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The dreaded C word

I heard about you today.... I watched like in a slow motion movie as your name came across the doctors lips.

I heard of you today ... As I felt a ton of bricks land on my head and my world came crashing down .

I heard about you today.... As I watched my hands shake and feel the blood run out of my body as I look at the damage you have caused .

 

I heard about you today..  As the doctor explained the options I have and heard of things you stole from me.

 

The Ending

It is with a soul-deep sadness that I have to say, Michael, my husband of 17 years, lost his battle with cancer at 930 this morning. Diagnosed on July 14, 2019, with stage 4 metastatic bladder cancer, 17 days later he is gone. 

Thank you all for your support and prayers.

Fearless722's picture

To the newly diagnosed patient

To the Newly Diagnosed Patient

 

Let me start off by saying I am a 6-year, stage 4 survivor!!  I am sure you are a ball of emotions right now, which I completely understand and I can relate. You are scared, nervous, don’t know what the next day will bring, etc., but you are stronger than you think AND can handle whatever is tossed your way!!

The final chapter begins

As of last night, Mike, my husband of 15 years, was moved to inpatient hospice care. I am not upset over that, I am upset that his family has totally cut me out of the loop, when it comes to what is going on with him.

They didn't even contact me so that I could be in on the descision to move him, over the phone, they have not thought of me at all. There has been a family rift between us and his family for the past nine years, I was there, they were not.

Home...for now

My husband is in a holding pattern right now, he's not better but he's not worse either. Tuesday he sent me home, we went through all our savings the nine days I was with him.

I am not happy about being so far away, but I understand where he's coming from. I did have a job interview lined up for Wednesday, and I was able to go to it, and fingers crossed. 

I was able to decompress, and see my dogs, who are not just service dogs, but my pets. They have not left my side. As much as I miss mybhusband, it feels good to be home. Even if for a little bit.

He-Man not needed...

Ever girl dreams of her knight in shining armor on a white horse coming in to rescue her and carry her off to the castle in the clouds. When my knight is lying in a hospital bed, weak, sick and scared, its a huge emotional blow to this princess and a reality check. This reality check really stinks too. 

Bump number...I lost count actually

All of my days are starting to blend together since the start of this journey. Even under normal circumstances, my days blend together, extenuating circumstances my life feels like a bad 1980's cartoon, I keep looking for He-Man or Lion-O from the Thundercats to jump out of the woodwork and whisk me away to Eternia or Third Earth to escape.

A bump free day....

I do not like feeling helpless, and there is nothing that creates a helpless feeling when your spouse is diagnosed with cancer. I learned that being close, yet being away from him right now, is one of the ways that that helpless feeling can dissapate somewhat. Nothing causes that helpless feeling to intesify, at least for me, is to see my husband in that hospital bed with all of the bags, and tubes coming out of him.

The Second Bump...balancing both families and I'm exhausted

The second bump on this journey as arrived, and it is leaving me exhausted. Family is important, no matter what. No matter what disagreements, fights or drama that has happened, family is important. Trying to blend the in-laws and me, lets just say is not working out according to how I thought it would go.

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