Sundance Turns the Big 5-0 !!!

Sundanceh
Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
edited July 2011 in Colorectal Cancer #1
How do I feel today?

I really don't know. Glad that I made it, but the bells and whistles aren't going off.

I think there are days in your life when you expect or want something more than just the ordinary day. Turning 50 appears to be one of those markers in life that signals more things thing in your life besides the calendar rolling to the next year.

For me, 50 makes me an official senior citizen - even AARP sent me a card, but I didn't fill it out. I still look passable for an ol' guy now - my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes are starting to grow back. Arm and leg hair trying very hard as well. Hey, and I've got all of my teeth and most of my organ parts and can even walk short distances without having to catch my breath. As long as I dont have to bend over and pick something up off the ground we're in good shape.

I told Kim if she wanted to trade me in - I'd probably be a "big hit" on the senior circuit and have honeys on each arm:) LOL! LOL!

Turning 50 also takes me to that next stage of life where I can look out on the horizon and see the end of the road off in the distance, especially since cancer and recurrence loves me and might see to it that I "retire a little bit earlier than planned."

Having lost this past decade of my life from 2000-2011 R.I.P. I'd like to take the next ten years between 50-60 and get some of that time back, although I know it can never be reclaimed, perhaps this next decade would be kinder to me, if cancer decides to let me live that long.

Back in 2007 when I graduated to the Class of Stage IV, my statistical odds then were 33% for one year. I used to look at a case of 24 waters and wonder which 8 of those bottles would be me. It was at that time, where I looked to myself and said I wanted to make it to 50 or I would feel like life really cheated me.

Life with and without cancer still shows me that the ages of about 48-58 catch up to a great many of us from the grave markers I have read. With cancer, the evidence points to this quite a bit and we need look no further than our fallen comrades that we had here and the ages they were.

So, 50 sounded like a nice round number. It really looks good if you think back to 2007 and they told me I would not see Xmas 2008 at 47 then. Now, I'd like to see 60 now if I could make it and then I could pack my bags and check out of this hotel. Or maybe I might change my mind - you never know with me:)

With 50 cleared, my next immediate marker will be Christmas 2012. If I make that date and the world doesn't come crashing to an end, according to the Mayan calendar, then this date would put me in the 7% bracket of Stage IV patients living 5 years with that stage cancer.

I'll pay special thanks to John23, who posted that statistic one morning on a post - a post which lit the fire in me and installed a hardheadness that I decided I was going to be in that percentile when the calendar changed. Thanks, John! Even I need motivation from time to time and your post poured a quiet, steely resolve to accomplish this mission.

No big plans for my special day. We'll probably go to dinner over the w/end and then this will be quickly in the rear view mirror - no muss, no fuss. I sort of wish I had some type of party - this day is the kind that you build up in your head with higher expectations than they need to be and if they don't come to fruition, there can be a letdown.

My best friend finally called me a month ago with his 50th. His wife spent $1000 and invited a bunch of people for a bowling party etc. He lives in Chicago so there was not a way for me to attend but we did talk and a good story came from that.

He told me that he missed me and that we was "sorry" for not being there for me this past year with my cancer. My buddy had finally gotten it - I never complained or treated him different but I was hurt that I was going through this, but he was absent on the other end. He was and is my best friend and we tore up the roads in our youth and they were the best times of my life. I've missed him. I miss him.

So even though he had a big party, maybe I would be just as content if I had my friend around and we could go shoot some pool like the old days - or just sit back and laugh and reminise about the old days of your youth and all the good times we shared. We grew up together, we shared together, and we experinced life back in the days when there were less restrictions about having fun. They were magic days.

So, thinking about him made me sad today. The day will pass without him in it. I woke up at 50-years in my home state of Texas and realized I did not have anyone here close to me that I could share this day with. Sort of a downer, but I just have to get over it and do what I can do.

I think the day will be more of a day of refelection as I look back and realize how fortunate I am to be alive with most of my mental functionality still working and a body that can still get from one end to another, if we can go slow when I need it.

I think of the others today, who fought so hard for their lives but did not see 50, so I say a special rememberance for them and their families. I think of how hard I fought to see this day and how it was never really in the cards for sure. I think of how lucky I was to wake up this morning and acknowledge this day.

I think of how hard it is in the cancer world to see another year and how much work and even some luck to see it. I think I'll just walk through this day and wake up and try and do another one, if it all works out.

The "Sands in the Hourglass" of this day are already picking up speed, so I better get on with the day. Thirty days over 100 degress here in TX, so we're gonna' try and stay as cool as we can.

No nekkid dancing for me, I'm still trying to walk and not fall down - sort of like those weebles, remember those?

Book is coming along fine, starting chapter 10...8 & 9 nearly killed me for sure. We'll talk about this another time.

No dates on scans that I've heard of although I inquired. Probably in the next 6-8 weeks.

Good to see everybody!

Cuss my name under your breath today in recognition of this day - when I feel a warm breeze hitting my face, I'll know it's you guys:) LOL!

-Craig
«1

Comments

  • daBeachBum
    daBeachBum Member Posts: 164
    Happy Birthday!
    Happy birthday bro :-)

    I hope you enjoy many, many more!

    Ray
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    Craig
    Ahhh my dear friend, about time you joined our special little club, so happy to share the wonder years of the "fifties" with you.
    Happy Birthday my friend, Happy Birthday.
    I'm toasting you with my morning coffee and thinking warm thoughts about you on this day of yours, so glad that 50 years ago "little Craig" came into this world, to share his thoughts, to encourage, and to lighten others heavy loads for them at times.
    Love you man,
    Winter Marie
  • smokeyjoe
    smokeyjoe Member Posts: 1,425 Member

    Craig
    Ahhh my dear friend, about time you joined our special little club, so happy to share the wonder years of the "fifties" with you.
    Happy Birthday my friend, Happy Birthday.
    I'm toasting you with my morning coffee and thinking warm thoughts about you on this day of yours, so glad that 50 years ago "little Craig" came into this world, to share his thoughts, to encourage, and to lighten others heavy loads for them at times.
    Love you man,
    Winter Marie

    Happy Birthday, have a good
    Happy Birthday, have a good one...Enjoy your dinner out on the weekend :)
  • idlehunters
    idlehunters Member Posts: 1,787 Member

    Craig
    Ahhh my dear friend, about time you joined our special little club, so happy to share the wonder years of the "fifties" with you.
    Happy Birthday my friend, Happy Birthday.
    I'm toasting you with my morning coffee and thinking warm thoughts about you on this day of yours, so glad that 50 years ago "little Craig" came into this world, to share his thoughts, to encourage, and to lighten others heavy loads for them at times.
    Love you man,
    Winter Marie

    Hey...
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRAIG!!!!!!! "Another" toast for CP9! Guess I'll have to ait till then to give you your "spanking"...... hummmm.....

    Jen
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    Happy Happy Birthday
    Hitting the big 50 was hard for me, but turning 40 was worse. Now it's just a number and thank God everytime my birthday rolls around again. Sorry your friend can't join you for your big day. It can feel kind of lonely at times. Well whatever you do this weekend to celebrate, here's hoping that you have a great birthday and wonderful evening out.

    Hugs and Happy Birthday! Kim
  • rogina2336
    rogina2336 Member Posts: 188
    Happy Birthday!!!!
    Great post, I just love reading your writing, totally psyched for your book!!!!
    Have an awesome day today and every day that follows. Hopes and Prayers Kim
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member

    Happy Birthday!!!!
    Great post, I just love reading your writing, totally psyched for your book!!!!
    Have an awesome day today and every day that follows. Hopes and Prayers Kim

    Great post as usual Dr.! haha! Well congratulations my friend
    just know most of us are with today! l wis you to Enjoy many many more!.
    Just my warmest thoughts are for you!
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Congrats Craig
    Look at it as Middle Age
    Welcome to the "Over 50 Club"
    Having Birthdays never bothered me at all.
    The prospect of NOT having them is what bothers me
    ;-)
    -p
  • Erinb
    Erinb Member Posts: 293
    Happy Birthday

    Happy Birthday
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    Congratulations
    Congratulations,happy birthday,and welcome to the 50's club.May you have many more.
  • SueRelays
    SueRelays Member Posts: 485
    Happy Birthday Craig! You
    Happy Birthday Craig! You are a true treasure found on this island of cancer. I haven't popped up on the colon boards for some time, but once again, something drew me to it, and it was YOU!!!!

    I found that actually saying 50 out loud was somehow harder than writing my age :). Now I'm looking at 53 this December and can't wait to get there! Means yet another round of cancer is behind me ( God willing). Please do something memorable....no matter how small. YOU deserve to have fighter jets overhead spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE GREATEST GUYS ON EARTH!!!!! I wish you all the best as always my friend!!!!
  • janie1
    janie1 Member Posts: 753 Member
    SueRelays said:

    Happy Birthday Craig! You
    Happy Birthday Craig! You are a true treasure found on this island of cancer. I haven't popped up on the colon boards for some time, but once again, something drew me to it, and it was YOU!!!!

    I found that actually saying 50 out loud was somehow harder than writing my age :). Now I'm looking at 53 this December and can't wait to get there! Means yet another round of cancer is behind me ( God willing). Please do something memorable....no matter how small. YOU deserve to have fighter jets overhead spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE GREATEST GUYS ON EARTH!!!!! I wish you all the best as always my friend!!!!

    Happier times are here!
    Enjoy the night with your "better half", the ONE that has been with you every step of the way.

    joan
  • Jaylo969
    Jaylo969 Member Posts: 824 Member
    50 is good
    50 isn't so bad and I'm hoping 60 will be even better when I get there.

    Craig, have a very, very Happy Birthday and a very happy year as well. You deserve good things.

    All my best,
    -Pat
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Happy, happy, happy birthday!!!!
    ....you don't look a day over 49! *smile*

    I was 49 when I heard those 3 dreadful words. Now I'm turning 56 on the 29th of July....and my life is AWESOME!! (Had anyone told me 'after 50' was so much fun, I would have gotten older, sooner!!!)

    Hugs to my southern gentleman cowboy, Kathi
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    words I never expected to hear
    I'm 50! I'm 60! Glad you made it Craig,sorry the panel work is dented the paint work is pretty well totalled and you are running on five of the eight,but you made it.Turning 50 is not about happy birthday at least it wasn't for me it was about survival about starting another decade of life at 60 it was Oh crap not another decade of this @##$#. I hope you can make the most of the day I wish you a happy survivors birthday,Ron.
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Happy Birthday!
    Congrats on making it to the Big 5-0!

    You are now in the group who realize that time goes by very quickly in the large increments (months & years) and seems to go slowly in the smaller ones (hours and days). I have thought for some time that some physics guru needs to figure out how the hours in a day can drag by, but before you know it over half the year is gone.

    Celebrate your day, even if it is just with a soda and a cooling shower. We on the east coast are also suffering with the heat. Thermometer in my car said 107 this afternoon when I got in!

    May you have many more days celebrating not just your birth but also your survival.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    Happy Birthday!
    Happy Birthday, Craig!!

    I do understand some of your reflective comments. On the one hand, it's great to see another birthday come alone (I'm not someone who complains about getting old!). On the other hand, it is another opportunity for reflection and contemplation -- on one's mortality and other things.

    One of my philosophies these days (comes from an add for Tiffany's jewellry -- sorry about that!) is "There are Times to Celebrate" -- and I try to seize each and every one!

    Many you find many causes to celebrate (and even have party?) in the year and years to come!

    Love,Tara
  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456 Member
    HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!!!

    HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!!!

    Best wishes for many more!

    Rick and Cynthia
  • JDuke
    JDuke Member Posts: 438

    HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!!!

    HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!!!

    Best wishes for many more!

    Rick and Cynthia

    It's your day!!!
    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday dearrrrr Craig
    Happy Birthday to you!!!

    Congrats on the big "50"!

    Smiles,
    Joanne
  • dianelynn41
    dianelynn41 Member Posts: 71
    JDuke said:

    It's your day!!!
    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday dearrrrr Craig
    Happy Birthday to you!!!

    Congrats on the big "50"!

    Smiles,
    Joanne

    Happy Birthday Sundance! My
    Happy Birthday Sundance! My hubby Roby turned 55 today in the big state of Texas.
    I hope you had a good day and many more to come.

    Diane