years ago when I heard those awful words, I came home and threw myself into my husbands arms and told him I hd ruined our live.  He hugged me, cried with me and told me we would fight this togther.  Without him this journey would be much harder.  my main sorce of concelation is a different sorce, a much higher One. sitting in our outside swing by myself i stared to talk to God,  i talked about my problems and fears and great comfort came over me.  i called friends and asked to be put on prayer chaines.  The peace this brought me was indiscribeable.  I talk to Him in every hard time and He gives me strength.  He has let me to the best Doctors.  I have stage 4 High grade Papillary serous endometrial andocarcinoma.

    I now this is not for everryone but it sure works for me.  For the third time my bald head has come back with beautiful curls.  Since i always had poke straight hair,  I think God gave me curls to remind me that He loves me. 

    Prayer and love hoping you find some peace.  Lou Ann

  • Cucu me
    Cucu me Member Posts: 213 Member
    #8
    Lou Ann M said:

    How I survive

    Almost 3 years ago when I heard those awful words, I came home and threw myself into my husbands arms and told him I hd ruined our live.  He hugged me, cried with me and told me we would fight this togther.  Without him this journey would be much harder.  my main sorce of concelation is a different sorce, a much higher One. sitting in our outside swing by myself i stared to talk to God,  i talked about my problems and fears and great comfort came over me.  i called friends and asked to be put on prayer chaines.  The peace this brought me was indiscribeable.  I talk to Him in every hard time and He gives me strength.  He has let me to the best Doctors.  I have stage 4 High grade Papillary serous endometrial andocarcinoma.

    I now this is not for everryone but it sure works for me.  For the third time my bald head has come back with beautiful curls.  Since i always had poke straight hair,  I think God gave me curls to remind me that He loves me. 

    Prayer and love hoping you find some peace.  Lou Ann

    Thank you all for your

    Thank you all for your support,

    I feel much better now.

    I'll read these posts every time I feel scared, until I get over it.

    Thank you my friends

  • Tikvah
    Tikvah Member Posts: 24
    #9
    Cucu me said:

    Thank you all for your

    Thank you all for your support,

    I feel much better now.

    I'll read these posts every time I feel scared, until I get over it.

    Thank you my friends

    My hosptial has a ton of

    My hosptial has a ton of integrative medicine.  

    Reiki helps -- get you get that type of massage?

    Meditation helps -- is there a class you can attend?

    Walking definitenly helps and helps your health fighting this.

    art therapy?

    keeping a journal?

    Adivan. 

    You can get through this.  I agree about focusing on the present -- be in the moment.  I'll check back to see how you are.

    This is my first day writing on this site.  I had my diagnosis 1-1/2 years ago.  Stage 3 grade 2.  I was in that dark place you describe -- walking in nature helped me a lot.  You can get through this.  You can!!!

  • Cucu me
    Cucu me Member Posts: 213 Member
    #10
    Tikvah said:

    My hosptial has a ton of

    My hosptial has a ton of integrative medicine.  

    Reiki helps -- get you get that type of massage?

    Meditation helps -- is there a class you can attend?

    Walking definitenly helps and helps your health fighting this.

    art therapy?

    keeping a journal?

    Adivan. 

    You can get through this.  I agree about focusing on the present -- be in the moment.  I'll check back to see how you are.

    This is my first day writing on this site.  I had my diagnosis 1-1/2 years ago.  Stage 3 grade 2.  I was in that dark place you describe -- walking in nature helped me a lot.  You can get through this.  You can!!!

    Thanks for the advices. I'll

    Thanks for the advices. I'll soon do some of these activities and I'll update my situation.

    This forum is great.

    Thanks to all ladies here.

  • AWK
    AWK Member Posts: 364 Member
    #11
    Cucu me said:

    Thanks for the advices. I'll

    Thanks for the advices. I'll soon do some of these activities and I'll update my situation.

    This forum is great.

    Thanks to all ladies here.

    I understand

    I was dx 2 plus years ago stage IIIC or Stage IVb (depending on the opinion) and have never been in remission.  I have been in continuous treatments since then with doctors making switches as my disease progressed.  Sometimes at night I have thoughts around not beating this but then I remind myself that my focus is on living with it.  And I do live fully!  I ride horses, work a fulltime job and keep busy.  I give in and rest when my body tells me I need to.  

    It is scary and okay to admit it and acknowledge your fears.  But I can't let those fears stop me from enjoying my life and thriving in many ways.  And that is what I do.  The other thing, for me, is that I stay open to my experience.  And I am so glad I have because I have had amazing experiences and met wonderful people because of my cancer, not despite it.  And I am grateful for that.  

    This journey isn't easy but it can be full and rich and meaningful.  It is hard, it hurts and is exhausting And on the days where it hits me somehow someone seems to push or pull me at the points I need the help the most.  You can do this.  Try to get some sleep, put yourself first and keep an eye out for the good things happening around you.  

    Sending prayers and hugs - Anne

  • Sandy3185
    Sandy3185 Member Posts: 229 Member
    #12
    Staying positive

    I know how you feel, I've felt that way myself. I was diagnosed in October 2013 and had surgery, chemo and internal radiation, completing my treatment a year ago this month. I went for my 4th quarterly follow up today and was very happy to hear that I am  now 1 year NED! 

    In between the discovery of my cancer, high grade UPSC stage 2 grade 3, I have felt the whole gamut of emotions and expectations. I  have felt very low at times, frightened that I Would not be able to conquer this when other who fought so valiantly, like Linda, could not. I reached out to the ladies on this board and it helped so much!  I have finally arrived at an acceptance of what is and what may come. Maybe I have beaten this for good but maybe not. Meanwhile, I feel great, my hair has grown back and I am enjoying life!  this terrible disease brings us closer to our loved ones and makes us appreciate the everyday activities that we used to take for granted.  with love, Sandy

  • shush_silent
    shush_silent Member Posts: 6
    #13
    option 2 million

    The advice of the ladies who have already spoken up..have been fantastic!

    I hope that you are able to find comfort in one, if not all of their suggestions!

    I, on the other hand.. had to take the hard road.

    I tried "talking to someone" .. turning to God... eat right, sleep right, smile when the 200th person I saw for the day told me how "good" I looked..despite my knowing better....

    and at the end of the day.. none of it worked for me.

    I did what any sensible adult woman in my shoes would do... I threw myself on the bed, kicking and screaming like a toddler. My one arm wrapped securely around a teddy bear I've had for ~ahem~ over 30 years.... and my other arm reaching for the phone.. calling my mommy .. in the hopes that she'd have the magic words that would work like the suckers you get at the dentist office when you were 5.

    But she didn't.. nobody did.. There wasn't anything anyone could say, or do.. and there wasn't anything I could say or do.. that made it easier, or better.. so there I sat.. hours.. days.. weeks.. drowning in my pity party.. plotting the murder of anyone and everyone who dared to tell me
    "stay strong" ..just .. ONE. MORE. FREAKIN'. TIME!!

    My point and yes I do have one... is that I had to let it out. I had to cry, and mourn, and scream and feel sorry for myself until I literally wore myself out. And even now, I still have days like that!

    I remind myself that we, are ALL.. ENTITLED... to have good days and bad ones! It's ok to get mad, get negative, assume the worst...SOMETIMES... as long as I can still find days, and/or moments that make me happy.. I know the bad days will come, and pass.. and the good days are just waiting to be had!!

    I don't know if my words help, but maybe, knowing.. you're not alone.. might!

    Sending gobs and gobs of good vibes your way!!

     

  • Cucu me
    Cucu me Member Posts: 213 Member
    #14
    shush_silent said:

    option 2 million

    The advice of the ladies who have already spoken up..have been fantastic!

    I hope that you are able to find comfort in one, if not all of their suggestions!

    I, on the other hand.. had to take the hard road.

    I tried "talking to someone" .. turning to God... eat right, sleep right, smile when the 200th person I saw for the day told me how "good" I looked..despite my knowing better....

    and at the end of the day.. none of it worked for me.

    I did what any sensible adult woman in my shoes would do... I threw myself on the bed, kicking and screaming like a toddler. My one arm wrapped securely around a teddy bear I've had for ~ahem~ over 30 years.... and my other arm reaching for the phone.. calling my mommy .. in the hopes that she'd have the magic words that would work like the suckers you get at the dentist office when you were 5.

    But she didn't.. nobody did.. There wasn't anything anyone could say, or do.. and there wasn't anything I could say or do.. that made it easier, or better.. so there I sat.. hours.. days.. weeks.. drowning in my pity party.. plotting the murder of anyone and everyone who dared to tell me
    "stay strong" ..just .. ONE. MORE. FREAKIN'. TIME!!

    My point and yes I do have one... is that I had to let it out. I had to cry, and mourn, and scream and feel sorry for myself until I literally wore myself out. And even now, I still have days like that!

    I remind myself that we, are ALL.. ENTITLED... to have good days and bad ones! It's ok to get mad, get negative, assume the worst...SOMETIMES... as long as I can still find days, and/or moments that make me happy.. I know the bad days will come, and pass.. and the good days are just waiting to be had!!

    I don't know if my words help, but maybe, knowing.. you're not alone.. might!

    Sending gobs and gobs of good vibes your way!!

     

    I see your point

    and understand. yeah,we are like all people, with good and bad days. Sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker.

    I concentrate on the present now, no past, no future, just "today" and it's much easier.

     

    Thanks to all suporters here.

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