This Book is Becoming More About "US" Than Me ***** REVISED EXCERPT ****

Sundanceh said:

Hi JB
Well, thank you so much. I remember posting to you a couple of times when I first started, but we did not get to know one another during that time. I'm getting to know you better as well, you know I understand the feelings on all levels that you are going through.

So, you bet I'm a part of your cheering section from here on in. I know you've got liver surgery in just 3 weeks or so and we'll circle the wagons for a successful outcome.

-Craig

Sundanceh said:

Thank You!
I appreciate everybody's feedback so far. I was in a hurry this morning scribbling down those thoughts as they were racing through my head so fast, I could not keep up with the typing. Emotions caught me off-guard and that was very difficult - I was trying to hold everything in so people would not see this guy over there, choking up with tears streaming down his face. I had to cover up and then had to walk away from it - when I posted to the board it came again for round #2. Thought I wouldn't even get the post written.

I'm going to tweak it some more - I liked the idea but I can do better with my wording, just need a few more moments to say it the way I want to say it.

But, it is strange how I started out with my concepts in mind and a certain way that I was going to write it, but I find that I'm transitioning away from that and doing things in a little bit different way, that I think will be unique for our friends, whom we have yet to meet.

I just realized how the Board and our community has touched me - has affected me - has changed the way I think from watching others battle on with different methods and protocols etc. etc.

I probably never really said but my "3rd Dance with Cancer" this past year really blew me up and forever altered the way I think - the way I feel - and how I see things in such a different way than when I was going through the journey alone with none of us to compare notes with.

I mention in the book about "Having a Sounding Board" in which to bounce off of. Watching my friends pass before me, while I'm still here has made a bigger impact now, than perhaps they did at the time of their passing.

And the combination of my own recurrence this past year and seeing others go, always get one to thinking. Thus my examination of "why them and not me."

Once I get the wording done, I'll post that "revised" version of the excerpt from the start to the end of just that thought. We'll see if it sounds better.

It is really much harder doing this than I originally thought - much different than throwing a few ideas out for a post. To get it where I need to go, I've had to jump back in and get back in tune with and relive it entirely, even though some days it nearly kills me...but it must be done, or it will never happen.

I'm an idiot - most people would be celebrating a watch and wait moment, but not me....I'm just a big dope, because with cancer...."I like it - I love it - I want some more of it." LOL!

It's just that these chapters can be so overwhelming and you just thought my posts were bad, LOL! But, I get in them so deep, that I find it hard to write my out of there and close it out. Lots of days, I'm just emotionally spent, but maybe that means I did good?

We're talking so many things, it's hard to keep track of them all.

Please stay with me and walk with me on this portion of all of our journeys. We've done the web, the newspaper, the local news, and the magazine. Those were wonderful experiences, and I hope that this project will really take off and get us more exposure and maybe put a face with this disease - I don't mind.

When I first started, many of you might recall one of my favorite lines:

"Cancer does not define me, but how I fight and live with cancer does define me."

Been awhile since I used that one.

But, I don't feel that way anymore. I think as more time goes by and especially if the books does get published, that I will be know for cancer - that cancer will define who I am. And you know what? I'm ok with that too, now. My life is cancer and it's from cancer, that I will be known for in my life - at work, at home, on the board, and maybe the public.

But, I'm not ashamed of that. It's who I am now and what I've become. And I plan to use cancer to turn the tables on itself by exposing every hidden orifice that I can find. Cancer should have finished me off when it had the chance - and now it's my time to hit back.

Thank you all so much - we will be talking soon. No scans for 2 months and we'll hopefully still be watching and waiting. But, I'm not resting, I've got the hammer down and will be working on this project as it is my current inspiration.

I'll just be so proud to share it with you all.

So, stay tuned to the Sundance Channel - "Story Matters Here."

-Craig