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keepnthefaith's picture

There's more...

Since being dx'd in May 2008 it seems my every thought is somehow clouded by this disease. First thing I think about when I wake up and last thing I think about when I go to bed. In fact, most nights I don't sleep because I can't stop the thoughts of "what if". But tonight, as I sit here in the middle of the night, I can't help but think about how it is just one small part of my life - that life continues around me and if I keep on this current course I am going to miss out on a lot of important things. My daughter is expecting our first grandchild and I want to remember every minute of her pregnancy just as I remember my own.

Post surgery complications

I had an esophagectomy w/ gastric pull-up on 6/5/07. Eating was fine once chemo/rad was done. Since April I get ocasional abdominal pains after eating. I have had a multitude of tests and they can't find out why I get these pains. It has been w/ different foods and at different times. I also am having a very difficult time gainig my weight back. Was 191 lbs. pre cancer and now 134 lbs. Have tried high calorie protein drinks but I get too full from them then I can't eat.

Irishwhispers's picture

I Did the Deed..............9/22/08

Since my hair has been falling out these past few days, and my scalp has become so sensitive,
I gathered the hair clippers, and did the deed... I shaved my head... Move over Demi & Sinead ..lol Make Room For Irish Whispers

My brother had to touch up a little of the back for me.. but, I must say I think I did a good job! Its not so bad... it feels kinda cool ..

soccerfreaks's picture

Chat room reflections: "Achin' with the feelin' of the freedom of an eagle when she flies" 09/22/08

(Kris Kristofferson reference)

I spoke via email with another cancer survivor, one I met here when I first came in to the CSN chat room, and one who is now a seven-year survivor of breast cancer. I will not get into the details of her message to me, although it was a positive one, for reasons most of you will understand.

But it got me to thinking, and, more accurately, got me to doing some reflection and some contemplation and some confirmation.

I had a diagnosis of cancer first in late August of 2005. Surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and all of that stuff followed, of course. Some time in 2006, I guess, I first came hunting on the Internet for a place where I could do some good. I know that my page on here gives a date, but it is inaccurate: I asked them once to get rid of my page, to erase me, so to speak, and they did, although they were kind enough to ask that I reconsider. Such is the nature of chatroom drama, such is the nature of humanity, I suppose. When I rebuilt my page on the site, that is the date associated then with my joining the site.

RE's picture


The other day I was visiting the chat room when someone asked me if I had lost loved ones to the beast; I said yes and they asked who, it was then that I realized how much this disease has taken from my family. I have lost my Mother (breast cancer & ovarian cancer), my sister (breast cancer and lastly pancreatic cancer)my sister's husband (throat cancer), my sister in-law (uterus cancer) her husband (brain cancer)and my aunt (breast cancer.) It is as if a serial killer is stalking my family. I wish there were a way to take the beast to court for it's crimes and have it put away forever as is done to serial killers.

TammyD13's picture

Great Support Group

I've been looking around the internet lately and I stumbled across this wonderful site that offers several different types of cancer support groups. You can check them out on www.inspire.com Everyday you can receive an email letting you know what new journal posts were added that day. And you can choose to answer or talk to any of them. You will never find a group of fighters, caregivers and survivors as loving and caring as this group. So pop on over there and see for yourself. You'll be glad you did. :)

soccerfreaks's picture

"I hurt myself today" 09/20/08

(Johnny Cash reference, from Nine Inch Nails song)

A friend of mine died recently.

She died digitally.

That is, I met her online, learned of her disease online, learned of her triumphs and tragedies online, heard her talk about her dreams and her realization of some of them online, heard her talk about the problems with her life and with her medical care online, listened to her rant and rave about the medical system in her country, listened to her -- read her, more accurately -- as she ranted and raved online from time to time about this and that in her day-to-day existence, and, finally, learned of her death, online.

soccerfreaks's picture

"If you could read my mind, love" 09/19/08

(Gordon Lightfoot reference)

Members of my family came when I went into the hospital the first time, for the surgery. People gathered at my house and seemed to be having a party, based on the pictures I later saw.

But some of them gathered together and did things that are out of the ordinary, in my opinion, while I was in the hospital, while I was in this coma.

They did things at my house that were simply things I should have already done myself. They cleaned my shed. They weeded the areas around my trees (and if I find out who planted the strawberries, KIM, I will hire an assassin :) ). They did things way beyond what should be expected.

gmthul's picture

My blog address

I keep a blog about my cancer struggle at http://turquoisegates.blogspot.com

soccerfreaks's picture

Caregivers (The Deluxe Version) "Cheeseburger in Paradise" 09/17/08

(Jimmy Buffett reference)

My wife made steak along with some other stuff the night before I called my doctor to begin the whole sordid affair that became my cancer years. Three of them, so I have no complaints. I have many friends who have lived with it longer and been much braver and more disciplined about the whole thing than I have been. A great many of them are women, which is not surprising, since they seem to carry most of the burden in our society, with less of the credit and cash that they deserve, not to sound political. But enough of them are men too, of course, and I seem to be the only wimp among them :).


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