Vultures on the fence

Doc_Hawk
Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
I've been fighting for two years now and the tumors in my liver are now at the smallest they've been since my dx. But still, in the past few months I've been getting people asking me if I'd leave them certain things when I die. At first I'd laugh and say "let's talk about it after that happens" but frankly it's starting to piss me off. I flat out hung up on my older brother when he asked if he could have my motorcycle and then got upset when I told him that it was going to my best friend. Has anyone else had people ask them about their bequeaths? If so, how do you handle such insensitive and rude questions?
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Comments

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Wow
    I have heard of this happening, and am always astounded at the nerve some folks have.

    I suggest you tell the vultures...you will have to wait for the reading of the will...that is if you are still around by then!

    You can also handle the direct item question with...I don't take requests!

    Hope that you have many more years and that you make your will with a few minor bequests...such as a toy motorcycle to be left your brother.

    Marie who loves kitties
  • gophergenius
    gophergenius Member Posts: 33
    I understand being pissed off...
    I've got an ex that brought up a retirement plan I had back when we were married (17 years ago!) and " wants it". Another one that wants a piece of art work...When I pass, the money will go for medical bills, hospice and my funeral. If there is anything left, I will give it to cancer research or donate it to St. Jude childrens hospital. It is just a cold world when people, especially family ask for things/money. I understand you anger and wish you peace.
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member

    I understand being pissed off...
    I've got an ex that brought up a retirement plan I had back when we were married (17 years ago!) and " wants it". Another one that wants a piece of art work...When I pass, the money will go for medical bills, hospice and my funeral. If there is anything left, I will give it to cancer research or donate it to St. Jude childrens hospital. It is just a cold world when people, especially family ask for things/money. I understand you anger and wish you peace.

    Never been asked at all about such a bad taste things!
    Every body in my family and friends are so supportive and positive , only spoken about this things with my wife ( she does not like it but I do)
    since I think is necessary just in case!
  • joemetz
    joemetz Member Posts: 493
    wow.
    wow. that's all i can say.

    I've spoken about a few of these topics with my family, and they always say... we don't want your sh@t... we want you to life and enjoy life.

    so sorry to hear this news.

    As for what to say... I think something like, "are you f'ing kidding me?... I plan to out live your sorry ****!"

    If they are that bold to say such stuff to you, be bold and let them know exactly where you stand. Tell them that you don't think about others when i'm thinking about mortality. tell them...."YOU are the last person on my thoughts lately, especially now that you've asked me such a rediculous question". Live life!

    beat cancer and make them all eat their words!!!
    (then.... go buy another (even better) motorcycle.)
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Wow!
    I almost can't even believe people (and family no less) would ask such things but I have no doubts they did... I have a decent guitar collection and I may have even mentioned that I'd prefer my kids get them but they don't play guitar. I have one guitar that is worth a few grand, it's handmade and very sought after. I'd probably give that to m y brother who also plays. But no one would ever think of bring this up. It would make me wonder what they're rooting for?
    I would do what you did and give them to your best "Friend" or I'd make sure they went to a worthy person or cause.
    And/or I'd say something like "you'll be gone first" or something like that. It's low-rent in my opinion...
    -phil
    PS: I like motorcycles...
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    "wait for the will"...
    I agree with others...WHAT a RUDE thing to do!!!!!!

    I've told my family that I have put all in a trust, and there is where their inheritance will be distributed from. Saves inheritance taxes...

    But I can't imagine any discussion further about who gets what...as others have said "I plan to outlive you all"....WHEW! What a 'fan club' you have...

    BIG hugs, Kathi
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    I have developed a mouth
    I have developed a mouth like a sailor! Sorry that I am not patient and can explain how innappropriate people's behavior can be, but when it comes to my mom and people doing that I tended to curse a lot. Ikve come up with some very creative combinations too!
  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    ketziah35 said:

    I have developed a mouth
    I have developed a mouth like a sailor! Sorry that I am not patient and can explain how innappropriate people's behavior can be, but when it comes to my mom and people doing that I tended to curse a lot. Ikve come up with some very creative combinations too!

    Family, Aren't Some Members Just Great!
    Several years ago, an aunt & cousin visited my mother following her bout with pneumonia. She was still weak and on meds. They came to get a "little" yarn from her. When they left, the entire suv was stuffed with yarn. When she passed away, a small drawstring bag of nice diamonds she had was nowhere to be found. I'll always wonder??? Another cousin(same family) called before she passed, wanting to know if the antique Singer sewing machine was still around as she would sure like to have it. I just couldn't seem to locate it. LOL Nobody really cared how ill she was, so I figured they didn't need to know when she had a stroke or when she passed away several years later. Haven't heard a thing from any of them in 15 years. I guess I don't have anything they want.

    I prefer pets to most family. They ask nothing in return but LOVE.

    BTW, Doc. Is your picture in Flagstaff? I have a place south of there.

    Luv,

    Wolfen
  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,459 Member
    No and tell him to take a
    No and tell him to take a flying leap! I'm sorry that people are that insensitive. My sister once questioned my mother about my grandmother's things because "they could be worth money" when my grandmother was still alive and well and my mother told her to take a long walk off a short pier.
  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456 Member
    On a similar topic, would
    On a similar topic, would you believe a long time coworker said the following to me last week when I expressed sadness that Rick was so ill. "Don't worry, we'll find you a new boyfriend.". For the first time in a long time, I was completely speechless. What, does he think my Rick is a goldfish?
  • marbleotis
    marbleotis Member Posts: 720 Member
    Your Answer is Simple.........
    Just say to whoever, "why do you want my stuff when I will out live you". It will shock them - like you know something they don't. People that talk to you like that are not family. Hang up the phone and do not waste your precious time on them. Sometimes there is no defending the stupid. Sorry you had to go through that, I am lucky to have a great supportive family, but to be honest some extended family members I do not speak to (and this was before my stage 3 colon cancer) Best of luck.
  • marbleotis
    marbleotis Member Posts: 720 Member
    Another Thought
    Screening calls helps alot. You see who it is, you don't want to talk to them, don't pick it up. Now you are not upset - that is power!
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    wolfen said:

    Family, Aren't Some Members Just Great!
    Several years ago, an aunt & cousin visited my mother following her bout with pneumonia. She was still weak and on meds. They came to get a "little" yarn from her. When they left, the entire suv was stuffed with yarn. When she passed away, a small drawstring bag of nice diamonds she had was nowhere to be found. I'll always wonder??? Another cousin(same family) called before she passed, wanting to know if the antique Singer sewing machine was still around as she would sure like to have it. I just couldn't seem to locate it. LOL Nobody really cared how ill she was, so I figured they didn't need to know when she had a stroke or when she passed away several years later. Haven't heard a thing from any of them in 15 years. I guess I don't have anything they want.

    I prefer pets to most family. They ask nothing in return but LOVE.

    BTW, Doc. Is your picture in Flagstaff? I have a place south of there.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

    Flag
    Hi Wolfen,

    Love the pic. Yeah, it was taken at the Harley dealership in Bellemont. I had to move to Ogden Utah last year and sure do miss Flag a lot.

    Doc
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    Thanks
    Thank you all for your words and support. I'll be the first to admit that my older brother is a jerk and proof that you can't pick your family. Fortunately he lives about 3 or 4 hours away so we don't see each other very much. I am definitely going to take the suggestion and leave him a toy motorcycle! As for any future questions, I'll take the "I'm going to outlive you" route. I've been saying for years that I'm going to live to be 120 and get shot to death by a jealous husband.

    The one request that I have had that didn't bother me was when a lady friend of mine wants to take care of serivce my dog if I go first. But Lulu (my dog)and I have been together since she was two months old and she's twelve and a half now. I go before, I have no doubt that she'll pass from grief shortly after me. So, I've asked my dad to have her put to sleep and the two of us cremated together, with her chin on my shoulder and my right arm around her. Believe it or not, I'm in tears right now just thinking about her passing at all.

    Doc
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Doc_Hawk said:

    Thanks
    Thank you all for your words and support. I'll be the first to admit that my older brother is a jerk and proof that you can't pick your family. Fortunately he lives about 3 or 4 hours away so we don't see each other very much. I am definitely going to take the suggestion and leave him a toy motorcycle! As for any future questions, I'll take the "I'm going to outlive you" route. I've been saying for years that I'm going to live to be 120 and get shot to death by a jealous husband.

    The one request that I have had that didn't bother me was when a lady friend of mine wants to take care of serivce my dog if I go first. But Lulu (my dog)and I have been together since she was two months old and she's twelve and a half now. I go before, I have no doubt that she'll pass from grief shortly after me. So, I've asked my dad to have her put to sleep and the two of us cremated together, with her chin on my shoulder and my right arm around her. Believe it or not, I'm in tears right now just thinking about her passing at all.

    Doc

    Why...
    Why does cancer make many of us become better people (or it maybe brings out our true selves) while it can often bring out the worst in those who we thought were our friends?

    I like the idea of leaving a toy bike, maybe a Vespa?
    (not that there's anything wrong with a Vespa but it's hardly a Harley!)
    Outlive and outride them all Doc!
    Best...
    -phil
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    PhillieG said:

    Why...
    Why does cancer make many of us become better people (or it maybe brings out our true selves) while it can often bring out the worst in those who we thought were our friends?

    I like the idea of leaving a toy bike, maybe a Vespa?
    (not that there's anything wrong with a Vespa but it's hardly a Harley!)
    Outlive and outride them all Doc!
    Best...
    -phil

    Phil, I like that... A
    Phil, I like that... A vespa... a scooter.

    I also ponder the question of why cancer makes us become better people... because we get a second chance of being who we really are? Not sure. I know I'm definitely not the same person pre-cancer. :)
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    Doc_Hawk said:

    Thanks
    Thank you all for your words and support. I'll be the first to admit that my older brother is a jerk and proof that you can't pick your family. Fortunately he lives about 3 or 4 hours away so we don't see each other very much. I am definitely going to take the suggestion and leave him a toy motorcycle! As for any future questions, I'll take the "I'm going to outlive you" route. I've been saying for years that I'm going to live to be 120 and get shot to death by a jealous husband.

    The one request that I have had that didn't bother me was when a lady friend of mine wants to take care of serivce my dog if I go first. But Lulu (my dog)and I have been together since she was two months old and she's twelve and a half now. I go before, I have no doubt that she'll pass from grief shortly after me. So, I've asked my dad to have her put to sleep and the two of us cremated together, with her chin on my shoulder and my right arm around her. Believe it or not, I'm in tears right now just thinking about her passing at all.

    Doc

    Gosh, that almost had me in
    Gosh, that almost had me in tears!

    I was thinking about my dog this morning like that. We've had her since she was 2 months old and she's almost 17 years old. She's one of my kids. How will I survive when she's gone?
  • gophergenius
    gophergenius Member Posts: 33
    PhillieG said:

    Wow!
    I almost can't even believe people (and family no less) would ask such things but I have no doubts they did... I have a decent guitar collection and I may have even mentioned that I'd prefer my kids get them but they don't play guitar. I have one guitar that is worth a few grand, it's handmade and very sought after. I'd probably give that to m y brother who also plays. But no one would ever think of bring this up. It would make me wonder what they're rooting for?
    I would do what you did and give them to your best "Friend" or I'd make sure they went to a worthy person or cause.
    And/or I'd say something like "you'll be gone first" or something like that. It's low-rent in my opinion...
    -phil
    PS: I like motorcycles...

    Donate your guitar....
    to the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio. Anything unusual...handmade...they may be interested.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    Wow
    Just can't understand this. I've wrote a post and got lost. My family never asked what they could get from me but were there for me for help. I'd just say to your family and friends that what you have is your's and if it is willed to someone then they have to accept that. Just can't imagine family and friends being so bold as to ask for personal property from you because you had cancer. When my mom died, from cancer, I'd wanted certain things that I'd bought for my mom for Christmas or birthday and my dad gave those back, but it was afterwards. Tell your family and friends, "I'm not dead and don't count on anything for a long time." Sorry but they are selfish.

    Kim
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    HollyID said:

    Gosh, that almost had me in
    Gosh, that almost had me in tears!

    I was thinking about my dog this morning like that. We've had her since she was 2 months old and she's almost 17 years old. She's one of my kids. How will I survive when she's gone?

    Fur-kids
    Hi Holly,

    It is truly amazing at how easily dogs, cats and other pets can become full members of a family. I've been blessed with having several very wonderful dogs, my fur-kids. But the bond between Lu and I is very special and much stronger than any of the other dogs that have been part of my life. She has literally saved my life on three occasions and she always knows when her daddy is feeling down. When that happens, she gets very cuddly which is exactly what I need at those times. Just one little example of how special she is: 50 years ago, my mother was attacked by a Saint Bernard and needed 33 stitches in her head. She's been afraid of dogs since then, even though we had a few while I was growing up. She never got very close to any of them, but she says that Lulu is HER baby and she gets very protective of her.

    Doc