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I more or less have a return date to go back to NC. I'm both excited and nervous about it.

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Year of Yes!

I just picked up the book Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. I can't wait to get into it. I could probably say yes to more things in my life. Actually I bought 3 books. Every time I step into a Barnes and Noble, I will most likely come away with at least 3 books. I know, it's a sickness. I noticed there's a little free library right by my house. I dumped a bunch of books off there and took one for myself. Turns out the book sucked, but I'm happy to have my first little free library experience.

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Someone Else

I didn't feel like myself today. I was annoyed and angry and tired. I did go for walk this morning which was positive. I decicded to possibly start really slowly jogging. I want to get back into running but I'm not sure how my hips will hold up. It would be such a great thing if I could run again. After every time I walk or exercise, my hips end up hurting so I have to be careful with the jogging,

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I'm angry at what cancer took from me. It's taken time out of my life and given me overwhelming guilt for how it affects the ones I love. I'm so sick of it. I just want things to be normal. This isn't fair.

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Hips Don't Lie

My hips are really hurting today. I every time I try to walk I end up limping an hobbling until it loosens up. I'm hoping a day or so of rest will make it feel better. I have oxycodone but it doesn't seem to help and just makes me sleepy. I don't want to injest any more pills than I have to. Is there anything that helps the pain of vascular necrosis? I tried putting an ice pack on my hip but that didn't work either. I'll try soaking in the bath tomorrow. After 100 days, I am greatful that I don't have anything worse than this.

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100 Days

Tomorrow will mark th 100th day after transplant. Along the way, it felt like this day would never come. I thought I would have a little more freedom than I do, but they started tapering me off of some medications which is I'm so happy about. I'm doing well other than my bladder virus and the vascular necrosis in my hips. My hips have been hurting more because I'm walking and exercising more. I recently had an MRI done of my hips this week. I'm hoping it doesn't say that they're worse but I have a feeling they are. Other than those things I feel good.

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Almost Back in Action

It's been about 2 months from transplant. My numbers are recovering well and I'm stronger than I was before. I have a bladder virus that is really annoying, but otherwise I'm ok. I don't feel 100% myself and I won't for a long time. This is such a slow process and the waiting is so hard. Everyone tells me to keep busy but I don't have motivation to do much. A little less than a month and a half until I can go back to North Carolina.

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It's getting closer...

I did the ovarian today freezing procedure a couple of days ago. One of the incisions still hurts but I'm getting better. I get admitted to Sloan on Friday to start the transplant process. It's so close. I don't want it to be here. At least I get my own room. They said I can have visitors so that's a good thing.

I got a new phone and I finally activated it today. I haven't taken any pictures with it. I'm hoping it's better than my old phone (which had a piece of **** camera). 

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This is the week.

Thursday is the big day. I'm terrified of all of it. I don't want to do any of this but I know I need to finish treatment to lessen the likelihood of relapse. Hopefully there's enough time for the ovarian tissue freezing. In 2 weeks from now I could possibly be starting the transplant process. This is crazy.

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They said they found 2 possible international bone marrow donors that need further testing. I didn't think they would find anyone. This new makes the transplant more real and that's scary. If all goes well, they want to start the process at the end of the month. I have to decide if I want to do ovarian tissue freezing for a shot at having my own kids when the time comes. They let me know how good of a match those donors are next Thursday. And now we wait.


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