The will to live

Mgbfoster
Mgbfoster Member Posts: 18
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Everyone that belongs to the Cancer Survivors Network either are currently in treatment, a caregiver, or a survivor that wants nothing more than to live. I am new in the survivor role. My wife on the other hand is a 12 year survivor of oral cancer and a 11 year survivor of breast cancer. We both have faught to live!

Last Saturday night I was awaken to a frantic knock at our back door along with screams of help. My wife yelled for me to come help. When I got to the back door I found our neighbor pressed against our back door wearing only a towel. I could tell she was scared for her life. As I opened the door a hand grabbed her by the hair and began dragging her off our back porch. I followed in an attempt to stop his actions. As he drug her off the back porch and I right behind them both, I hear a gun shot. She dropped to the ground. Up to that point I did not know he was armed with a handgun. When she dropped to the ground he stood and looked at me. I honestly thought he was going to shoot me as well. Fearing for my safety I retreated toward the back door. As I entered the house I heard another gunshot. Having not felt any pain, I turned to see what was happening. He had turned the gun on himself. I immediatly went to the young lady to see if there was anything I could do that would possibly save her life. It wasn't meant to be. She was airlifted to a hospital where she passed away. In a matter of seconds I had two bodies laying in my back yard. One dead and the other clinging to life by a thread. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever immagine I would be a witness to a murder and suicide. But I did!

My point here is that everyone on this network share one important thing. That is we all want to live. I've struggled every day copping with the reality that I had cancer. Now my heart is severly broken and I carry a huge burden! I am racked with guilt that I did not do enough to save that young womans life. This was someone that wanted nothing more than to live. So the moral of the story is fight for life. It's worth living for! This may not be the place to pour my guts out but I need help. I am seeking counceling. Thank you for listening to my story.

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    edited March 2017 #2
    Definitely get counseling

    I am so sorry you went through this.

    Prayers lifted.

  • PACE
    PACE Member Posts: 22
    edited March 2017 #3
    The Will to Live

    I am so sorry you had to go through this. But I agree heartily with Tonita - you and your wife are fortunate not to have been injured or worse as well. Please do not feel racked with guilt. You did what you could to help this young woman. You did not hesitate to help. Take much comfort in that. You have fought, suffered and struggled through cancer. You are strong. You will get past this awful tragedy. I know it. 

  • Mgbfoster
    Mgbfoster Member Posts: 18
    edited March 2017 #4
    Thanks for the kind words.

    Thanks for the kind words. Today my wife and I took the first step in getting counseling.

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,722 Member
    edited March 2017 #5
    the will to live

    Mgbfoster,

    I am sorry that you went through such a tragedy; there is virtually no-way you could have foreseen or predicted those events. 

    I am glad you and your wife are each survivors.

    I hope you find peace in your world.

    Matt

  • Tonita
    Tonita Member Posts: 197 Member
    #6
    There is nothing you could

    There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.  This is the insanity of domestic violence.  Consider you and your wife extremely lucky to not have been collateral damage. 

  • Captain Australia
    Captain Australia Member Posts: 21
    #7
    None of it is on you

    Your message is good, and a compassionate one.  You have a good heart, and obviously did what you could in a distressing situation.

    None of what happened (or the consequence) is on you in any way.

    It's on the psycho with the gun, and even to a lesser extent his victim (the poor woman who's personal radar or toolkit didn't allow her to see or deal with the situation until it became a fatal run-for-life, potentially bringing other victims into the firing line).  But 99.5% the psycho with the gun.

  • Kapital
    Kapital Member Posts: 52 Member
    #8
    Tragedy

    What a tragedy for all involved, including you as a witness. Don't second guess your actions. You are not psychic. There is no way you could have known what someone, obviously unstable, was going to do. You opened your door to a person in distress, which alone is admireable. I wish you peace.

     

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