New and feeling overwhelmed!

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  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Hi
    I'm sorry you have to be here, but I know you'll find it helpful! Praying your news will be much better than you're thinking at the moment. And I don't think you should be worrying alone. Tell your husband!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    Bev
    I am sorry that you need to be here, but it is a fantastic support group. I want to wish you good results with your tests. Remember to take things 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute even, at a time.
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    jararno said:

    Bev
    Wow...You have been through the ringer!
    Try to relax and breathe! I too am a super needle/blood freak! But I made it through 12 Chemo treatments and lots of needles. The thing that saved me was the Chest Port that is implanted for Chemo infusions. I still get sick or faint at times, but actually had very little trouble during the actual chemo.

    I have had the nurses position pumps and blood transfusion bags where I cannot see them.
    I never watch any proceedures and keep my eyes shut!

    You are a trooper! You have been through so much and you will be able to make it through this newest adventure! It will not be easy, but you can do it!

    Let us know how things are going!

    Take Care,

    Barb

    Hi Barb!
    Oh yea! I am not the only one with a needle/MYownBlood reaction! Ha!Ha! So far I haven't fainted thru my 3 (or was it 4) IV lines (contrast, fluids, you all know the drill, I'm sure!) and the clinical staff was very understanding about me not seeing it. I told them all upfront and they were great!

    I don't yet know my path, but I am resolved to be strong and carry on the best that I can! Thanks for your encouragement!

    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Graci - my respect for you grows with each post!
    Wow, you have been through enough!! I do understand about wanted to work because going back as soon as I could after the ependymoma surgery made me feel more "normal". Your heart has been "broken" a couple of times, I see, and I hope you can heal from that. I cannot yet imagine what you have been through - you are extraordinary (and I am edu-ma-guessing that most peeps have similar stories to you and are all amazing!) My story is nothing compared to you, yet you took the time to write and comfort me, so thank you from my heart!

    So glad to hear you are feeling great!
    I think western medicine is starting to "get" some of the actual benefits of alternative medicines, so that is cool that you are seeing a naturopath.

    I am sure you will keep us all posted!
    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37

    Hey Bev!
    Welcome aboard the semi-colon train! Lots of room here, but so sorry that you had to find us. Now that you have though, there are perks to this club :) Perks being... the best support group, online or off, that has a wealth of knowledge that they can share. So whatever you are going through, or going to go through, there will always be one or more people who have been through similar experiences and can guide you through by answering any questions you might have :)

    It looks like you've already met some of the gals here... and reading all your responses to them, plus your first post... I feel like I know you already :D Oh boy do we all know what you mean when you say your world turned inside out and you feel so overwhelmed right now. The reason for that is... your world HAS turned inside out and upside down. No matter what the news after your tests, your world's "normal" will have changed. You've been through so much other non-related stuff, to have to now go through this... well, your toughness certainly is being tested, isn't it??

    Now... as for talking about this may be the "One" and you wonder how much time you have left with your family, etc.... it's only human to think like that. After all, haven't we for generations and generations only whispered the word "c a n c e r"?? It was a word we didn't want to talk about, certainly not out loud, because everyone knew if you got cancer that was a death warrant. It's amazing how many success stories there are, that really and truly don't get the same press as "dying from cancer". The reality is... some do lose the battle, not because they haven't been fighters but it's just the nature of the beast. But just as many, if not more, survive cancer and/or just live with cancer in their lives. They adjust their "normal" to fit it in and treat it as a chronic disease. One we'd rather not have, for sure, but who wants any kind of chronic disease?

    Sooooo, until we know more about what that tumour has been up to, whether it can come out and that's that, or perhaps it has to come out and you have to have the standard forms of chemo, perhaps radiation... all of that is unknown until they do the tests and figure out where you are at. Then once they have you staged and know where you are at, then they will come up with your unique, individual plan. And we all will be here to cheer you on because chances are, whatever your plan is, it will be one some of us have been on.

    Anywho... just wanted to welcome you to the group and to say I LOVE your humour and strength! You are going to fit very well into this group, so I hope you can set up a corner here and feel right at home :) This can be your new cyberhome where you can say or do whatever you want (uh... but ya, politics and religion... not a good idea ).

    Oh... and about the telling the husband. I realize you are just getting yourself together before you break the news, but I think the sooner you tell him the better. Granted, you don't want to stress him out anymore than he already is with his job and with what you've been through before, but at the same time, the longer you put off telling him, the more isolated he will feel when he finds out you've been carrying this all by yourself and not sharing with him. Sometimes withholding information (for very good, thoughtful reasons) can backfire and then every time you have a test or get news and you tell him, he's going to wonder, "Are you telling me everything?". Neither of you need that hanging over your heads for this journey.

    And the last little bit of advice I can think of... first tell hubby (you will feel much better once it's out in the open) and then go to your nearest stationary store and pick up a little notebook. You have said that it helps you just to write things down.. well this is where your writing skills will come in handy. You are going to have a ton of questions... some simple, some a little more difficult and some that only pertain to you that your oncologist will be able to answer. Anytime you come up with a question, write it in your notebook, so that you have them to take to your appointments. Likewise, write down the answers they give you. Now this may all seem like overkill, but trust me... whenever you go to your appts., you THINK you are going to remember all your questions, but you will be lucky if you remember 2 or 3. And chances are you won't remember the answers, or you will have heard them one way and remember them totally differently after you have left the appt. There were things that were told to me that I do NOT remember my oncologist mentioning... but I had taken a friend with me to all my first appts. and the stuff she told me ... well, it was amazing how much of it I didn't hear.

    Ok... there you have my babble! I'm a babbler from way back, so my posts tend to reflect that :)

    Welcome aboard!!

    Cheryl

    Whee - and how did you know that my secret job was to be ....
    ....a train engineer?!

    Hi Cheryl, I noticed a few of your posts prior to taking the jump into the boards. Thanks for making me feel welcome!

    I do have a wacky sense of humor, and so I hope I don't offend. My husband gave me a nickname after my ependymoma ressection surgery "Zipperneck"! I had a line of black stitches running from under my hairline at the base of my skull down to just between my shoulder blades....like a zipper on a dress! Good thing I couldn't see it - well, I guess I could have done the hand mirror thingy like they do at the haircut places - but you know I would have gotten sick or fainted, so better left alone! Anyhow, that was a funny nickname, don'tcha think?!!

    Thanks for the great advise as I get ready to have surgery! I don't know yet what the other "plans" will be....

    Thanks again for making me feel welcomed!

    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37

    I haven't told anyone
    hi bev,

    tell em when your ready, the right time should come soon, you'll know in yuour heart.

    if you were not overwelmed i'd be surprised. any cancer diagnosis and all that it means is one of the most life challenging extreme events you can go through.

    its not a walk in the park our disease, so be very overwelmed.

    its a dam overwelming condition!

    i'd recommend meditation from the start, get second opinions if you feel you need them. try and hang onto to hope.

    i have a dream of beating the disease everyday i live.

    like cheryl, said your on the semi colon train now. Its really really long and stretches around the globe.

    again sorry to welcome you aboard, but that said
    "its nice to meet you"

    hugs,
    pete

    Hi Pete - nice to meet you too!
    Thanks for the encouragement! I understand that you're a walker! I am not a runner (bad knees - they are "rice krispie knees" according to the Physical Therapist! LOL! But!! I do love to walk and I can use certain elipticals to "run", so I do what I can to get exercise during the week.

    I don't think I have ever "officially" meditated, but I do love yoga, and I try to remember to "breathe" each and every day. I like best to walk outside, but darn it, where I live is not always so weather nice. We take those beautiful days outside with relish! Today for example it is greatly overcast and rainy. Blah!

    What are you wearing in your photo? I hazard to guess either some kind of parasailing thing or you enjoy scuba diving (ok, that's another thing I would LOVE to try- but only in WARM water!) or maybe you jump out of airplanes as a hobby? Otherwise, I am not sure but it does look wet-suit-ish (is that a word? - If not, it is now) so do tell if you ever have the chance!

    And WHY are you lost at sea? Because you are a pirate and lost your ship? Did the crew mutany? Or are you being metaphorical?

    Cheryl told me to write down questions, but I don't think that she meant these types of questions! :-D

    Yes, I have told my hubbie. And our 15 year old (the girlie). I did have to "get myself together" before I could and part of that, I think, was the "unloading" that I did here. Thanks for your kind words! Thanks also for making me feel welcomed!

    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    lisa42 said:

    Hi Bev
    Hi Bev,

    I'm Lisa and welcome to this board, even though it's lousy that you now have a reason to be here! I've been coming on this board for almost two years now- I was diagnosed as stage IV rectal cancer in 8/07, over 3-1/2 yrs ago now. I'm still here, still kicking, and still fighting. I understand that you are overwhelmed, but it does concern me that you are carrying this alone. I know by coming here- and I'm so glad that you did- you are really not totally alone, but it really is important to share things with your husband and family. Yes, it will be stressful and very upsetting to them, but they are your family & I don't think they'd want you to have to carry it by yourself. Tell your hubby soon, maybe wait on telling the kids until you have results back from your CT and know your stage, etc. Hopefully it will be in the early stages and will not have spread. There is a high cure rate for colorectal cancer found in stage I and II. If it does turn out to be a stage III, well there are several people on this board who were stage III and are now considered cancer free. If for some reason it ends up that it has spread and is a stage IV, well there are even a couple of people on the board who have become cancer free even after a stage IV diagnosis. I don't happen to be one of those, as I'm still taking chemo and still fighting it, but I am still here after all this time and still function pretty well day to day- I still drive my kids to and from school, go to Bible Study, go to lunch with friends, and actually appear pretty normal- people tell me they'd never know I even have cancer just by looking at me. I guess I've been pretty fortunate and blessed in that respect. I actually catch less colds now than I did before my cancer diagnosis- so the irony is that since I've gotten cancer, I've been pretty healthy in all other ways.
    Stay away from reading internet survival statistics, as tempting as it may be. Most of them are far outdated and old. Statistics, by the very nature of being a statistic, are ALWAYS outdated, as they are based on people who were diagnosed and treated at least five years beforehand. There have been several advances made in that period of time!

    So far as being squeamish ("wimpy" in your words) about needles, blood, etc.- well, that is a hard one. I used to practically pass out when my blood was drawn, and now I get my blood drawn once a week without even batting an eye about it. I've discovered that the nurse at my cancer center draws blood so well, that I truly can barely even feel it. The lab tech at the LabCorp center where I used to go was a beast by comparison- it really hurt every time she drew blood! My chemo nurse's expertise and gentleness in that area proves that it does not have to hurt & when it does hurt, the person drawing blood just isn't very good at it! I think you should be better off getting it drawn at your cancer center that you'll end up going to.

    Well, depending upon your stage, you may end up having surgery first, having radiation first, or having chemo first. That will all depend upon location/size of tumor and if the cancer has spread to other locations in your body or not. If it has, then you will probably do chemo first, unless your tumor is causing a blockage.
    When I was diagnosed, I first did chemo for six months & then became a surgical candidate afterwards. My rectal tumor actually disappeared following six weeks of radiation (which was a month after my 6 months of chemo), so I never did end up having a colon/rectum resection surgery. The only surgery I have had was a liver resection, in which 55% of my liver was removed. Not a cake walk, but I actually did recover pretty quickly and well.

    Hugs to you my dear- I know you're going to need lots of them- prayers for you too.
    Keep in touch here & anytime you want to talk further, you can always send me a PM (private message- like an email, but within the CSN system. You can find that on "Home").

    Take care-
    Lisa

    Hi Lisa, thanks for writing!
    I don't yet know my stage (although presumed to be "earlier") and I don't want to worry about it just yet. Getting my head together enuff to be able to tell my husband was part of my own issue, and I needed to do that to present a strong face, and not fall apart on him. That would only be all the more rough for him to bear.

    They've mentioned chemo, but I am not sure "when" at this point. I figure I will hear shortly, afterall, that was "just yesterday" that I had the tests...

    Thanks for the virtual hugs! I have felt so welcomed by everyone here, that I do plan to stick around for a bit.

    What kind of "puppy" is your little sweetie in the photo? We had a Lhasa years ago, but I did always have troubles identifying Shitzus and Lhasas unless I saw them side-by-side. Our Daize Mai lived a full doggie life of 18 years!

    Thanks again for your kindness!
    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37

    Bark is a lot worse than the bite
    Greetings Bev & Welcome!

    I think just about everyone here can relate with the "world has dropped out from under me" feeling you're experiencing right now. I know I sure can. On Monday, March 8th of last year I was admitted to the hospital with several abdominal pains, Tuesday I was under the knife to remove the obstruction in my colon, and that Friday my surgeon was explaining to me that it was stage 3 colon cancer.

    As Cheryl stated, we're trained that cancer is the absolute worst thing in the world, no one can survive such a fierce disease, etc, etc... Ummmm... I beg to DIFFER. I think many others in here would second my opinion that talking about it, and hearing about it are worlds apart from actually HAVING it. You'll find out that it very likely is NOT the end of the world, that it CAN be fought, and that you CAN win. So, it's a big damn dog, it looks mean and it makes a fearsome noise.... but it ain't as mean as it lets on. YOU can be MEANER than IT ;)

    Without knowing you or your hubby, it's not my place to give advice on how to approach him with the news, but GENERALLY speaking, your spouse is your #1 source of support. Don't do yourself a disservice by denying yourself that. And if he's any sort of man, HE is going to want to know so that he can step up and do what he needs to do to help you through this. I CAN tell you from personal experience... the battle I've fought with my wife by my side has brought us closer together than I thought possible. We were close BEFORE, and I really didn't think we could be any closer... boy, was I wrong!

    As for the needles and such.. I have to confess to being a bit of a wimp about them too. Not quite to the extent of passing out or losing my lunch, but definitely not on the top ten ways to spend the weekend. During the five weeks I spent in the hospital after my colon resection surgery (not the normal length of stay, by the way...I had complications, which made me "special" lol) I was poked on enough that they become boring. A nurse would come in every morning to draw blood, and it got to the point I'd wake up just long enough to flop my arm out for her to work on, then would doze right back off.

    It's truly amazing what a person can learn to endure.

    This is a great place to be, Bev... lots of caring folks who have a wealth of experience to draw upon. Glad you found it ;)

    Hi AncientTiger!
    I thank you kindly for your greetings! I think I had already read some of your posts and saw your comments about your dear wife.

    What Pete said was that I needed to tell him when I was ready, and I know in my heart that I needed to do this, but as you recognize, my world had been shaken, and I was just so overwhelmed emotionally with the news that I needed that time to process. I think I must be a slow processor! LOL! That's not always such a good thing, but hey, NO WAY am I perfect, and don't I know THAT! LOL! :-D

    We've been married like forever. We met in college first semester - I was 17 he was 18(until November - our birthday month) and in 1983 we married.

    Hummmm...."Ancient Tiger"...is that a reference to Horoscopes? My hubbie, he's a Scorpio and I am mostly Sagitarius or cusp baby as I was born right about the cut-off dates for those dates. For fans of the Chinese Astrology, I am a "Metal Rat". If you know what this means, great, for I sure don't, but it sounds like fun! Ahhhh, but I digress...(as I am known to do and I am unappollogetic for it or bad spelling....) Anyhow, my question to you, is why that particular "username"? Maybe you're fighting fierce like a Tiger....in that case, I shall remember to tread lightly and behave myself around you! :-)

    Back to the story: I have known this man (my before-mentioned spouse) for more than half my life (ooooooh gads, that sounds OLD!)and we're approaching the big 30 years! I WANT to make it to there! I would love to go to some place romantical and tropical (but wearing lots of sunscreen so I don't get sunexposure!) But we'll have to seeeeeee about that. Right now I am just waiting to see what is next.

    Thanks for the welcome, and encouragement!
    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    Love2Cats said:

    Hi Bev
    Love your username.

    I totally understand you wanting to not stress your spouse out. I try to act well, even when I don't feel it. I try never to cry either, but sometimes it comes out.

    I would try and find a therapist to talk with. Of course their are a zillion therapists out there, so perhaps you could get a recommendation through the American Cancer Society, to find someone who has dealt with these issues before. I believe it is important to reveal it when the time feels right for you, but I worry about it causing you additional stress by having to hold it in.

    Take care,

    Sandy

    Hi Sandy ... And I Love your photo!
    Kitty antics are sure fun to watch! My dad has Alzheimer's so he's in a VA hospital in the Memory-loss wing; and I am reading "Making Rounds with Oscar" by D. Dosa. It is interesting in that the author is a medical doctor specializing in gerontology (older populations) and gives the reader the sense of his own perspective on life and living and the effects (of the disease) on the caregivers. It's quick reading and although the subject material would appear to be sad, it really appeals to my scientific-quirky background. Oscar is one of the cats that reside in the resident home in which the author works, and appears to somehow sense when one of the residents is ready to pass to the great beyond. It is not sad for me to read it, so I am enjoying it. I can appreciate it for the science background and for the social relationship value it presents.

    Thanks for your advise, and it is appreciated. I did have "the talk" with my spouse, so that is good. I just needed the time, I guess, to get my own emotions under a stable state so that I could really talk and not be a "train wreak", now that I am officially a passenger on this train!

    Thanks for writing!
    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    taraHK said:

    Welcome
    Welcome -- and I'm sorry you have reason to be here.

    As your probably know already from your previous medical 'adventures', in many ways, what you are going through now is the toughest part -- the shock of diagnosis, the tests, the waiting for test results. Treatment is almost a breeze in comparison!

    I was touched by what you wrote about your children. My kids were 8 and 10 when I was diagnosed. I ended up being diagnosed with Stage III rectal cancer -- not great. But that was 8 years ago! I've had quite a lot of treatment over those years -- but I'm still alive and kicking. This year, I got to see my youngest graduate from high school -- that was my dream, when I was diagnosed. Here's hoping you get to see those graduation dreams come true. Then, like me, you'll be needing to set new dreams!

    Good luck and warm wishes

    Tara

    Yea for you Tara! :-)
    Thanks for your welcoming words!

    Wow, I am happy inside that you found my "histoire" ("story" in French) interesting and maybe a bit emotional.

    At that time was working in a neuroncology lab (irony, n'est pas ("right" in French)) so I knew well that a diagnosis of gliablastoma was pretty much bad news - of course that was over 15 years ago now....yes, I have been thankful to have had these years with my sweet daughter. Darn that she's wayyyy taller than me now! Talk about a train wreak - the night my doctor called, my spouse was on a business trip and I wasn't able to reach him. That will be the most horrendous night of my life. This abeit upsetting, didn't have quite the same emotional impact as that one did. Probably because I do have 15 more years life experience on me (and a little more pudge probably too) AND because the oldest is almost 20 and she's almost 16, so it would not be so bad for them at this age than if they were younger... I know I didn't word that just right, but I can't figure out yet how to say it gracefully, but I could let go now knowing that "they'd be alright" whereas when they were really little, that was just devastating. I still don't say it right, so hopefully you understand what it is that I am trying to convey here.

    You're alive and kicking and I sure hope you are feeling good about that! Thanks for the encouragment and kind words!

    Now what are your dreams?

    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    Buzzard said:

    Oh , and Bev........one more thing.......
    You never run out of prayers...... :) ........buzz

    Hi Buzz!
    Oh surly you are more of an expert on that than I. Thanks for the smile!

    Are you really a Buzzard or why did you choose your username?

    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    tootsie1 said:

    Hi
    I'm sorry you have to be here, but I know you'll find it helpful! Praying your news will be much better than you're thinking at the moment. And I don't think you should be worrying alone. Tell your husband!

    *hugs*
    Gail

    Hi Gail
    I guess being "here" with "you guys" isn't so bad! Thanks for your prayers, and yes, I did tell my husband. I just needed time to collect my thoughts so I wouldn't be so scared of what I am about to face.

    Thanks for taking time to say "hi".

    Bev
  • OtherShoeFell
    OtherShoeFell Member Posts: 37
    AnneCan said:

    Bev
    I am sorry that you need to be here, but it is a fantastic support group. I want to wish you good results with your tests. Remember to take things 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute even, at a time.

    Hi AnneCan
    You know I must ask is that "Anne Can Do This"! I am on your side as you are on mine! Thanks for the support, and good advise on taking each day as it unfolds!

    The sun came out from the clouds and drearyness (is that a word? Is it spelled right?) so I went outside and marveled at the day!

    Enjoy your day too,

    Bev
  • Hi AnneCan
    You know I must ask is that "Anne Can Do This"! I am on your side as you are on mine! Thanks for the support, and good advise on taking each day as it unfolds!

    The sun came out from the clouds and drearyness (is that a word? Is it spelled right?) so I went outside and marveled at the day!

    Enjoy your day too,

    Bev

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