be sure to read the update from Jean on New Flower. (Olga)..

hard to grasp this news. 

Olga and I started our fight, journey with the beast about the same time frame == kinda hits you where you live.

I have learned so much for Olga, and wil keep her smile in my heart forever.

Gentle hugs,

Vicki Sam

aisling8 said:

I agree, this is hitting where I live

Olga was part of the first group of pink sisters I met and I've had the pleasure of hanging out with her several more times, emailing, and talking on the phone once. She was part of our Southern California sisterhood. A very selfless lovely classy lady. She spent energy she probably barely had responding to people on the board, answering emails.

Each passing gets harder. 

xoxo

Victoria

Thank you for expressing in words what I struggle to sort out in my mind and heart.  Although I post infrequently, I have maintained a frequent albeit passive observance.  

Indeed, each is more difficult.

Theresa

camul said:

Victoria, you hit it right on.

It is so hard to grasp.  Olga and I were mimicking each other in our treatments, and I got my last email just B4 she went in the hospital.  She was very warm and caring about everyone going through this.  There was the whole group going thru this at the same time, and even though we are lasting longer with stage iv than ever b4, it is not long enough, and the fight just to be here is so hard.  

Olga , like so many others, kept trying everything they have thrown at us to try for more time.  The treatments just keep getting harder and harder as they ravege  our bodies.  When she told me of the toll the Gemzar was taking on her, she told me if I change my mind and do decide to start it, on  take a lowered dose".  Because of how low her red cells and platelet count got, but she understood why I finally said no more.  She had just had another transfusion and "was not well".  Yet she had the will to get stronger so she could resume the Chemo, to keep up the fight!

In so many ways, this disease is a very lonely one.  People try to understand,  but it is so hard when they see you walking or laughing, that you are not well.  They can't see what we feel.  We put on makeup and try so hard to look good, because, when you "look good, feel better".  that is really not always the truth.  When asked how are you doing?  I usually say " pretty good",  regardless of the pain, nausea, exhaustion, or sometimes feeling pretty good physically, but inside being scared, of what is next, or when, or the pain.

Because of this, we can be surrounded by loving, caring, people, yet it can be such a lonely disease because we keep things in so we don't make these loving, caring people in our lives worry or feel helpless.  

It is so hard to keep losing those we have grown to love.  Or learning another one of our sisters is now 'stage iv'.  Vicki Sam, Victoria, Jean, Inez, Traci, Glo, Theresa Ayse and every survivor that has stayed and given to support to all of those still struggling or new to the beast are angels.  They allow each of us to be a little less alone in this battle.  There are so many on this board who just keep giving and I can't speak for anyone else,  however, each and everyone of you makes this journey a whole lot easier and less lonely.

Hugs and Prayers to all, we are in this together, and I am so grateful knowing that we have eachother, especially whenwe suffer another loss.

Carol

 

Thank you for describing, eloquently, how it feels to be you. 

A big hug to all,

Victoria