a poll about hospice/Update about my brother
anyway what i would like to know, is when you are near death, do you want an official to tell you this? i am curious how those of us battling cancer feel. i think i would know i was dying and would not need a nurse telling me so. i would not mind a representative of my faith as long as he did not speak of God was waiting for me. yes that is what the pastor said to him and i asked him not to.
this is latest news of my brother and i am very happy:
Dad home comfortable in his hospital bed. Hospice of Dayton following him at home- bedridden at this moment but he is alert/oriented and trying. He stood twice today for a moment. Doing IV feeds with PICC. Blood pressures are improving. I think he is glad to be out of the hospital.
Comments
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personally, if I am in pain,
personally, if I am in pain, and I do believe the end stage of cancer is painful, I would want pain meds and would not view it as euthanizing.
and yes, I would want to hear that this was it- that I am dying. I would hope I already had this conversation with family and those close to me, they are the ones who need to tell me and confirm it. Hearing it first from a nurse or even a doctor would not be my preference.
I am sorry your brother is going through this
And equally sad that his family is also. 0 -
This comment has been removed by the ModeratorPatteee said:personally, if I am in pain,
personally, if I am in pain, and I do believe the end stage of cancer is painful, I would want pain meds and would not view it as euthanizing.
and yes, I would want to hear that this was it- that I am dying. I would hope I already had this conversation with family and those close to me, they are the ones who need to tell me and confirm it. Hearing it first from a nurse or even a doctor would not be my preference.
I am sorry your brother is going through this And equally sad that his family is also.0 -
he hadPatteee said:personally, if I am in pain,
personally, if I am in pain, and I do believe the end stage of cancer is painful, I would want pain meds and would not view it as euthanizing.
and yes, I would want to hear that this was it- that I am dying. I would hope I already had this conversation with family and those close to me, they are the ones who need to tell me and confirm it. Hearing it first from a nurse or even a doctor would not be my preference.
I am sorry your brother is going through this And equally sad that his family is also.
been given a drug to slow down his system, his water and feeds were turned off. he was declared dnr and comfort care. his blood pressure was 60. i don't understand everything but it was not regular pain meds which caused his system to start shutting down. once this drug was getting out of his system he became alert and enjoyed visiting with family. because of this he is refusing regular pain meds and they are feeding him and giving him water again. again i do not understand everything, but i do know he is afraid of dying.
this is a tough issue.0 -
questiontesslee said:he had
been given a drug to slow down his system, his water and feeds were turned off. he was declared dnr and comfort care. his blood pressure was 60. i don't understand everything but it was not regular pain meds which caused his system to start shutting down. once this drug was getting out of his system he became alert and enjoyed visiting with family. because of this he is refusing regular pain meds and they are feeding him and giving him water again. again i do not understand everything, but i do know he is afraid of dying.
this is a tough issue.
Did your brother sign a living will? I have no personal experience with Hospic but based on what you have said it sounds like it.
I also wonder if there are any 'conditions' for admission to hospic. I am sure that being terminal within a short period of time has to be one of them.
As with anything medical these days, family only has the power to influence treatment if it has been granted by the patient in writing.0 -
and i'm sorry, i forgettesslee said:he had
been given a drug to slow down his system, his water and feeds were turned off. he was declared dnr and comfort care. his blood pressure was 60. i don't understand everything but it was not regular pain meds which caused his system to start shutting down. once this drug was getting out of his system he became alert and enjoyed visiting with family. because of this he is refusing regular pain meds and they are feeding him and giving him water again. again i do not understand everything, but i do know he is afraid of dying.
this is a tough issue.
important info, the hospice nurse told him he was going to die that night (which was last night).0 -
i don't knowtesslee said:and i'm sorry, i forget
important info, the hospice nurse told him he was going to die that night (which was last night).
what his family has signed or not signed. i do know they are very unhappy with this branch of hospice and have brought another in. he wants to go home to die and this hospice will come to the home to take care of him.0 -
Tesslee
I am sorry you are dealing with such a difficult issue. At this point I honestly don't know if I want to be told "you are dying" when the time comes. Hope is what sees me through most days, + I would have a hard time losing that last sliver of it. I understand hospice is involved when a case is terminal, but know it isn't always iminent + in some cases people even leave hospice care. I think in many cases the patient knows when things are not looking good. I understand what Graci is saying about the workers being required to tell the patient.
again, I am so sorry.0 -
Our thoughts and prayers
I have known a couple of friends whom were told they were going to pass shortly whom lived another year. To quote a cancer hospital ad, "We do not have expiration dates." One should live out their life how they choose. If they do not want pain meds because they want their mind clear, then so be it. If they do not want chemo, that is no longer working, it is a quality of life issue.
Our thoughts and prayers are with your brother.
Best Always, mike0 -
Sorrytesslee said:i don't know
what his family has signed or not signed. i do know they are very unhappy with this branch of hospice and have brought another in. he wants to go home to die and this hospice will come to the home to take care of him.
Sorry about your brother. My mother was given "large doses of morphine" and very little fluids....(she had undiagnosed lymphomia and developed respiratory MRSA in the hospital )
I was not notified that she was semi-comatose and unfortunately she died while I was arriving in town to see her. My brother and sister were there and thought she was just sleeping alot. A nurse later told us that the morphine was increased to ease her suffering and it was kind of a legal way to end things. Kinda strange as this was at a Catholic hospital.
She did not have a DNR or any medical directives. No family was consulted, but in her case there was nothing that could be done due to her condition. An autopsy was performed at the request of the hospital as they were still unsure of her complete illness at the time.
Unfortunately families rarely agree final medical decisions. My brother wanted my mother to live no matter what. My sister and I knew it was time. My father was in a nursing home with dementia and never knew that mom died.
Wish there was an easy answer. I hope your family gets the peace of mind that you all need.
Take Care,
Barb0 -
thank you AnneAnneCan said:Tesslee
I am sorry you are dealing with such a difficult issue. At this point I honestly don't know if I want to be told "you are dying" when the time comes. Hope is what sees me through most days, + I would have a hard time losing that last sliver of it. I understand hospice is involved when a case is terminal, but know it isn't always iminent + in some cases people even leave hospice care. I think in many cases the patient knows when things are not looking good. I understand what Graci is saying about the workers being required to tell the patient.
again, I am so sorry.
for understanding. not everyone is the same.0 -
Hospice
Sorry to hear of your brother's situation, it can't be easy on any of you.
After 7 years of living with cancer, I am well aware that I will some day die, maybe from cancer and maybe not but everyone dies sooner or later. I think that I will know when the time is near and would not need someone to tell me that. If things took a turn for the worse and I found out I only had 2 weeks because of cancer, I would want to know. I also would certainly entertain hospice care and would take pain meds if needed. I do not see it as being euthanized at all, that is not how hospice (should) work. It's about making sure the person is comfortable, it's not Dr Kevorkian. Your sister, who is a RN, does she deal with hospice at all or is she just thinking they are euthanizing him?
I think it's very irresponsible of the pastor to say that to your brother especially since you asked him not to say that.
-phil0 -
PhilPhillieG said:Hospice
Sorry to hear of your brother's situation, it can't be easy on any of you.
After 7 years of living with cancer, I am well aware that I will some day die, maybe from cancer and maybe not but everyone dies sooner or later. I think that I will know when the time is near and would not need someone to tell me that. If things took a turn for the worse and I found out I only had 2 weeks because of cancer, I would want to know. I also would certainly entertain hospice care and would take pain meds if needed. I do not see it as being euthanized at all, that is not how hospice (should) work. It's about making sure the person is comfortable, it's not Dr Kevorkian. Your sister, who is a RN, does she deal with hospice at all or is she just thinking they are euthanizing him?
I think it's very irresponsible of the pastor to say that to your brother especially since you asked him not to say that.
-phil
my sister currently works as a dialysis nurse, previous 15 years on intensive care floor.0 -
Tesstesslee said:he had
been given a drug to slow down his system, his water and feeds were turned off. he was declared dnr and comfort care. his blood pressure was 60. i don't understand everything but it was not regular pain meds which caused his system to start shutting down. once this drug was getting out of his system he became alert and enjoyed visiting with family. because of this he is refusing regular pain meds and they are feeding him and giving him water again. again i do not understand everything, but i do know he is afraid of dying.
this is a tough issue.
When I worked as a hospice volunteer, I had one patient who was very afraid of dying and refusing to "let go". He was literally fighting each day and had a lot of anger about his impending death. He was a patient that everyone said was "difficult" because of his anger issues. I actually found him to be a wonderful man and he ended up being my very favorite of all my patients. I literally loved the man as if he were my very own father. He had actually been my patient for over 8 months and had been on hopsice home care for over 18 months. Once we found a way for it to be ok for him, his journey became much lighter and he passed away peacefully as I held his hand and prayed the Lord's prayer with him (at his request).
What I found was that he didn't want to let go because he felt he was still responsible for his wife who suffered from Alzheimers and was in a care unit. Once I found this out, I had his sons visit with him and assure him that they would look after her. And I told him that perhaps his best way to look out for her was to be at heaven's door before her so that he could welcome her and help her when her time came. This was in keeping with his belief system and really helped him make his way.
Perhaps your brother has a reason that you can discover that might help him make his way at this time? A way to open the door for him? Just a thought that I wanted to share with you. I know how difficult this time is for everyone and you and your brother and whole family have my very best wishes. May you all have the strength you need at this time. HUGS0 -
i'm sorry Barbjararno said:Sorry
Sorry about your brother. My mother was given "large doses of morphine" and very little fluids....(she had undiagnosed lymphomia and developed respiratory MRSA in the hospital )
I was not notified that she was semi-comatose and unfortunately she died while I was arriving in town to see her. My brother and sister were there and thought she was just sleeping alot. A nurse later told us that the morphine was increased to ease her suffering and it was kind of a legal way to end things. Kinda strange as this was at a Catholic hospital.
She did not have a DNR or any medical directives. No family was consulted, but in her case there was nothing that could be done due to her condition. An autopsy was performed at the request of the hospital as they were still unsure of her complete illness at the time.
Unfortunately families rarely agree final medical decisions. My brother wanted my mother to live no matter what. My sister and I knew it was time. My father was in a nursing home with dementia and never knew that mom died.
Wish there was an easy answer. I hope your family gets the peace of mind that you all need.
Take Care,
Barb
about your mother. i agree there is no easy answer.0 -
LoriLori-S said:Tess
When I worked as a hospice volunteer, I had one patient who was very afraid of dying and refusing to "let go". He was literally fighting each day and had a lot of anger about his impending death. He was a patient that everyone said was "difficult" because of his anger issues. I actually found him to be a wonderful man and he ended up being my very favorite of all my patients. I literally loved the man as if he were my very own father. He had actually been my patient for over 8 months and had been on hopsice home care for over 18 months. Once we found a way for it to be ok for him, his journey became much lighter and he passed away peacefully as I held his hand and prayed the Lord's prayer with him (at his request).
What I found was that he didn't want to let go because he felt he was still responsible for his wife who suffered from Alzheimers and was in a care unit. Once I found this out, I had his sons visit with him and assure him that they would look after her. And I told him that perhaps his best way to look out for her was to be at heaven's door before her so that he could welcome her and help her when her time came. This was in keeping with his belief system and really helped him make his way.
Perhaps your brother has a reason that you can discover that might help him make his way at this time? A way to open the door for him? Just a thought that I wanted to share with you. I know how difficult this time is for everyone and you and your brother and whole family have my very best wishes. May you all have the strength you need at this time. HUGS
thank you, your story made me cry. i think he is holding on because of his wife. they have been together since she was 16. but then that is an outsider opinion. and he is the nicest person you would ever meet. not an angry man at all. last night he was running his fingers thru my buzzed hair hair and telling me how pretty it was, i did the same to him. we both go to the same cancer center. he was very alert and engaged with everyone. probably more than 20 people in all.0 -
buttesslee said:Lori
thank you, your story made me cry. i think he is holding on because of his wife. they have been together since she was 16. but then that is an outsider opinion. and he is the nicest person you would ever meet. not an angry man at all. last night he was running his fingers thru my buzzed hair hair and telling me how pretty it was, i did the same to him. we both go to the same cancer center. he was very alert and engaged with everyone. probably more than 20 people in all.
he was not that way when i arrived. he was breathing heavily and eyes closed. they even turned off the blood pressure monitor right in front of me cause they did not want the family to watch it go further down.0 -
our plan
Except for surgery, we're staying home at nights, out of hospice and hospital. We have a private nurse that handled wife's mom for years after several strokes, through to the end, at home. I also had a parent with cancer, years ago, with terrific insurance but needed special "permission" for home care, who chose to stay home too.
We've used IV vitamin C heavily this past year for histamine and 5FU chemo toxicities. IVC worked well for post-surgical pain control, for us, as others reported. Our doctor signed off on IV C since the kidneys were ok and G6PD is not an issue.0 -
I'd want to know
If I were dying, I would want to know. I believe people probably do realize it, but I would like to hear it, just the same. I have a very kind, caring doctor, and I would want to hear the news from him.
I'm so sorry about the situation with your brother. I'll be praying for peace for all of you.
*hugs*
Gail0
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