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mrsmcorn77's blog

The Ending

It is with a soul-deep sadness that I have to say, Michael, my husband of 17 years, lost his battle with cancer at 930 this morning. Diagnosed on July 14, 2019, with stage 4 metastatic bladder cancer, 17 days later he is gone. 

Thank you all for your support and prayers.

The final chapter begins

As of last night, Mike, my husband of 15 years, was moved to inpatient hospice care. I am not upset over that, I am upset that his family has totally cut me out of the loop, when it comes to what is going on with him.

They didn't even contact me so that I could be in on the descision to move him, over the phone, they have not thought of me at all. There has been a family rift between us and his family for the past nine years, I was there, they were not.

Home...for now

My husband is in a holding pattern right now, he's not better but he's not worse either. Tuesday he sent me home, we went through all our savings the nine days I was with him.

I am not happy about being so far away, but I understand where he's coming from. I did have a job interview lined up for Wednesday, and I was able to go to it, and fingers crossed. 

I was able to decompress, and see my dogs, who are not just service dogs, but my pets. They have not left my side. As much as I miss mybhusband, it feels good to be home. Even if for a little bit.

He-Man not needed...

Ever girl dreams of her knight in shining armor on a white horse coming in to rescue her and carry her off to the castle in the clouds. When my knight is lying in a hospital bed, weak, sick and scared, its a huge emotional blow to this princess and a reality check. This reality check really stinks too. 

Bump number...I lost count actually

All of my days are starting to blend together since the start of this journey. Even under normal circumstances, my days blend together, extenuating circumstances my life feels like a bad 1980's cartoon, I keep looking for He-Man or Lion-O from the Thundercats to jump out of the woodwork and whisk me away to Eternia or Third Earth to escape.

A bump free day....

I do not like feeling helpless, and there is nothing that creates a helpless feeling when your spouse is diagnosed with cancer. I learned that being close, yet being away from him right now, is one of the ways that that helpless feeling can dissapate somewhat. Nothing causes that helpless feeling to intesify, at least for me, is to see my husband in that hospital bed with all of the bags, and tubes coming out of him.

The Second Bump...balancing both families and I'm exhausted

The second bump on this journey as arrived, and it is leaving me exhausted. Family is important, no matter what. No matter what disagreements, fights or drama that has happened, family is important. Trying to blend the in-laws and me, lets just say is not working out according to how I thought it would go.

The Journey has started...and here comes the first bump

The journey has begun and we have already encountered our first speed bump. All hopes of my husband's journey being easy have been shattered, and that is not a bad thing. If life were easy, then there would be no point to living life, in my opinion. 

The Beginning

It hadn't even crossed my mind, the term cancer. I knew what it was, I knew people who have had it, but I never thought that it would hit so close to home. My husband had been having problems for awhile now, and a few days ago I took him into out local ER because he was having problems breathing. After a CT scan and X-Rays, the ER doctor came back and said, " I don't have good news for you," he said, looking directly at us, "I have never seen lungs look like this, you have cancer." 

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