Anxiety and Upcoming Scan

todd121
todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member

Two weeks from Wednesday I will have my 6 month chest/abdomen/pelvic CT and blood work. It's been 20 months since my nephrectomy. Was diagnosed as Stage 3 Grade 3. I entered into an adjuvant therapy trial for one year, which I completed in February. It was a 50/50 everolimus/placebo double-blind study. No treatement since February. The only health issues I've had in the past several months is my blood pressure has been creeping up and I had to start taking blood pressure medication. Of course this may just be my age and/or my weight (I'm a little under 220 and 5'8"). The only other health issue I've been having the past few months, is some unexplained swelling in my hands. I've seen my nephrologist and family doctor about this, and they've done some tests but haven't found any reason for the swelling. It's somewhat mild, but annoys me. Mainly it makes me anxious that my cancer has come back and they are missing something, or that it's a side effect of my nephrectomy or the drug I was taking for a year. All in all, I'm having a hard time putting this cancer behind me.

My last visit to a new nephrologist was a bit of an eye opener. My previous nephrologist was an older man about to retire, and his attitude about me missing a kidney was very nonchalant. He said just don't eat big steaks and avoid salt, basically. The new nehprologist, a young woman, wants me to take my CKD more seriously. She said at my age and with my kidney function, I could easily outlive my kidney and that I really should take BP meds to keep my BP low to protect the kidney, and eat a renal diet (limited protein, limit salt), and get more exercise/lose weight. She sent me to a dietician. I'm working on doing what they said to do (my mind says, just in case the cancer doesn't come back, which, I know, isn't healthy thinking, but my mind does what it does. Haha.)

I need to say, I sure hope my scan is clean. I keep thinking if I can make it 2 or 3 years, maybe I can start to feel like this cancer is behind me. On the other hand, I know I need to change my life. I need to exercise more, eat better, take better care of myself. It's hard not to blame myself for my cancer. I've been overweight for a long time. It's really entrenched and even getting cancer didn't have much of a long-term effect on me changing my eating habits.

I'm so glad you all are here. I feel like this is one of the only places I can come and bring this issue and people understand. Everybody else thinks it's over and they moved on a long time ago. My youngest son has asked to take a break from me this past year. My older son is just busy with his own life. I understand all of that. I try not to take it personally. They have their own lives. I've become so aware since having this cancer how our time is limited. It's tricky to use that information to enjoy life instead of worrying about what's coming. :)

I wish you all well. I hope you beat this beast back and move on to a life without cancer.

Todd

«13

Comments

  • swijak
    swijak Member Posts: 13
    Anxiety and Upcoming Scan

    Todd,

     

    I think anxiety before scans is pretty common. I had my kidney removed four years ago.  Even though I have not had a reoccurrence in the last 4 years I get very anxious about a week or two before a scan until I get the “all clear” from the doctor. I had my latest scans last week and I get the results tomorrow. Intellectually I’m pretty positive; sub-consciously it bothers me with sleepless nights, anxiety, and really weird depression.  I have been extremely blessed that my wife fully understands and helps me through these times.

    I have found it helps to talk about the issues with someone who is sympathetic and willing to listen. Sometimes all you need is to talk it through. It can be tough when close family does not have the time or understanding or willingness to help ease the emotional burden.  People who have never been close to someone with cancer do not understand that cancer does not just “go away”. Kidney cancer patients have to keep living with the idea it could come back at any time. But the idea should be to just “keep living”. Find someone to talk to; be it a friend, a consoler, church, or medical professional.   

     

     and GOOD LUCK ON YOUR SCAN!!!! Smile

     

    Swijak

    M/50s/ChRcc Dec 2010.

     

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    " It's hard not to blame

    " It's hard not to blame myself for my cancer. "

    If we brought this on ourselves then no one who is thin, athletic, and eating a healthy, well-balanced diet would ever get cancer. Yet they do and we act all surprised at how that could possibly happen because deep down we tend to believe that we have control over our health and what happens to us to a much greater degree than we really do. I’m not saying people should not eat right, exercise, and live a healthy life-style but I really don’t think that will guarantee that you’ll reach a 100 and never get cancer. I had NONE of the risk factors listed for kidney cancer. I have never been overweight and never ate much red meat. I don't smoke, I excercise, and no one in my family has had cancer. Yet I ended up with it, so go figure, lol. I’m hoping your scans come back with the best possible news and that your blood pressure will be brought under control. Watching your weight and exercising will make you feel better in the long run so that’s a great idea!

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482 Member
    Scanxiety and stuff

    Todd:

    my husband will be having scans in the next couple of weeks; he's on the 3 month schedule. It will go to every 4 if these are clean. His nephrectomy was 11 months ago, stage 4, grade 2.

    because he's had bone deterioration and 2spinal mets, every ache and pull raises my anxiety. As for sons, we have 2. The youngest has his family but is always available to help and although I don't share my fears, I know that I can.

    the oldest is abotu to have a baby (any day) and is about as thoughtless as they come; last summer, I asked him for some support and his response was that it wasn't about me. He may well feel fear but doesn't share it nor has he ever asked. 

    I know how you feel; afraid, alone and disappointed? I was very clear with our oldest last summer. Told him that I had asked for his support and would never ask again. I suggested he do his research on stage 4 cancer and get with reality. 

    but, you have definitely come to the right place; will have you in my thoughts for your upcoming scans and hopefully, we can both post some good results.

    Sarah

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member
    swijak said:

    Anxiety and Upcoming Scan

    Todd,

     

    I think anxiety before scans is pretty common. I had my kidney removed four years ago.  Even though I have not had a reoccurrence in the last 4 years I get very anxious about a week or two before a scan until I get the “all clear” from the doctor. I had my latest scans last week and I get the results tomorrow. Intellectually I’m pretty positive; sub-consciously it bothers me with sleepless nights, anxiety, and really weird depression.  I have been extremely blessed that my wife fully understands and helps me through these times.

    I have found it helps to talk about the issues with someone who is sympathetic and willing to listen. Sometimes all you need is to talk it through. It can be tough when close family does not have the time or understanding or willingness to help ease the emotional burden.  People who have never been close to someone with cancer do not understand that cancer does not just “go away”. Kidney cancer patients have to keep living with the idea it could come back at any time. But the idea should be to just “keep living”. Find someone to talk to; be it a friend, a consoler, church, or medical professional.   

     

     and GOOD LUCK ON YOUR SCAN!!!! Smile

     

    Swijak

    M/50s/ChRcc Dec 2010.

     

    Hope your result is good!

    What you've said makes a lot of sense. I found it very reassuring.

    I know we've had a number of people post here that are thin and in good shape but have gotten kidney cancer. I've never smoked (other than a lot of second hand smoke as a child, but back then, who didn't either smoke first or second hand?), drank very little. I haven't been completely sedentary, even though I have a sedentary job (as a programmer). When I look at the list of risk factors, obesity is the only one I can identify with. Still, as you said, I don't know if that's what caused the kidney cancer.

    Excellent advice. I hope your result is good! Please post about it.

    Todd

  • twinthings
    twinthings Member Posts: 409
    darn these kids of ours

    Hi Todd! 

    First of all good luck on your upcoming scans.  I bet all will be well. 

    As for those kids, well, they can be harder to deal with than cancer...at times.   My kids are 29 and unless they need me, I rarely see them.  They are too busy with their own lives to worry about me.  I use to take it personally...big time.  I no longer do.  My hubby takes it harder than I do.  He's been so use to our son doing everything with him.  They have always had hobbies together, but, since bubba got married...well, you get the picture.  Our daughter works out of state but when she does come home, she tends to make more time for all her friends than for mom and dad.  I look forward to the day she has a baby because I know she'll need me then. 

    As for the son that wants to "take a break" from you, rest assured, some day he will wish he could get that time back.  He just doesn't know it yet.  Try not to fret.  I'm sure they love their dad and want nothing but the best for you. 

    Let us know how your tests go.  Keep your chin up!!

    Sindy

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member

    darn these kids of ours

    Hi Todd! 

    First of all good luck on your upcoming scans.  I bet all will be well. 

    As for those kids, well, they can be harder to deal with than cancer...at times.   My kids are 29 and unless they need me, I rarely see them.  They are too busy with their own lives to worry about me.  I use to take it personally...big time.  I no longer do.  My hubby takes it harder than I do.  He's been so use to our son doing everything with him.  They have always had hobbies together, but, since bubba got married...well, you get the picture.  Our daughter works out of state but when she does come home, she tends to make more time for all her friends than for mom and dad.  I look forward to the day she has a baby because I know she'll need me then. 

    As for the son that wants to "take a break" from you, rest assured, some day he will wish he could get that time back.  He just doesn't know it yet.  Try not to fret.  I'm sure they love their dad and want nothing but the best for you. 

    Let us know how your tests go.  Keep your chin up!!

    Sindy

    Thanks

    I appreciate everyone's replies.

    My youngest son did say "Dad I love you but..." when he said needed a break from me. I know he loves me. And my older one too. Yes. The older one married and disappeared. Truth is, he moved out of state when he was 22 and lived pretty far away for the next 5-6 years, so it did get a bit routine not to see much of him. Now he lives in LA about 1 1/2 hrs away, but he's married and got an important job (I said that word important with a a little emphasis, haha, I am proud of him though) so they are very busy. House. Dog. I wish I had a grandchild, but I keep that comment to myself (not my business). My boys are 31 and 28.

    Not taking it personally is the key. I'm working on that in every aspect of my life. The cancer. Kids not calling me all the time to come hang out with them. Etc. It's really key to being happy I think is to not take stuff personally. It's really not about me. Lol. It's the way it should be.

    I'm feeling more ready for the scan as it approaches.

    Hugs to you all.

    Todd

  • Karen0074
    Karen0074 Member Posts: 64
    todd121 said:

    Thanks

    I appreciate everyone's replies.

    My youngest son did say "Dad I love you but..." when he said needed a break from me. I know he loves me. And my older one too. Yes. The older one married and disappeared. Truth is, he moved out of state when he was 22 and lived pretty far away for the next 5-6 years, so it did get a bit routine not to see much of him. Now he lives in LA about 1 1/2 hrs away, but he's married and got an important job (I said that word important with a a little emphasis, haha, I am proud of him though) so they are very busy. House. Dog. I wish I had a grandchild, but I keep that comment to myself (not my business). My boys are 31 and 28.

    Not taking it personally is the key. I'm working on that in every aspect of my life. The cancer. Kids not calling me all the time to come hang out with them. Etc. It's really key to being happy I think is to not take stuff personally. It's really not about me. Lol. It's the way it should be.

    I'm feeling more ready for the scan as it approaches.

    Hugs to you all.

    Todd

    Todd, good luck with the

    Todd, good luck with the scan.

     

    karen x

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    Karen0074 said:

    Todd, good luck with the

    Todd, good luck with the scan.

     

    karen x

    Our sons

    In my case, my son lives less than a mile from me. I rarely see him. He does talk to my wife once every month or two. He has never asked me how I am doing. In 3 years. He has never offered to visit or help out with mowing the lawn. Even though his grandmother lives a 1/2 mile away and he knows I mow that lawn too. He is useless. His house and yard is a mess. His wife has to have something wrong with her too. We used to have them over every sunday for a big dinner. Not once have they ever invited us to eat. Not at their house or even out for a pizza. We don't invite them anymore.  And I have had some difficult times during these 3 years. What is wrong with boys? And I thought that wifes were more interested in keeping families together. Thanks. I got that off my chest.

  • GSRon
    GSRon Member Posts: 1,303 Member
    foxhd said:

    Our sons

    In my case, my son lives less than a mile from me. I rarely see him. He does talk to my wife once every month or two. He has never asked me how I am doing. In 3 years. He has never offered to visit or help out with mowing the lawn. Even though his grandmother lives a 1/2 mile away and he knows I mow that lawn too. He is useless. His house and yard is a mess. His wife has to have something wrong with her too. We used to have them over every sunday for a big dinner. Not once have they ever invited us to eat. Not at their house or even out for a pizza. We don't invite them anymore.  And I have had some difficult times during these 3 years. What is wrong with boys? And I thought that wifes were more interested in keeping families together. Thanks. I got that off my chest.

    Yes

    Well, yes some of us are a but disconected from family..  I have not seen or heard from my two older siblings since my Dad died in 2003. And even then we did not talk much.   I saw them briefly last year at my Aunt's funeral.  They know I am Stage 4 Cancer. No exchange happened there... no calls no e-mails.. nothing..  So luckily I have a great circle of friends...  It sucks, but I do not worry or waste time about it.. can't as it won't change who they are.  Hang in there..!!

    Ron

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    GSRon said:

    Yes

    Well, yes some of us are a but disconected from family..  I have not seen or heard from my two older siblings since my Dad died in 2003. And even then we did not talk much.   I saw them briefly last year at my Aunt's funeral.  They know I am Stage 4 Cancer. No exchange happened there... no calls no e-mails.. nothing..  So luckily I have a great circle of friends...  It sucks, but I do not worry or waste time about it.. can't as it won't change who they are.  Hang in there..!!

    Ron

    Now he claims

    to be dyslexic. He has said that his dyslexic support group was planning to put together a stage production of "Annie Get Your Nug."

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482 Member
    foxhd said:

    Our sons

    In my case, my son lives less than a mile from me. I rarely see him. He does talk to my wife once every month or two. He has never asked me how I am doing. In 3 years. He has never offered to visit or help out with mowing the lawn. Even though his grandmother lives a 1/2 mile away and he knows I mow that lawn too. He is useless. His house and yard is a mess. His wife has to have something wrong with her too. We used to have them over every sunday for a big dinner. Not once have they ever invited us to eat. Not at their house or even out for a pizza. We don't invite them anymore.  And I have had some difficult times during these 3 years. What is wrong with boys? And I thought that wifes were more interested in keeping families together. Thanks. I got that off my chest.

    Sons

    our oldest son is having his first baby any day; we drove down (almost 10 hours) so we could see the newest grandchild.

    After the way he's behaved since he got married, I no longer expect much and I drove down just to see the baby. We had our hotel in place and got in at 8:30. i texted him and his response was that they were tired and ready for bed so he would contact us today. His mother-in-law is already here and staying with them.

    My husband was very disappointed and I was not expecting an invitation; it is lousy and inexplicable. 

    Is this a younger generation thing? This is certainly not the values he was raised with and if it is his wife, he needs to grow a pair. I told my husband that if he felt the way he did, he should let him know. 

    On the other hand, my youngest son anod his wife have been very available and when husband was in the hospital, he would bring the baby to cheer him up.

    it is sad and we cannot imagine treating our parents this way but we have no choice.

    Sarah

  • swijak
    swijak Member Posts: 13
    todd121 said:

    Hope your result is good!

    What you've said makes a lot of sense. I found it very reassuring.

    I know we've had a number of people post here that are thin and in good shape but have gotten kidney cancer. I've never smoked (other than a lot of second hand smoke as a child, but back then, who didn't either smoke first or second hand?), drank very little. I haven't been completely sedentary, even though I have a sedentary job (as a programmer). When I look at the list of risk factors, obesity is the only one I can identify with. Still, as you said, I don't know if that's what caused the kidney cancer.

    Excellent advice. I hope your result is good! Please post about it.

    Todd

    Scans good

    Scans/Labs came back good. Dr has put me on once a year now for the next six years. I too am a programmer. Maybe that's the problem! Smile

    That said I do fit the 'profile'; Over weight, middle-aged smoker over 50, very sedentary, high blood pressure and diebetis (managed) missing tyhroid. Trying to change all these things one at a time!

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member
    foxhd said:

    Our sons

    In my case, my son lives less than a mile from me. I rarely see him. He does talk to my wife once every month or two. He has never asked me how I am doing. In 3 years. He has never offered to visit or help out with mowing the lawn. Even though his grandmother lives a 1/2 mile away and he knows I mow that lawn too. He is useless. His house and yard is a mess. His wife has to have something wrong with her too. We used to have them over every sunday for a big dinner. Not once have they ever invited us to eat. Not at their house or even out for a pizza. We don't invite them anymore.  And I have had some difficult times during these 3 years. What is wrong with boys? And I thought that wifes were more interested in keeping families together. Thanks. I got that off my chest.

    Makes no sense

    I don't understand it either. I've got some parents with serious issues when I was a kid, but still always kept in touch and treated them with respect. Eventually I figured out that they did the best they could and I always got that I pretty much owed them some care and respect for not leaving me in a dumpster.

    I don't know what it is. Still, I feel better when I don't take it personally. Hard not to. Once in awhile I do for a few minutes, then I make myself stop it. Lol. I figure he must have iss

    Thanks for sharing. Sometimes I get crap in my head that says I'm the only one in a particular situation. It really helps to know I'm not alone.

    Todd

  • DonMiller
    DonMiller Member Posts: 109
    todd121 said:

    Makes no sense

    I don't understand it either. I've got some parents with serious issues when I was a kid, but still always kept in touch and treated them with respect. Eventually I figured out that they did the best they could and I always got that I pretty much owed them some care and respect for not leaving me in a dumpster.

    I don't know what it is. Still, I feel better when I don't take it personally. Hard not to. Once in awhile I do for a few minutes, then I make myself stop it. Lol. I figure he must have iss

    Thanks for sharing. Sometimes I get crap in my head that says I'm the only one in a particular situation. It really helps to know I'm not alone.

    Todd

    Almost twins

    Well except for the fact that I am tall and fat our physical condition, cancer pathology and date of surgery seem about the same.  I sneaked through my 20 month scan NED last week.  I hate to admit it but there might be something to this whole "diet and exercise" stuffs from the Docs.

     

  • Jan4you
    Jan4you Member Posts: 1,330 Member
    todd121 said:

    Makes no sense

    I don't understand it either. I've got some parents with serious issues when I was a kid, but still always kept in touch and treated them with respect. Eventually I figured out that they did the best they could and I always got that I pretty much owed them some care and respect for not leaving me in a dumpster.

    I don't know what it is. Still, I feel better when I don't take it personally. Hard not to. Once in awhile I do for a few minutes, then I make myself stop it. Lol. I figure he must have iss

    Thanks for sharing. Sometimes I get crap in my head that says I'm the only one in a particular situation. It really helps to know I'm not alone.

    Todd

    Gosh, I just lost my first

    Gosh, I just lost my first response to your thread.. dang!!

    Anyway, Todd, I am sorry you are anxious and my hope is that we can lift you out of such worry for a bit. Stay in the moment.. as much as you can, hon.

    Did you notice how we "hyjacked" your thread to NEW thread about our kids? Seems to be an important topic. You got us to address a sensitive issue. So thank you for doing this.

    At first my family, kids came out of the woodwork to be there for me. I have a wonderful family. I have one brother who always refers to himself when thinking he is relating to YOUR issue/problem/illness, he means well. BUT even he did not do it. OKay, he did leave me a message as "ST Peter" stating he was relaying a message from GOD that they are not ready yet for me to come to heaven. hahahaha

    Now with my kids, (and siblings 9 of them) they know I need to be checked on due to MS. They don't like to bring up the topic, so I offer mass email updates. I ASK for help if I need it. I let my kids know I miss their contact..for what that is worth.. Catholic guilt? LOL

    What I learned to do is TEXT! THAT is how this generation likes to communicate! They usually answer. I ask to visit THEM, esp to see my grandkiddies. I have 9, all in town.

    I learned that many of us even, our families, children do not know how to ask for help. Or..we assume they will know how. They do not like to talk about "illness" or something possibly terminal, because they maybe cannot face that fact. They need us to show them how. THey need US to bring it up. Agree?

    We need to teach them how to face fears, inform and educate them. Right?

    Would it be nice if they just took the initiative and resumed the family get togethers, established a normalcy? YESS!! But...

    I am a firm believer in not facing the end of life, no matter when that may be, with REGRETS.

    If we, as parents,  keep trying and reaching out and nada.. then it is THEIR issue to work out. Maybe there are leftover issues..

    For me, I owned my part, then hard as this is to do, I let go of THEIR stuff.. after all.. its THEIR stuff to work on.

    I feel better after I let go, forgive and keep showing them I care.

    Warmly, Jan

     

  • a_oaklee
    a_oaklee Member Posts: 566 Member
    Jan4you said:

    Gosh, I just lost my first

    Gosh, I just lost my first response to your thread.. dang!!

    Anyway, Todd, I am sorry you are anxious and my hope is that we can lift you out of such worry for a bit. Stay in the moment.. as much as you can, hon.

    Did you notice how we "hyjacked" your thread to NEW thread about our kids? Seems to be an important topic. You got us to address a sensitive issue. So thank you for doing this.

    At first my family, kids came out of the woodwork to be there for me. I have a wonderful family. I have one brother who always refers to himself when thinking he is relating to YOUR issue/problem/illness, he means well. BUT even he did not do it. OKay, he did leave me a message as "ST Peter" stating he was relaying a message from GOD that they are not ready yet for me to come to heaven. hahahaha

    Now with my kids, (and siblings 9 of them) they know I need to be checked on due to MS. They don't like to bring up the topic, so I offer mass email updates. I ASK for help if I need it. I let my kids know I miss their contact..for what that is worth.. Catholic guilt? LOL

    What I learned to do is TEXT! THAT is how this generation likes to communicate! They usually answer. I ask to visit THEM, esp to see my grandkiddies. I have 9, all in town.

    I learned that many of us even, our families, children do not know how to ask for help. Or..we assume they will know how. They do not like to talk about "illness" or something possibly terminal, because they maybe cannot face that fact. They need us to show them how. THey need US to bring it up. Agree?

    We need to teach them how to face fears, inform and educate them. Right?

    Would it be nice if they just took the initiative and resumed the family get togethers, established a normalcy? YESS!! But...

    I am a firm believer in not facing the end of life, no matter when that may be, with REGRETS.

    If we, as parents,  keep trying and reaching out and nada.. then it is THEIR issue to work out. Maybe there are leftover issues..

    For me, I owned my part, then hard as this is to do, I let go of THEIR stuff.. after all.. its THEIR stuff to work on.

    I feel better after I let go, forgive and keep showing them I care.

    Warmly, Jan

     

    a thought occurs to me

    Frequently it has occurred to me that sometimes we just aren't matched up right at certain times.  For instance, I would like my husband to talk....I will listen.  He doesn't want to talk about any of this "health-stuff".  I'm here, I'm available and I'm not needed.  I want to help with anything.  Then I read from people that they are lonely and their family doesn't want to listen anymore, and they feel the need to talk about what they are going through.  Then re kids:  Mine wish that their dad would share how he feels and what is happening.  They come to visit, and half the time my husband is busy doing something somewhere else.  They want to talk with him about all this and help him, but he doesn't want any of it.  They adore him, as I do, but we are not "needed" in the way we want to be.  Some people here talk about being alone, needing help, assistance, transportation,  a shoulder to cry on...and I want and need to be all those things, but my special person acts strong and stoic.  I wish he would lean on me a little.  Some times I think it must be awfully difficult to be the "man" in the family...protector, provider, etc., and then to have illness come into your life and needing and not wanting help.  We are definitely in transition and trying to navigate through the changes in our life. 

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member
    foxhd said:

    Now he claims

    to be dyslexic. He has said that his dyslexic support group was planning to put together a stage production of "Annie Get Your Nug."

    I hope he at least

    got you free tikcets! :)

    Thanks for sharing Fox. It really helps to hear. Not that I wish this situation on anyone, but sometimes when I think everybody else has the opposite situation (kids that are grateful, caring, supportive, blah, blah) I seem to do this mental "woe is me" dance that doesn't show up until somebody else tells me they have a similar issue. Then all of a sudden I wake up and think "I'm not the only one. This other nice, decent person has the same situation, so maybe it's not ALL me". Haha.

    Todd

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member
    DonMiller said:

    Almost twins

    Well except for the fact that I am tall and fat our physical condition, cancer pathology and date of surgery seem about the same.  I sneaked through my 20 month scan NED last week.  I hate to admit it but there might be something to this whole "diet and exercise" stuffs from the Docs.

     

    20 Month Scan

    Sounds like you flew through that scan NED! Congratulations.

    I'm sure there's something to that. Although we've had quite a few on here in decent shape that had our cancer too...so I don't think we get to heap all the blame on that. Maybe a little of it...

    Either way, we didn't deserve it Don!

    Here's to more NEDs and/or near NEDs in all of our futures.

    Todd

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member
    Jan4you said:

    Gosh, I just lost my first

    Gosh, I just lost my first response to your thread.. dang!!

    Anyway, Todd, I am sorry you are anxious and my hope is that we can lift you out of such worry for a bit. Stay in the moment.. as much as you can, hon.

    Did you notice how we "hyjacked" your thread to NEW thread about our kids? Seems to be an important topic. You got us to address a sensitive issue. So thank you for doing this.

    At first my family, kids came out of the woodwork to be there for me. I have a wonderful family. I have one brother who always refers to himself when thinking he is relating to YOUR issue/problem/illness, he means well. BUT even he did not do it. OKay, he did leave me a message as "ST Peter" stating he was relaying a message from GOD that they are not ready yet for me to come to heaven. hahahaha

    Now with my kids, (and siblings 9 of them) they know I need to be checked on due to MS. They don't like to bring up the topic, so I offer mass email updates. I ASK for help if I need it. I let my kids know I miss their contact..for what that is worth.. Catholic guilt? LOL

    What I learned to do is TEXT! THAT is how this generation likes to communicate! They usually answer. I ask to visit THEM, esp to see my grandkiddies. I have 9, all in town.

    I learned that many of us even, our families, children do not know how to ask for help. Or..we assume they will know how. They do not like to talk about "illness" or something possibly terminal, because they maybe cannot face that fact. They need us to show them how. THey need US to bring it up. Agree?

    We need to teach them how to face fears, inform and educate them. Right?

    Would it be nice if they just took the initiative and resumed the family get togethers, established a normalcy? YESS!! But...

    I am a firm believer in not facing the end of life, no matter when that may be, with REGRETS.

    If we, as parents,  keep trying and reaching out and nada.. then it is THEIR issue to work out. Maybe there are leftover issues..

    For me, I owned my part, then hard as this is to do, I let go of THEIR stuff.. after all.. its THEIR stuff to work on.

    I feel better after I let go, forgive and keep showing them I care.

    Warmly, Jan

     

    Texting

    It's funny about the texting. That's how my younger son got angry with me was because of me texting him. He's a bit of an oddball, though. He goes against the grain of many people in his generation.

    In general, yes. I agree and get what you've said.

    My kids don't like me texting them. Neither of them. My older son said he feels like I'm trying to act too young or act like one of his buddies, and he doesn't like that. My younger son and I had a huge misunderstanding due to the texting that started our argument a year ago. He wasn't responding to my texts and I called him on it, and he said I was badgering him (I still disagree with him. It was like 1 text a week for 2 weeks in a row. Although the last text I did demand he respond with a text or a phone call. That didn't work too well. It was so much easier when he was 4!)

    BTW, I don't think the Catholics have the market on guilt. Seems to be enough to go around. :)

    Todd

     

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482 Member
    todd121 said:

    Texting

    It's funny about the texting. That's how my younger son got angry with me was because of me texting him. He's a bit of an oddball, though. He goes against the grain of many people in his generation.

    In general, yes. I agree and get what you've said.

    My kids don't like me texting them. Neither of them. My older son said he feels like I'm trying to act too young or act like one of his buddies, and he doesn't like that. My younger son and I had a huge misunderstanding due to the texting that started our argument a year ago. He wasn't responding to my texts and I called him on it, and he said I was badgering him (I still disagree with him. It was like 1 text a week for 2 weeks in a row. Although the last text I did demand he respond with a text or a phone call. That didn't work too well. It was so much easier when he was 4!)

    BTW, I don't think the Catholics have the market on guilt. Seems to be enough to go around. :)

    Todd

     

    Texting

    texting is gfs only way my kids communicate and only rarely speak on the phone. It's fine for many things but subject to misunderstandings. 

    We did see our sons a few times and this morning, he called to congratulate me on on the birth of my first grandson. We saw the baby (beautiful) and will stay until Wednesday. 

    no inquiries at all on his dad's health situation, however.

    my husband texted his friend who congratulated him and noted Robin Williams' passing. Again, texting can lead to misunderstandings but my first thought was why would he be so stupid. He probably meant well.

     

    Sarah