Desperate for a friend

Aurelia 5
Aurelia 5 Member Posts: 6
in Emotional Support #1

Hello

I am writing here because I have no one that I can talk to. My husband of twenty five very fine years has stage four prostate cancer and is about to have his sixth and last chemo treatment. We have been fighting this cancer for ten years now, and I'm losing my strength. 

Tonight we tried to go out, to have a break, but his eyes are tearing so much that it looks like he's crying and he can't see. This has been going on for weeks. He's so brave, and good natured and so positive all the time, I feel like a complete loser for falling apart. I just wanted to do something that healthy people do. I wanted to LIVE. 

He, his name is Brad, or Q as he's known on some of these boards, is in bed almost all the time. He's almost always asleep and I get very lonely. I have one friend that I write to who lives far away. That is all. Tonight after trying to go out, I tried everything I could think of for his eyes; drops, saline, I even called the on-call doctor at the cancer center to see if they could prescribe something. I was prepared to drive the sixty mile round trip to get it if they did. They had no answer for this problem except to talk to his regular oncologist. So he took two Xanax and went to sleep. Except now he can't sleep. 

I am sixty years old. I enrolled at the college here to be among vital, young people and to keep my brain working. I was too isolated just being at home all the time. I am disabled and don't work. But in many ways I'm isolated there too. 

Tonight I have finally stopped crying after trying to help Brad and again failing. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I hope there is someone out there who's been through this and can tell me what to do. I don't seem to be able to be happy and positive with this never ending set of problems. The eyes are just a small part of what the chemo has done to him. It was rough before but the chemo, Taxetere, but now it's much, much worse. Thankfully it ends next week and he can start to get better. 

Thank you for listening to me. I just needed to get it out. Maybe someone will write back. I'd dearly love to have a friend to write to. 

 

 

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
    Good morning, Aurelia

    We are in similar situations.

    We can talk on this board or exchange private messages through this site.

    Heading to work now but will watch for p

    A post or email from you this evening.

    Hope you have a good day.

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
    #3
    I am so sorry you're going

    I am so sorry you're going through this, Aurelia.  It is so hard being a caregiver!!  I have uterine cancer and I know my husband has gone through so much with me.  I was also treated with Taxotere and my eyes water constantly; even waking up in the morning with my eyes stuck shut.  We had planned a trip to Florida - we're in Wisconsin, but had to cancel because of my stomach problems caused by chemo.  I felt so bad for him because I know how much he loves those annual trips.

    You need and deserve some time away this disease.  Is there a support group for caregivers in your area or at the hospital he's being treated at?  I have really encouraged my husband to get out and do things with our grown son or friends.  (((Aurelia)))  You sound like a wonderful person who has done her best for a lot of years, but you need to take care of yourself too.

    Love,

    Eldri

  • Aurelia 5
    Aurelia 5 Member Posts: 6
    #4
    Noellesmom said:

    Good morning, Aurelia

    We are in similar situations.

    We can talk on this board or exchange private messages through this site.

    Heading to work now but will watch for p

    A post or email from you this evening.

    Hope you have a good day.

    Thank you Mom. I was gone for

    Thank you Mom. I was gone for a couple of days. So nice of you to write.

    You have no friends nearby? But you have your daughter? Tell me about your situation. Either way, private or no. 

    Thanks.

  • Aurelia 5
    Aurelia 5 Member Posts: 6
    #5
    EZLiving66 said:

    I am so sorry you're going

    I am so sorry you're going through this, Aurelia.  It is so hard being a caregiver!!  I have uterine cancer and I know my husband has gone through so much with me.  I was also treated with Taxotere and my eyes water constantly; even waking up in the morning with my eyes stuck shut.  We had planned a trip to Florida - we're in Wisconsin, but had to cancel because of my stomach problems caused by chemo.  I felt so bad for him because I know how much he loves those annual trips.

    You need and deserve some time away this disease.  Is there a support group for caregivers in your area or at the hospital he's being treated at?  I have really encouraged my husband to get out and do things with our grown son or friends.  (((Aurelia)))  You sound like a wonderful person who has done her best for a lot of years, but you need to take care of yourself too.

    Love,

    Eldri

    Thank you Eldri, this is so

    Thank you Eldri, this is so nice to get a reply right away. 

    I am so sorry about your awful cancer. How long have you been off the Taxotere? Some people say the tearing never stops. Others say the stents are not good. Anything you know of that helps?

    My sweet husband has his last chemo next week. The last one was so hard on him I was panic stricken. We're just telling ourselves, one more, just one more. Then he can start to heal. He has stage four prostate cancer and it can't be cured. We don't have any idea how much time the chemo will give him. The doc said less than a year. Some other people say at least a year. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. 

    I am sixty years old and am going to school to be around young vital people and to keep my brain working. It helps but I don't have friends there. I'm hoping to cultivate some here. 

    Thanks for writing and write anytime. I would be happy to help you through your cancer if I can. It will help me to help others. 

  • Art in Austin
    Art in Austin Member Posts: 4
    #6
    EZLiving66 said:

    I am so sorry you're going

    I am so sorry you're going through this, Aurelia.  It is so hard being a caregiver!!  I have uterine cancer and I know my husband has gone through so much with me.  I was also treated with Taxotere and my eyes water constantly; even waking up in the morning with my eyes stuck shut.  We had planned a trip to Florida - we're in Wisconsin, but had to cancel because of my stomach problems caused by chemo.  I felt so bad for him because I know how much he loves those annual trips.

    You need and deserve some time away this disease.  Is there a support group for caregivers in your area or at the hospital he's being treated at?  I have really encouraged my husband to get out and do things with our grown son or friends.  (((Aurelia)))  You sound like a wonderful person who has done her best for a lot of years, but you need to take care of yourself too.

    Love,

    Eldri

    Taxotere?

    Just a little levity here. hard to find these days. But maybe they should rename that drug to Maxo Tear.

  • Godismydeliverer
    Godismydeliverer Member Posts: 3
    #7
    Hi Aurelia

    I know exactly where you are at. My husband has stage 4 colon cancer and they just found CLL in his marrow.

    He is 51 and I am 54

    I am not a cheerleader person. Im a "lets wait and see", hope for the best but prepare for the worst person. I trust God and seriously He is the only One getting me through this.

    I am always feeling like a failure . I dont spout doom and gloom but I dont cheer him on either.  Always on the verge of tears but trying not to let it show.

    I know what you mean about the lonliness.

    Its a long story but God brought a baby boy into our lives a year and a half before we found out about the cancer. We fostered him for two years. By a miracle of God we got to adopt him in March. We found out about the cancer in November of 2015. This little boy has been used to keep us from despair at times. There is just something about a little one.

    I said all that to submit an idea. Do you have a neonatal intensive care unit near you? They often need people to kuddle and rock the babies or need volunteers in other areas of the hospital.  Babies are safe areas, they dont judge and wont tell anyone anything you say :)

    Just a thought....maybe it will lead to other ideas.

     

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