Jun 30, 2014 - 6:41 pm
I'm in awe and grateful to find this discussion group. I feel a certain comfort in knowing that others truly understand what is happening inside my head and body. I'm the mother of 10 (all out of the house) and the Nana to 10. I've always been the core of the house. I retired 6 months before the cancer reared it's ugly head. I kept active by taking over my husband's business accounts. In any case... I'm tired of hearing people say.. "you're a tough bird you can handle it all". I am tough but sometimes it feels like there's always an additional thing added to my plate. In the end, I find perspective and gratitude.
Last Thursday, my third cycle of Folfox was removed. I have had a relatively easy time the first two cycles. Yesterday (day 6, cycle 3), I woke up with a toothache, sinus issues, stye in my eye, nauseaand MAJOR headache. My first reaction... Isn't it illegal to have to deal with other issues besides chemo? So I find myself pissed off at the adhesive that is still stuck on my skin from 6 weeks ago. I am tired of sorting out and putting all the different cremes in all the right places. It takes me an hour just to sort out the eye cream...butt paste... etc etc.
So, after not having used marijuana since I was 18 ( a few years ago)... I went and got my official marijuana card. The doctor explained all the ins and outs and told me what he thought would be the most effective for me. So.. off I go with candy, pills, oils..... I decided to try the pills. THAT sent me into the worst "scene" I've ever felt. I felt like a neon light with my body going off and on focusing of course on the nausea and the tingling in the hands and feet. I could not wait for the effect to end. Not sure if that's what pyschadelics are like BUT I was racing in my chair and hadn't moved.
Through all of this I hear my darling lovely husband say to those well wishers who call.. "She's a champ... doing just fine."
Just fine... I have poison in my system, a stye in my eye, my butt is sore from the runs, my hands and feet are tingling, my tooth hurts, the corners of my mouth hurt, my head is pounding, I cut off my hair and nails... I'm doing just friggen fine! Not to mention... I waited until 60 to have my drug encounter. I've got 9 more treatments to go. I will report to duty and be grateful for my life and my ability to fight for it...BUT REALLY??...I'm almost fine but not quite....
Love and prayers,