giving it up

melbas2
melbas2 Member Posts: 108
I'm done y'all. now they want to start trestments all over. I can' do it. Good luck to you all, Melodie
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Comments

  • lizdeli
    lizdeli Member Posts: 569 Member
    Treatment all over again
    Melodie
    What do you mean treatment all over again? Please stay on the forum and let us help you through whatever is happening.
    Hugs,
    Liz
  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    we are here
    please talk to us. we are here to help. understand the tiredness of all of this. let us know what you mean by tx all over again. hugs sephie
  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    Please come back
    No matter what you decide. We want to hear from you.
  • melbas2
    melbas2 Member Posts: 108
    lizdeli said:

    Treatment all over again
    Melodie
    What do you mean treatment all over again? Please stay on the forum and let us help you through whatever is happening.
    Hugs,
    Liz

    Treatments
    3 weeks ago my onc was talking about a possible remmission. Then on Fri, she told my counts were all over the place again. So they want to do the whole Atgam treatment again. That means 6 days in the hosp with 5 8 hour infusions of the horsey juice, the cyclosporine horse pills the weekly lab. I had a blood transfusion today. They gave me 4 units as opposed to the normal 2. It took them 2 hours to find a vein that's still accessible. I've have PICC lines 3 times in the past. They get irritatig after swhile, when everything is going cool and I need no needles except for lab. Does anyone have a port and is it more advantageous the a PICC? I know it goes under the skin, so how does it prevent pain for iv's an such? they still have to get thru the skin, right. Help!! Melodie
  • duckyann
    duckyann Member Posts: 159
    melbas2 said:

    Treatments
    3 weeks ago my onc was talking about a possible remmission. Then on Fri, she told my counts were all over the place again. So they want to do the whole Atgam treatment again. That means 6 days in the hosp with 5 8 hour infusions of the horsey juice, the cyclosporine horse pills the weekly lab. I had a blood transfusion today. They gave me 4 units as opposed to the normal 2. It took them 2 hours to find a vein that's still accessible. I've have PICC lines 3 times in the past. They get irritatig after swhile, when everything is going cool and I need no needles except for lab. Does anyone have a port and is it more advantageous the a PICC? I know it goes under the skin, so how does it prevent pain for iv's an such? they still have to get thru the skin, right. Help!! Melodie

    Hi Melodie
    I have a port and have had it for over 2 years now. Yes they still have to enter the skin with the needle but it is much better than being stuck all over the place. It is a little pinch and then it is gone. They still take blood from my port for blood tests. I am actually happy that this is what my doctor recommended at the beginning.

    Nancy
  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    duckyann said:

    Hi Melodie
    I have a port and have had it for over 2 years now. Yes they still have to enter the skin with the needle but it is much better than being stuck all over the place. It is a little pinch and then it is gone. They still take blood from my port for blood tests. I am actually happy that this is what my doctor recommended at the beginning.

    Nancy

    Melodie
    I have a port since 4-18-09 and will keep it until 4-18-12, and have it removed after my next colonoscopy. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone while under anesteshia. I have it flushed every 3 months. Although they recommend every 6 weeks. I have no problems with it, and forget its there. When they use it, 1st they put on lidocane (freeze spray) and then inset the needle, no big deal at all. I wish you well, and you must continue to treat yourself and get better. You have to be here for your children and grand children. Lori
  • sissy310
    sissy310 Member Posts: 300
    Hey Melodie - I agree with
    Hey Melodie - I agree with everyone on the forum...hang in there...come in here to vent. I know it is getting frustrating going to all these doctors and getting infusions and just feeling like, when will it end? I have to go back for a retake mammogram tomorrow and maybe an ultrasound. I've gotten to the point now where I almost expect a call back after having a pap or an ultrasound and just think, okay, at least they are keeping up with things and being diligent. I'd rather have that than not know. I keep thinking after all these xrays, ultrasounds, radiation and such I should be glowing by now. Do not get discouraged. I find when I feel like that I come in here and vent or express my fears or emotions. Keep us posted and come in here. Do not give up! Hugs, Marilyne
  • suzynanny
    suzynanny Member Posts: 38 Member
    big
    big big hugs Melba.
  • SueRelays
    SueRelays Member Posts: 485
    suzynanny said:

    big
    big big hugs Melba.

    OK Melba!! There must be a
    OK Melba!! There must be a reason I popped on here today.....guess it's to give you a little kick to get you going again!!!

    I'm not bragging :)....but I have had 3 diagnosis of a primary cancer. Went through anal...then a secondary (non smoking) lung, then found out the anal spread to my liver, so had 1/2 of it removed. THIS YEAR.....Breast Cancer!!! It is a tireless beast, hellbent on tiring us....but don't let it Melba! We are soooo much stronger and better than this.
    Trust me, I know ALL to well how depleting it can be. I was so hoping to enjoy this summer and NOT think about cancer....but for some reason it was just not meant to be. Next Year???
    As much as i HATE all of it, I will do it and win, because I LOVE life way too much to let something as small as a cell get the best of me :)!!

    Come on Melba.....I know you are strong....I know you are tired......but strength trumps...you will get through this with all the support and love here.....let everyone help you. I believe there is strength in numbers, and there are so many that can relate and help.
  • Captain11
    Captain11 Member Posts: 88
    Hey, Melba, please don't
    Hey, Melba, please don't get discouraged... if there is one thing I know, miracles do happen... please don't give up... God loves a fighter... we are all fighting, and not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones, AND our family of survivors on this post, right here and now... I had a port put in my right side of my chest and went through my first rounds of chemo, etc. My port got infected, and was taken out, but since my cancer spread to the lymph nodes and abdominal area, (can't recall the medical term) I had another oport put in my left side and went through the next 6 months of treatments... The port does not hurt. I don't even take the freeze stuff the nurse puts on it, just take a deep breath when they get ready to put the needle in, and it is done. It hurts less than a blood draw... All of us here feel the same... you can get through this... Please keep us posted. I hope you can somehow ease your anxiety.. God bless you. We are all praying for you.
  • melbas2
    melbas2 Member Posts: 108
    Captain11 said:

    Hey, Melba, please don't
    Hey, Melba, please don't get discouraged... if there is one thing I know, miracles do happen... please don't give up... God loves a fighter... we are all fighting, and not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones, AND our family of survivors on this post, right here and now... I had a port put in my right side of my chest and went through my first rounds of chemo, etc. My port got infected, and was taken out, but since my cancer spread to the lymph nodes and abdominal area, (can't recall the medical term) I had another oport put in my left side and went through the next 6 months of treatments... The port does not hurt. I don't even take the freeze stuff the nurse puts on it, just take a deep breath when they get ready to put the needle in, and it is done. It hurts less than a blood draw... All of us here feel the same... you can get through this... Please keep us posted. I hope you can somehow ease your anxiety.. God bless you. We are all praying for you.

    giving up
    I know...it was a self pity moment.I have so much to live for, sometimes I just wonder why it's so hard. I am now having to go back to the hemmy surgeon, I have diarehha constantly. I use the wipes, the desitin, the pads, the lidocan, and I've already thrown away 4 pairs of underwear in the past hour and 1/2. I can't go too far if I don't know where the restroom is.It's demeaning and embarrassing. Will I need more surgery? Wouldn't it be better knowing that sitting here daily shitting all over my self? Absolutely...it's just getting up the couage to find out. So I'm making my appt first thing in the am. I did have Merry Maids start today, and the stress relief of knowing my my house is clean was well worth. So prayers for the surgeon...My grandaughter will b 2 in 2 weeks and I will be there. Thanks, Melodie
  • Captain11
    Captain11 Member Posts: 88
    melbas2 said:

    giving up
    I know...it was a self pity moment.I have so much to live for, sometimes I just wonder why it's so hard. I am now having to go back to the hemmy surgeon, I have diarehha constantly. I use the wipes, the desitin, the pads, the lidocan, and I've already thrown away 4 pairs of underwear in the past hour and 1/2. I can't go too far if I don't know where the restroom is.It's demeaning and embarrassing. Will I need more surgery? Wouldn't it be better knowing that sitting here daily shitting all over my self? Absolutely...it's just getting up the couage to find out. So I'm making my appt first thing in the am. I did have Merry Maids start today, and the stress relief of knowing my my house is clean was well worth. So prayers for the surgeon...My grandaughter will b 2 in 2 weeks and I will be there. Thanks, Melodie

    Good girl... Keep a positive
    Good girl... Keep a positive attitude... you have the right to have a self-pity moment... thanks for making the appt... Yeah, I have to be around a bathroom too, or at least know where they are when I go to the store, or visiting... Thank god, I have 2 bathrooms in my home. I don't know whether you will need more surgery ... but, the dr will tell you that at your appt. Once you get through the treatments, etc, you will be able to regulate your diet and the diarhea should stop... Are you taking the imodium???? If not, get yourself some, and take it right at the onset of the diarhea and for each time you have it... I think you can take only up to 8 a day, but, I rarely have to take more than 2 a day. BeKeep your mind focused on your granddaughter... try to calm down... you can get through this... we are all here to support you. Keep us posted. God bless.
  • melbas2
    melbas2 Member Posts: 108
    Captain11 said:

    Good girl... Keep a positive
    Good girl... Keep a positive attitude... you have the right to have a self-pity moment... thanks for making the appt... Yeah, I have to be around a bathroom too, or at least know where they are when I go to the store, or visiting... Thank god, I have 2 bathrooms in my home. I don't know whether you will need more surgery ... but, the dr will tell you that at your appt. Once you get through the treatments, etc, you will be able to regulate your diet and the diarhea should stop... Are you taking the imodium???? If not, get yourself some, and take it right at the onset of the diarhea and for each time you have it... I think you can take only up to 8 a day, but, I rarely have to take more than 2 a day. BeKeep your mind focused on your granddaughter... try to calm down... you can get through this... we are all here to support you. Keep us posted. God bless.

    giving it all up
    OKAY!!! I will fight some more. Like I said, I'm going to both docs tomorrow, and something is gonna happen. If it'a more treatments, more surgery, whatever. But this time I'm asking for pain pills. I am not superwoman...I'm just trying to survive cancer. And without all of you, I'd be a mess. god b less you all. Melodie
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    melbas2 said:

    giving it all up
    OKAY!!! I will fight some more. Like I said, I'm going to both docs tomorrow, and something is gonna happen. If it'a more treatments, more surgery, whatever. But this time I'm asking for pain pills. I am not superwoman...I'm just trying to survive cancer. And without all of you, I'd be a mess. god b less you all. Melodie

    Thinking of you, Melodie
    I've been out of town and am just catching up here. I'm so sorry you are getting so discouraged. It's understandable, but please, please do not give up! I know you are seeing the doctor tomorrow, so I hope you'll be able to get another plan of attack underway for your issues. I am sending you positive thoughts and prayers and hope you'll let us know what you find out.
  • duckyann
    duckyann Member Posts: 159
    melbas2 said:

    giving it all up
    OKAY!!! I will fight some more. Like I said, I'm going to both docs tomorrow, and something is gonna happen. If it'a more treatments, more surgery, whatever. But this time I'm asking for pain pills. I am not superwoman...I'm just trying to survive cancer. And without all of you, I'd be a mess. god b less you all. Melodie

    Melodie,
    Just a note to let

    Melodie,

    Just a note to let you know I am thinking about you and hope that the docs have a plan that will get you through this and better. Take care and let us know.

    Nancy
  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    melbas2 said:

    giving up
    I know...it was a self pity moment.I have so much to live for, sometimes I just wonder why it's so hard. I am now having to go back to the hemmy surgeon, I have diarehha constantly. I use the wipes, the desitin, the pads, the lidocan, and I've already thrown away 4 pairs of underwear in the past hour and 1/2. I can't go too far if I don't know where the restroom is.It's demeaning and embarrassing. Will I need more surgery? Wouldn't it be better knowing that sitting here daily shitting all over my self? Absolutely...it's just getting up the couage to find out. So I'm making my appt first thing in the am. I did have Merry Maids start today, and the stress relief of knowing my my house is clean was well worth. So prayers for the surgeon...My grandaughter will b 2 in 2 weeks and I will be there. Thanks, Melodie

    so glad you are back
    I realize how much we need each other now. I **** the bed last night. Had a sudden hard pain that woke me up and it was too late. I'm not even started with my treatments yet. I am dreading the diarreha you describe but at least I won't feel alone in it when that starts. I pray you are at the end of the tunnel and there really is light and not a train at the end of it. Hugs!
  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    sandysp said:

    so glad you are back
    I realize how much we need each other now. I **** the bed last night. Had a sudden hard pain that woke me up and it was too late. I'm not even started with my treatments yet. I am dreading the diarreha you describe but at least I won't feel alone in it when that starts. I pray you are at the end of the tunnel and there really is light and not a train at the end of it. Hugs!

    Sandy
    You just had surgery, and I wonder if the bowels are getting back into shape by eliminating as they are suppose to, albeit too fast. I know your on pain meds and that will constipate, so its better not to be constipated, but a happy medium is better. I wish you well. Lori
  • Captain11
    Captain11 Member Posts: 88
    melbas2 said:

    giving it all up
    OKAY!!! I will fight some more. Like I said, I'm going to both docs tomorrow, and something is gonna happen. If it'a more treatments, more surgery, whatever. But this time I'm asking for pain pills. I am not superwoman...I'm just trying to survive cancer. And without all of you, I'd be a mess. god b less you all. Melodie

    Good Girl!!!
    Melodie, thanks... keep up the fight... Ask for the pain meds... take the immodium... remember pain meds can make you constipated so be careful with that... drink more water to offset the constipation... drink more water to stay hydrated. I am hopeful that the drs will come up with a great plan for you. Keep us posted. Try to calm down... We are all praying for you... God bless
  • melbas2
    melbas2 Member Posts: 108
    z said:

    Sandy
    You just had surgery, and I wonder if the bowels are getting back into shape by eliminating as they are suppose to, albeit too fast. I know your on pain meds and that will constipate, so its better not to be constipated, but a happy medium is better. I wish you well. Lori

    not giving up
    No, my surgery was just over a year ago, and I've never taken pain meds. I went to both my appts today, and my onc wanted to wait a couple more weeks till my platelets come back up, I'm tired of waiting. So my next appt was with my doc who did the hemmy surgery back in May of 2010, and I told him I can't do this anymore. After my exam, he agreed that the waiting game didn't seem to be helping, physically or mentally, so he called my onc and they decided to do the port on Wed. He said the way my plates fluctuate, they may never get high enough. So I go in on Tues for plates and lab and then Wed i go in fir the port surgery. Then it's gonna be back to the hosp for anothre 6 nighter for the Atgam treatments. No guarentees that the results will be any different than in May, but at least we're gonna DO something. It's the waiting and not knowing that discourages me most. So please, prayers for early next week and hope that this time we find some answers. Again...couldn't have come this far without y'all. Happy 4th, stay safe, I eill post after the surgery and let y'all know what...if any...progress we're making. God bless. Melodie
  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    melbas2 said:

    not giving up
    No, my surgery was just over a year ago, and I've never taken pain meds. I went to both my appts today, and my onc wanted to wait a couple more weeks till my platelets come back up, I'm tired of waiting. So my next appt was with my doc who did the hemmy surgery back in May of 2010, and I told him I can't do this anymore. After my exam, he agreed that the waiting game didn't seem to be helping, physically or mentally, so he called my onc and they decided to do the port on Wed. He said the way my plates fluctuate, they may never get high enough. So I go in on Tues for plates and lab and then Wed i go in fir the port surgery. Then it's gonna be back to the hosp for anothre 6 nighter for the Atgam treatments. No guarentees that the results will be any different than in May, but at least we're gonna DO something. It's the waiting and not knowing that discourages me most. So please, prayers for early next week and hope that this time we find some answers. Again...couldn't have come this far without y'all. Happy 4th, stay safe, I eill post after the surgery and let y'all know what...if any...progress we're making. God bless. Melodie

    Melodie
    Hello Melodie, the surgery post was to Sandy.

    I am so glad your getting the drs to treat you, and I know the port will be an improvement, as I have a port, then they won't be damaging your veins anymore. I hope that the atgam tx will help this time and fix you. I wish you well, and good for you in being proactive in your care. Lori