23 years old taking care of boyfriend. No support.

mia_2349
mia_2349 Member Posts: 1
in Caregivers #1

Hi, I’m feeling very frustrated and alone as I support my boyfriend through cancer. I got back from a trip and told him I didn’t want to continue the relationship for personal reasons, but then he told me he got diagnosed with cancer & has no one to help him out so I stayed in the relationship. His family has completely rejected him after they found out. His friends are young men who don’t know how to act & dropped off the planet when they found out. I feel like I’m stuck taking care of him & stuck in a relationship that Im not sure i want to be in. He said that extra stress only furthers his cancer and that his doctor told him the cancer was probably due to stress in the first place. I don’t know what to do. He has no one and now is completely in debt because he didn’t forsee being 28 with cancer. I’ve been there every night trying to cook for him, help him while he throws up until 5am, and help pay his bills. It doesn’t even make a dent in the money he owes. He basically said that I’m the only one who makes him want to live and push through but I feel I’m drowning in pressure and completely lost. Any advice welcomed.

Comments

  • KJLee
    KJLee Member Posts: 3
    #2
    Advice

    YOU are not a social worker.  Contact one at his treatment center and let them work through the financial issues, homecare and support issues.  You are not a social worker.  Don't pay for any of his bills unless you can afford to lose that money forever.  You are not a social worker.

    Since YOU ARE NOT A SOCIAL WORKER, do not feel obligated to stay with him or do anything you don't feel like doing.  This is on you as much as it is on him.  You will not be 'abandoning' him since he is still an adult.  

  • cmb
    cmb Member Posts: 1,001 Member
    #3
    KJLee said:

    Advice

    YOU are not a social worker.  Contact one at his treatment center and let them work through the financial issues, homecare and support issues.  You are not a social worker.  Don't pay for any of his bills unless you can afford to lose that money forever.  You are not a social worker.

    Since YOU ARE NOT A SOCIAL WORKER, do not feel obligated to stay with him or do anything you don't feel like doing.  This is on you as much as it is on him.  You will not be 'abandoning' him since he is still an adult.  

    Oncology Nurse Navigator

    I agree with contacting the treatment center to get him help with his health and financial issues. In many treatment centers these contact people are called "oncology nurse navigators." You can read about what these professionals do at:

    https://am.asco.org/value-patient-navigators-members-multidisciplinary-oncology-care-team

    Even if his treatment center doesn't have someone with this title, you can ask about the types of services described in the linked article to find out who can help, regardless of their title.

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