WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING?

janderson1964 said:

You will get through the

You will get through the first couple of weeks. It is incredibly tough but we all get through it. The important thing is to write down questions for the doctor and write down his answer and dont rush into anything.

lasy sunday I was rock climbing with my friend feeling good, now my life seems forever changed trying to stay positive hopefully I will settle into this as much as one can.

kennyt said:

last sunday

lasy sunday I was rock climbing with my friend feeling good, now my life seems forever changed trying to stay positive hopefully I will settle into this as much as one can.

Rock climbing can be a great outlet for you. I was a hardcore mountain biker before cancer and still am. I use it as a weapon to fight it physically and mentally.

lp1964 said:

Dear Kenny,

I'm very new to this as well. You get the diagnosis, you make appointments, you write down "cancer" first time on your medical forms.

Kenny, I'm telling you the worst thing is the unknown. Gather as much information as you can as soon as you can. Once you have a strategy you will feel much better. Only concentrate on the next piece of information, don't think about the future stuff and definatelly not your and family's future, because the anticippation is a million times worse vthan what's really gonna happen.

Get going and post here a lot, ask questions as much as you want. This forum put me to ease.

We are here to support you.

Don't ever forget that you are still you with all your qualities, you just happen to have cancer.

Still make every day a good day saying: well I'm still here when so many other people died and got injured.

Laz

Laz, thanks for your wise words I totally agree. I think I'm still in shock it's the worst when I wake up and know this is my new reality. I'm trying to just accept the fact that this is just the way it is for now, Kenny

Sundanceh said:

Hey Joe - What Do I Know....

But, here goes...

First, Why Me is a universal feeling that we all share...and there will never be a way for any of us to escape that question..

It can be overwhelming until we take a step back and see the bigger picture all around us.  When we compare our troubles to that of others, it brings things into the proper perspective when we look at this through this context.

Let's get started...

"is a cancer patient taking the bullet for the sins of those around him?"

No, Joe.  Cancer is very random and strikes each one of us up and down the line, no matter what our status in society is...it's an equal opportunity destroyer that affects people of all ages and crosses all boundaries.  Celebrity or regular folks....athletes or couch potatoes....married or single....with children and without....for richer or poorer....and in sickness and in health.

"If God is all knowing, why is there childhood cancers? He can control all things... then why do sick people continue to pray for good things... only to get a new drug to help the fight.  Its a simple question, and it disturbs me to say it...  But God, where are you?"

Now, Joe, I'll first tell you that I'm in the infancy stage of my spiritual journey...but, from my limited time studying.....this is my understanding right now...

I believe we all wonder where God is, when we see so much tragedy happening all around us that looks like it could be prevented.  And truth be told....it could be prevented.  My understanding is that He allows things to happen for those that believe in Him, so he can use that  person for His purpose that He has for your life.

Now, here's a personal story....

In 1986, my sister was set to graduate high school and go onto college....her graduation and prom were a couple of weeks away.  She loved and believed in the Lord.  She was a virgin at 18 and was saving herself for her husband - qualities all too easily forgotten in a fallen world.  One evening before dusk, she and a couple of friends went to a lake to chat or whatnot and came upon an evil man......a 4x convicted serial rapist. 

He killed her two friends...and then he murdered her too....pistol whipped her, sexually abused her, sodomized her....and then strangled her with her own panties....and threw her over a cliff like bag of garbage...

When they found her, she was only recognizable by her class ring:(

And I'm quite sure that during the assault, that she was crying out Why Me, God....and Where are You, God.....as he beating her beyond human recognition....

Having studied Dr. Stanley off and on some of my life.....and now, strongly for the past several months....the good doctor has taught me this...

Ours is not to understand.....Ours is to Trust.....our ways are not His Ways....our thoughts are not His thoughts...

The message I get over and over again is...if you believe and accept the basic premise of why Jesus died on the cross and accept Him in the ways that you must, He lives inside you....and is therefore with you....at all times.

I don't see anything in there about Him necessarily having to save everyone....but apparently, He is on the inside of you, so always there with you.

I get the struggle...I've had it all my life...my dad's deal finally took me to my knees.....but the fight was already over...and I "surrendered" again anyway. 

I came to believe something different......that there had to be somebody else.....just had to.....with all of the pain and suffering on this planet, there has to be something bigger than ourselves to handle it all.

I saw it first hand here on the board - and this place only represents a microcosm of all the suffering that the world goes through...I tried to take on everyone's pain and angst....for years up here.....over and over....more and more.....giving until I had nothing left of myself to give....

And still the people suffered....

And then it got to where it wasn't even about cancer....even for me....and that's where you see that cancer is really just a part of the story of some of or lives.....but tragedies are happening all day, every day, for everyone.....

When the weight got too much for me to bear, I cracked and broke.....and knew I couldn't save anyone, much less a board....or a planet full of hurting souls....

And so, I began my spiritual ascent with the intent of having to finally believe in something.....or I would go stark raving mad at the things I saw just happening to me and my friends....I had to turn it over finally...

As Jen alluded to, I just had to do it, so I could make some kind of sense out of the world we find ourselves living in. 

And let me tell you a quick testimonial...would you believe me if I told you God was using your post to get me to write to you today?  I don't, Joe....not anymore.

Ok, so one night, I was watching Dr. Stanley and he told me the things that I needed to do.....and when the show was over, I did them...with sincerity and earnest.....a few days went by and I did not feel any differently.  I thought I like Dr. Stanley alot....and I so much want to believe what he's telling me.....but I just didn't feel it. 

One night, I was down at my barn.  It was cold and I had the doors thrown open and found some old 40-year old Star Trek cassette tapes we had made in the early 70's....I plugged one in and was just down there listening and watching my dog  run around.

All of a sudden, I felt a peace and contentment that drugs and alcohol could never deliver....though many have tried...

And then some secular things went wrong....something said here...and other events, and I went dark, just as sure as I had seen the light.....

But, I knew what was going on...

See, Joe....He tests us....all the time....and it seems that if you believe....he tests you harder.  I've been watching the History Channel's Bible series that came on.  And I watched the examples that God used....oh man, God is a hard guy....very hard.....I watched the examples up and down the line from Abraham, Daniel, Moses, Samson etc. etc.

Now, I hate the line you mentioned...."God only gives you what you can handle".

But, I've been thinking about this again recently...maybe there is some truth in those words...some folks are selected (Pulled Off the Shelf) and put into play for reasons that we may not understand.  Not everyone can do it (things in life that come up) and so developing strength to handle those adversities in life may come in play when we run into someone else out there, who might benefit from a living example. 

This is what I believe...

Now, here's my personal story....

We just got an article published....big day, right?  Yeah, for about 2 days...and then came impending news about another cancer situation to have to contend with.....buzzkill. 

And now, we're probably looking at my 4th recurrence in 9-years...

Timing, huh?  Why?  Why let me have something I've always wanted - and then days later, have me step up for a new challenge - before I could finish my first meal?

Because, He is testing me once again....

Now, I'm tired of being tested....and yet, I have no choice but to pass the test and try and help others with any kind of positive example that I could set. 

I don't know all the answers, Joe....I'm too new to the religion thing...but this time, I'm really trying...

I have to believe in something more than myself....because after 52 years, I haven't got it right yet. 

When cancer is confirmed (in less than a couple of hours), I'll head into this new battle with 2 new pieces of armorment that I've never had before in my life (with or without cancer)...and those ladies are called Trust & Faith...

There's more I could say, but I don't want to crush this thread anymore than I already have...

I'm with you, Joe....I feel you, man......

Now, put your back right up against me - and together we'll hold each other up as we try and figure it out...

I know God is going to use my 4th cancer for something....though for the life of me, I know not what it is....

Or maybe I'm just delusional....and just a fool....

Either way I've got to fight...

Which reminds me, Joe...one last thing, buddy....

The last Dr. S. message I saw this week was "The Courage To Stand Up...."

It talked about courage in all arenas of our life....to stand up and speak out if something is wrong....or to stand up and fight in a sickness and have the courage to do so. 

He alluded to the fact that Jesus fought and didn't give up...and he talked of the Apostle Paul and how he never gave in....and Joe let me tell you, just from what I've heard, Paul was an example for all of us....that man took a beating that none of us deserve...and yet it did not deter his faith.  I found it very inspirational and when I now find the times where I'm feeling sorry for myself, I now think of him and what he endured for what he believed. 

And if these guys fought....we've got to fight....

Which is significant, because this time....I don't want to fight anymore....and I was looking for an easy way to cop out and not deal with it.

And then I  heard that message...we've got to fight, because that's what He wants for us. 

Remember, this is just from an infant....just what I've learned in the past few months....

And I think that God pulled the trigger today and put me here with you, so we talk with you today. 

Well, that's about it, Joe...thanks for listening...soul searching is very cleansing and thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts with everyone today....I needed a post like this today...I get to walk in to the doctor's office and pay him to tell me what I already know. 

Everyday, I get up....I say "Good Morning" to the Lord - who can we help today? - please don't let my fight be of a chemical nature - and I reiterate that I'm still TRUSTING....

And that's hard for me, Joe...

I grew up alone and basically raised myself (minus food/clothes/shelter) and so I only believed in what I could see - what I could feel - what I could taste...

It's not easy trusting...when you never have.

I always figured I could do it all by myself....after all, hadn't that what I had been doing all my life anyway? 

Was it - or was it?

Take care, Joe...and thanks for a though provoking post!

-Craig

I have grown so fond of Craig's responses and believe this is one of his main purposes.  Please continue to be a beacon.

Religion and the tests of faith for me are too simple.  On one hand, faith and prayers bring me hope.  I find so much peace giving my worry to God and following his "voice".  On the other hand, it is all a hallucination and God doesn't exist.  But what do I have to lose living in faith and hope?  Nothing.  If He is, and I believe He is, I'm covered.  If He isn't, then nothing lost. 

With that said, I have left my heart open to the peace of God.