So Angry.....and so Sad

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MyNewNormal
MyNewNormal Member Posts: 15
in Caregivers #1

My husband was daignosed with Omentun Cnacer on April 11, 2016. Everything now sucks. I have so MUCH anger over my husabnd's cancer that sometimes it disables me. But I try no to show it. His is a cancer that there is NO cure for, so only time will tell. But all I can think about is how angry I am that we have lost our future. ALl our plans we were making in April are now gone, no retirement home when we retire, no retirment at all together. I knew I would be alone at some point in my life but not now, not so early. He tries, but recently he has undescribable fatigue. The man who not that long ago was running 6 miles a day, can now barely walk up a flight of stairs.

I am angry, I am sad, I am guilty, I am lost...... and worst of all I am angry at God.

To see the man who was your protector become the one who needs protection is the hardest thing I have EVER had to go through. I dont know how to do this everyday. I guess it is just one day at a time, one minute at a time. 

 

All I really know is I HATE MY NEW NORMAL!!!

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  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    edited October 2016 #2
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    I understand

    You are not alone although I don't know if it helps to hear that.

    Cancer is a life-sucking beast.

  • Cris_617
    Cris_617 Member Posts: 16
    edited October 2016 #3
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    I can relate

    And I'm so sorry.

    I feel that same anger and sadness.

    My hubby has inoperable liver cancer. No cure. Except a transplant with crazy criteria to meet. If he's too sick, no liver. If he's doing well, no liver. Too many tumors, no liver. AFP too high, no liver. No list, no nothing.

    Robbed of everything.

    I can relate. I also hate the new normal. Like a nightmare I can't wake up from.

    I will keep you and your hubby in my prayers.

  • MyNewNormal
    MyNewNormal Member Posts: 15
    edited October 2016 #4
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    Cris_617

    I am so sorry. It is crazy all the criteria you have to meet get the help you need.

    I understand feeling robbed of everything.  I will keep you both in my prayers as well.

     

  • dcwendt
    dcwendt Member Posts: 1
    edited November 2016 #5
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    I can so relate

    My husband was diagnosed 3 WEEKS after we got married with stage 4 gastric cancer in August of 2014. He no longer has a stomach or gall bladder and is still fighting on but I was definitely ROBBED of my future. Cancer has turned him into a mean person I don't even know half the time. 2 years feels like a lifetime and now we are talking divorce because we can't seem to get it together even though I have been by his side day and night for 2+ years!!! I feel mad at God sometimes too but then I think of people in other countries and what they are going through and think this cannot be God's will. 

    I hope things improve for you. It is possible. I've heard many stories of survivors that were not supposed to be here any longer. New drugs out everyday. Don't lose hope, try to stay strong. God knows I know it's hard!!! 

  • imyaya1952
    imyaya1952 Member Posts: 23 Member
    edited November 2016 #6
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    Robbed too

    My husband was diagnosed "correctly" with Multiple Myeloma after his hip and pelvis collapsed. He had been retired 1 year and had just completed fixing up our retirement homed in the mountains.  I had just retired 2 months prior. Now two years later we are in an apartment 2600 miles away to live closer to our son, get out of the snow in winter, and for him to help out when the steroids and meds make my husband "difficult". Yes, Robbed is a good term. I am learning to take one day at a time.  It helps. Hope you can learn to also.

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    edited November 2016 #7
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    imyaya1952 said:

    Robbed too

    My husband was diagnosed "correctly" with Multiple Myeloma after his hip and pelvis collapsed. He had been retired 1 year and had just completed fixing up our retirement homed in the mountains.  I had just retired 2 months prior. Now two years later we are in an apartment 2600 miles away to live closer to our son, get out of the snow in winter, and for him to help out when the steroids and meds make my husband "difficult". Yes, Robbed is a good term. I am learning to take one day at a time.  It helps. Hope you can learn to also.

    Robbed is accurate

    Yes, hating the new normal and feeling robbed of the future is very accurate.  A future my husband and I were working toward and I thought we still had years ahead of us to work on.  Long term plans are on indefinite HOLD since his diagnosis.  Actually, I know we won't ever have what we wanted but neither of us has said it out loud.  

    I guess taking it one day at a time is the best we can do.  I feel like it takes so much work to catch my negative thoughts from getting too carried away and then re-direct them to a more productive perspective.  When I do though, I can find moments of peace.   

     

     

  • KarenL12
    KarenL12 Member Posts: 2
    edited November 2016 #8
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    Of Course you're angry!

    You have every right to be angry. My husband is 50 and our future is gone. We won't do anything past him being sick with brain cancer and going to doctor appointments. Cancer has robbed us of so much. We just have to take life in moments. Easier said than done. I also hate our new normal. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare.

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