Terminal

Carol, yes I was given a time line....
Being stage iv, grade 3. I pushed and was told Sept. 2010, that they were hoping for Christmas because of the aggressiveness of the cancer. It is throughout my bones, skin, I have a nodule on my lung, and now something with my liver (may or may not be cancer yet). It is now almost 9 months later and I am still here, walking, driving, and enjoying my good days! Not pain free, but none the less still living as well as I can.

Now he is shooting for Christmas 2011, I laughed and said I am shooting for at least July 2012, as I have a big wedding that I would like to attend in June in San Diego! He laughed and said then we do it your way!

Honestly, I keep making plans and setting goals. I am also not ready to leave my family. They are what is keeping me here, but I do hope and pray that I will be around long enough to turn this 'terminal illness' into a chronic one. If they can do it with aids they can do it with breast cancer.

Always remember that when they are looking at this, they are basing the outcome on statistics, and statistics don't show other underlying health issues that contribute to the outcome of the treatments. Can't say that this is not hard on my family and myself, but I have no plans to keep on thier timeline, too much to do!

Take care, and glad you found this board.

~Carol

Carol

I have a girlfriend that is Stage IV with bone and liver mets after fighting bc. She is alive and doing great today, 15 years later! Her oncologist years ago told her she was terminal and to get her affairs in order. He was wrong! And, I know of many more that also are still enjoying their life after having that word thrown at them.

I am in no way lessening your condition, or, your doctors, or, what you were told. What I am truly trying to say is to not let that word overtake you. Keep fighting, keep praying, keep your spirit up. Surround yourself with positive good people. Enjoy your life every day, every moment of it. I know it is easy for me to say, but, I fear that you might go into a depression after being told this awful news. And, I am trying to let you know that there is always HOPE, or, I believe in that anyway.

There are several pink sisters on here that have fought the beast over and over, RE, Carkris, Marsha, Kari, Laurissa, Jeanne D, Debbie, Nancy, Camul and Kathi M. I always remember Kathi M as she was told she only had 6 months to live and many, many years later, she is traveling all over the world taking in life to the utmost and doing great!

I hope that in some way what I wrote will help you. I wish I knew how to actually deal with what you were told. All I know is that you should never give up! And, to let you know that I will be praying for you and here for you if you ever need me. This is a great support group of pink sisters that will surround you with love, hope, support, prayers and encouragement. Use us if you need to!

Praying for you Carol,

Jan

Is your doctor God?
If not, he has no knowledge of how long you or he/she will be alive. I suggest you get a different doctor. Good doctors know that anything is possible. Do not believe him/her! Our immune systems can be affected by negative input by someone in authority. Live each day to the fullest and pray for healing. New treatment are being developed all the time. Hugs and hope can do wonders for our healing. Find a doctor who has a more hopeful attitude. There is no such thing as false hope. Blessing to you.

Roseann

roseann4 said:

Is your doctor God?
If not, he has no knowledge of how long you or he/she will be alive. I suggest you get a different doctor. Good doctors know that anything is possible. Do not believe him/her! Our immune systems can be affected by negative input by someone in authority. Live each day to the fullest and pray for healing. New treatment are being developed all the time. Hugs and hope can do wonders for our healing. Find a doctor who has a more hopeful attitude. There is no such thing as false hope. Blessing to you.

Roseann

predictions are just
predictions are just predictions, you dont have an expiration date stamped on you. I am not stage 4 and I do things to prepare everyday. Just had a family picture done for example. Having cancer makes you aware of the reality. keep fighting. Hugs we are here for you.

SIROD said:

For Carol: Terminal, Stage IV, No Cure
Hi Carol,

There are different ways to tell a patient they have a terminal disease. It needs to be said in order that the person knows what he/she are deal with as for hopes and expectations. I am stage IV, I know there is no cure and that the disease is likely to be terminal. My oncologist touched upon it after my lung biopsy.

No doctor, oncologist, radiologist or whoever should be able to give a time slot for your demise. One exception, when they say "I can offer you no more treatments, all have failed, the trials didn't work and etc.". Usually the person chooses Hospice and they can more or less predict the amount of time a person has left. They might say, if ask "perhaps, 2, 4 or 6 months". It's only a guess given their experience on others in the same situation.

However, when you are in treatment, no one can predict what will work for you. All our chemistries are different, what doesn't work for one person might work for you.

I hope this helps. We are all terminal, life ends with death and the date is not one anyone can predict.

Best to you in this journey,

Doris

I agree with the others
No human can tell you how much time you have left on this planet. I'm so sorry that this was told to you, but so many gals here keep fighting on and have lived wonderful lives way past what was thought possible.

I hope that you are able to process this and determine that no one can predict what will happen to you.

Please keep checking in with us--we will always be here to listen.

Hugs, Renee

epark said:

With prayers and a postive outlook
you can overcome anything...when I found out i had BC I was devasted until a co worker took me outside and told me about her mother who was diagnosed with stage 4..she treated and went into remission and a couple years later it came back to her bones...this was almost 30 yrs ago...i spoke with her mom just last weekend when i was having a "bad chemo day" she told me to fight like you never fought, stay postive and believe in the power of prayers and God...she did and now she will be celebrating her 78 birthday...she is the reason I know I will win this fight.....

praying and sending you postive vibes
Eva

For Eva
Dear Eva,

Thirty years ago, I doubt they were doing bone biopsies for bone metastasis. I had a cousin who died of breast cancer that spread to her bones, then liver who died of the disease back in 1981. She did not have a biopsy proven diagnose. Your friend's mom might have looked like it was in her bones but it probably wasn't.

Nevertheless, there have been a few women 1% who do live on and there is no explanation why they live. Even Rita Arditti who lived 30 years with her metastasis did eventually succumb to stage IV breast cancer.

Positive attitudes does help, they make you feel better and they help all those around you. However, malignant cells don't care if your happy, sad, mad, or jumping for joy, they go on to do their own fatal thing. I do believe it can help in giving a person the will to keep on and etc. I say this, because I've known many stage IV women who were very, very positive, almost a Pollyanna and died. Did they die because they suddenly were not positive enough or did they die because the disease overwhelmed their system. I believe it was the latter.

I'm an atheist so I won't get into the power of prayer and etc. Again, the disease once it progress to a certain point, overwhelms major organs, the power of prayers, believing or not believing, the cancer goes on and does it thing. I do have a problem with those who died, there prayers weren't good or strong enough or is it just plain physiology. Again, I believe it was the latter.

Just another viewpoint.

Best,

Doris

survivorbc09 said:

Carol

I have a girlfriend that is Stage IV with bone and liver mets after fighting bc. She is alive and doing great today, 15 years later! Her oncologist years ago told her she was terminal and to get her affairs in order. He was wrong! And, I know of many more that also are still enjoying their life after having that word thrown at them.

I am in no way lessening your condition, or, your doctors, or, what you were told. What I am truly trying to say is to not let that word overtake you. Keep fighting, keep praying, keep your spirit up. Surround yourself with positive good people. Enjoy your life every day, every moment of it. I know it is easy for me to say, but, I fear that you might go into a depression after being told this awful news. And, I am trying to let you know that there is always HOPE, or, I believe in that anyway.

There are several pink sisters on here that have fought the beast over and over, RE, Carkris, Marsha, Kari, Laurissa, Jeanne D, Debbie, Nancy, Camul and Kathi M. I always remember Kathi M as she was told she only had 6 months to live and many, many years later, she is traveling all over the world taking in life to the utmost and doing great!

I hope that in some way what I wrote will help you. I wish I knew how to actually deal with what you were told. All I know is that you should never give up! And, to let you know that I will be praying for you and here for you if you ever need me. This is a great support group of pink sisters that will surround you with love, hope, support, prayers and encouragement. Use us if you need to!

Praying for you Carol,

Jan

To Jan Suvivorbc09 Never Give UP should not be the bottom line
Dear Jan,

Every woman diagnose with Stage IV often knows when to end treatment. It isn't any good to go on fighting when the treatments work less and less. I am not saying one should give up after a few different treatments, I am saying that one should have a few months of quality time before the end.

I think it is hard for anyone who isn't stage IV to understand that it isn't the same when one is doing adjuvant treatment or treating a regional recurrences. When your first diagnose with stages ), 1, 2, 3 the aim is to hope for a cure. At this time there is no cure for stage IV, there is only treatment to buy more time. One can go on for years as I have, but I know that one day, I will hold my hand up and say enough. Many women who are stave IV can go live 30 or more years with this condition. It does depend on what kind and how fast your cancer is growing and what it responds too.

The truth is we are all terminal, we hope for the best, prepare for the worst and live each day to the hilt.
However fighting to the bitter end seems cruel to me. One should be able to enjoy life again via Hospice for many months instead of dragging themselves off for more drugs that will only a best buy them a few short and miserable months.

One has to know when to draw the line, enough is enough.

Best,

Doris

gami43 said:

Carol - I am not stage IV;
Carol - I am not stage IV; but since my dx I'ved
lived a different life; I discover new joys in
living that had gone unnoticed before; one day at
a time. My tumor was an aggressive, grade 3. I know
it can recur; but as my onc said at the end of my
chemo, when I asked for a prognosis "it's in the
Lords hands now". Wow, I realized the truth of my
journey was my belief that indeed God is in control
and only He knows what my future will be.
I am praying for you and sending you strength,love
and a big hug. The Kindred sisters on this board
are knowledgable, warm, caring strong fighters and
this board is open 24/7 for all of us. God bless
you.

Teresa

I agree with Roseann and Miss Rene ====
consider getting a 2nd, 3rd opinion. We are "WARRIORS", and do not have expiration dates, and are not stats.

I am not in your position, so I can only offer you my hope, friendship and prayers -- My heart goes out to you and your family.

Never give in, or Never give up! Fight like a girl, put those heels on -- and kick some asssss.

Gentle hugs ..

Strength, Courage and Hope.

Vicki Sam

Hi - A lot of good words
Hi - A lot of good words have been said already.

I never liked the idea of anyone telling someone how long they have to live. It's just not right. (My #1 thing is to be at peace with myself and to learn to forgive others.) Once dx it adds a sense of insecurity and fear, no matter what stage. But like most people said, we are all terminal. It's just sweeter not knowing you have an illness, therefore not really thinking about death. But the fact is, we are all mortal. However, we can choose to try and be grateful for the life we were given (when I think of my situation, I also think of children dying from cancer). Although I am 33, I feel lucky.

Remember no one really knows when or how. Yes, how...it can be something else and not necessarily cancer.

It is difficult and very challenging to cope with this. But let's bamper ourselves for once, love ourselves and try to be happy.

My prayers are with you. And hoping you are mentally OK.