Cancer and in College

Hi, 

I am new to the Cancer Survivors Network. I am indeed a cancer survivor...when I was four months old I was diagnosed with a brain tumor the size of a golf ball. I underwent many rounds of chemo, radiation, tens of surgeries, and a bone marrow transplant. I have probably gone through more, but many years later I just do not remember. 

I am battling cancer for a second time. I am now 20years old, and I was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma May '13, and am undergoing a clinical trial that will last a year. I am struggling more emotionally than physically because due to the cancer, I have to take a year off from college. I was supposed to be a junior this fall '13, and had expected to travel abroad to Scotland in the Spring of 2014. However, that is no longer the case. I will not be returning to my college (Smith College) for a year and it is eating me up inside. I want to return to my dorm with my friends...I want graduate with my class! Because of the cancer, I will be graduating with the class below mine...And it sucks. I want to celebrate graduation with the friends of my year, to know that we achieved our degree together. I do not want to be left behind...and that is what is going to happen. On top of that, I feel like I will lose the connections I made at my college with my professors, mentors, etc. I feel that when I return, it will not mean as much as it would if I could have stayed...because I would then become the girl who had to leave because of cancer. I wouldnt just be a normal student anymore. 

I was wondering if there is any person who has/has had a similiar story to mine. I need some advice to cope when trying to keep up with friends...to know that they are having fun or dying together in finals while I am at home, 3000 miles away, dealing with this stupid, inconvenient cancer. 

Thank you!