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on the bench !!! and surviving survival and 21 days

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

Had my first school recess with my son. he is only 5 and first few weeks at school.

our day started off slow, so I got the kids to school late. so the penalty clauses kicked in, like no truckshop spending money for treats and no lunch orders on friday.

I asked my kids to handover the change in the car. they said they had none, but I spied my son smiling at my daughter and patting his pocket. so I suspected this was his first lie. So I parked the car and waited outside the school office while they got their late notes.

I asked him again about the spending money and he handed over a small fortune in change that he appears to have been collecting from around the house. He said he just likes to have the money and play with it and that he would not spend it today.

now , maybe I should have trusted him, but I said "let me mind it till after school", so he handed it over, but looked sad.

I gave him a hug and was walking out the gate when I turned around I saw him crying quietly in the corner. A friend in the school office walked past and I asked her for some help and explained the lateness, the spending money and the crying, so she walked keith to his class room and cheer him up.

my daughter also walked past and reminded me of ash wednesday school mass that was just starting. so off I went to church with her class and it was a beautiful service and the kids singing was heavenly. then straigh afterwards the little kids who don't goto mass, had a service in the school hall. which was also precious. I had a tear in my eye, like the few parents who attended.

what broke my heart was, at the end the teachers said wave to your parents and all 180 little kids (5-7 year olds ) turned instantly and were looking and waving. they all looked for their parents, ( but most were not there ) I smiled and waved at heaps of kids, but especially my son. who seemed glad I was their.

the most simple and beautiful moments of our kids lives pass so fast and can easily be missed. I also prayed extra hard to be cured.

so how did I end up on the bench. well it was almost recess time at school, so I went to the yumcha restaurant across the road and got spring rolls and dim sims as morning tea treats for the kids.

walked back to the playground and started looking for my little son, it was like finding a needle in a hay stack. found my daugter playing chess with her friends on the kingsize chess set and handed over the spring rolls and got an unexpected hug from her friends. one of her friends who had been at the sleepover last weekend asked "what are you doing here ?"
I said "delivering spring rolls" and she just smiled.

so I continued looking for Keith, I found him playing under the willow trees. he loves dim sims, so we sat on this little bench and he enjoyed his dim sims,gave me a bit of one and had one left for lunch time. all his friends came over and started chatting. it was touching to see a window into his new life and he seemed to not notice not having his spending money. I actually used it to buy the spring rolls and dim sims.

its these magic little moments in my life that I don't want to miss. literally being there for my kids is a compelling reason to fight my cancer.

maybe god answered my prayers in a different way today.
maybe I would not have been so tough on the kids without cancer re being late and spending money.
maybe I would not have been so prayful and present without cancer.
maybe I would not have had morning tea at school with the kids without cancer.

the teachers and parents are so caring, they all say "you look great" and ask how am I going ?
all I can say is I feel fine and grateful and I am on chemo and soon to be finished.
how do we really know how we are going ? has cancer spread ?

i just answer from the present tense, which is I am alive and living well now!
and leave the future to itself.

it was a lovelly day, the only reason I got this little story out was my bag just burst in bed and its 4am here. I have got this comfortable single mattress protector that saved changing the sheets.

I finished this book about surviving survival that I borrowed from the bowel cancer support group, it took me 4 weeks to read it, only 150 pages. I have to return it today, well I mentioned it to my wife and she read in the last 2 days and we have been discussing its stories and the issues re bowel cancer survival and the ongoing traumas. She is coming to the support group tomorrow for the first time and afterwoods we are having lunch with a new friend and his wife. he had rectal cancer as well.

as for the book, well in a sentence "cancer is an extreme experience that alters your reality in an ongoing way resulting changed values and needs and many people beat cancer and survive but sucumb to its emotional impacts." so its not just about being NED, its about our ongoing quality of life and its richness.

tonight one friend baby sitted the kids and fished, while lorranie ( my dear school mum friend with same bowel cancer ), ellie and I went to 21 days to better health. A pretty extreme naturopathic healing lecure series. we have attended it for the last 3 wednesday nights and one more lecture to go next week which is all about "fasting" . my wife and I are pretty committed to this improved healthy living and diet. I have been doing some of what has been advised but the lectures give it more body and support and we are in a room of 300 other would be healthier people so don't feel so exteme. its not specifically about cancer. one key point is not to over do it and get enough rest. so I have to goto to sleep now.

A friend shared this galapogos video link today.
I thought of you would all like this video and I hope it brings a smile to your face today;
http://vimeo.com/17051816

All the best for now.

Pete

Lori-S's picture
Lori-S
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

Yes, it is the little things that adds ongoing quality and richness to our lives. We need to be open to receiving them and not so caught up in our cancer that we miss those rich experiences. Thank you for sharing from your heart.

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

hi lori,
i guess this was a bit of an odd rambling post.
I am hoping your son improves and finds peace and
appreciates fully your love and care. Its clear here.
Two posts about sons. One going blind fighting for life and one starting life
hopefully with good values.
Prayers.
Pete

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

How I loved this story. My children are all grown and I miss those moments. I grateful that I have my grandson now (I do a lot of babysitting) it's like a whole new little start.
Those moments are so precious that you shared, and I'm grateful that you shared them with us. It was a tender story, I loved every bit of it.
Winter Marie

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

dear winter marie,

thanks for your kind words.

it was a special day, i am glad your enjoying your grand kids like i am enjoying my kids. I like how we come here for advice and sharing and would to see a little more sharing around cancer issues and real life as well as the standard q and a of cancer here. I am glad you and lori read it.

Take care.
Pete

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Pete, that was a tender and lovely story. Thank you for sharing it with us!

*hugs*
Gail

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

hi gail,

the joys of life. The simple pleasures. They are more intense now than before cancer.

Thanks.
Pete

LindaJS
Posts: 20
Joined: Feb 2011

Add another one - maybe you wouldnt have been able to bring happy tears to someone on the other side of the country!

Thank you for that lovely story - we really needed it today. Its an important lesson.

Linda

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

hi linda,

i hope your another aussie that short for australian. i am from sydney.
a little tear or smile that makes our lives a little richer is what i like.
too many get this curse and don't really face it deeply, i think this board is probably more life saving than some of the standard hospital treatments. just my opinion.

welcome to the aboard,

pete

LindaJS
Posts: 20
Joined: Feb 2011

Yes indeed! In Perth!

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

Pete, what a lovely day. You are making a good life for yourself + your family despite your cancer + I really respect + admire that. Discipline is sometimes tough to enforce but it is important for kids to know the boundaries (even adults need boundaries too!) Your gesture with the spring rolls + dim sum was sweet. I love dim sum too! Keep on keeping on; you are doing great!

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

hi anne,

its the personal discipline thing i have the greatest challenge with in terms of cancer treatment and alternatives

thanks,

pete

SisterSledge's picture
SisterSledge
Posts: 342
Joined: Feb 2011

Thanks Pete for sharing so much here with this day of your life...I totally get it. Since I was diagnosed, I have come to realize that getting sick has in many ways changed my life for the better. If it weren't going to shorten my life much, I might even consider it a fair trade.

Janine

Alright, call me crazy :)

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

hi janine,

you got me thinking, i disagree on a technicality
a trade is mutually agreed between parties like ebay.
here our cancer is more like a forced acquisition like when the government buys your house to build a freeway. we have no option but to accept the deal and live with our ultra sharp crystal clear view on our mortality.

where i completely agree is that we can even up the deal up by really living well every breathe we have and to our values and by being altruistic a little. like here when we make a supportitive post.

see my post on "master and man"

thanks,

pete

luvmum
Posts: 457
Joined: Dec 2010

Dear Pete,

I'm so touched to see your post and I really like it, very very much.

The reason why my mum and I are so close is because my mum is always there for me... when I was studying, she went to school with me, waited for me for lunch and sometimes till school finished. She went with me to all my job interviews after I graduated from uni. When I started working, she will come to have lunch or afternoon tea with me depending on my teaching schedule. Sometimes, she would wait for me in the library till I had finished all my teaching on that day. My mum is always there with me no matter what I do. After I got married 4,5 years ago, I could not live with her anymore... when I saw her going home alone, my heart was broken.

From reading your post, I notice I would not have been living with my mum again, if she hasn't got this ... I still don't want to say she has cancer, it really hurts.

Best wishes to you and your children. With their support, you will live till they graduate from uni, till they got married and have their children!
Dora

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

your mum's journey will be much easier with your care and love.
I hope she pulls through.

Pete

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