Life without my soulmate

Dearest Teri, I am so sorry to read your post. No matter how much we think we prepare for the end, the shock when it happens is still painful, and will continue to be so, as you mourn. Be kind to yourself. I doubt the loss and pain ever go away, just that you learn to live with it, and learn to live; especially with three wonderful children who need you no matter how old they are. 

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas season, and pray that you find comfort in the good times, and the love, and the blessing of children. 

Sue - Trubrit

Oh no, I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through. Please know that I'm thinking of you and I hope God gives you strength and peace. Take care.

Jan

beaumontdave said:

Sorry Teri, I know that pain.

Sorry Teri, I know that pain. I had 6 1/2 years to get used to the idea of losing my Cindy to a glioma[a near always fatal brain tumor], but being strong for her, I didn't dwell on where and how it would hurt when I lost her. Now at 8 months gone, I know what an emotional hole you can fall into, even with great kids and family around you. She  and I worked and played together, were together almost all the time, best friends and partners. Everything I do now comes with the quiet ache of missing what she'd say or do in any situation. I get "stronger" as time presses on, but I know the load I'll carry until my time is up. I find contentment and joy when and where I can, and hope you will as well. Most who live long enough will know this particular pain, so it's part of life, but knowing it's so doesn't make it any easier. May you find some peace..........................Dave

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in 2013 and my daughter(Johnnybegood) in 2014, both to cancer, just different types. Even when your head tells you it is coming, your heart does not listen. I am still struggling with both losses.

In time the pain is not as severe, but is always there. Somehow we move forward alone because we have no other choice. I belong to an online grief healing group and many members have local groups which they attend. It helps to talk with others that have faced this, just as it does here.

Peace to you in your time of grief.

Wolfen

I am so sorry to read of another caregiver's loss.  My husband passed away about 14 months ago after 23 months with colon cancer.  I have always been pretty independent and thought I was somewhat prepared for him dying, I had no idea how this grief would take hold of me.  I have been taking Ativan (anti anxiety) for over a year which helps me sleep and shuts my thoughts a little.  I have also tried meditation, yoga, a bereavement group and individual counseling.  All have helped me, but the biggest hurdle was helped by the one on one counseling.  I was lucky to get a great counselor who I still see.  I would recommend trying any or all of these things to ease your mind.  One year out, I can say it does get easier to cope, not really "better" but life goes on whether we want it to or not.  My husband hated the holidays, so it's one of those "widow blessings" for me.  You have to find the positive when you can.  Tears are healing so let them flow, I still do quite often.  hugs,

Linda

beaumontdave said:

My pop is 88, he's a Korean

My pop is 88, he's a Korean vet, went to UCLA, had big successes, big failures, the worst was losing my mom to fooling around. I mention these things because he's a regular guy in so many ways, he's led a pretty good life and now it's ending. His colon cancer prompted me to discover mine at 49, he was 80 and surgery was all he needed[stage 2]. Now prostate cancer that he dealt with for eight years has spread everywhere, and he sleeps 12-16 hours a day, and doesn't have much pain, though he hardly eats or moves. I love the man, and rejoice that he lived a full life, something we here are yearning for. Still, 8 months after my wife passed, I'm not ready for this again, for my heart to bleed out, for the loss of someone I love so much. But life doesn't let us choose when and how we lose those we care for, and then I see a newspaper story about a house fire on Christmas day. The father got out barely, but his wife and two children didn't. I think about that and decide I can carry my load, because there's always someone, somewhere going through more. Objectively, one thing has nothing to do with another, and we all feel fear and pain differently, but this reasoning gets me through my days. I hope you find some "reasoning" that helps you and others get through their days, until sunrises, sunsets and clear blue skies become enough of a reason to get up, like they were for me once, and will be again.......................Dave

Beautiful post, Dave.

May your dad pass easily to his rest, and may you be comforted. 

Sue - Trubrit

tko683 said:

I agree

Your post is beautiful.  Thank you for sharing such a positive outlook despite so much tragedy.  My father is 89 and is also at the end of his life.  His body is completely healthy but he has dementia and is bedridden.  Praying for peace and comfort for you.

 

Teri

My love Paul passed away at the end of November from metastatic small intestine cancer.  We had been married 36+ years.  It was exactly this time last year that we were given the primary and told it came with a 30 month prognosis.  He only got 9 months and was only a few short weeks from his 59th birthday.  He had so hoped to see his 60th.  I have never felt such grief - not even for the loss of my parents, who I loved dearly.  There are times that I feel like I could just leave this world because I don't want to go on without him .. but I promised our children I would carry on for them and I will.  A new grandchild, our first grandson, is due in May and I hope this will bring some joy back into my life.