I don't want him there!

Evelfarmer
Evelfarmer Member Posts: 2
edited November 2015 in Emotional Support #1

I've recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Its been a series of emotions. From absolute shock to just being plan sick of deal with this. I feel like my life is paused but I'm ok overall, I think.

I'm new here but I need advice about something that's bothering me. My husband, whom I love is driving me crazy. He has a beautiful little boy whom I also love dearly. My dilemma is I will be going for surgery on the 19th and my husband is going to take a week off while I'm in the hospital "to be with me" it's great I appreciate it but he's going to pick his son up, he lives in Florida to be around in the hospital the week I am there. I don't want him around me. He's 4. I don't even want my own children around but they will be with me the day of my surgery however my husband won't take the time off until he gets his son. 

My husband tells me he feels I'm alienating his son. Hello he's 4, my being in the hospital sick is NOT the memory I want to give a little boy who will be With us a short time. I don't feel I'm being unreasonable but the original point of my husband taking the time off was to be with me. I need him. I went his full attention, his love, his support. 

his little boy is his world and I love that about him but at this moment in my life I need my husband to be by my side. He wants his son with us in the hospital. My parents will be coming from Florida to be with my children because I don't feel the need to subject a child to more than they need. They are children who do not need to see their mother helpless and in a hospital bed. However as much as I try to explain how I feel to my husband he gets upset.

Sadly, I spoke to my mother in law and all she had the nerve to say to me was "you have to think if he was your biological child..." I stopped her mid sentence to let her know I don't want my own biological children there. Am I being unreasonable for wanting my husband to be my support and not make me stress over the fact that there will be a very active 4 year old someone else wants to have in a hospital room with me and After I just had major surgery?

 

I should add my husbands intent is NOT to have his child looked after by my parents with my children but to literally stay in my private hospital room with me and his son OR he won't come see me at all and will just be with his son the week he is off. I've told him to stay home! Am I just being emotional?

 

 

Comments

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #2
    You

    No I don't think you are wrong in not wanting a 4 year old with you in the hospital after surgery and dealing with cancer.  It is a shame that your husband can't understand this.  Also this child could bring germs into the hospital room that could effect your recovery.  When my husband had his surgery, we told all that no small children were welcome in the hospital and at home mainly due to germs and the noise that children make.  During his treatment we also told them if they or their children were sick with even a small thing, stay away.  And they all agreed and respected our wishes. 

    Your husband is not dealing with your situation in the right manner.  Neither is your mother.  Apparently they are not wanting to believe or deal with the fact that you are dealing with cancer and want to keep everything normal.   Some people can't deal with it and want to keep things like before and that is just not the way it is.  A 4 year old doesn't need to be visiting someone in the hospital for long periods of time and if your husband can't understand this, then he has a problem. 

    Wishing you the best

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,678 Member
    #3
    Ladylacy said:

    You

    No I don't think you are wrong in not wanting a 4 year old with you in the hospital after surgery and dealing with cancer.  It is a shame that your husband can't understand this.  Also this child could bring germs into the hospital room that could effect your recovery.  When my husband had his surgery, we told all that no small children were welcome in the hospital and at home mainly due to germs and the noise that children make.  During his treatment we also told them if they or their children were sick with even a small thing, stay away.  And they all agreed and respected our wishes. 

    Your husband is not dealing with your situation in the right manner.  Neither is your mother.  Apparently they are not wanting to believe or deal with the fact that you are dealing with cancer and want to keep everything normal.   Some people can't deal with it and want to keep things like before and that is just not the way it is.  A 4 year old doesn't need to be visiting someone in the hospital for long periods of time and if your husband can't understand this, then he has a problem. 

    Wishing you the best

    Flabbergasted

    is what I am.  To put it bluntly, your husband is not thinking about you or his son.  He will find it impossible to keep a 4 year old entertained in a hospital room so I suspect they won't be around much.  Will the hospital even permit this.  I am so sorry and hope you have other family and friends to support you.

  • Hussy
    Hussy Member Posts: 29
    #4
    I can't begin to fathom where

    I can't begin to fathom where your husband is coming from.  May I suggest that your surgeon speak with him about how impractical this will be for all involved.  It will hamper your recovery, inconvenience the staff, annoy other patients, and subject the child to some fairly graphic images that are not age-appropriate.  I agree with the previous poster -- find out if the hospital even permits this and let their policy settle the matter.   

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