Nick - One Year, One Month after Diagnosis - Gone....

TerryV
TerryV Member Posts: 887
edited June 2012 in Esophageal Cancer #1
Nick has had recent dizziness, and facial weakness. A CT brain scan on 05/11 showed a tumor on the cerebellum. The MRI on the 18th showed 2 others and a host of "tumor dust" and Leptopmengial disease (cancer in the spinal fluid). In order to control the dizziness, lessen the seizures and give Nick a quality of life for the summer, the doctor has prescribed 15 WBRs. Please don't tell me how scary - I already know. He would have nothing without them though, so forward we move.....

My "poster boy" is now Stage IV and I believe has a very short time with us. This is SO Hard to believe as now under seizure meds, he is back to "normal" Nick.

ARGH!!! I'm stunned, incrediably saddened, and at a loss. I'm searching for the impossible and I know it. But it doesn't make it any more possible to stop searching for "hope". Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Love & Hugs to everyone. Sorry to bring this news.

Terry
wife to Nick, age 49
dx T3N1M0, 05/19/11
2 weeks inpatient Cisplatin/5FU, 26 Rads
THE 09/08/11
NED until 05/11/2012
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Comments

  • Court_Ren
    Court_Ren Member Posts: 27
    #2
    Oh I am so sorry to hear
    Oh I am so sorry to hear this. I wish it wouldn't have come to that. Damit is right. You have every reason to feel that way. I say the same thing every day. My husband's cancer seems to be to smart or it's own good. He is now on his third line of chemo, cause we can't seem to find one to slow it down. People always ask me what kind of cancer he has and I say " Fast, smart, and lethal. damit anyways. Stay strong hun. I will pray for him right now. God bless, and I hope that you have had a nice weekend with your family. :)
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #3
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • BobHaze
    BobHaze Member Posts: 161 Member
    #4
    Oh NO!
    Oh Terry – I’m so sorry for you and Nick to hear this terrible news. You and Niki and I got active on this board around the same time and of course Nick and I had our surgeries within a couple of weeks of one another, so I’ve always felt a particular closeness to you guys as we’ve moved along on our journeys. I’m so sad that this has happened at all, but especially so soon after all that you’ve both had to go through – why couldn’t you and he have had more time to enjoy life even if this did have to happen eventually?

    All I can think to say is that I’ll be thinking of you guys a lot, and I hope the medical folks are able to keep Nick “with it” and pain free for as long as possible. I’ll hope upon hope that a miracle happens and he’s able to somehow pull through this latest awful setback.

    Damn this beast!!!

    FEC,
    Bob
    T1aN0M0
    Dx 8/3/11
    MIE 9/23/11
  • captdave
    captdave Member Posts: 153
    #5
    Terry, I can't express how
    Terry, I can't express how sorry I am to hear your news this morning. I'm sick that Nick has had this terrible re-occurrence. I know that you must be reeling. Please know that we are praying for Nick and for you. You will be in our thoughts and prayers every day. This can happen to anyone of us at any time. We all know it and live with the thought in the back of our minds. It is still hard to accept that someone like Nick who's fought so well can have this happen.

    Dave
  • BMGky
    BMGky Member Posts: 621
    #6
    How sad!! How angry it
    How sad!! How angry it makes one. You did everything you were supposed to. This is such a terrible disease. I agree with your "Dammit!"s I understand your searching for "Hope." Of course, I want to ask all the wrong questions: How did this happen? What went wrong? Why?

    Prayers for you and a snuggy, huggy hug. Wish I could do more BMGky
  • paul61
    paul61 Member Posts: 1,391 Member
    #7
    I am so sorry to hear this news about Nick
    Terry,

    I am so very saddened to hear of Nick's recurrence. It seems he was doing so well after surgery. This it almost impossible to believe. You and Nick will be in my prayers daily. I know you must be still reeling from this terrible news. I am glad the seizure medication is helping his quality of life.

    With great sadness,


    Paul Adams
    Grand Blanc, Michigan

    DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
    12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
    2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
  • Guigna
    Guigna Member Posts: 63
    #8
    I am so sorry to hear this
    It is so terribly frightening to watch our beloveds get wrecked by this terrible cancer.
    Enjoy your good moments.
  • bingbing2009
    bingbing2009 Member Posts: 177
    #9
    So, So Sorry!
    Terry,

    I really hated to see this news. What a shock! I know you are devastated and wish there were something I could do to help or change things, but I know that's impossible.

    I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Just keep holding, loving, and enjoying each other as much as possible.

    Sending you lots of hugs,
    Melinda

    DX October 2009: T3N1M0
    November and December 2009: chemo (Cisplatin and 5 FU) and radiation
    February 2010: Ivor Lewis surgery
  • GerryS
    GerryS Member Posts: 227 Member
    #10
    Fellow Iowan....
    Not the news we wanted to read. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend and neighbor.

    Gerry
  • jgwright
    jgwright Member Posts: 242
    #11
    Not what we wanted to hear
    That IS just rotten. You guys are so great. But bad stuff keeps happening. Our love and prayers go with you. I know what it's like when chemo fails and cancer starts reoccurring. Obviously, we are all on your side. Take care.

    --Jerry
  • hopefulsurvivor49
    hopefulsurvivor49 Member Posts: 30
    #12
    So sorry
    Terry,
    I'm pretty new to these postings. I'm so very sad to hear your news about Nick. Maybe many of you feel the same way I do -- every time I hear another diagnosis it's like hearing the news of my own cancer all over again.

    Sending you and your family strength.
  • stephikindred
    stephikindred Member Posts: 140
    #13
    SO Sorry
    I hate to hear this shocking news! I can't tell you how it pains me to read what you have gone through to fight the beast and it rears its hideous head again! Just know that we are all praying for Nick and your whole family during this very difficult time.

    Love, Steph
  • Ericalynn
    Ericalynn Member Posts: 200
    #14
    No Words
    Terry,
    I have no words except to say I love you & Nick!
    Please know that you both are loved!
    Erica
  • JReed
    JReed Member Posts: 428
    #15
    I am gonna send you a pm
    Terry:

    I will send you a private message.


    Sending you so much love and hugs and prayers,
    Judy
  • NikiMo
    NikiMo Member Posts: 342
    #16
    Terry,
    I have read your post
    Terry,

    I have read your post several times now trying to find the words to respond. I am still unsure of what to say except that I am so sorry that you and Nick have been dealt this news. My heart sank when I saw the subject line. We have been on this journey together since almost day one. I am so sorry my friend that this is happening. Please know that I am always here as a shoulder to lean on, you have far away friends that are always thinking of you both and praying for you.

    Niki
  • AngieD
    AngieD Member Posts: 493
    #17
    NikiMo said:

    Terry,
    I have read your post
    Terry,

    I have read your post several times now trying to find the words to respond. I am still unsure of what to say except that I am so sorry that you and Nick have been dealt this news. My heart sank when I saw the subject line. We have been on this journey together since almost day one. I am so sorry my friend that this is happening. Please know that I am always here as a shoulder to lean on, you have far away friends that are always thinking of you both and praying for you.

    Niki

    No, No, No, Nooooo
    Oh, Terry, I am SO sorry to hear this news! You and Nick and the kids are certainly in my prayers. You two have done everything right and been such a help to the rest of us. This cancer is truly a demon. Dammit, dammit! I am wondering one thing: What about Cyber Knife instead of WBR? I keep reading about that being the recommended method now, but not all facilities have it yet. (??)
    Hugs,
    Angie
  • ABC321
    ABC321 Member Posts: 52
    #18
    Im speechless...
    Hi Terry,
    ...im so sad to hear this news. You guys are the best. Always so supportive and positive. I wish i could do something for you both. Im sending my love and hugs across the ocean....
    xx
    steve & family.
  • monica_sss
    monica_sss Member Posts: 54
    #19
    Mad & Sad
    I'm so sorry to read of Nick's reoccurence. I hope that Nick and your family have a quality summer -- with many lasting memories.
  • Daisylin
    Daisylin Member Posts: 365
    #20
    monica_sss said:

    Mad & Sad
    I'm so sorry to read of Nick's reoccurence. I hope that Nick and your family have a quality summer -- with many lasting memories.

    so very sorry....
    I am so very sorry to hear such awful news..... My thoughts and prayers are with you as you face this new hurdle. There are just no words to say how badly I feel for you. Enjoy every moment that you are granted with Nick, and treasure every memory.
    Chantal
  • Ginny_B
    Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
    #21
    Oh dear dear Terry...
    This is so disheartening. Your heart surely must be breaking. Not to fret WBR. It sounds terrible, but my SIL underwent 10 round WBR and is just fine. 9 tumors. All but 1 are gone and the 1 left keeps shrinking. Fear not! Love a lot! Fight on, dear one, fight on.

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