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Here’s The Deal….Test Results Now In…

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Before we begin, I just wanted to once again thank all of my friends here for their caring and compassion.  The outpouring of emotional support was incredible and I felt kind of guilty rattling everybody’s cage, before I had the answers in, but don’t think I could have bit my tongue for that long anyway with those type of thoughts swirling around in my head to keep me company. 

 

Thank you all very much for being there with me…

 

So, the onc walks in and asks me for my assessment of the situation…I told him it looked like new trouble, but the report wasn’t exactly definitive. 

 

But, from what I had gathered, I said we’re looking at a cluster of new activity in the liver in the hepatic dome - that measures 3.2 cm x 1.7cm….that wasn’t there on the last set of scans. 

 

I wanted to look at the scans this time….he asked me what happened with the MRI and I told him what had happened and that I tried to rescue the day by having the protocol changed to all CT – as it was better than nothing.

 

He concurred…

 

We looked at the new cluster of spots and sure enough, they are visible and you can see the change between the two scans as we had them up side-by-side.  The rising CEA was his trigger for concern here.

 

CEA for me seems to be valid for liver – and worthless when it comes to lungs…so the rise (while not sky high) was disconcerting for both of us.

 

But, he told me that still it was not definitive at what we were seeing…although he highly suspects – as do I – as many of you might as well…

 

So, I said, well then the next step must be more testing, right? 

 

Perhaps a PET, I suggested? 

 

And short of an MRI, he agreed with this approach….so, now we’re scheduled for a PET scan next Wednesday first thing in the morning.  I asked him if the difference between any SUV values would be indicative of anything? 

 

Like, if it was 2.8 or 7.2 as examples…..would this determine anything? He told me it would be either – Or……either a high value or no value…not much in between. 

 

Next, I asked him the next most logical question…is the area treatable without chemo?

 

I asked him about TACE as an option?  He said, yes they do chemoembolization there at my facility (good news)…..but felt, that the response was low there and not appropriate for my situation. 

 

We talked about Sir Spheres and Thereapheres…I can get those at my place too…

 

I asked about RFA again….and he said we’ve got to be very careful with my liver…I’ve got stage I fibrosis and have had all along….it’s the reason that liver resection got ruled out after they originally opened me up…..and had to switch over to RFA on the fly.

 

But, while RFA remains a possibility, we’d have to revisit it to see if I would qualify….he told me the quality of my liver might be further impaired by a procedure like this – this time. 

 

I believe he said my right lobe looked pretty good, but the left one….he’s not sure how I would deal with that potentially. 

 

So, I moved next to Cyberknife – what about that I said?  I had that done on the liver too and locally, it was a temporary success….would later recur….

 

And he said, Yes, this would probably be one of the proposed methods to deal with it.  And it would be SBRT radiation…..stereotactic. 

 

I took a minute to talk with him about presacral regions and T11 and T12 calcifications.  And I said this is where the radiation was done on me right?  (9-years ago).

 

Yep…

 

And that it’s part of the price we pay for trying to live…what I’ve said all along…the ramifications and fallouts from our treatments continue to dog and haunt us every year we make it. 

 

I told him I had been having increasing pain in the lower back and could no longer sleep in on weekends….the pain literally drives me out of bed, it hurts so badly. 

 

And I told him about my hips and the associated pain there….I’ve got Avascular Necrosis, which is joint death of the hips due to an inadequate amount of blood supply to those joints.  The primary reason being radiation – followed by chemo. 

 

I knew about the AVN, but got a confirm about how our bodies continue to change from the treatments we endure – and why we suffer so, if we are the fortunate ones to keep going. 

 

Radiation – the gift that keeps on giving – all of your dying days….

 

He said we’d deal with this new activity first – and then look at the back plan….somewhere I’m going to have to get that addressed…it is getting rather cumbersome and there are days I can barely climb into my clothes to get ready for work. 

 

Well, that’s about it, Gang…

 

PET next week…..he’ll call if he sees something….otherwise, the plan is to watch and wait a couple more months….and then we look at it then. 

 

I’m okay with that…..I know that if that kind of time made a real difference for my situation, I’d already be dead…that’s the confidence that I've had to develop.  We can't always be rushing headlong into things nilly and willy...with so many years in the fight, comes some degree of sage that we develop...and of course, we hope that we were right in our judgment. 

 

So, for now, I’ll just suck it up and wait to do the next test…..we might end up doing an MRI, but I stated it would have to be open if it were going to be that long. 

 

Wish I had more news to tell you….

 

We seem to live our lives in a constant state of Flux – and that’s what makes it so hard to live in the moment – and to try and plan for a future that you can’t see – but genuinely hope for. 

 

I’ve tried to break free from the gravity of cancer that keeps me so weighted down….and yet, I find that it keeps a perpetual stranglehold on me, as it keeps me tethered tightly on a string for its own personal amusement. 

 

Actually, I’m giving cancer too much credit…..the truth is that cancer couldn’t care one iota…now if only I could get to that state of mind myself. 

 

We’ll see what happens next…and thank you all ever so much – for everything!

 

-Craig

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I didn't know you were a Texan!

Cool!

It has to be approached like a business deal....

In the planning phase, I'm all business....which is how it should be.  You have to keep a cool head and a calm manner, so you can approach it logically, without any emotion. 

Emotions can come afterwards, after the battle cry is sounded - and the swords drawn....

There is always time for that....then.

I will be waiting to hear your reports in July as well.....so much hope that it will be as expected...I think you've really handled things very well. 

Vibes & Hugs received on this one....I'll be returning those to you in a couple of weeks:)  You're going to need them too:)

danker
Posts: 1270
Joined: Apr 2012

I almost cannot believe what you are going through.  You certainly deserve to beat this an

be done with all cancer forever!!!   As my onc nurse said to me "be good to yourself."

traci43's picture
traci43
Posts: 775
Joined: Jul 2007

Craig - I think this is the toughest part that waiting between finding out and doing something about it.  You've got a great onc, listens to you and you have so much knowledge now about the options available.  I hope you find some calmness, and that the PET scan guides you to the correct treatment.  Traci

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

What you said:)

RickMurtagh's picture
RickMurtagh
Posts: 586
Joined: Feb 2010

wow, Craig, that certainly is not good, news, but there is some good news in there right?  You have options and know them.  You can think through them and come up with a plan that makes sense and has a reasonable chance of being effective.  You have always been fairly knowledgable about what your treatment options were, but think back a few years when you did not seem to have many options, your personal relationships were weighing heavily on you and you could not even afford a needed scan. So here we are with cancer still dogging you, but this time the hurt, pain and anxiety are not such big player in the drama. instead you feel blessed to be here as we are with you.  Now THAT is a change for the better, no matter how you slice it.

glad things are better for you, in many respects.

rick

 

she stood in the storm, & when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails.  elizabeth edwards

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

On most days, I manage to stay a 1/2 step ahead of the Grim Reaper:)

Yeah, I remember those days you speak of, Rick....that was the beginning of the 3rd recurrence then.  The story of Angel and her kind deed verified trouble and off we went...

I had tried to mend personal relationships (for the umpteenth time) and was trying to include folks back in my life.....now we've come full circle once again....and all of those folks are no longer in my life....family or friends....

Just my new family (nice, nephew & LMS)...

This last cancer and all the stuff with my dad.....nobody wanted to reach out and connect...and it send me the clear signal (finally) that said they were never really there for me at any point in my life....and so they really won't play a role and share in any part of my life - because, they really don't want it.

And I finally get that now...it's just not a real, true relationship(s)....which hurts, but so be it. 

They'll drive out for the day of the surgery....they'll come to the funeral and then split afterwards....but that is just show and I think to a large extend, just justification for their consciences to say that they were there - that they did something.

But, it's always about appearances - and never substance...

I guess what I'm saying, is that the more we think things will change - they largely stay the same - what was...was - and what is...is. 

As far as the upcoming fight...I'm okay with it as I can be...I'm hopeful that it is more of a skirmish this time around:)

Take it easy, man...

 

 

hippiechicks
Posts: 509
Joined: Sep 2012

Craig .. I have been off the site for some time, came back today and found your news.  I am so sorry you are faced with this unwelcomed turn.  You are a true inspiration on this site and I always look forward to reading your posts.  I wish you well and will be keeping you in my thoughts and well wishes.  You are strong and intelligent ... this I can see ... recipe for success.  Accept nothing else.  It sounds like you have a wonderful oncologist who is looking out for your best interest ... that is important! 

 

My best ...

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

I read your news when you posted it and I did the most natural thing for me...I stuck my head right into the sand And stayed there for awhile.  I figured if I stayed there long enough that when I stuck my head back up I would see that it was a dream.  Well, your post is still there.

I cried, I did not want you to be in the battle again, I wanted you up and out somewhere nice and safe watching us in the battlefield shouting words of encouragement and urging us on fighting with our bouts of cancer, and here you are down in our mist still shouting the words of encouragement while battling your own once again.

Craig, you will make it through this, again, I know it sucks, I hate this, but you will do well, heck we're standing shoulder to shoulder how could you not? You've always been there for me, I shall always be here for you.

Winter Marie

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

It didn't really dawn on me until after the fact....that I had hurt several people with this news. 

Still don't have a confirm yet.....PET/CT was done yesterday as the next tests....pending news.

But, I finally thought that after 2 years that I might have a chance of not recurring anymore.....

See, that's the thing dear Winter....years 0-2 for clear scans are nice....but that's the hardest time to wait for the the 're-occurence.'

Two years got me just gullible enough to start 'believing' again.....to finally get over that mental hurdle to where I could finally start making some plans - just like you guys all do.

My niece and nephew are set to be married in August 2014...I'd like to check it out....as close to a son as I'll ever have.....and my niece has 'Chicky' potential that I've grown quite fond of - and we've bonded in a very short time....she reads me...and I read her....we can speak volumes through our eyes...instinctively she knows what I'm saying...and I likewise, I get the messages she imparts through her eyes.....and it's wonderful to have that kind of an adult relationship...and just wish they weren't all the way across the country.

And LMS's half sister won a Make-A-Wish this year....she has several challenges in her young life and the prognosis for long-term is not all that promising.....and she was selected this year....and wants to go to Disneyworld. 

We thought it would be nice if we could meet them for a few days there and have our first family-type vacation.....great chance to be with LMS, who is now 4....over a year since I"ve seen her last...and she's growing so big now.  I'd like to see Mickey and Cinderella through her eyes.   

That might happen as early as November, but they are still working on the date.....so we were planning on how we could work out the logistics to possibly join them there.

So, getting to the second year and then getting over that speed bump was something I thought I'd never get to.....and then you get there....and find how it easy it is to tumble down the hill once more...

I had hoped to join so many who are getting 3-4-5 years out...

Now, here is a very poignant statement from you....shows how well you do know me:)

"I cried, I did not want you to be in the battle again, I wanted you up and out somewhere nice and safe watching us in the battlefield shouting words of encouragement and urging us on fighting with our bouts of cancer..."

That's how I wanted to redefine my role too...

I just want to be able to walk away from the fight part of the battle....and then use that energy doing the things that I need to be doing in the cancer world. 

I really didn't realize until after the fact, that I had let all of the air out of the room with that news.....just wish I had waited, but it was more stunning.

My thoughts were really why did I spoil the good news about the article publishing.....you don't get published everyday....and I was so lucky....without Jen's link, this would not even have been a story. 

And so, the publishing was for everyone here, who has supported my writing in any fashion....I finally got to deliver some news and before we got to savor it....

And that's still at the heart of my disconcertation...good news like that just shouldn't be dashed like that.  That's what hurt me most of all.....not the cancer. 

We'll see if there is something to worry about when I get my report in. 

I was so set to know.....but then a few days go by....you do the new test....and now part of you wants to know....and the other part sort of doesn't?

You know me....never bury my head in the sand.....

But, honey, is there any room in the sand next to you? Cool

LOL!

We'll be okay....I probably won't even had to double up my fists this time:)

Love/Craig

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

They haven't told you the results of PET yet???   ((((HUGGGGSSS)))) !!!!

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Nurse assures me she's got me on her radar:)

To SUV or Not To Be.....as William Shakespeare said, "That is the question..."

LOL!

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

SUV levels were up all over i glazed over but remember seeing.....9.2 in liver....

Indications of metastasis to lung again...and maybe spine this time.....

Hard news.....call into doctor for phone consult...making rounds at other hospitals...need to hear from him. thats all for now. 

have good w/end

Sonia32's picture
Sonia32
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mar 2009

Dear Cancer,

 

I hate your guts, please stop picking on my texan brother.

 

Sending love and warm hugs your way from across the pond

tommycat's picture
tommycat
Posts: 790
Joined: Aug 2011

Oh no..........!

comfort and care to you sweet Craig.

we are ALL here for you.

very sorry and wish I could do something to help you.

your friend in California,

tommycat

traci43's picture
traci43
Posts: 775
Joined: Jul 2007

Craig - Wishing for better news. I hope your consult with the MD brings clarity. Ill be thinking of you this weekend and hoping you find a way to fight this latest recurrance.  Traci

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

Can't believe this.  This has me in tears. Can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.  We all love you, Craig.  We're here for you, no matter what.  Lots o' love~AA

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Hey Buddy, we're hear for you, you know that.

Did you get a hold of your oncologist?  Sending up prayers to the Gods that be for an easier round with this latest cancer bout.  Thinking of you constantly.

Winter Marie

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

site too slow...i'm losing more posts than I post.....

did talk to onc.....i'm pursuing some avenues he may not know is coming.....lots of associated pain in the last 8-days back in the pleura when I breathe in too deep....just like last time. 

Onc says to worry about liver...not lungs or spine....

Well, lungs are starting to hurt...and quickly....I was forced to pain pills last night in short order....no good, because I've got to work and they make you want to sleep.  It's a bad sign.

Concerned....

thoughts and feelings are scrambled....somehow 'family' found out.....no phone calls in over a year....now one yesterday...and an email today from somebody else.

Of course, I had to politely shut the door and told them I wished no further communication as it appears they only come out of the wood work when the perception is that I'm ill. 

So much to deal with right now between all of the upcoming logisitics...and I was trying to divorce myself from having to get involved with relatives during this time.....you can't see when I'm living....no need to come see when I'm dying. 

 

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

things are so messed up right now....and i've got 'family' coming out of the woodworks to check on me now.....haven't heard one word since they peeled rubber out of the parking lot last year after dad's funeral......was another whole year prior to that when I was struggling so bad with my last cancer.

And magically now....they are just checking in to see how I'm doing?

Good grief!

They probably remember this site and started trolling and read the post....now everyone's concerned. 

I just had to finally tell them the truth....and it wasn't pretty.....bad enough that I won't be hearing from any more 'family.' 

But, I had already decided no funeral....too much money for nothing....they can't see me or be a part of me when I'm living, then I sure don't need to be there to clear their conscience at the graveside when they are trying to make their break with it.

I'm just hurt, hurt, hurt...I tried to keep as much of this as silent as possible.

My feelings are in alot of places right now....I want to talk.....but can't break through all of the congestion in my head.....dadgum site loses as many posts as you try and send.

Anyway, yeah we talked....and I don't agree with the approach to date.....I've got back stabbing pains the past 8-days around the pleural area of my lung where the last tumor was....and where it seems 'probable' to be now.

My onc looks to have shifted me to another surgical onc, perhaps with more experience with this situation.....much is jumbled....etc.

I just need to collect my thoughts, so much is changing now....and there are alot of feelings I'm trying to divorce, that once again find themselves at my doorstep at a time when I should not even have to bother with it.

This battle (upfront) looks like it be involved....and not as easy as I first thought....don't have as many weapons as we thought either. 

 

LindaK.
Posts: 500
Joined: Apr 2013

Craig, I am so sorry for all you are going through.  You have been an inspiration to so many and I hope you feel the love from all of us.  I have no words, others have written so many nice thoughts, I can only echo their words now.

I hate f-ing cancer

Linda

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

Funeral??? I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when that word popped out at me. I realize these are subjects we all have to consider but I do hope your not consumed by feelings of doom. I really hope that once you digest this recent news that you will feel more positive and motivated to fight. Pepe is not stronger than you. You are just as strong. I can only imagine how horrible chemo was for you based on what you described. Maybe it will be different this time. Some people do breeze through it. Maybe you will have an easier go of it this time around. (assuming that's how you and your onc decide to proceed).

I can't say I am entirely comfortable with this role reversal. I am usually messed up and in need of your wise words. Unfortunately, I don't have your gift. I have no words to make you feel any better. I just know you have it in you. I know you've got all kinds of relatives coming out of the woodwork but I am curious about your wife. Is she coping okay? Hopefully you guys are able to be a comfort to each other.

What you mentioned about your lung symptoms is interesting. Steves surgeon told him, as well, that his liver is his big problem. If nothing changes, liver failure is a very real possibility. He feels no symptoms at all from his liver. It's not enlarged, no nausea, nothing. His lungs, however,
seem to be causing him severe symptoms. Major shortness of breath and
fatigue. He thinks he can feel the tumors. I suspect this may be in his head.
But the fatigue and shortness of breath are not his imagination. Jeez, I
always seem to find a way to turn these posts back to me. Lol.

Try not to get too wallowed down in all this bad news. Take it all as it comes. Try not to focus too far ahead. This is what I tell myself when I start to feel overwhelmed (see.....there I go again. Aren't I selfish!!!). Hang in there. Wish I could help.

Chels

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hey Chels:)

Believe me I know how my news has changed you....I see it and feel it....many others too...it was a shock and I haven't quite found all of my footing yet either. 

I know as a long-termer that you see things through my coping and longevity strategy...and when we see that kind of thing tumble, well, it just shakes us up...period.

When I first got here to the board in '09, I told everybody then that I had removed the "S" off my chest long ago...I'm just a mere mortal:)

Funeral?

Before this latest familial episode, I had told my wife that if I got cancer back to not tell anyone about it....don't tell them I'm doing surgery....and don't tell them if I died....they could just find out or perhaps never even know.  And that I didn't want a funeral.....after dad's rip-off for a basic, I told her do not do it....only 4 'relatives' would probably come for show and then drag race out of there, leaving my wife hanging.

So, I said, if they can't see me when I'm living - they won't see me when I'm dying - or dead. 

Same goes for my two ex-friends, whom I've known for 35-years...

I harbor no ill will, but since everyone got out of my way - I'm just staying out of theirs now...I believed we've talked twice in 2-years. 

My wife is doing pretty well....she's let me express my feelings and concerns and some business stuff this time....without shutting down, or shutting me down.  Telling her the update was hard of course.  It ruined that night, but knew it would. 

Over the weekend, we kept banging away at the wreck that is our life.  Trying to maintenance and get as much done as possible....and this was before the cancer....we were just trying to get back to a starting position:(

I've had small moments, don't know about her on that one.  Most of my feelings come from the imaginary posts that I write to all of you in my head, that never make it to the board.  Things I'm feeling and it feels as if I'm talking with you all.....it gets a little emotional and a couple of quick sniffs and then I'm back....rinse and repeat. 

Interesting about Steve....

I do feel a pang or two in my liver and have for a few weeks....I've been feeling uneasy nausea too....it's reduced my appetite in just the past 3-4 days....I can't even finish a bowl of soup now....taste is sometimes strange...

As for the lungs, things are changing fast and there is something wrong and I know it....can't get anyone to pay any attention to me, though I keep trying.  Still waiting to hear from my lung surgeon...I called him on my own.  But, breathing is becoming more labored....this started about 10 days ago now...and the pain is increasing...I can't even lay down with out pain now...unless I lay completely flat....I've had to resort to a couple of pain pills a night for the last three nights now.

I can 'feel' the tumor too....at least, I can feel where I know it is....I'm trying to be pro-active, but just know they are going to come back and say "Woops!" 

I've written a post with some updates I'm going to send out....increase pain always makes it hard to not feel overwhelmed. When your face is all snarked up in pain that is readily visible with your expression, I'm having a hard time even trying to watch tv right now.

Hurts to stand, hurts to sit, hurts to lay down, hurts to breathe.....etc.

Of course, the plan is still out there a couple of weeks more out....when I can get to the appointments, so I've been trying to stay calm....but the pain always changes me. 

You're sweet and thanks for talking with me...

 

 

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

I know i don't come here often, but when Marie posted on fb that you were having trouble, i had to come.

You are the epitamy of the word "survivor", Craig. You know that. Though your road has been challenging, you always persevere; and you will again. I'm just so sorry you have to continually restart. I've done it three times, and that was enough! I understand the disappointment, and your ability to bounce back from so much abuse is encouragement for all of us.

I think of you often, Craig, and i will be sending all of my most positive thoughts your way for a fast healing.

Much love,

Krista

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Thanks for stopping by....

I'm a little bit short of words today for many reasons....

Doesn't happen often...but glad you took the time to swing over and say hi to me.  You guys be cool over there.

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

I know i don't come here often, but when Marie posted on fb that you were having trouble, i had to come.

You are the epitamy of the word "survivor", Craig. You know that. Though your road has been challenging, you always persevere; and you will again. I'm just so sorry you have to continually restart. I've done it three times, and that was enough! I understand the disappointment, and your ability to bounce back from so much abuse is encouragement for all of us.

I think of you often, Craig, and i will be sending all of my most positive thoughts your way for a fast healing.

Much love,

Krista

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Oh, Craig.

I was away last week and didn't know any of this until I saw it mentioned on facebook. You are so precious to me and to so many people here. Your wisdom and humor and love mean so much!

With that said, please don't filter your reactions to any news you get or any ailments that are troubling you. Your only obligation to us is to take the best care of yourself that you can and to let us know how it's going. If you're down, don't try to muster up false gaiety, and if you hurt, you're allowed to cry.

You are such a wonderful person, and I'm going to be talking to God about you a LOT.

*hugs*

Gail

dmj101's picture
dmj101
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2011

Prayers and peace

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

I am not here very much anymore, but I did hear this news and I am sorry that you have to gear up for this battle again.

I know you are tired but you have the strength somewhere deep inside to pull you through this once again.

Hugs!  

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

Have been out of here for a while . my friend it seems your stubbornness is trying to compete with me for the record of recurrences , hope no one of us wins this competition, LOL. We both are big fighter ( every body is here) and one reoccurrence more will not afraid you, fight my friend, fight and I know you will this battle once more, I'm sure about ,and of course if you need any encouragement or help just let me know or give me a whistle.( pinochio) .
Have a huge hug from the east side of the ocean !.
Pepon. (4.5 years under non stop treatment and enjoying life).

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

You're a stronger guy than I am:)

 

hippiechicks
Posts: 509
Joined: Sep 2012

Sending peace and strength to you.

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1327
Joined: Apr 2009

I am wrapping my arms around you. You and your team will get this figured out and back on the road to recovery once more.

As for "family", you know where we are. As for those others.................that's why we have voice mail, email blocking, and locks on our doors.

Luv,

"Mama"

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

I'm having a tough time with the site and cant read through all the posts....did I read some nonsense about a funeral? I haven't been here too long but I know you are a fighter! My opinion on the family stuff? Thanks for asking :) ... either forgive them and let them in to help...or just don't give them another thought. You need to save your energy for your battle and try to let the family stuff go. I know its hard but just focus on being better. Vent away here to get it off your chest but don't let it be your focus. Hang in there...I can see a new Billy story in a few mos down the road!

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

Duplicate post

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 682
Joined: Jul 2011

Oh Lordy, Craig...  I have spent this last week thinking of you and your wife with my stomach a gurgling mess of emotions, my heart aching for y'all, and my head with no words that have meanings.  So this is all I will say for now except sending prayer..  Lorikat

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I didn't have the heart to break the news to your group....not after that BB post:)

I'm having many feelings just like you are describing....it's interesting....but apparently the 4th recurrence is sort of a big deal....

I'm sorry my news upset you, but I appreciate all of your kind thoughts and thinking of me during this time. 

Continued best to you!

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 682
Joined: Jul 2011

You are APOLOGIZING???   God Bless you Craig!  Of COURSE I am upset, just as you would/have been for others.  One thing most of us learn from this journey is compassion sprinkled with empathy..  For others and for ourselves.  PLEASE give the gift of both to yourself, and accept mine as well.

you have been a gift this past two years....thank you...   Lorikat

 

 

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