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soccerfreaks's picture

"I hurt myself today" 09/20/08

(Johnny Cash reference, from Nine Inch Nails song)

A friend of mine died recently.

She died digitally.

That is, I met her online, learned of her disease online, learned of her triumphs and tragedies online, heard her talk about her dreams and her realization of some of them online, heard her talk about the problems with her life and with her medical care online, listened to her rant and rave about the medical system in her country, listened to her -- read her, more accurately -- as she ranted and raved online from time to time about this and that in her day-to-day existence, and, finally, learned of her death, online.

soccerfreaks's picture

"If you could read my mind, love" 09/19/08

(Gordon Lightfoot reference)

Members of my family came when I went into the hospital the first time, for the surgery. People gathered at my house and seemed to be having a party, based on the pictures I later saw.

But some of them gathered together and did things that are out of the ordinary, in my opinion, while I was in the hospital, while I was in this coma.

They did things at my house that were simply things I should have already done myself. They cleaned my shed. They weeded the areas around my trees (and if I find out who planted the strawberries, KIM, I will hire an assassin :) ). They did things way beyond what should be expected.

gmthul's picture

My blog address

I keep a blog about my cancer struggle at http://turquoisegates.blogspot.com

soccerfreaks's picture

Caregivers (The Deluxe Version) "Cheeseburger in Paradise" 09/17/08

(Jimmy Buffett reference)

My wife made steak along with some other stuff the night before I called my doctor to begin the whole sordid affair that became my cancer years. Three of them, so I have no complaints. I have many friends who have lived with it longer and been much braver and more disciplined about the whole thing than I have been. A great many of them are women, which is not surprising, since they seem to carry most of the burden in our society, with less of the credit and cash that they deserve, not to sound political. But enough of them are men too, of course, and I seem to be the only wimp among them :).

soccerfreaks's picture

Caregivers 09/16/08 "The taste of love is sweet"

(Johnny Cash reference, from "Ring of Fire")

I am compelled to talk about the caregivers I have not talked about to date, really, with the exception of my son for a moment, and a friend, for a moment, my dad and my brother for a moment (and my wife, of course, who pretty much consumes my entire narrative with her care, her vigilance, her patience and her love).

We all know that doctors and nurses and social workers and all of those folks who poke us and prod us and scan us and do whatever they do to document us and stage us and do their best to cure us or at least to palliate our time, all of them are caregivers.

ManWithaMission's picture

My Story Of A Man With Breast Cancer :by Robert F.Thomas

My story of Breast Cancer starts a year ago,but the real story starts when I was just a boy.
When I was in my early to pre-teen years, I noticed a hard ring around my left nipple.I though
that I had just brused myself playing hard and forgot about it.Several years later,I noticed
that I had a small lump to the right of my left nipple, about the size of a pea.I thought that
it was probably a knot in the muscle and that it would go away in time,so I forgot about it.
In the early seventies when I was in my twenties,I noticed that "knot" was the size of a small marble now.But,I had never heard of Breast Cancer back then,let alone in men,that I proceeded to forget about it.It was not untill about three or four years ago that I noticed,

NED-So why am I mad?

Yep. NED. And I'm mad! Wierd, huh? I got my 2-year NED for colon cancer and 1-year NED for endometrial cancer on Wednesday of last week. Yes, I'm happy. But I'm also really, really mad. Am I nuts?

I don't think so, and here's why:

1. My husband keeps insisting that I'll be dead in 2 years.
2. My workplace has a vacation/sick/FMLA policy that will never allow me to take a vacation again!
3. My neuropathy won't go away.
4. I have to go back to surgery for my knee.
5. The court system doesn't believe that my sitting still for long periods of time increase the chance of another blood clot and that my scars hurt if I sit too long.

It takes one to know one

Since my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer a few years ago, I have learned to reach out to my family, but I don't think my friends understand what I am going through.

My best friend and my boyfriend have been extremely supportive. I've had a difficult time sharing with them because 1) it's easier to live outside of reality and not acknowledge my situation 2) I am in a new city, state, school, environment with basically one friend who is my roomate 3) I am so busy with working and studying that I am too exhausted to check in with myself.

I decided to join this network as an outlet and a source of support. My best friend and boyfriend encourage me to talk about how I feel, but sometimes it's hard to be honest and cry to them. Here, I can cry infront of my laptop all I want. I can read the stories of others and let everything I feel pour out anonymously. I guess this website was made for people like me.

soccerfreaks's picture

"Garden of Joy" 09/11/08

(Phoebe Snow reference)

Thursday before last I had a CAT scan done, covering the head/neck and the lungs. The iodine dye injection, of course, and a couple of rapid exchanges, so that they could get it all in without stopping altogether. What that means is that my hands started out protecting my genitals, more or less (please, please, no snickering), and ended up over my head as if I were trying to dive into the tube, as the nurse rushed out from behind her barrier and had me shift position quickly before she ran back to protection..

I was not. Trying to dive, I mean. I am not up for diving into tubes. But I will say, if you are new to the tube experience, the CAT scan is probably the easiest if you are claustrophobic in any way. You are pretty much in the clear most of the time, and the time you spend looking up at the ceiling of the tomb, er, tube I mean, is relatively short-lived. At least in my experience. Even the PET scan is better than the MRI.

We miss you

Tony and Wyatt our trip to Disney.

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