Wait for it .. Joke for Thursday .. I laughed until, I cried ..

VickiSam
VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.


RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management

Comments

  • Pinky68
    Pinky68 Member Posts: 206 Member
    Best one yet
    Thanks VickiSam! I've read it twice now...Still laughing!!
    Have a great labor day weekend!!
    Joyce
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    Pinky68 said:

    Best one yet
    Thanks VickiSam! I've read it twice now...Still laughing!!
    Have a great labor day weekend!!
    Joyce

    Joyce ... Thanks so much ...
    still LOL when I refer to the restroom and lunch breaks! I would have to fall
    into the latter group for lunch -- the group drinking slim fast, and popping
    a diet pill.


    Vicki
  • trsmith0104
    trsmith0104 Member Posts: 35
    VickiSam said:

    Joyce ... Thanks so much ...
    still LOL when I refer to the restroom and lunch breaks! I would have to fall
    into the latter group for lunch -- the group drinking slim fast, and popping
    a diet pill.


    Vicki

    My boss wrote it.
    Tonia

    My boss wrote it.

    Tonia
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    Funny
    Though there are some who ascribe to the vacation day policy. Most of them show the absurdity of workaholism.