Need some emotional support as I heal

ThingofBeauty
ThingofBeauty Member Posts: 10
in Anal Cancer #1
I have been on a few cancer support sites, and this is by far the best. You are all truly angels and you have no idea how helpful it is just to read the posts (though I suspect you DO know!!) I have only posted once or twice, and then "got busy living." I was diagnosed with Stage 3B AC in February, went through chemo and radiation, which ended in May and was totally life changing. Had my port removed in August, when the doc declared me "cured."

In the midst of my treatment - and at my lowest point physically - , my husband (who had lost his job 10 days before my dx) asked me to leave! I found out a couple of months later that he was having an affair with the woman he insisted accompany us to chemo each week! She has left her husband and home (have no idea where she is). My husband cannot move out without a job (and money). So I am stuck as the bread winner, as I head for divorce. (And, I would send him packing if I didn't absolutely need his unemployment checks until we sell the house).

I refuse to be a victim about this, and I swear that, having been through cancer treatment, this is NOTHING. I have THE BEST friends in the universe. Everyone has picked me up and helped me move forward. I'm not a crier, but I am feeling pretty low these days. Even with all the blessings and love in my life, I guess I feel a little sorry for myself.

Can anyone help me find perspective so I don't fall into HIS black hole?

God bless you all.

Kelly

Comments

  • Phoebesnow
    Phoebesnow Member Posts: 600 Member
    #2
    Thing of beauty
    Wow. I hear you. That is some story. Certainly not the fairytale you had envisioned. So sorry you need him for his money right now, but you are one smart cookie to hang on for a good outcome. I also view you as being very strong emotionally. Thank god you have good friends to see you thru these hard times. Be careful in this situation as I could imagine it must get pretty tense in your house at times.

    Stay as strong and positive as you are and this black hole will not you suck you up. The day he walks out the door for good, you will feel an overwhelming sense of relief. You have been emotionally abused by this man and probably have been for a long time.

    Hold on, good times are coming your way!
  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #3
    Kelly
    First of all let me say that anyone who goes through this treatment is very strong, as we all know what are side effects are and they are not fun. I am so glad your all done and healing.

    Now for that $#@!!@#$, please kick him in the **** on his way out. Unbelievable, I can't wait until he is out of your life as he is poison. Both him and that women will make a great couple, absolutely no humanity in either of them.

    I hope that you will continue to heal and get them both out of your life. I am so sorry you had to deal with this, and this really shows his true character. I hope others will chime in with their support.

    I pray that everything will fall into place for you. Lori
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #4
    Kelly--
    Your story makes me sad and angry at the same time. Any man who would do this to his wife at ANY time, let alone when she is battling cancer, is not worth having. I'm glad he will soon be out of your life, as he is toxic. Thank goodness you have wonderful friends to help you through this. It's understandable that you are feeling somewhat low these days, but please hang on, as better days lie ahead. You made it through one of the toughest cancer treatments there is and are now cancer-free. You will overcome this hurdle too and be much better on the other side. Come here anytime you need support!
  • cap630
    cap630 Member Posts: 151
    #5
    God Bless
    Kelly
    God Bless you for staying strong and focused on the postives in your life. Please continue on this path - better days are coming.
    ~Carol
  • ThingofBeauty
    ThingofBeauty Member Posts: 10
    #6
    cap630 said:

    God Bless
    Kelly
    God Bless you for staying strong and focused on the postives in your life. Please continue on this path - better days are coming.
    ~Carol

    Thank you all
    You have no idea how much better I feel. I did not let myself cry once throughout my treatment - until he asked me to leave. Now the tears are flowing and it does help wash away his toxicity. I do have to hang on.

    I have been trying to keep myself totally busy - not a moment of down time. But I'm still not completely healed and am starting to feel pains I never felt before (and that freaks me out a little). I tell myself it's fatigue and stress (but also emailed my onco and asked to move my next CT scan up two weeks).

    When I read your posts I know that God lives in each of you. Thank you for your kindnesses and I will return the favor WHENEVER I can.

    Xoxo
    Kelly
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #7
    ThingofBeauty said:

    Thank you all
    You have no idea how much better I feel. I did not let myself cry once throughout my treatment - until he asked me to leave. Now the tears are flowing and it does help wash away his toxicity. I do have to hang on.

    I have been trying to keep myself totally busy - not a moment of down time. But I'm still not completely healed and am starting to feel pains I never felt before (and that freaks me out a little). I tell myself it's fatigue and stress (but also emailed my onco and asked to move my next CT scan up two weeks).

    When I read your posts I know that God lives in each of you. Thank you for your kindnesses and I will return the favor WHENEVER I can.

    Xoxo
    Kelly

    Hi Kelly--
    You didn't describe the pains you are having, but I also had pelvic pain a few months after treatment ended. I was fearful that the cancer had returned. However, it turned out to be fibrosis, the forming of scar tissue, caused by the radiation. It was, as I can best describe it, a pulling-type feeling, similar to menstrual cramps. It went away after awhile. My radiation oncologist was the one who told me what was causing the pain. I just thought if your pains are similar, you might just ask your rad onc. I also had painful BM's for several months post-treatment, and even at 3 years out now, I still have the occasional pain with one.
  • mxperry220
    mxperry220 Member Posts: 493 Member
    #8
    Get Rid of the Husband NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    The sooner you move the cheater out the quicker you can recover from his infidelity. As long as he is there he is nothing but a constant reminder of your sadness. Call your mortgage company and ask for an extension of time to make house payments or ask for a loan modification to lower your monthly payments.
  • 7243
    7243 Member Posts: 249 Member
    #9
    Heartbreak
    Hello Dear ThingofBeauty ... well as I see, our community has come to your support in a great way! Oh dear and lovely girl, my heart breaks to hear your story. I know this does not really provide comfort, however it just amazes me that once again a spouse would do such a heartless thing, cancer or no cancer, however all the worse for your vulnerable circumstances. I have dear friends whose spouse did the same exact thing ... left mid treatment and infidelity was part and parcel of the circumstances. Gather strength from all of us here and trust that you'll be okay. I agree with mxperry ... get him the hell out of your life and get some consideration with those mortgage payments. Lean on your wonderful friends and breath deep into your heart and soul and believe you'll be okay.

    I'm sending you a warm hug and strength right here and right now. xoxoxo ... heal dear one!
  • ThingofBeauty
    ThingofBeauty Member Posts: 10
    #10
    7243 said:

    Heartbreak
    Hello Dear ThingofBeauty ... well as I see, our community has come to your support in a great way! Oh dear and lovely girl, my heart breaks to hear your story. I know this does not really provide comfort, however it just amazes me that once again a spouse would do such a heartless thing, cancer or no cancer, however all the worse for your vulnerable circumstances. I have dear friends whose spouse did the same exact thing ... left mid treatment and infidelity was part and parcel of the circumstances. Gather strength from all of us here and trust that you'll be okay. I agree with mxperry ... get him the hell out of your life and get some consideration with those mortgage payments. Lean on your wonderful friends and breath deep into your heart and soul and believe you'll be okay.

    I'm sending you a warm hug and strength right here and right now. xoxoxo ... heal dear one!

    So grateful
    7243 and others,

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel instantly better. I have always believed that I am blessed, and all of you are proof!

    Much love,
    Kelly
  • ThingofBeauty
    ThingofBeauty Member Posts: 10
    #11
    mp327 said:

    Hi Kelly--
    You didn't describe the pains you are having, but I also had pelvic pain a few months after treatment ended. I was fearful that the cancer had returned. However, it turned out to be fibrosis, the forming of scar tissue, caused by the radiation. It was, as I can best describe it, a pulling-type feeling, similar to menstrual cramps. It went away after awhile. My radiation oncologist was the one who told me what was causing the pain. I just thought if your pains are similar, you might just ask your rad onc. I also had painful BM's for several months post-treatment, and even at 3 years out now, I still have the occasional pain with one.

    MP,
    I have always
    MP,

    I have always appreciated your posts. I am having back pain, like I lifted something wrong, which I don't think I did. And my left eye has been spasming for about a week. I will get to the doc ASAP. Thank you for being such a beacon of hope, knowledge and wisdom to so many!!

    Xoxo
    Kelly
  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    #12
    ThingofBeauty said:

    So grateful
    7243 and others,

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel instantly better. I have always believed that I am blessed, and all of you are proof!

    Much love,
    Kelly

    You are so strong!!!
    You are in my prayers and I admire you're strength. I am on a similar time frame. I was diagnosed in Jan. 2011 and finished treatment in April 2011. I still have aches and pains and some days worse than others....often seems related to physical activity or stress. I was having a few days of feeling sorry for myself and could not snap out of it till I read your story. As I am trying to heal myself I am the caregiver for my husband who is having a bone marrow transplant in Dec. Its a huge deal and he is having a very difficult time. I do all I can to help him but sometimes feel like I would like people to take care of me, thats where this site saves me. I will remember your story the next time I am looking for undeserved pity and know I will be stronger. I know there is a God and he will get you through this too. Keep in touch, better days are coming for us all!!!!
  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    #13
    This guy represents a black hole in your house . . .
    Hi thing of beauty and I am sure you are one: I am on my third marriage.My first two were the types that when the going got hard they made it harder. A good relationship is when your partner makes the hard times half as hard and the good times twice as good. You don't have to settle for less. I personally don't think it is worth the anxiety and possible danger keeping this guy around for a few unemployment checks. My advice is to get a restraining order that orders him out asap. His being around cannot possibly be doing your emotional, physical and/or spiritual self any good and that's what truly matters. You have to take care of yourself.
    All the best,
    Sandy
  • cph1127
    cph1127 Member Posts: 51
    #14
    I am Praying for you
    Kelly, You are a strong beautiful women. I want you to remember this. We as cancer survivors have learned what is important. It is amazing how your thinking changes when you are faced with cancer.

    This is what got me through the down times, which I still have. If God brought me to it, he will see me through it. I truly believe that he has plans for everyone of the people on this site.

    Hang in there and you can boo-hoo any time you want.....we are do. God Bless...Cindy
  • ThingofBeauty
    ThingofBeauty Member Posts: 10
    #15
    cph1127 said:

    I am Praying for you
    Kelly, You are a strong beautiful women. I want you to remember this. We as cancer survivors have learned what is important. It is amazing how your thinking changes when you are faced with cancer.

    This is what got me through the down times, which I still have. If God brought me to it, he will see me through it. I truly believe that he has plans for everyone of the people on this site.

    Hang in there and you can boo-hoo any time you want.....we are do. God Bless...Cindy

    You all lift me up
    Thank you all for being so loving and supportive. In spite of my marital woes, I know I am one blessed person. My phone rings every day with someone calling to tell me they love me. It doesn't get much better than that. I will relish all of the friendships I know I will make here. We are ALL strong and in this together. Thank you!!!!!

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