So many judges

VivianLee5689
VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

I am so frustrated with some people who are so determined to see David that they would say mean things and/or try to manipulate me. I woke up this morning to a couple of texts that were not received well by me.  I have never wanted to take David away from anyone. I don't want him to leave me, but this his solitary adventure to the place he has been dreaming of for as long as he remembers.  He has lived such a servant's life and now it's time for him to care for himself and rest in God's peace.  He woke up a little this morning and reached for my hand and said thank you for being here with me. That meant so much as I knew today we have decided for inpatient hospice. He is going home where he won't have all this pain.  I'm quite sure I am not making much sense because I am so grief stricken right now, but it has been such an honor to be chosen by God to see him through this phase of his life. 

Comments

  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #2
    oh no they don't....

    Dear Vivian,

    Please don't let anyone upset you and put any guilt on your shoulders.  You have been the world's best caregiver and you know what is best for David and for you.

    You have shared David with them enough, it's now time for you to be selfish.

    Sometimes people really just don't know how they should act in times like this.

    But then again...just post all their names and text numbers on here and we will let 'em have it.

  • cureitall66
    cureitall66 Member Posts: 913
    #3
    Only ONE Judge....

    Vivian,

    There is only ONE Judge, so don't be discouraged by others. I understand completely about honoring David's wishes of others coming. I hope he would allow his siblings and mother to be there though...this is very trying for them too. The others must realize that you are simply doing what is best for David. They should do their best to remember David as he would want them to remember him.

    When David reaches his calling, know that he is finally at peace. This whole thing has been a very big challenge for him as well as yourself. He doesn't want you to suffer emotionally any more than you have to either. Your love for David has been seen by so many, as well as to David and God. You were the chosen one to help David get through this journey and you have done a fine job my friend....and will continue.

    Sometimes we don't always get what we wished and hoped for in life...for God is the only one that knows where we are needed and where we will go. HE is proud to have you as one of his servants. You are a true blessing to David and have also shown so many of us on the outside how much we should appreciate one another and life. No one is promised tomorrow. We must appreciate what is in front of us today.

    You have my email address and please feel free to continue to keep in touch whenever you can. I know your time is precious, but I want to be sure you remember you can "sound off" to me anytime. I will be there for you. You and David will continue to be in my prayers.

    God Bless you both,

    ~Cris 

     

      

       

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #4
    Vivian,
    My prayers are with

    Vivian,

    My prayers are with you both. My sister went through the same thing with her husband's family and friends. Her husband wanted just her with him those last few days. It is a sacred and precious thing you are experiencing together. So quit reading their text and do only what briings him peace and comfort. The Lord said when we wed we become "one." He also said you put your spouse before anyone else, including family. I have often wondered why death and dieing bring out the worst in people.

    Saying a prayer for those others to be more compassionate.

    Debbie

  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #5
    jim and i said:

    Vivian,
    My prayers are with

    Vivian,

    My prayers are with you both. My sister went through the same thing with her husband's family and friends. Her husband wanted just her with him those last few days. It is a sacred and precious thing you are experiencing together. So quit reading their text and do only what briings him peace and comfort. The Lord said when we wed we become "one." He also said you put your spouse before anyone else, including family. I have often wondered why death and dieing bring out the worst in people.

    Saying a prayer for those others to be more compassionate.

    Debbie

    Vivian

    Sounds like a good time let the battery on your phone run down. Today is a gift you have with David, spend it as such.

    You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

    Candi 

  • Pumakitty
    Pumakitty Member Posts: 652
    #6
    Vivian

    You are doing the right thing for David.  Please do not pay attention to people who think they know what is best for both of you.  Only uou and David know that.  My prayers are with you all the time and I so wish I could hug you both. 

     

    Kathy

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #7
    Vivian...

    You don't have to let any of those outside manipulate or hurt you....if that is who they are, then put them outside with the trash. This is a time where many people closein the ranks around their loved one.  It's a personal and private time....Only if David himself said it was ok for certain people to come and pay their respects, would I let them in the door. 

    My heart is aching for you....

    p

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,722 Member
    #8
    judge not

    Vivian,

     

    You are doing the correct thing(s) and I believe David has acknowledged that.

     

    Dismiss the ignorant around you and give yourself to the task at hand.

     

    Peace and prayers for both of you.

     

    Matt

  • VivianLee5689
    VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
    #9
    CivilMatt said:

    judge not

    Vivian,

     

    You are doing the correct thing(s) and I believe David has acknowledged that.

     

    Dismiss the ignorant around you and give yourself to the task at hand.

     

    Peace and prayers for both of you.

     

    Matt

    Plan afoot

    Ok so I try to reason with people and I found out they have planned a coo. They don't care what David wants because they are being influenced that I am in control and keeping them David and they need to show him how much they love him. It's got his mother so upset and is making me mad. 

  • Billie67
    Billie67 Member Posts: 898
    #10
    VivianLee5689 said:

    Plan afoot

    Ok so I try to reason with people and I found out they have planned a coo. They don't care what David wants because they are being influenced that I am in control and keeping them David and they need to show him how much they love him. It's got his mother so upset and is making me mad. 

    Oh Vivian
    People can be so irritating! We had a very dear friend who was in his final days and he didn't want all kinds of visitors either so we had the nurses and front desk on alert to shoo away guests. We also had a note on the door that said "no visitors" and it really helped to keep people out. We also had the phone in his room turned off. People need to realize that David has wishes and those wishes need to be respected and met.
    I wish I were there, I play a great security guard!

    Thinking about you!
    Billie
  • cureitall66
    cureitall66 Member Posts: 913
    #11
    VivianLee5689 said:

    Plan afoot

    Ok so I try to reason with people and I found out they have planned a coo. They don't care what David wants because they are being influenced that I am in control and keeping them David and they need to show him how much they love him. It's got his mother so upset and is making me mad. 

    Plan B....

    Vivian,

    I like Billie's way in which they handled a friend's wishes, similar to what David is asking ....maybe it is time for Plan B (Billie's Plan!). Don't let these days you need with David keep you preoccupied with selfish people that have no clue the reality of this all and the pain that David is in. 

    Stay strong my friend...

    ~Cris

     

  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
    #12
    cureitall66 said:

    Plan B....

    Vivian,

    I like Billie's way in which they handled a friend's wishes, similar to what David is asking ....maybe it is time for Plan B (Billie's Plan!). Don't let these days you need with David keep you preoccupied with selfish people that have no clue the reality of this all and the pain that David is in. 

    Stay strong my friend...

    ~Cris

     

    I'm with you Vivian ...

    Ever since my dx and subsequent treatments it got me to thinking that one day I too will be facing death, just not this dance, but certainly a future dance.  In 2011 I sat by my Dad's bedside as he slowly died of Leukemia ...Dad was a Navy Veteran of 24 years and the week I got the call I drove from Idaho to Daytona Beach ...arrived at the hospital and saw a man I did not even recognize.  Mom and Dad had just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary that year.  Mom was lost and in TOTAL denial.

     

    Dad had many visitors and finally called me to his bedside and said "son, three things I need from you.  One, get me home (he did not want to die in that hospital, he wanted to die at home) two, call hospice, your mother needs the help.  Three, take care of your mother and help her with the finances. (Mom's mind was beginning to show stages of Alzheimer's and she gets easily confused).  There most have been a ton of folks coming to the house to check on mom and would stop in the bedroom where dad was at and show their love.....Dad finally said to me "Son, no more visitors, I'm in a diaper for god's sake" (He had a pair of depends on and only covered by a sheet (Flrorida is hot and that's what he wanted to be in).  So I put up the barriers and I took no prisoners.  Mom even questioned me one time and I just politely told mom it was Dad's wishes and if anybody want to see dad they wold have to get through me first.   Being then a 320lb guy I had no takers.

     

    You and David know what is best.  Don't worry about anythign.  You, his immediate family (mother and siblings) is probably all he wants to see is my guess.  As someone put it above, there is only one Judge....you know what is right and his wishes.

     

    I'm still praying for you both ...and I hurt you have to go through so much.

     

    Tim

  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #13
    VivianLee5689 said:

    Plan afoot

    Ok so I try to reason with people and I found out they have planned a coo. They don't care what David wants because they are being influenced that I am in control and keeping them David and they need to show him how much they love him. It's got his mother so upset and is making me mad. 

    alert the staff

    Vivian,

    Do what Billie says and alert the nurses and front desk staff about NO VISITORS.

    Mention it to the hospice folks also....they may have other tips for you.

    You are doing the right thing by David and that's all that matters.  Stay strong.

  • NJShore
    NJShore Member Posts: 429 Member
    #14
    VivianLee5689 said:

    Plan afoot

    Ok so I try to reason with people and I found out they have planned a coo. They don't care what David wants because they are being influenced that I am in control and keeping them David and they need to show him how much they love him. It's got his mother so upset and is making me mad. 

    Ignorance

    Vivian,

    I am so sorry that those who have no idea what you and David and his immediate family are going through, are so heartless. They obviously have trouble letting go of the man who has done so much for them, and no understanding of appropriateness.

    I agree, have the nurses put signs on his door, they usually have them - if you tell the nurses, the receptionists at the door won't tell anyone his room number. If they know it, can he be moved to a room nearby.

    This time is all about David and you, and that's what you should be able to think about. Ignore them and let others handle their insolent behavior.

    Kari

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