Out of energy

2

Comments

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    illead said:

    Hi dkatz

    Sorry for my frustration in my last post.  If I am getting frustrated at your brother, I can imagine how much you are.  I wonder if there is someone of a professional nature that you can talk to.  I think you need to be reassured about limitations you need to make and not to be on a guilt trip about it.  We are not professionals though, so what seems sensible to any of us may not be the right counsel.  Maybe you can start with your brother's doctor or one of his nurses, they might start you in the right direction.  Please don't leave us though and you can vent anytime.  I think I can speak for all of us in saying that we understand your frustration and need to talk.  We have all been trying to help your brother, but you are the one who needs support.  Hang in there, Becky 

    Out of energy

    Becky.. thanks for the words of encouragement. I have been in therapy since 2008 for other issues but this has crept in as well. It helps a lot. Even though my therapist offers no magic answers, it helps me focus on what is nice and what is necessary. I always take the time before a session to walk around a small lake that's near his office and think about what I want to say in the 50 minutes I have. If my brother could do that without thinking in terms of expecting answers or arguing I think it would do a world of good. But, alas.. not going to happen. So.. I will not leave the site and I will continue to post my frustrations and hopefully victories. One of these days, I will start going through the other posts and see what else is going on out there besides my tale of woe. I'm hangin in.  I think Ben Franklin said.. 'either we hang together or we'll hang seperately'.

  • Ailidh
    Ailidh Member Posts: 52
    dkatz said:

    Out of energy

    Becky.. thanks for the words of encouragement. I have been in therapy since 2008 for other issues but this has crept in as well. It helps a lot. Even though my therapist offers no magic answers, it helps me focus on what is nice and what is necessary. I always take the time before a session to walk around a small lake that's near his office and think about what I want to say in the 50 minutes I have. If my brother could do that without thinking in terms of expecting answers or arguing I think it would do a world of good. But, alas.. not going to happen. So.. I will not leave the site and I will continue to post my frustrations and hopefully victories. One of these days, I will start going through the other posts and see what else is going on out there besides my tale of woe. I'm hangin in.  I think Ben Franklin said.. 'either we hang together or we'll hang seperately'.

    I'm impressed that you are

    I'm impressed that you are trying so hard with your brother when you have so much stuff going on yourself. FWIW, I'm pretty sure your brother appreciates it, even if it doesn't seem like it.

    You know I said in my post that I felt I was tempting fate to say I was coming out of it? Wow!! Shortly afterwards I began a downward slide. So I've been texting my brother today, begging him just to text me "How are you?" once a day, just so's I don't feel forgotten. I won't hijack your thread with my rant about loneliness etc.... but depression - or low mood as my psychologist persists in saying it is, not depression - is both a lonely and an alienating condition. Everyone but everyone is annoying the hell out of me at the minute - but I desperately want people to keep in touch too. Weird, and a lot for people to cope with. Want to hear something ironic? One of the people I've heard most from recently is my ex, the one who walked out in July after putting up with the depression for a princely 4 days....... Hey, it almost makes Me laugh, that's no mean feat at the moment.

    I'm glad you can unload here a bit, you are doing everything you possibly can for your brother, and I admire you very much.

  • NANCYL1
    NANCYL1 Member Posts: 289
    Ailidh said:

    I'm impressed that you are

    I'm impressed that you are trying so hard with your brother when you have so much stuff going on yourself. FWIW, I'm pretty sure your brother appreciates it, even if it doesn't seem like it.

    You know I said in my post that I felt I was tempting fate to say I was coming out of it? Wow!! Shortly afterwards I began a downward slide. So I've been texting my brother today, begging him just to text me "How are you?" once a day, just so's I don't feel forgotten. I won't hijack your thread with my rant about loneliness etc.... but depression - or low mood as my psychologist persists in saying it is, not depression - is both a lonely and an alienating condition. Everyone but everyone is annoying the hell out of me at the minute - but I desperately want people to keep in touch too. Weird, and a lot for people to cope with. Want to hear something ironic? One of the people I've heard most from recently is my ex, the one who walked out in July after putting up with the depression for a princely 4 days....... Hey, it almost makes Me laugh, that's no mean feat at the moment.

    I'm glad you can unload here a bit, you are doing everything you possibly can for your brother, and I admire you very much.

    BROTHERS: CHEER US UP!!!

    DKATZ AND AILIDH:

     

    Aiidh, you have given me an idea.  Good idea:  ask your brother to text you once a day and say, "How are you." 

    Dkatz:  Ask your brother for moral support for a change.  Don't always be the strong guy.

    I also have a brother who does email, usually one-liners with a photo, or article,  etc.  He calls once a month.   We usually have a good long converation, but I am not getting the backup that I need from my brother.

    I say let all three brothers try to mentally walk in our shoes more often and check in with us PREFERABLY on the telephone, which is much more personal than texting.  Ugh.   And is more personal than emailing.

    I think of kids these days texting and not talking on the phone much and wonder whether we will ever have any great writers in the future.  How about Shakespeare and  "2  B   OR  NT  2   B,  THT   S   TH   QSTN?"

    Nancy

  • NANCYL1
    NANCYL1 Member Posts: 289
    Ailidh said:

    I'm impressed that you are

    I'm impressed that you are trying so hard with your brother when you have so much stuff going on yourself. FWIW, I'm pretty sure your brother appreciates it, even if it doesn't seem like it.

    You know I said in my post that I felt I was tempting fate to say I was coming out of it? Wow!! Shortly afterwards I began a downward slide. So I've been texting my brother today, begging him just to text me "How are you?" once a day, just so's I don't feel forgotten. I won't hijack your thread with my rant about loneliness etc.... but depression - or low mood as my psychologist persists in saying it is, not depression - is both a lonely and an alienating condition. Everyone but everyone is annoying the hell out of me at the minute - but I desperately want people to keep in touch too. Weird, and a lot for people to cope with. Want to hear something ironic? One of the people I've heard most from recently is my ex, the one who walked out in July after putting up with the depression for a princely 4 days....... Hey, it almost makes Me laugh, that's no mean feat at the moment.

    I'm glad you can unload here a bit, you are doing everything you possibly can for your brother, and I admire you very much.

    BROTHERS: CHEER US UP!!!

    DKATZ AND AILIDH:

     

    Aiidh, you have given me an idea.  Good idea:  ask your brother to text you once a day and say, "How are you." 

    Dkatz:  Ask your brother for moral support for a change.  Don't always be the strong guy.

    I also have a brother who does email, usually one-liners with a photo, or article,  etc.  He calls once a month.   We usually have a good long converation, but I am not getting the backup that I need from my brother.

    I say let all three brothers try to mentally walk in our shoes more often and check in with us PREFERABLY on the telephone, which is much more personal than texting.  Ugh.   And is more personal than emailing.

    I think of kids these days texting and not talking on the phone much and wonder whether we will ever have any great writers in the future.  How about Shakespeare and  "2  B   OR  NT  2   B,  THT   S   TH   QSTN?"

    Nancy

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    out of energy

    AILIDH: Your husband walked out.. that's horrible. I cannot even imagine contemplating something like that. I have been through so much stuff with my wife and kids and it never occurred to exit. But, that's me. I have to think that what my brother is going through could happen to me. My dad died of a blood cancer and my mom (who turned 90 in April) is a 4 time survivor starting back in 1976. Her mother died of breast cancer. My father's mother probably died of cancer. The chances are that I will get it too. So.. I keep thinking of what it would be like if it was me. The only thing I have to keep reminding myself is not to go too far with the empathy. We were not that close as kids.. then we shared an apartment when we started working and after I got married, drifted apart. My mom hung on a while longer but was also out of the picture for about 10 years.Most of that drift was my wife's doing. A long story. But..we were never angry with each other. I reconnected with both about a year before my brother was diagnosed. At this point, I resolved never to turn my back on either again. So.. I call, text and visit very often. But, like I said, I have to put a border around it and move on to other things as my day unfolds. Most recently,he has moved up a notch from exhausted to tired. I'll buy that! Wish you well. keep up the dialogue!

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    NANCYL1 said:

    BROTHERS: CHEER US UP!!!

    DKATZ AND AILIDH:

     

    Aiidh, you have given me an idea.  Good idea:  ask your brother to text you once a day and say, "How are you." 

    Dkatz:  Ask your brother for moral support for a change.  Don't always be the strong guy.

    I also have a brother who does email, usually one-liners with a photo, or article,  etc.  He calls once a month.   We usually have a good long converation, but I am not getting the backup that I need from my brother.

    I say let all three brothers try to mentally walk in our shoes more often and check in with us PREFERABLY on the telephone, which is much more personal than texting.  Ugh.   And is more personal than emailing.

    I think of kids these days texting and not talking on the phone much and wonder whether we will ever have any great writers in the future.  How about Shakespeare and  "2  B   OR  NT  2   B,  THT   S   TH   QSTN?"

    Nancy

    Out of energy

    Nancy: I actually do talk to my brother about some of the crap that is going on at home but I limit it. He likes the feeling that it's a 2 way street but never having been married / no kids.. it's a tale of 2 cities. He tells me I'm very strong but I think he's the one who's strong. I didn't spend a month in a hospital room with 6 tubes attached to my neck; etc, etc.

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    out of energy

    My brother made it to another Thansgiving but true to form he says he has nothing to be thankful for. About 10 days ago, he started to feel a little better meaning his energy level had gone from non-existant to one notch better. He managed to spend an entire day at the hospital the other day and, although he was tired, he said it was not so bad. But..today.. he promised to spend time at mom's but informed me over the phone that he's not going to eat anything because he can't digest chicken and he hates turkey. He'll watch mom eat and then leave. For various reasons, I can't spend Thanksgiving with mom and my brother although I saw mom yesterday and will see both tomorrow. But.. he's back to his comfort zone of feeling depressed  and spreading the joy (as it were)even though he admitted feeling less lousy. He has to go for a kidney biopsy in about 10 days and that's what he's thinking about. A small growth was spotted on one of his kidneys about 6 months ago and was scanned 2 or 3 times; no change in size. So.. in my mind, if there was any doubt, they would have had him in months ago. It may be cancer or maybe just a cyst but there does not seem to be an emergency to cut it out. But.. he's already thinking he's going to wake up from the biopsy and be missing a kidney. Always the worst possible scenerio. In the middle of all this, he wants to work again. Sounds like a positive but then he's already thinking about where he would work and how he would get there. It would have to be close by and there would have to be parking and on and on. PS.. he still has to deal with the kidney biopsy.  Anyway.. I'm thankful for a lot. This life I'm living is not easy but I'm still here. I still have my mom and my brother, my kids and my animals. I have a job and my boss kind of likes me or at least isn't looking to pitch me. I have my health and with the backdrop of the stories on this site and my brother's trials and tribulations (my mom's and my kid's), it takes center stage. Best to all.

  • Ailidh
    Ailidh Member Posts: 52
    That your brother could even

    That your brother could even admit to feeling a bit better or at least a bit less awful is HUGE. It really is a hint of a glimmer of a spark of a light at the end of a very long tunnel. I'm sure your standing by him has played a big part in this, even if he doesn't recognize it or thank you for it.

     

    If you can - and you have enough on your plate in all conscience but if you can - try not to be too mad at him for still spreading gloom, even although he feels a tiny bit better. My GP doctor hit the nail on the head a couple of weeks ago when she spoke about "daring to be better". Admitting to feeling even a tad better within depression is really scary because as soon as you admit it you think "What if it doesn't last?" Plus, as soon as you actually TELL people you're feeling a bit better, they're so relieved that they assume that you're 100% better and stop asking how you are, start having expectations of you that you can't meet and Argh...... In my limited experience, you've got to have quite a few "feeling a bit betters" followed by "here we go again"s before you can begin to see that there is a pattern of recovery, and that what goes down does come back up again.

     

    with prayers and admiration,

    A.

  • illead
    illead Member Posts: 884 Member
    Ailidh said:

    That your brother could even

    That your brother could even admit to feeling a bit better or at least a bit less awful is HUGE. It really is a hint of a glimmer of a spark of a light at the end of a very long tunnel. I'm sure your standing by him has played a big part in this, even if he doesn't recognize it or thank you for it.

     

    If you can - and you have enough on your plate in all conscience but if you can - try not to be too mad at him for still spreading gloom, even although he feels a tiny bit better. My GP doctor hit the nail on the head a couple of weeks ago when she spoke about "daring to be better". Admitting to feeling even a tad better within depression is really scary because as soon as you admit it you think "What if it doesn't last?" Plus, as soon as you actually TELL people you're feeling a bit better, they're so relieved that they assume that you're 100% better and stop asking how you are, start having expectations of you that you can't meet and Argh...... In my limited experience, you've got to have quite a few "feeling a bit betters" followed by "here we go again"s before you can begin to see that there is a pattern of recovery, and that what goes down does come back up again.

     

    with prayers and admiration,

    A.

    Hi dkatz

    I think you just got excellent info from Ailidh.  It was encouraging to me.  When I first read your post, I thought it was more negative but after A's post, it makes so much more sense.  I know you are dealing with a very difficult problem though and very few of us can even relate.  I do hope that A's post was a positive one for you.  You seem to have a lot on your personal plate too but you try very hard to look at the positive side, please know that it does not go unnoticed.  We all care and are happy that you can vent here, just not happy that you have to. 

     

    Ailidh, I, and I am sure the others are very proud of the progress you have made.  I say proud because I know it has and still is taking a lot of work to even take small steps.  Just the fact that you are helping others says volumes.  A bigSmileto you.

    Hang in there both of you, thinking of you, Becky

  • Ailidh
    Ailidh Member Posts: 52
    illead said:

    Hi dkatz

    I think you just got excellent info from Ailidh.  It was encouraging to me.  When I first read your post, I thought it was more negative but after A's post, it makes so much more sense.  I know you are dealing with a very difficult problem though and very few of us can even relate.  I do hope that A's post was a positive one for you.  You seem to have a lot on your personal plate too but you try very hard to look at the positive side, please know that it does not go unnoticed.  We all care and are happy that you can vent here, just not happy that you have to. 

     

    Ailidh, I, and I am sure the others are very proud of the progress you have made.  I say proud because I know it has and still is taking a lot of work to even take small steps.  Just the fact that you are helping others says volumes.  A bigSmileto you.

    Hang in there both of you, thinking of you, Becky

    Thankyou, Becky, that means a

    Thankyou, Becky, that means a lot....

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    Ailidh said:

    That your brother could even

    That your brother could even admit to feeling a bit better or at least a bit less awful is HUGE. It really is a hint of a glimmer of a spark of a light at the end of a very long tunnel. I'm sure your standing by him has played a big part in this, even if he doesn't recognize it or thank you for it.

     

    If you can - and you have enough on your plate in all conscience but if you can - try not to be too mad at him for still spreading gloom, even although he feels a tiny bit better. My GP doctor hit the nail on the head a couple of weeks ago when she spoke about "daring to be better". Admitting to feeling even a tad better within depression is really scary because as soon as you admit it you think "What if it doesn't last?" Plus, as soon as you actually TELL people you're feeling a bit better, they're so relieved that they assume that you're 100% better and stop asking how you are, start having expectations of you that you can't meet and Argh...... In my limited experience, you've got to have quite a few "feeling a bit betters" followed by "here we go again"s before you can begin to see that there is a pattern of recovery, and that what goes down does come back up again.

     

    with prayers and admiration,

    A.

    Out of Energy

    Roller coaster continues.. but for now in the upswing. My brother went for his pre-op on Monday. The day before he was so far down that he didn't want to see me. Forgive me, but I just showed up at his apartment anyway and spent some time with him. But he rallied the next day and as I pointed out and he somewhat concurred.. about a week after doing his Retuxin, he starts sliding down. I brought out the pattern. If he knows it's going to be better after a little while.. hang on to that. He seemed to take heart. Today, he signed up to volunteer at a library starting in January. He calls me and after a while, I said.. so this is all good. But.. true to form.. he replies.. 'I feel bad'.  That's his comfort zone and if that floats his boat. But.. at least he feels he has something to look forward to after the biopsy next week. Best to all.. and thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. It makes my day to throw the message in the bottle intot he surf and have it come back.

  • NANCYL1
    NANCYL1 Member Posts: 289
    dkatz said:

    Out of Energy

    Roller coaster continues.. but for now in the upswing. My brother went for his pre-op on Monday. The day before he was so far down that he didn't want to see me. Forgive me, but I just showed up at his apartment anyway and spent some time with him. But he rallied the next day and as I pointed out and he somewhat concurred.. about a week after doing his Retuxin, he starts sliding down. I brought out the pattern. If he knows it's going to be better after a little while.. hang on to that. He seemed to take heart. Today, he signed up to volunteer at a library starting in January. He calls me and after a while, I said.. so this is all good. But.. true to form.. he replies.. 'I feel bad'.  That's his comfort zone and if that floats his boat. But.. at least he feels he has something to look forward to after the biopsy next week. Best to all.. and thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. It makes my day to throw the message in the bottle intot he surf and have it come back.

    OUT OF ENERGY

    DKatz:

    You showed up at his home anyway.  Good.  Believe me it is sometimes very hard to drag yourself out of depression, get yourself to do ANTHING!  I know that.  I hope your brother goes to the volunteer job at the library in January.   Once he starts speaking to others, I bet it will help him.

    Here is a "for instance" for you.  I have been doing very well physically and mentally with the Rituxan infusions for B Cell Lymphoma.  Got some news from my cardiologist that I would need cardiac surgery in the near future, after I finish the infusions.  My morale has been going down after that news.   Today it was very, very hard for me to walk into the cancer center, but I did it.  This is, of course, not like volunteer work, but it has to do with seeing and talking to other people.  Once that happened, I felt better, not from medical talk but just plain, old-fashioned communication.  (My husband and I do not have much backup from my family.)

    Nancy

  • Ailidh
    Ailidh Member Posts: 52
    Dang, I wish the whole thread

    Dang, I wish the whole thread came up so I could remember the names of people I'm talking to. Not chemo brain, my always brain!

     

    dkatz, you did a fantastic thing in going round anyway! and that your brother has volunteered - even if he doesn't manage to go - is a big step forward.

     

    Nancy, sorry to hear about your impending surgery. It always seems unfair to me that not only are we struggling with cancer and it's after effects but that doesn't stop us having other things go wrong too. I'm seeing a plastic surgeon next week about a Morel Lavallee injury to my "hip". Great good luck with your treatment!

  • NANCYL1
    NANCYL1 Member Posts: 289
    Ailidh said:

    Dang, I wish the whole thread

    Dang, I wish the whole thread came up so I could remember the names of people I'm talking to. Not chemo brain, my always brain!

     

    dkatz, you did a fantastic thing in going round anyway! and that your brother has volunteered - even if he doesn't manage to go - is a big step forward.

     

    Nancy, sorry to hear about your impending surgery. It always seems unfair to me that not only are we struggling with cancer and it's after effects but that doesn't stop us having other things go wrong too. I'm seeing a plastic surgeon next week about a Morel Lavallee injury to my "hip". Great good luck with your treatment!

    AILIDH

    Ailidh:

    It is unfair.  One thing at a time, I say.   I have never heard of a "Morel Lavallee" injury.   Looked it up and it sounds as if it could be dreadful.  Good luck to you when you see the plastic surgeon.

    Nancy

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    NANCYL1 said:

    AILIDH

    Ailidh:

    It is unfair.  One thing at a time, I say.   I have never heard of a "Morel Lavallee" injury.   Looked it up and it sounds as if it could be dreadful.  Good luck to you when you see the plastic surgeon.

    Nancy

    Out of Energy

    Nancy and Ailidh: I have to tell you this quick story. Both of my kids have Cystic Fibrosis which is an incurable lung disease. They are both young adults now. When my daughter was diagnosed about 20 years ago, there were no adult clinics. But..they are stable thanks to new treatments and drugs. My daughter is in love with horseback riding and she loves her 'boys'; 2 aged and lovable ponies. We own one but she takes care of both. One day last week, she wasn't feeling well. She said told me she was going to the barn in the morning. So I said..'are you sure that's a good idea?'.Without hesitation, she blurts out.. *&^% Cystic Fibrosis; I'm going to the barn.  She just plows ahead, treatments and feeling crappy and all. I hear a single-mindedness that somehow gets her to the barn, gets you guys to the hospital, gets my brother out of his apartment every day. There is something in the human spirit that is not fully explainable. None of this stuff is fair. So, as I tell my brother all the time.. keep on keeping on. As my daughter would say, &^%$ it, I'm going ... 

  • dkatz said:

    Out of Energy

    Nancy and Ailidh: I have to tell you this quick story. Both of my kids have Cystic Fibrosis which is an incurable lung disease. They are both young adults now. When my daughter was diagnosed about 20 years ago, there were no adult clinics. But..they are stable thanks to new treatments and drugs. My daughter is in love with horseback riding and she loves her 'boys'; 2 aged and lovable ponies. We own one but she takes care of both. One day last week, she wasn't feeling well. She said told me she was going to the barn in the morning. So I said..'are you sure that's a good idea?'.Without hesitation, she blurts out.. *&^% Cystic Fibrosis; I'm going to the barn.  She just plows ahead, treatments and feeling crappy and all. I hear a single-mindedness that somehow gets her to the barn, gets you guys to the hospital, gets my brother out of his apartment every day. There is something in the human spirit that is not fully explainable. None of this stuff is fair. So, as I tell my brother all the time.. keep on keeping on. As my daughter would say, &^%$ it, I'm going ... 

    Man up

    Your brother is a whiner and chronic complainer. Don't reward that behaviour by letting him get to you in such an awful way. Tell him to be strong and if he can't then go elsewhere. 

    All men die but not all men live. - Thomas Jefferson

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    unknown said:

    Man up

    Your brother is a whiner and chronic complainer. Don't reward that behaviour by letting him get to you in such an awful way. Tell him to be strong and if he can't then go elsewhere. 

    All men die but not all men live. - Thomas Jefferson

    Out of energy

    GKH: My brother has always been this way. I was out of touch with him for 15 years for reasons that would fill a book but decided to get in touch with him and he and I jumped back in. He is often very difficult to deal with because he has tunnel vision. He hates making decisions but I refuse to make them for him but I will brainstorm with him. He had laproscopic surgery yesterday on one of his kidneys to remove a small mass.. he went on for days about how he was not convinced that this was needed but couldn't decide what to do. He called me from the hospital yesterday after he checked in and finally and reluctantly said he would do it. His doc called me and said the mass was contained and if it was cancer it was low grade. My brother was more interested in the fact that he hates spending the night a hospital; he hates th efood, he'l never sleep and after all.. it probably wasn't cancer and it was a waste of his time. I drove him home today in a snowstorm, got his pain meds from the drugstore and made sure he got upstairs OK. I listened to complaining and moaning for 4 hours today. I wished him well and drove home. He's not going to become a different person just as I will not make his decisions for him as he would probably like me to do just so he doesn't have to think. He's who he is and I only have one brother. The quotation was appropro but he will never use that as his mantra. Your thoughts are well taken and I appreciate the fact that you recognize the role I seem to be playing as the enabler. I have other things going on in my life, fortunately, so I can contain his attitude and go on to other things. It gets to me but I move on and I can't help thinking about what I would be like if that was me sitting alone in an apartment in total silence.

  • dkatz said:

    Out of energy

    GKH: My brother has always been this way. I was out of touch with him for 15 years for reasons that would fill a book but decided to get in touch with him and he and I jumped back in. He is often very difficult to deal with because he has tunnel vision. He hates making decisions but I refuse to make them for him but I will brainstorm with him. He had laproscopic surgery yesterday on one of his kidneys to remove a small mass.. he went on for days about how he was not convinced that this was needed but couldn't decide what to do. He called me from the hospital yesterday after he checked in and finally and reluctantly said he would do it. His doc called me and said the mass was contained and if it was cancer it was low grade. My brother was more interested in the fact that he hates spending the night a hospital; he hates th efood, he'l never sleep and after all.. it probably wasn't cancer and it was a waste of his time. I drove him home today in a snowstorm, got his pain meds from the drugstore and made sure he got upstairs OK. I listened to complaining and moaning for 4 hours today. I wished him well and drove home. He's not going to become a different person just as I will not make his decisions for him as he would probably like me to do just so he doesn't have to think. He's who he is and I only have one brother. The quotation was appropro but he will never use that as his mantra. Your thoughts are well taken and I appreciate the fact that you recognize the role I seem to be playing as the enabler. I have other things going on in my life, fortunately, so I can contain his attitude and go on to other things. It gets to me but I move on and I can't help thinking about what I would be like if that was me sitting alone in an apartment in total silence.

    Brother

    he is very fortunate to have you. Just don't let him takes advantage - for your sake and his. All my best to you and your brother.

  • dkatz
    dkatz Member Posts: 27
    unknown said:

    Brother

    he is very fortunate to have you. Just don't let him takes advantage - for your sake and his. All my best to you and your brother.

    Out of Energy

    I'm going to meet my brother for coffee this afternoon instead of rushing home. My mom made the mistake of telling him that he looks much older than he is. She should have kept that to herself and it clearly bothered him. He's finally past the post surgical trauma from the kidney tumor and admitted the other day that maybe he did the right thing after all. He tells me every day without fail that the chemo shortened his life and who am I to say? I just keep drilling back that he's probably not going to die today and spending every minute of every day thinking about death is a huge waste of time. It's very hard for me to have that kind of conversation with him. He told me today that he was e-mailing his uncle and completely forgot how to spell a word. He thinks the chemo is affecting his mind. i told him I always get stuck on names..freeze up. So, he said maybe that's normal. Who's to say? Anyway.. to all readers.. best wishes for a happy and especially healthy New Year. Sorrows in the rear view mirror and only good things in front!

  • illead
    illead Member Posts: 884 Member
    dkatz said:

    Out of Energy

    I'm going to meet my brother for coffee this afternoon instead of rushing home. My mom made the mistake of telling him that he looks much older than he is. She should have kept that to herself and it clearly bothered him. He's finally past the post surgical trauma from the kidney tumor and admitted the other day that maybe he did the right thing after all. He tells me every day without fail that the chemo shortened his life and who am I to say? I just keep drilling back that he's probably not going to die today and spending every minute of every day thinking about death is a huge waste of time. It's very hard for me to have that kind of conversation with him. He told me today that he was e-mailing his uncle and completely forgot how to spell a word. He thinks the chemo is affecting his mind. i told him I always get stuck on names..freeze up. So, he said maybe that's normal. Who's to say? Anyway.. to all readers.. best wishes for a happy and especially healthy New Year. Sorrows in the rear view mirror and only good things in front!

    Steps

    At least it sounds like his steps are going forward, even if it's just a teeny bit, it's something.  Tell him that chemo did not shorten his life, it gave him life.

    Hang in there Katz, Becky