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To the newly diagnosed patient

To the Newly Diagnosed Patient

 

Let me start off by saying I am a 6-year, stage 4 survivor!!  I am sure you are a ball of emotions right now, which I completely understand and I can relate. You are scared, nervous, don’t know what the next day will bring, etc., but you are stronger than you think AND can handle whatever is tossed your way!!

The final chapter begins

As of last night, Mike, my husband of 15 years, was moved to inpatient hospice care. I am not upset over that, I am upset that his family has totally cut me out of the loop, when it comes to what is going on with him.

They didn't even contact me so that I could be in on the descision to move him, over the phone, they have not thought of me at all. There has been a family rift between us and his family for the past nine years, I was there, they were not.

Home...for now

My husband is in a holding pattern right now, he's not better but he's not worse either. Tuesday he sent me home, we went through all our savings the nine days I was with him.

I am not happy about being so far away, but I understand where he's coming from. I did have a job interview lined up for Wednesday, and I was able to go to it, and fingers crossed. 

I was able to decompress, and see my dogs, who are not just service dogs, but my pets. They have not left my side. As much as I miss mybhusband, it feels good to be home. Even if for a little bit.

He-Man not needed...

Ever girl dreams of her knight in shining armor on a white horse coming in to rescue her and carry her off to the castle in the clouds. When my knight is lying in a hospital bed, weak, sick and scared, its a huge emotional blow to this princess and a reality check. This reality check really stinks too. 

Bump number...I lost count actually

All of my days are starting to blend together since the start of this journey. Even under normal circumstances, my days blend together, extenuating circumstances my life feels like a bad 1980's cartoon, I keep looking for He-Man or Lion-O from the Thundercats to jump out of the woodwork and whisk me away to Eternia or Third Earth to escape.

A bump free day....

I do not like feeling helpless, and there is nothing that creates a helpless feeling when your spouse is diagnosed with cancer. I learned that being close, yet being away from him right now, is one of the ways that that helpless feeling can dissapate somewhat. Nothing causes that helpless feeling to intesify, at least for me, is to see my husband in that hospital bed with all of the bags, and tubes coming out of him.

The Second Bump...balancing both families and I'm exhausted

The second bump on this journey as arrived, and it is leaving me exhausted. Family is important, no matter what. No matter what disagreements, fights or drama that has happened, family is important. Trying to blend the in-laws and me, lets just say is not working out according to how I thought it would go.

I Feel Like No One Understand

I feel like no one understands how I feel or cares like I'm supposed to just act like everything is fine when it's not. Like lossing my hair is the worst thing every and hardest thing that I ever had to go through. And I also feel like I'm fight this alone with no one to have my back or help me on my bad days or encourage me. Sometime I just need someone to hold me while I cry for a few mins cause I been holding it in I feel like if I break down I look weak and I have to stay strong for me cause I have no one else but my self. I tried and keep smiling and keep my head up.

The Journey has started...and here comes the first bump

The journey has begun and we have already encountered our first speed bump. All hopes of my husband's journey being easy have been shattered, and that is not a bad thing. If life were easy, then there would be no point to living life, in my opinion. 

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