Help I need some answers

Ladylacy said:

Your husband

When my husband was diagnosed he only weighed 162 lbs and was 6'4.  In the almost 53 years we were married he never weighed more than 150 lbs.  He had stopped drinking about 12 years before he was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer and had started putting on some weight.  I know the doctors were very concerned about his weight when he started radiation and chemo that they insisted he needed a PEG Tube which thankfully he had done because he relied on that about a week into treatment. 

When his second primary was found a year after surgery, he only weighed 140 lbs and once again the doctors were very concerned what with more radiation and chemo so once again a PEG tube was inserted and he really needed it.  Hydration and nutrition is very important while undergoing chemo and radiation.  My husband learned that the hard way the first time.  Second time no problems with using the PEG tube.  Sadly his secondary returned and spread to his lungs and he opted for no further treatment.  The only thing offered was chemo and we were told up front that it would only buy him some time but could hasten his time.  He lived another 2 1/2 years and they were good years until the last couple of months when he started downhill fast.  He was on in-home hospice which I can say was great.  Always there for him and me too.  Provided everything needed in regards to his cancer.

As far as being depressed, men won't say they are, but anyone when given the diagnosis gets depressed.  Thankfully mine never took it out on me -- well he could get mad at me when he would tell the hospice nurse one thing and I would tell her he's not telling you the truth.  Maybe he accepted it because at another time they were certain he had lung cancer that had spread.  I remember him praying to God for it not to be cancer and he would give up smoking (pipe) if it wasn't cancer.  Well after a lung specialist did a bronoscope, we found out he had a severe lung infection.  Well after a week in the hospital, what is the first thing I saw him doing outside the window, you guessed it smoking his pipe.  I reminded him of his promise but that didn't do any good.  And yes after being diagnosed with laryngeal cancer he gave up smoking but it was too late.

Just remember as a caregiver your health and mental being is just as important as his.   Take time for yourself because you will need it.   It is hard and many don't understand especially if they haven't walked the path.  He has been gone a year and a half and I still cry and miss him terribly.  We both knew it was coming but still it is hard and like many say would give anything to have him back, but only healthy.

Wishing you both peace and comfort.

I am so sorry about your husband sounds a lot like my husband . Thank you for sharing your story this is very fresh  . We decided he will do radiation and chemo with the understanding that he can quit chemo anytime . There is a other problem my sister iis dying of end stage liver failure . I feel I am losing my two best and closest friends . I am her support we talk every day and she knows everything about me . This is so tough I am the cheerleader for both and it seems I have to be  the stronger one between the three of us . I feel like I have held my breath for a month and I can't catch a deep breath . I decided today I am going to live one day at a time and do my best . just tough . I am not sure  I am being fair to the two of them . I love them dearly!